Renfield Insults Xi Jinping and Hong Kong’s Police Chief Gets Hemorrhoid Inducing Serum

September 7, 2020 at 10:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Over the weekend a 12 year-old-girl in Hong Kong who had gone downtown to buy art supplies found herself in the midst of a protest.

When she ran to get away from the protestors, the Hong Kong Police, anxious to show the world that they were even more stupid and incompetent than the Keystone Cops of silent movie era Keystone Studios fame, ran after her, threw her to the ground with half a dozen cops lying on top of her and handcuffed her and dragged her away in a police van to jail.

The incident reached the ears of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

As China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping (who had just brought in the Hong Kong Security Law this past summer that effectively ended Hong Kong’s freedom and autonomy and made the island effectively part of a one system Chinese Communist totalitarian state) sat down at his computer, his computer had been hacked by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Team Unit.

There on his computer screen was a smiling Renfield R. Renfield who sat there playing his guitar and singing a song,

“Hey Xi Jinping, you’re a loser,
you’re a 12-year-old girl abuser,
I guess you think you’re 10 feet tall
Even though your homegrown chopstick is so small,
The Heaven above is displeased with you,
That’s why summer snow has been falling too
Letting you know your reign will be through
after India’s army kicked your ass so blue…”

A livid Xi Jinping put in a phone call to his Ministry of State Security and demanded they assassinate Renfield R. Renfield.

Meanwhile in Hong Kong, the Hong Kong Commissioner of Police Chris Ping-keung Tang had felt a sharp injection in his buttocks earlier today.

One of his assistants (who had been drinking way too many Harvey Wallbangers) said that the culprit was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

As the all points bulletin and call went out among the Hong Kong Police Force to be on the lookout for a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears, the mostly sober (but nevertheless still incompetent) Hong Kong police were unable to spot him.

As for the injection, it was a serum invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher that would tie the Hong Kong Commissioner of Police for 1st place along with Vladimir Putin in having the worst case of hemorrhoids in all recorded history.

And in Beijing, the Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (an ally of Renfield R. Renfield) was waiting to put the final touches on a plan to punish Xi Jinping.

Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 7th
2020.

18 Comments

  1. Kritika said,

    Injections lols more should be in production. πŸ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, they’re going to have to start mass production of hemorrhoid inducing serum. πŸ˜‚

      Lots of political leaders around the world need to be given this. 🀣

  2. carlamilho said,

    Wow, great article, congratulations πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  3. tychy said,

    Great song, Renfield!

  4. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    As lovely as Renfield song is it didn’t ease my anger.
    Mei-ling cut them up in pieces and dig them down because even dogs will get sick eating their meats. Grr! 😑

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Who was it that Mei-ling cut up into pieces?

      I just re-read this post and I can’t seem to find it.

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        No it isn’t in the story, but since vampiress Mei-ling was waiting to put the final touches on a plan to punish Xi Jinping… I’m making a rude request for her to cut up those who are involved with abusing the 12 year old haha

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        An excellent suggestion, Jessica. πŸ‘πŸ»

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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