The Montague Hypothesis

August 2, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was conversing via Skype with his best friend Amadeus Emanon.

Amadeus had gone to Australia back in January to help rescue koala bears and kangaroos from the summer wildfires that were rummaging through Australia at the time.

Amadeus got trapped in Australia due to the pandemic.

Occasionally the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship visited Australia but that was to pick up important visitors like Uncle Ernie and fly him to Washington DC and important European capitals and back.

Fatal heart attacks caused by Uncle Ernie’s impromptu drag queen performances to various individuals were listed as deaths by Covid-19 by various National Health Authorities throughout the world.

“So, what has Dr. Marmalade Montague been up to lately?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

Dr. Marmalade Montague was the eccentric Parisienne ex-baker who lost his bakery business during the Covid-19 lockdown earlier this year.

He had shown up at the door of Set Enterprises’ laboratory claiming to be the Court Scientist To The Court of Louis Quatorze who had fallen into a time warp and wound up in the year 2020.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had taken pity on him and gave him a small office (and an even smaller lab) to play around in.

Dr. Montague was positive that he could come up with a cure for or an antidote to Covid-19.

He came up with various eccentric recipes for killing Covid-19.

If Dr. Marmalade Montague had had a Twitter account, his Covid recipe tweets would have probably been retweeted by one Donald Trump @realDonaldTrump .

“He’s come up with the idea that the Covid-19 virus has intelligence and that’s why it’s able to go through so many different manifestations and change itself so many times to confuse antibodies,” Renfield answered.

Amadeus laughed, “I suppose that idea got the usual short shrift from Dr. Cadbury Rocher like always happens when Dr. Marmalade Montague approaches him with one of his many weird ideas.”

“That’s the terrifying thing,” Renfield downed a 75 ounce bottle of whisky in one gulp, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher didn’t make short shrift of this particular Montague hypothesis. He just looked extremely glum and walked on. Then he phoned a WHO representative who promptly dropped dead of a heart attack (without ever having seen an Uncle Ernie drag queen show).”

“That’s a whole new game changer isn’t it?” Amadeus had actually stopped eating while he was on Skype, “A virus with intelligence and an ability to think.”

“It is,” Renfield downed another 75 ounce bottle of whisky in one gulp, “I suppose they might finally break the news to the world after a couple of months of 90% of the world’s population wearing face masks and still no stoppage in the spreading of the virus.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 2nd


  1. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Imagining Uncle Ernie impromptu performance give me another decade to live because of laughing.

    And I seriously need to stop crushing on Renfield. Reading his words makes me hear his voice. Gosh πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Glad to hear that Uncle Ernie’s impromptu performance has given you another decade to live because of laughing, Jessica. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

      Politicians who have seen his performance have been keeling over like sailors on a tilting ship and being wheeled into the morgue and then the funeral parlour after seeing the act.☠

      LOL ! At your reaction to Renfield. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        Well, I’m not a politician so the effect is the opposite πŸ˜‚

        And I guess I should be blaming you for my unrequited crush to Renfield. You made him too much to my liking in your blog 😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that’s why Uncle Ernie’s show has had the opposite effect on you. πŸ˜‚

        Glad to hear my writing is powrful enough that real people start developing crushes on my characters.

        I remember about 4 or 5 years ago, there was a woman who lived in Berlin Germany who had a crush on Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        Kahaha πŸ˜‚ so fun to know I’m not the only one obsessing over your characters 😁

        Renfield is still better that Michelangelo heh😏

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Renfield is better. πŸ˜€

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        Haha I know you’re just indulging me πŸ˜› but thanks anywayπŸ˜„ Renfield fanclub accepting members now πŸ˜†

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, my friend Sherry thought there should be a Renfield fan club.

        Maybe you can start one. πŸ˜€

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        Haha I’m loving Sherry more hehe. 😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  2. David Redpath said,

    Christopher, you do know that
    Uncle Ernie and Tedros Adhanom
    have history. Once a year Uncle
    Ernie would fly to Addis Ababa
    for a command performance of
    his drag show on the birthday of
    the late Emperor Haile Selassie.
    In the early 70’s Uncle Ernie had
    converted to the Rastafarian faith
    and was happy to do it as a tribute
    to the Rasta’s messiah.
    He was particularly happy that
    smoking copious quantities of
    marijuana was his religious duty.
    Bob Marley had taught him well.
    Anyway, he and Tedros, a senior
    member of the Tigray People’s
    Liberation Front, became friends.
    Tedros would join Uncle Ernie on
    stage for a ‘Cumalita meets Doctor
    Who’ routine. The final punchline
    was when Tedros puts his hand
    down Cumalita’s sequined g-string
    saying, “You’re not a real women!”.
    To which Uncle Ernie replies, “Well,
    your not a real doctor!”.
    It always got a big laugh.
    Most ironic that now Tedros is head
    of the World Health Organisation,
    he’s happy to do Uncle Ernie the
    favour of listing some of his drag
    show victims as Covid-19 statistics.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, I didn’t know that Uncle Ernie and Tedros had a history.

      Sounds like a hilarious routine- Cumalita Meets Doctor Who.

      Quite fortunate for Uncle Ernie that Tedros can list Uncle Ernie’s drag show victims as Covid-19 statistics.

  3. David Redpath said,

    Even in the midst of such
    unmitigated tragedies,
    and Uncle Ernie’s numerous
    travesties, It’s still certainly
    a funny old world 🌍😎

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