Renfield Takes Stock of The North American Titanic

August 18, 2020 at 10:14 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was spending the day in an English country garden.

Renfield was currently on his laptop, sitting under a tree and sipping a Mai Tai.

He was spending the day answering emails from a few of his North American fans.

Some Canadians were writing to him complaining that most of the “health experts” in Canada (whom the media were constantly focusing on in this time of the pandemic caused by an escaped Chinese Communist bioweapon) were all female (which was all right) but they were also all quite repulsively ugly (which was not all right).

It was Renfield’s understanding that these “health experts” were saying the same thing day after day and thus there was no reason for these facial breakers of mirrors to appear in public every day.

Renfield lined up the next Alberta Health Press Conference from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with a new individual who would just repeat the same lines that the ugly looking female Provincial “Health Expert” said every day.

A parrot then appeared at the podium in front of the assembled news media.

Quoth the parrot, “Squawk. Remember to wash your hands. Squawk. Remember to wash your hands. Squawk. Remember to wash your hands.”

The parrot then made his next statement, “Squawk. Practice social distancing. Squawk. Practice social distancing. Squawk. Practice social distancing.”

Flapping his feathers, the parrot then built up to the punch line, “Squawk. Wear a mask at all times. Squawk. Wear a mask at all times. Squawk. Wear a mask at all times.”

Yes, the parrot just sounds like your typical “health expert” now, Renfield thought to himself as he watched on his laptop.

The parrot then added, “Squawk. Polly wants a cracker. Squawk. Polly wants a cracker. Squawk. Polly wants a cracker.”

Okay, Renfield thought, the parrot will add an improvisational line of his own just so that these Health Authority press conferences don’t wind up as boring as a Stephen Colbert comedy routine.

. . .

After taking a brief dip in the garden wading pool where he made a dozen laps back and forth across the two metre wide long pool, Renfield towelled himself off and went back to his laptop.

He then watched a few scenes from last night’s U.S. Democratic Party Presidential Virtual Convention.

After rolling on the grass next to his lawn chair in huge rollicking gales of laughter, the next door neighbour to Renfield’s country estate was thinking to himself, “He doesn’t seem to be taking the Democratic National Convention with the same degree of seriousness as The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, Global News Canada and all the other disinformation branches of the New World Order Ministry of Propoganda.”

Renfield then read a Twitter tweet that satanic witch airhead Alyssa Milano had sent to the Democratic Convention, “I’m so happy I’m a fucking Democrat.”

Renfield then sent a reply back to Ms. Milano under the handle of his fictional Italian alter ego Luigi Parmacelli, “You so happy you’re a fucking Democrat. All those Democrats you ‘a fucked had better check themselves into the nearest Sexually Transmitted Diseases clinic for ‘a emergency treatment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 18th


  1. Kritika said,

    A talking parrot is a nice addition. Renfield should hire him.

  2. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    I’m an animal lover and I even had a wild parrot for a friend, but I swear I would have slapped him if he repeats that to me everyday. Just reading it pissed me already haha 😀 Bad parrot! 👆

  3. Seoul Sister said,

    Another great chapter, 😅did you see Milano pulling out her hair to prove she had COVID? It only proved that she’s old and stupid, with her ridiculously crocheted mask.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Judy. 🙂

      Yes, I noticed that photo of Milano pulling her hair out. 😂

      I guess now she can ask Donald Trump for the name of a good toupee maker (or a bad one!). 🤣

      • Seoul Sister said,

        Ha! She’s a total airhead!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She is.

        She probably has to stop off at gas stations to use their air pumps to blow up her head while other customers use them to blow up their tires. 😂🤣😅

      • Seoul Sister said,

        I think you’re right 🤣😂, she thinks she’s an “influencer” but is clueless that she’s being laughed at. I wonder if they’re paid to pretend they have COVID-19, maybe she just craves the attention.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She does seem to have narcissistic traits so she probably does crave the attention.

        So she considers herself an influencer? 😂

        People are probably laughing at her when they watch her channel and she’s too much of an airhead to realize they’re laughing at her and not with her.😂🤣😅

      • Seoul Sister said,

        I think most of the celebrities have stunted education and socialization, but they expect to be worshipped. The allure of Hollywood glamour is disappearing, but they don’t get it!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s right, Hollywood celebrities aren’t as worshipped as they used to be.

        The varnish has evaportated from Hollywood’s crown and only tarnish remains.

      • Seoul Sister said,

        Corona took away their crowns! Ha😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the irony of it all.

        Corona took away their crowns. 🤧👑


      • Seoul Sister said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        Those are probably the iconic hieroglyphic images the ghost of Egyptian Pharaoh Rameses II would inscribe on her tomb if he was asked to build it. 😂

      • Seoul Sister said,

        Totally emojis are modern day hieroglyphs, it’s interesting that Chinese written language is also hieroglyphic and they buried their dead on tombs, ancient Koreans did that also.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s right they did.

        I remember all those terracotta warriors they found in the tomb of Emperor Qin Shi Huang.

        The Pharaohs used to have wooden replicas of their soldiers and their servants buried with them.

        So that’s something else they have in common.

      • Seoul Sister said,

        Yes, totally! The same concept of taking wealth and servants into the afterlife. I think there’s a connection there for sure. It’s intriguing.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That is very intriguing indeed.

        A connection well worth researching. 🤔

  4. nightsend84 said,

    LOL satanic witch airhead I couldn’t have put it better!!!

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