Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp While Marxist Quartet Visits DC
Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee received an email from his local public library telling people not to put their library books in the microwave and turn it on in the mistaken belief that this will kill any Covid-19 virus lurking on the book covers and jacket.
“I can’t believe the stupidity of people these days,” Goatee remarked.
But there was plenty of stupidity going around as some fat ugly blimp was stupidly wandering around the neighbourhood where Pan Goatee lived.
Goatee quickly beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 666 quadrillion pieces.
There was a beautiful woman who had been walking alongside the fat ugly blimp.
“Just on the off chance ugliness is contagious like the Covid-19 virus,” Goatee spoke in solemn infectious diseases “expert” tones as he beheaded the beautiful woman.
Dr. Anthony Fauci had never addressed the question on whether or not ugliness was contagious (although there was some evidence for it when one looked at news footage of the overall appearance of women who attended Hillary 2016 rallies 4 years ago).
Dr. Fauci himself had caught a mysterious virus a few days ago that had turned him into a garden gnome lawn ornament.
Although members of House and Senate Committees that Dr. Fauci had testified in front of the past week hadn’t noticed any difference.
As Joe Biden made his 4th of July message on his front lawn surrounded by garden gnome lawn ornaments whom, he told the assembled media, were wanting to smell his hairy legs, Biden said, “The most patriotic thing one can do this 4th of July is to wear a mask.”
Biden made the statement while NOT wearing a mask.
At the 4th of July fireworks display over Washington DC, the ghosts of Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and North Korea’s first Communist leader Kim Il-sung were all watching.
The ghosts of the Marxist quartet had been temporarily released by Hades from roasting away on their respective barbeque spits down in Tartarus at the request of Pope Francis who was quite anxious that the foursome should see this year’s 4th of July fireworks over Washington DC.
Pope Francis’ request to Hades had been co-signed by American economist Jeffrey Sachs, Bill Gates of Microsoft and botched vaccines fame, George Soros, WHO head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.
“Just think,” Stalin shed tears, “By next year’s 4th of July celebrations, this country will belong to us.”
“Or at least your ideological successors at any rate,” the 3 heads of Cerberus growled as the famed Underworld dog chased the 4 back to Tartarus.
And then in the glow of the Buck Moon (the nickname of the July full moon because this is the time of year when the male deer begin to grow their antlers), Cernunnos the Celtic horned stag god of beasts and wild places stood atop the Washington Monument obelisk in the moonlight.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 4th
2020.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Dawn Renee said,
July 5, 2020 at 2:51 pm
The same leg hairs that turn blonde in the summer? That was made known to the public in another speech. In the pool, kids would rub them down & watch them rise again.
I could see co-signers of that lot together.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
July 5, 2020 at 4:51 pm
Yes, Biden is one creepy guy whether he’s in the swimming pool or on the campaign trail.
Yes, the co-signers of that lot are definitely working rogether.
Kritika said,
July 5, 2020 at 8:52 pm
Biden, with the hairy legs, is doing everything to showcase his minds dumb structure. haha
Pan Goatee should look after him too as Biden, with the hairy legs, seem to be showing his ugliness for sometime.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
July 5, 2020 at 9:20 pm
Yes, Kritika, Pan Goatee should go after Biden. 😂🤣
Kritika said,
July 5, 2020 at 9:27 pm
999 quadrillion would be great lols.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
July 5, 2020 at 9:35 pm
Yes, it would.
Especially since Biden has a lot of hairs on his legs that need to be reduced. 😂🤣
Jessica said,
July 8, 2020 at 9:11 pm
I can’t get the hairy legs off my head. And it’s my bedtime damn it.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
July 8, 2020 at 9:19 pm
Yes, Joe Biden’s hairy legs are the stuff of nightmares. 😮