Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?

April 25, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Short play, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?

“The most compelling empirical evidence to date that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un might indeed be lying on his deathbed is Donald Trump’s recent statement that reports of Kim having a serious illness are “gross exaggerations” and “fake news”.

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

Kim Jong-un was lying on top of his bed in his best suit (he didn’t want to be caught wearing clothes that he wouldn’t want to be found dead in).

“Egg foo yung,” Kim whispered in a somewhat audible voice, “Egg foo yung.”

“He really should have better scriptwriters in my opinion,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who had Charles Foster Kane saying the word “Rosebud” on his death bed.

Orson’s ghost had somehow managed to evade the spirits of Kim’s ancestors to enter the North Korean Presidential Palace and Kim’s Presidential suite bedroom.

A group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses knelt at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and wailed like a Greek chorus mourning the death of Adonis in a Classical Greek tragedy.

A gong sounded and the beautiful North Korean women’s chorus immediately stopped wailing.

“Our shift is over, girls,” said the leader of the women.

They departed giggling and laughing and talked about what they might have for supper and who’d they be dating next weekend.

A new group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses took positions at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and resumed wailing.

. . .

Kim Yo-jong (the younger sister of Kim Jong-un) stood in front of her mirror holding a bottle of Corona beer in one hand and a diamond, emerald, sapphire and jade laced golden crown in the other.

Kim Yo-jong (speaking) :

Does the hand of Fate bequeath a new crown?
As Thanatos smiles behind a silent frown?
Has a golden corona struck down a King so a Queen may reign?
An Olympic garland wreath comes to me via a crown spoken in Spain?
I call upon the spirits of my ancestors to bless me 
as a new journey I may undertake.
America’s trump has sounded from one whose golden crown is densely fake.
Yet will a disinfectant injection into my brother’s lungs will he take?

-A vampire novel chapter
and neo-Shakespearean soliloquy
written by Christopher
Saturday April 25th


  1. George F. said,

    …having a serious illness are “gross exaggerations” and “fake news”….OMG hysterical once again!

  2. Aishwarya.K.G said,

    Nice one, mate!❤️

  3. Anonymole said,

    Me thinks the NK authorities are hunting for a Kim look-alike to fill in as their puppet. “Fatten that one up, use a bowl for his hair — splitting image!”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, talent scouts are going all over the country looking for a new Kim to fill the pudgy one’s shoes.

  4. A. Rinum said,

    very interesting read!

  5. annieasksyou said,

    I’m slogging through Hillary Mantel’s mammoth conclusion to her Thomas Cromwell trilogy. I took a break, only to find Kim’s sister sounding like she’d stepped from its pages and onto your chapter. Great incongruity.
    This is the lovely sister who’s believed to have poisoned their uncle?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s the one.

      North Korea’s Kim family do sound like a family in a Classical Greek or Shakespearean tragedy.

      Thomas Cromwell eh?

      Yes, English history had two major villains in it named Cromwell- Thomas and Oliver.

  6. George F. said,

    Can they do a Hologram Kim like they do a Hologram Pope? Why not? And what do you think of his sister?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I believe I had Dracul Van Helsing making out with her in a vampire novel chapter I wrote within the past couple of years.

  7. Jessica said,

    Nice. But the crying of the women sound so fake. It reminds me of one Filipino film called “Crying ladies” where they work as professional mourners. For a fee, they attend funerals and start crying.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the mourners wailing for Kim are being paid to do so, Jessica.

      Wow that’s really something about the Philippino firm called Crying Ladies.

      • Jessica said,

        I’m not sure if there’s a firm for this kind of profession, but in the film at least it isn’t legal, I think. It’s been so long since I saw the film so details are bit blur for me. 😅

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oh, you said “film’.

        I read it as “firm” (as in company).

        I thought there was an actual business that did these things.

        But it was a “film” (as in movie).

        I’m relieved to hear that. 😂🤣

      • Jessica said,

        Haha 😀 I was unsure if you did misread my comment or type it wrong… but I guess it’s a misread. But I hear that it is a business in the Philippines. Just not legal.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        When Donald Trump gets around to kicking the bucket, they can hire them so at least someone will be crying at Trump’s funeral.

      • Jessica said,

        I’m sure a lot of people in need is willing to apply 😄

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Undoubtedly. 😀

  8. David Redpath said,

    “… For within the hollow crown
    that rounds the mortal temples
    of a King keeps death his court …”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Let’s talk of graves, of worms and epitaphs,
      For yonder jackass tweeteth
      This is the be all and end all
      Here upon this bank and school of time
      We jump the Coronavirus to come.

  9. Kritika said,

    Female gangs mourning is a business. In India we too do have such gangs and they are called to cry. Sounds funny but it is this way.
    Like the sister conspiracy part. Reminding me of the Shakespearean play, Macbeth.

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