Uncle Ernie, The Koala With Chlamydia and Eulogy For Falstaff

July 31, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Plays, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Back on July 14th of this year, the satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg had to be hospitalized at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

The cause of her hospitalization was that notorious Australian entertainer and queen of the outback drag queens better known as Uncle Ernie.

Uncle Ernie was flown from the Australian outback (where he was found out back making unsanctioned pharmaceuticals) to Washington DC in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s cannabis oil powered environmentally friendly eco-friendly dirigible.

Uncle Ernie had been hired by Set to give a private performance for Justice Ginsburg in her private chambers’ personal washroom in the Supreme Court Building in Washington DC.

Uncle Ernie went into the Supreme Court Building dressed as Marlene Dietrich in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel when her character of cabaret singer Lola-Lola sang the song Falling In Love Again.

Ginsburg entered her private washroom cubicle just as Uncle Ernie exited.

Uncle Ernie dressed as the fishnet wearing Marlene Dietrich held a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number that he had entitled The Koala With Chlamydia.

The site of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich’s character of Lola-Lola from The Blue Angel holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he sang The Koala With Chlamydia to the tune of the song Falling In Love Again was too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

Her heart gave out on her.

She was taken to John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

The demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

Then two days ago, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was reviewing some music videos that the Democratic National Committee was thinking of playing at the virtual Democratic Party convention online at the moment senility prone Joe Biden announced his Vice-Presidential running mate.

And one of the videos was of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his fishnet legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number The Koala With Chlamydia.

This was again too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

Once again the demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

Today Ruth Bader Ginsburg was released from a New York City hospital.

She was wheeled in her wheelchair past a group of supporters- a bunch of pro-abortion women who were all wearing mandatory face masks and all wearing t-shirts that read NO GOVERNMENT IS TELLING ME WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY BODY.

. . .

The ghosts of Orson Welles, Sir John Gielgud and Sir Laurence Olivier were all sitting as social distancing spectral judges in the front row of the Old Vic Theatre in London.

They were judging an online competition where livestream video performances were shown on the wall at the back of the stage.

The performance being judged was Mistress Quickly’s eulogy on Falstaff delivered in Act II, scene iii of Shakespeare’s Henry V.

The last contestant was from Australia.

Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a toy stuffed koala bear between his legs.

Uncle Ernie stroked and played with the bear as he recited his lines:

Nay sure, he’s not in Hell!
He’s in Arthur’s bosom,
if ever man went to Arthur’s bosom.
He made a finer end
and went away an it
had it been any christom child.
He parted ev’n just between twelve and one
ev’n at the turnin’ o’ the tide;
for after I saw him fumble with the sheets
and play with flowers
and smile upon his finger’s end….

…So he cried out ‘God!’ ‘God’! ‘God’! three or four times!
Now, I, to comfort him,
bid him he should not think of God…

… So he bade me lay more clothes upon his feet.
I put my hand into the bed and felt them,
and they were as cold as any stone.
Then I felt to his knees,
and so upward and upward,
and all was as cold as any stone.

With that Uncle Ernie as Mistress Quickly finished his eulogy for Falstaff.

The ghost of Orson Welles quickly downed a 10 litre spectral bottle of spectral red wine.

After a pause of about half an hour, Welles remarked, “That’s a performance of Mistress Quickly’s eulogy for Falstaff that I’ll never forget.”

The ghosts of Olivier and Gielgud nodded their assent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 31st
2020.

19 Comments

  1. Seoul Sister said,

    Great chapter. I think your writing is very unique; funny and tragic elements all together, creates a multilayered effect.

  2. Tanya said,

    Hi Drac interesting read, to understand your work one needs to be thorough with the cure by affairs and news. I really had to look up few stuff online to comprehend 🧐 wonderful!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Tanya. 🙂

      Yes, one learns lot of history, contemporary geopolitics, current events, classical literature and classic films by reading my writing. ✍🏻🧐

      • Tanya said,

        Absolutely it’s like all the disciplines compressed together in one piece.

  3. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Always a food for the brain 🙂 must admit I googled a lot haha but I truly enjoyed this chapter. ❤

  4. Kritika said,

    Nobody would have seen such a performance ever. Actually will be remembered by the viewer for his or her lifetime. haha

  5. David Redpath said,

    The disturbed🤪
    and the strange🥴
    seem to hang around
    old Uncle Ernie
    like moths🦋
    around a flame 🔥
    But he is not to blame.
    He can’t help it

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I hear that this door swings both ways (and occasional jailbait) Uncle Ernie thought that the young Donny Osmond was singing the song Sweet and Innocent to him (Uncle Ernie) personally.

      Because I hear Uncle Ernie fancies himself sweet and innocent. 😇

  6. everythingtips said,

    interesting read! i truly enjoyed this chapter, thank you very much for sharing🤍

    Follow @everythingtips for tips and recommendations if interested! It would mean a lot to me!🥺🤍

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