Marmalade Montague Encounters Dahud

May 16, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Marmalade Montague Encounters Dahud

Dr. Marmalade Montague, the eccentric ex-baker who now fancied himself the Court Scientist To The Court of Louis Quatorze (a scientist whose name has never appeared once in the annals of history) and thought he had somehow time traveled to the year 2020, was hard at work this Saturday night in his small personal laboratory at Set Enterprises in Canary Wharf, London.

Marmalade Montague had become convinced that the reason he had been transported through time from the Sun King’s reign to this year of 2020 was to find a vaccine or antidote to the Covid-19 Coronavirus.

He had been hired by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher earlier this month.

Marmalade was oblivious to the fact that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had hired him not because of his supposed alchemy and transmutation of metals skills (which the self-declared “Doctor” Montague had boasted about) but because Dr. Cadbury Rocher had felt sorry for him- a baker who had lost his bakery due to lack of payment of rent due to his bakery being forced to shut down during the Paris lockdown.

Dr. Montague worked quite contentedly on his many recipes for developing an antidote to the Coronavirus.

One was a combination of thousand year old egg (considered a delicacy by members of the Chinese Communist Party Central Committee but by nobody else in the world who had even an ounce of sanity) and horse radish.

That combination was sent to some members of the EU negotiating committee (who were negotiating the UK’s withdrawal from the EU on behalf of the EU).

Later after job advertisements were posted for new negotiators for the EU negotiation team as well as funeral services being livestreamed for some recently departed EU members of that team, Dr. Montague deduced that the combination was not a success.

Dr. Montague decided to go for a walk with Set Enterprises’ panda bear named Genghis Yawn.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had built a greenhouse at the Set Enterprises’ facility where the bamboo grown in it tasted as fresh and as good as those grown in China itself.

Being a Set Enterprises’ employee, Dr. Marmalade Montague had ID allowing him to walk the streets of London.

As did Set Enterprises’ security guard Gibson who accompanied Marmalade and the panda bear Genghis Yawn on the walk.

Gibson’s purpose was to roll the wheelbarrow full of bamboo leaves, stems and shoots down the street so that Genghis Yawn would have something to eat (for panda bears eat up to 90 lbs. of bamboo a day).

Of course Genghis Yawn didn’t really like to exercise while eating so Dr. Marmalade Montague didn’t get much of an evening walk.

First Genghis would sit down and eat his bamboo.

Then after eating all that bamboo, Genghis would then sleep.

So in fact, Dr. Montague didn’t get any walking done at all.

Genghis was wheeled home in the empty wheelbarrow (now empty of bamboo leaves, stems and shoots) as he slept.

Dr. Marmalade Montague went to his office (next to his lab) where he was starting to feel tired himself as watching Genghis Yawn sleep had made him feel sleepy.

As Dr. Marmalade Montague put his head back on his couch, a beautiful looking short skirted redhead entered through his office window.

“Bonjour, Monsieur. You are single, oui?” The redhead spoke with a French accent.

“Oui, I am, mademoiselle,” Dr. Montague smiled, “I am a widow. My wife was killed in a paratrooper parachuting accident in the Sahara Desert after she had joined the French Foreign Legion upon leaving me. Her last words to me as she went out the door of our apartment were, “I’d rather die than be married to you any longer.” I really didn’t expect her words to be so literal but that turned out to be the case.”

Dahud (for that was the sexy young looking French redhead’s name) pushed Dr. Marmalade Montague back onto the couch and started kissing him passionately on the lips.

At that moment London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises entered the room carrying a large Crucifix in her hands.

“Merde!” Dahud exclaimed as she got off the couch.

“Merde!” Dr. Marmalade Montague exclaimed as Dahud went out the office window.

“I came in the nick of time,” Sherrielock stated.

“I’ll have to disagree,” Marmalade Montague sighed, “Where did you get that Crucifix?”.

“It was leant to me by a friend,” Sherrielock explained, “It’s 70 years old and was personally blessed by Pope Pius XII.”

“Well,” Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked wistfully as he watched the short skirted and sexy pantyhose clad redhead mount a fire breathing black horse instead of mounting him the ex-baker turned Louis Quatorze court scientist, “It’s too bad it hadn’t been a Crucifix blessed by Pope Francis. It might not have been so effective.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th
2020.

10 Comments

  1. thefirstdark said,

  2. Jessica said,

    Well… Mr. Marmalade is both funny and a bit annoying. But for now I’ll settle for liking him 😁

  3. Kritika said,

    Mr. Marmalade will bake a vaccine for Covid 19 (lols)
    The crucifix by Pope Francis would definitely not have been effective. haha

  4. David Redpath said,

    Yes! According to my friend Buffy,
    the Vampire Slayer, an effective
    crucifix really needs to be blessed
    by a card carrying Vicar of Christ.

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