Ugly Looking Bimbos, Inept Mad Scientists and Covid Communism

July 27, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) ()

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was watching the news.

He was doing it on a television specially fitted with Cadbury Rocher television equipment (developed by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

One of the special features was a Truth interpreter that told the viewer what the subject on television was actually saying.

Thus when Global News Canada’s America correspondent Eric Sorenson was busy giving his Communist and Neo-Bolshevik slant on events in the United States and would sign off with his usual signature statement, “This is Eric Sorenson for Global News reporting from Washington”, the Truth interpreter would give the correct pronouncement, “This is Eric Sorenson for the Global News Canada Division of the New World Order Ministry of Propaganda reporting from Washington.”

When the Global News Calgary announcer announced the next news story, Why are more couples seeking to become pregnant during the pandemic? and the story flashed to the visual image of a fat ugly looking blimp seeking to become pregnant during the pandemic, Pan Goatee threw up all over the marijuana plant his next door neighbour asked to baby sit for him.

But this is where another Cadbury Rocher TV feature came in.

Pan Goatee was able to send a holographic image of John Cleese as TV character Basil Fawlty (from the British TV comedy Fawlty Towers) to the place where the fat ugly blimp in the television news segment actually lived.

Cleese’s holographic image would say to the fat ugly blimp one of Cleese’s most popular lines from Fawlty Towers, “My God but you’re ugly.”

Cleese’s holographic image would then cut off the fat ugly blimp’s head with an astral laser machete.

He then cut up the fat ugly blimp into 999 quadrillion pieces.

Vomit spewing nanites would come and eat up all the pieces of the dismembered fat ugly blimp and then spew forth vomit.

When Cleese’s holographic image had finished spewing holographic vomit into the next door neighbour’s LSD laced kitty litter box as part of a natural reaction to seeing the hideous repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp, he then went after the fat ugly blimp’s brainless moronic imbecile husband who wanted to make her pregnant.

In a line he never said on Fawlty Towers, Cleese’s holographic image remarked, “My God but you’re stupid” as he lopped off the stupid looking head of the moronic imbecile with incredibly bad taste in women.

Having used Cleese’s holographic image to lop off the heads of the fat ugly blimp and her incredibly moronic husband, Goatee turned the TV off and walked up to a nearby grocery store to buy bread.

As he walked along the sidewalk an immensely ugly looking and stupid female cyclist (who was too stupid to figure out she should ride on the road and not the sidewalk) came riding straight towards him.

“Haven’t you heard that Calgary’s Communist Mayor has decreed that wearing masks is now mandatory?” Goatee commented as he lopped the uglo’s head off, “And besides for somebody as ugly looking as you are, you should have the decency to wear masks in public anyways.”

He then cut her up into 999 quadrillion pieces.

Meanwhile in his castle tower laboratory, Bill Gates was using the recipe for Little Caesar’s Soft Crust Pizza to see if he could come up with a vaccine for Covid-19.

“Waaaaahhaaaaaahhhhaaah!” He cackled as lightning struck.

Meanwhile as Pan Goatee’s next door neighbour wondered why his marijuana plant was a different colour than it was before the satyr babysat it, he was watching the news where Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the head of WHO was saying, “There remains a long hard road ahead of us.”

If the Dr. Cadbury Rocher Truth Interpreter feature had been on the pot smoker’s television set, it would have factually translated the remarks to read, “There are still a few holdouts who are resisting our attempt to impose a Marxist-Leninist One World Government on the planet.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 27th
2020.

14 Comments

  1. Kritika said,

    Pan Goatee babysitting marijuana (rofl)
    Dr. Cadbury Rochers equipment will do wonders. He should think of mass production and distribution. 😀

  2. George F. said,

    LOL! OMG this has it all! Beheadings! Nanites! LSD soaked neighbors! (I love that you behead that stupid fat fuck husbands who make these uglo’s pregnant!) And the world could really use Truth interpreter! Cleaning up the coffee I snorted through my nose right now…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Glad to hear it, George. 😀

      Our good friend Hyperion used to laugh coffee through his nose when he read my blog posts too.

      Welcome to the club. 😀

  3. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    All that vomit made me want to puke too… 🤢
    And well, on the plus side if they get pregnant now they’ll have 9 months before the baby is out, hopefully healthy and covid 19 finally is over… or maybe I’m too optimistic 😄

  4. Tanya said,

    Lol the great Pan Goatee, beheading stupid husbands. He really hates ugly women and will go to any length to dissipate them. Oh god !

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Pan Goatee hasn’t been too successful in his psychiatrist recommended anger management classes.

      • Tanya said,

        His anger is selective and only directed against ugly creatures, otherwise he is calm and indifferent.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s a very true observation.

  5. David Redpath said,

    “Oh Basil, you benzedrine puff adder
    of an aging brilliantined stick insect!”
    ~ Sybil Fawlty
    (the rancorous coiffeured old sow)

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The dialogue of a 3 hour phone conversation about the Pan Goatee slayings with a friend on the end of the line being spoken by Sybil, “Yes… yes… I know… I know…. yes… yes… I know…. I know…”

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