The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence

March 28, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence 

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis allowed the full rays of the sun to bask on her face.

You may ask how is it possible for a vampiress to bask in the rays of the sun without becoming grilled to a crisp like a shrimp in a Louisiana Cajun restaurant?

The answer lay in a very powerful sunblock that had been developed many years ago by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

However the sunblock for what ever reason only worked on vampiresses and not vampires.

Dr. Rocher made his discovery when trying the sunblock out on his two initial test subjects.

The sanity challenged scientist (who was the great grandson of immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes and the great great grandson of 19th Century London criminal overlord Prof. James Moriarty – yes, Sherrielock Holmes had married Dr. Louis Rocher who was the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal enemy although at the time neither Sherrielock nor Dr. Louis Rocher knew that the evil Prof. Moriarty was Louis’ real father) decided to pick an unpopular vampiress and an unpopular vampire to use as his test subjects since if they fried to a crisp in the daylight, no one would miss them.

For the unpopular vampiress, he picked a distant ancestress of the obnoxious Kardashian clan since being a Kardashian, she was regarded as being overrated in her field which in her case, her field was being a vampiress.

Sadly for those who despise the Kardashians, the sunblock worked on the vampiress ancestress of the Kardashian clan.

The vampiress Countess Kardashian went on to open up her own Instagram account where her pictures of her sucking the life force out of various mortal humans (an attribute passed on to her descendants) attracted over 10 million followers.

As for an unpopular vampire, Dr. Rocher selected Herr Daryl Larry Snerd a nighttime tax auditor for the American IRS.

Sadly for Herr Snerd, he went up in flames like the Hindenburg having a bad day over New Jersey.

After examining the compounds of the sunblock as well as analyzing the DNA in the vampiric blood samples he took from Countess Kardashian and Herr Snerd (prior to sending them out in the daylight as an LP record played Gale Garnett singing “We’ll sing in the sunshine…” in the background of what turned out to be the shortest lived duet in history as Countess Kardashian ended up singing solo), he determined that there was something about the female genetic makeup that allowed the sunblock to work on vampiresses but not vampires.

Of course transgendered vampires insisted that the sunblock would work on them since they had been born in the wrong gender.

But when they went up like a building on Arsonists’ Appreciation Day, the ghost of Col. Sanders would boot Lady Gaga singing Born This Way out of the way and start singing Fried That Way.

And so thanks to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s efforts of many years ago, the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis (sister and sister-in-law of the London-based Egyptian vampire Set) was able to enjoy the city of Florence in the sunshine today without having to cope with loads of nauseating tourists since the city was under lockdown along with the rest of Italy.

She was approached by the ghost of the great Renaissance Florentine ruler Lorenzo de’ Medici (whom she had once met in the latter’s mortal lifetime).

“Good evening, your Majesty,” Lorenzo bowed to her, “I see you’re enjoying beautiful Florence in solitary peace and tranquility.” 

“I am, Lorenzo,” she smiled at him.

And with that ancient Egypt and Renaissance Italy briefly held hands as representatives of those two great civilizations watched the Florentine sun set.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 28th


  1. Hyperion said,

    Hilarious experimentation techniques that do get instant results is what we are doing now with our virus detection capability sans useful strategy to deploy our go go gadgets. But the ending was prophetic as well as romantic. Another great read on this fearful day of reckoning.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Daniel. 😀

      I imagine some at DARPA are disappointed that so much government money is currently going towards work against viruses rather than seeing how many porn films can be stored against hacker attacks on the Cloud.

      • Hyperion said,

        We have found that the best test against hacking is pornography. We often set up fake porn sites that use specific types of security and then track the activities to see what approaches hackers and visitors take to get at the porn. We will even use various streaming speeds to see what provokes an attack. If we stored all we know about alien life we would not get much action but by setting up fake porn sites monitored by the FBI, we get billions of hits a day. It creates big data our AI’s can datafarm for trends and analysis. It’s really amazing to see.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I imagine that idea was arrived at by asking Jefferey and then bringing in otter barking language specialists to translate his hypothesis into drunken English so that the DARPA superiors would understand.

      • Hyperion said,

        You’ve been reading Wikileaks again, haven’t you! LOL.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I have. 😀😂🤣

      • Hyperion said,

        Poor Assange, he picked on the big boys with suits, sunglasses, and strange looking violin cases and reaped the whirlwind. When you kick the bull in the balls, you gotta remember the horns on the other end.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, you always have to be careful with a horny bull as Europa can attest.

      • Hyperion said,

        Forget the lessons of history and be condemned to learn them again.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, George Santayana’s words are the quote most forgotten by each succeeding generation seeking to make the world anew.

      • Hyperion said,

        With always the same result, hmmmmm….

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, so by the definition of insanity according to Einstein, humanity is officially insane.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think if we just admit we are whack a doodle do, we can get on with enjoying our insanity.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, 7 billion are flying over the cuckoo’s nest not just Jack Nicholson.

      • Hyperion said,

        Jack Nicholson started a trend without end and now everyone is lobotomized by social media and mainstream fake news.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Definite zombie apocalypse times as the zombies find no brains to eat.

        The living dead end up dying of starvation.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa! Our solution to the zombie apocalypse is to starve the zombies to death. Brilliant. We’re safe now.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the world owes Jefferey a night on the town with the down river otters at the pole dancing nightclub for coming up with this idea.

  2. Judy Kim said,

    Good to laugh, thanks to your post😄! My favorite part is “But when they went up like a building on Arsonists’ Appreciation Day, the ghost of Col. Sanders would boot Lady Gaga singing Born This Way out of the way and start singing Fried That Way.”
    I love it🤗❣️

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Judy. 😀

      Yes, we all need a good laugh now and again to keep our sanity in these troubled times.


  3. George F. said,

    Fricken eh, a blood sucking vampiress on Instagram would attract 10 million viewers!!

  4. Kritika said,

    Dr. Cadbury Rocher actually has some nice cosmetics. Alas, only for vampiresses.
    Enjoyed reading the other world moving along with the human world. 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Kritika. 🙂

      Yes, Dr. Rocher does make nice cosmetics.

      He should start making cosmetics commercials and ads for TV. 😂

  5. David Redpath said,

    Ah!… Firenze!
    Such a romantic ❤️
    Sorry to say, even more so
    without a phalanx of tourists
    trying to stomp you underfoot 👣

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, this is one area where the Coronavirus has done some good.

      Keeping hordes of tourists off le strade di Firenze.

      Lovers may walk
      And tourists can’t gawk. 🤓

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