Halloween 2020
Cerberus sat on river banks intersecting the Rivers Styx and Acheron.
He was waiting for Charon’s ferry to arrive carrying the souls of the recently departed.
From there the souls would either go to the Asphodel Meadows (where indifferent souls- those who did not commit any significant crimes but at the same time did not achieve any greatness in their deeds- go), the Elysian Fields or Elysium (where the pure and righteous souls go) and then there was Tartarus (where great evil doers among supernatural entities and mortal humans go).
Paradise (where the Church Expectant was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Elysium.
Purgatory (where the Church Suffering was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Tartarus.
Tartarus of course was where the damned were located.
Away from the realm of the Underworld far far far above was Heaven where God the Father resided.
There the Saints (the Church Triumphant) were located.
Jesus Christ and His Mother the Virgin Mary resided in Heaven but paid many visits to both Paradise and Purgatory.
They never visited Tartarus.
The ferry pulled up to shore and Cerberus looked at his list of passengers for this voyage.
A very distinguished looking man got off the ship and said, “The name is Connery. Sean… Connery.”
Cerberus looked at the list and said to Sean Connery, “You’re lucky, Mr. Connery. No Tartarus for you.”
It was a statement Cerberus rarely made to politicians after they had kicked the bucket.
And speaking of possible potential clients for Tartarus, Hunter Biden was reflecting back on some of the sex videos that were on his laptop that he had forgotten to pick up from a computer repair shop and which was now in the hands of the FBI.
One of the videos showed Hunter opening his door to a member of an escort service (which was at least better than his having sexual relations with underaged girls which was the case with a lot of the videos shot over in the People’s Republic of China).
Hunter invited the woman in and to get himself in the mood, he watched a couple of porn videos with the escort.
The first video they watched showed a Catholic clergyman having a sex orgy with a whole bunch of women in his church.
The video appeared to be a real amateur shot video and not a professional porn production.
Since the clergyman was doing it with adult women and not altar boys or young seminarians, he was obviously not a member of the Theodore McCarrick branch of the American Catholic Church.
The second video Hunter and the escort watched showed a man raping a young woman in the back seat of a car.
After watching the two videos, Hunter then was sufficiently aroused enough to get it on with the escort.
Hunter smiled as he thought back on the memory.
And to think in a few days’ time, his father could become the President of the United States of America.
Meanwhile in Beijing the capital of Communist China, the nation’s paramount leader Xi Jinping sat at his desk grinning like a Cheshire cat.
And in the village of Sleepy Hollow in New York, Tiffany Twisted the immortal witch of Hotel California fame was confessing to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun that she had fallen in love with him.
“And is that such a bad thing?” Yaldabaoth asked as he drank his 99th Guinness of the evening.
“The thing is your half-brother hired me to kill you,” Tiffany shed tears, “and now I can’t do it.”
And having said that, the immortal witch Tiffany Twisted then vanished into the flames of the room’s fireplace behind her.
“Who’s your half-brother?” Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow asked the leprechaun after Yaldabaoth had told him the sad tale.
“To my infinite shame and disgrace the demon Baphomet,” Yaldabaoth hung his head.
“The demon Baphomet?” The Headless Horseman was shocked.
“Yes, many centuries ago my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom made out with Pan the Greek satyr god and she gave birth to a demon as a result,” Yaldabaoth opened his hundredth can of Guinness.
Meanwhile at a Joe Biden campaign rally, the demons Baal and Baphomet stood on either side of a campaign sign behind Joe that read, FOR THE SOUL OF A NATION.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 31st
2020.
The Unholy Wilton Says: “Uncle Ted” Wasn’t A Pervert Around Here
During an interview with a Washington DC local ABC news affiliate, Archbishop Wilton Gregory of Washington DC who is a Pope Francis appointed Cardinal designate told reporter Victoria Sanchez that “Uncle Ted” (the name members of the homosexual American Catholic episcopal cabal gave to Theodore McCarrick the Communist predatory homosexual Cardinal that Pope Francis was forced to laicize back in February 2019 when news of his crimes and misdemanors with altar boys and young seminarians had become all too apparent) was not a pervert when he was in Washington DC. He was a pervert when he served as an auxiliary bishop in New York from 1977 to 1981, he was a pervert when he served as Bishop of Metuchen in New Jersey from 1981 to 1986 and he was a pervert when he served as Archbishop of Newark, New Jersey from 1986 to 2000 but Wilton was absolutely positive that McCarrick was not a pervert when he served as Archbishop of Washington DC from 2000 to 2006.
No doubt by the standards of the DC swamp of which Joe Biden was a part of for 47 years, McCarrick’s personal inclinations might not be considered so perverted by typical Washington DC standards.
When the Zoom interview was over, Archbishop Wilton Gregory left his house where an invisible entity threw a cream pie in his face.
A pollster for one of the mainstream Marxist news media TV outlets who was supposed to be phoning voters to ask who they were voting for was instead sitting in his automobile drinking Harvey Wallbanger cocktails by the bucketload.
As long as he told his editors that the polls seemed to indicate Biden was way ahead of Trump, his editors would be happy.
He saw nothing wrong with making up numbers.
Every other pollster he knew did it anyways.
How did everyone think they so badly blew calling the 2016 election 4 years ago?
The thought of that witch Hillary becoming President had driven most of them to drink.
Either that or start using crack cocaine.
Of which Hunter Biden had a head start on them by several years.
Anyways the pollster was pretty sure that a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears had thrown the cream pie in Archbishop Wilton Gregory’s face.
. . .
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was once again in his greenhouse in Ottawa.
He was once again standing in front of his marijuana cannabis pot smoking antique late Victorian/early Edwardian era mirror that he had named Magical Mystery Tour.
The mirror itself was possessed by Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors.
As he always did on these occasions when he stood in front of this mirror, he was once again administering blackface to himself using a make-up brush and a can of black shoe polish.
He reflected sadly on how Al Jolson minstrel show wannabes such as himself weren’t as fortunate as members of the LGBTQ2S+ plus community.
They had to remain in the closet.
Or in his case the greenhouse.
“Life is so unfair,” Justin wiped away a tear to prevent his blackface from being smudged, “If people can say they were born in the wrong gender, why can’t they say they were born in the wrong race?”.
Justin looked over at the TV screen on his personal TV in the greenhouse.
He noticed news video footage of Archbishop Wilton Gregory of Washington DC after he had just been hit in the face with a cream pie.
“It’s Archbishop Wilton Gregory of Washington DC the new Pope Francis Cardinalate appointee who will become the first African-American Cardinal when he’s elevated at next month’s papal consistory at the Vatican,” Justin looked surprised, “and (gasp!), he’s wearing whiteface.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 30th
2020.
Leonard Constantinople’s Revenge On Islamist Terrorists For The Attack On Notre Dame Basilica In Nice
Early today, three people were killed in a knife attack at Notre Dame Basilica in the southern French city of Nice.
The three were attacked inside the basilica while waiting for morning Mass to begin.
Two of the victims died inside the church: a 60-year-old woman who was “virtually beheaded” and a 55-year-old man whose throat was cut.
The male victim was a lay member of the staff who was responsible for the upkeep of the Church. He had a wife and two children.
Another woman, aged 44, managed to flee to a nearby cafe after being stabbed several times but died later in hospital.
The Islamist terrorist suspect was shot and wounded by French police.
He was later identified by French prosecutors as Brahim Aioussaoi a 21-year-old Tunisian national who had arrived in France earlier this month.
He was carrying a document issued by the Italian Red Cross.
He had apparently travelled by boat from Tunisia to the Italian island of Lampedusa in September.
He had shouted “Allahu Akbar!” (Arabic for Allah is the greatest!) while repeatedly stabbing his victims.
He was the type of immigrant that the Communist globalist Pope Francis was always having wet dreams over and thought that more and more should be let into Europe with his promotion of an Open Borders policy.
Christian Estrosi the Mayor of Nice spoke of “Islamo-Fascism” a somewhat different term from the Roman pontiff’s blathering drivel about a “new spirit of human fraternity in the world”.
In his monastic rabbit hole near Mont Saint Michel in northern France, Leonard Constantinople the Crusader Rabbit had heard about the attacks.
Leonard Constantinople was recently created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
The cute adorable looking bunny rabbit was a combination of Leonard MacDavid a 12th Century Scottish Crusader knight and the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.
Leonard quickly drove down to Nice in a shiny red sports car.
He happened to find a cell of Islamist terrorists in the city meeting in an abandoned warehouse that had once belonged to the Stephen Roi and Carrie Blanche Blood Sausage Company.
Leonard entered the warehouse holding a stick and waving a carrot.
The action distracted the Islamist terrorists and Leonard then leapt on each Islamist terrorist biting his head off.
Each time before biting an Islamist terrorist’s head off, Leonard Constantinople the Crusader Rabbit would shout “Allah sucks! Allah is a loser!” in Arabic.
Twenty four Islamist terrorists lost their heads in all.
Leonard Constantinople’s Crusade had begun.
. . .
Democratic Party Presidential candidate Joe Biden had received a mysterious cryptic note in an envelope that said, “I know what you did in the shower!”.
Biden scratched his head.
He had taken several young women and young girls into the shower with him over the years.
To what incident was the writer of the message referring?
. . .
It has become standard fare for leftist celebrities these days to proclaim that they’re letting their children decide their own genders.
And the latest is pregnant supermodel Emily Ratajkowski writing in Vogue Magazine that she and her husband won’t know “the gender of our baby until our child is 18 and they’ll let us know then.”
Anxious to take a break from writing about Covid and government lockdowns all over Europe, a BBC reporter decided to contact British MP Renfield R. Renfield and get his reaction to the Emily Ratajkowski Vogue story.
Said Renfield, “Well from that quote you just read me, there’s a word that comes most preeminently to mind when thinking of Emily Ratajkowski and that word is “airhead”. On the other hand, we now know what being “woke” means. Being “woke” means having failed the principles of elementary human biology that one should have really learned back in school. These are generally the same sort of people who are blathering on about listening to Science when it comes to Climate Change or listening to Science when it comes to Covid-19 but at the same time these “woke” zombie idiots are incapable of listening to Science when it comes to the principles of elementary human biology.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 29th
2020.
Renfield, Cheating Democrats, Ovid, Covid and The Grinch That Stole Christmas
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a phone conversation with his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana.
“So there’s been a heated war of words between French President Emmanuel Macron and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan,” Morgana pointed out, “What’s that all about?”.
“Erdogan thinks that Islamist terrorists should be allowed to behead French citizens who show cartoons of Mohammed and Macron disagrees,” Renfield noted, “so Erdogan has used extremely unflattering language about Macron and the French government has recalled its Ambassador to Ankara. And Erdogan is calling for a boycott of all French products.”
“What’s become of this Leonard Constantinople the Crusader Rabbit?” Morgana asked, “I thought he was supposed to be taking on Erdogan.”
“Well after biting off the heads of Melbourne’s SS-NKVD Police Department down in Australia, Leonard is currently resting at a monastic rabbit hole near Mont Saint Michel in France,” Renfield explained, “He’ll be going to battle Erdogan’s forces in Syria next week.”
“What about the U.S. election?” Morgana asked, “Do you still expect a Second American Civil War will break out?”.
“That looks to be the way it’s shaping up,” Renfield nodded, “Especially since it sounds like some U.S. states are going to take their sweet time counting the ballots. Allowing plenty of time for the Democrats to cheat. The Democrats have always had a long tradition of cheating in U.S. history. From the days they rigged ballots in the Dixie South (a past the Democrats now say they were never apart of- dropping Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia as if it were a brothel whore with syphilis- a flag that these historical illiterates in the Democratic Party say was the flag of the Confederacy- which it wasn’t- it was Lee’s flag that he flew in battle- it didn’t fly over Jefferson Davis’ government Capitol Building in Richmond, Virginia) to the days they bribed drunken Irish voters in New York City with buying them beer to Chicago Mayor Richard Daley getting the residents of cemetery plots in Chicago to cast ballots by proxy helping John F. Kennedy defeat Richard M. Nixon in the 1960 Presidential election. The Democrats are cheaters by nature. Always have been. Always will be. These days however the people who make up the base of Donald Trump’s supporters aren’t going to take that. So a fuse will probably go off the morning of November 4th.”
“Who will win?” Morgana asked.
“I don’t know,” said Renfield, “but Putin and Xi will probably enjoy the spectacle.”
“And what has the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit discovered about the origins of the pandemic?” Morgana inquired.
“Well of course the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit never believed the story that it was a wet market in Wuhan selling bats’ wings or pangolins that was responsible for spreading the virus unlike the brainless mainstream Marxist media in the Western world,” Renfield answered, “At first we thought it was an accidental release of the virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology. But now the growing evidence is it was deliberate. Although the CCP never intended the virus to affect its own citizens. Just the rest of the world. But often when you let a genie out of a bottle, you’ll never know where it will wind up.”
“And so now what?” Morgana asked.
“Well,” Renfield lit his Sherlock Holmes pipe, “Now we know the name of the grinch who stole Christmas is the CCP Chinese Communist Party Wuhan virus which WHO insists be called Covid-19. Incidentally when they called it Covid-19, a geopolitical analyst friend of mine in Calgary somehow thought maybe this was a play on Ovid 19. The 19th line of the opening book of Ovid’s Metamorphoses. He decided to finally get around to looking it up here towards the end of October and Ovid 19 is “Thus air was void of light, and earth unstable, And water’s dark abyss unnavigable”. Which actually is a pretty damned good description of this year. So whatever demon named that virus for WHO officials earlier this year was probably a damned good classicist and connoisseur of ancient Latin literaure.”
Meanwhile at the North Pole, a doctor was informing Mrs. Claus that Santa with his obese condition had succumbed to the Covid-19 virus and had died.
And in the Vatican, Pope Francis was drafting a document which said Jesus had never been born.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 28th
2020.
Reblog of The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl
This was a poem I wrote 13 years ago way back in July 2007 when actress Lindsay Lohan and her shenanigans were big in the news. Written to the tune of the Irish folk song about colonial Australia entitled The Wild Colonial Boy.
 The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl
The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl
A song written by Christopher
aka Dracul Van Helsing
July 25th, 2007
to the tune of the old Irish song
The Wild Colonial Boy
There was a wild Lindsay Lohan girl, Lindsay Lohan was her name
when it came to finding cocaine, she claimed she’d been framed
She was not doing dope, her car just went for a twirl
and dearly did the tabloids love the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.
At the early age of sixteen years, she had more than a thousand beers
and to California traffic laws, she gave several bronx cheers
She went up on the sidewalk running over Patrolman Merle
a terror to the highways was the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.
One fine evening as Lindsay rode along
she threw out the window her very thin thong
Three mounted troopers charged her down
this drunken airheaded clown
View original post 106 more words
Reflections About The Year 2020 On A Mist Filled October Evening
2020- “The year that just keeps on giving”
Many say in the worst sense of that expression
20/20 vision when visiting the optometrist
means perfect vision
Perhaps in this year of 2020
We have achieved perfect vision
And don’t like what we see
We’re like Dorian Gray
The character in Oscar Wilde’s novel
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Who after living a lifetime
of sin, debauchery and crime
After his portrait was created
Finally unveils his portrait
to see what the state of his soul
looks like
And he’s shocked to see
what he sees there
In this year
Humanity like Dorian
is finally seeing the portrait
unveiled of itself
by the winds of 2020
and does not like
what it sees
But what it sees is a reflection
of what it truly is.
“Here’s to Dorian and all that he has left behind.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday October 26th
2020.
Mulan Goes Bad and The Unholy Wilton
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was hosting another one of his podcasts.
Renfield: Pope Francis has named Wilton Daniel Gregory the Archbishop of Washington DC to the Vatican College of Cardinals.
It’s about time that an African-American was named to the College of Cardinals.
It’s just rather unfortunate that the first to be named is Wilton Daniel Gregory Archbishop of Washington DC.
For Archbishop Gregory is part of a homosexual cabal of bishops in the American Catholic Church that includes Blase Cardinal Cupich the Archbishop of Chicago, Joseph Cardinal Tobin the Archbishop of Newark New Jersey and Donald Cardinal Wuerl the former Archbishop of Washington DC.
All of these men are associates of the now laicized Theodore Cardinal McCarrick the man who when he was a Vatican Cardinal negotiated the infamous Vatican-Communist China Agreement that has just been renewed for another two years this past October 22nd.
McCarrick is both a former Archbishop of Newark New Jersey (where he served from 1986 to 2000) and former Archbishop of Washington DC (where he served from 2001 to 2006).
McCarrick was a predatory Communist homosexual who used to rape altar boys and young seminarians in his leisure time.
As a young man he was recruited by the Soviets in 1950 and asked to infiltrate the Catholic Church.
He entered seminary in St. Gallen Switzerland in that same year.
It was that experience which coined the term “St. Gallen Mafia” that group of Vatican Cardinals headed by Theodore McCarrick which spearheaded the successful effort to get Jorge Mario Cardinal Bergoglio (the then Archbishop of Buenos Aires Argentina) elected Pope during that infamous Vatican Conclave of March 2013.
Back in 2002 Wilton Daniel Gregory the then bishop of Belleville Illinois promised along with Theodore Cardinal McCarrick the then Archbishop of Washington DC to root out pedophile clergy in the American Catholic Church.
Of course McCarrick was a major part of the problem himself.
While there is no evidence to suggest that Wilton Daniel Gregory himself personally sexually assaulted altar boys or young seminarians, he did, as Archbishop of Atlanta Georgia from 2005 to 2019, move gay pedophile priest from parish to parish instead of immediately removing them from active ministry.
And now the said Archbishop Wilton Daniel Gregory has been named a Vatican Cardinal by Pope Francis.
That makes me want to puke my guts out as one of the announcers on Monty Python’s Flying Circus used to say.
And speaking of making one want to puke one’s guts out, more revelations from the Hunter Biden sex videos on Hunter Biden’s laptop that the mainstream Marxist media in North America continues to ignore knowing that it might damage the electoral chances of senility prone and Communist stooge Joe Biden.
Some of the videos show that Liu Yifei the actress who plays Mulan in the 2020 Disney live action film acted as the facilitator (the role Ghislaine Maxwell used to play for Jeffrey Epstein) for Hunter Biden when he sexually assaulted Chinese girls under the age of 10 in the videos that were filmed over in the People’s Republic of China.
I was planning to go see Mulan when it finally opens in theatres.
But now no more.
As I would spend my time puking my guts out every time I saw Hunter Biden’s female facilitator on the screen.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 25th
2020.
The Nymph Who Played The Violin
The nymph who played the violin
It was the Saturday before Halloween 2020
The month of witches and werewolves and Oak Island gold
An otherworldly month in a surreal year
A year which saw a virus become a god
To which all must pay homage
Simeon told the Virgin Mary
That her son the Christ
Would be responsible
for the fall and rise of many in Israel
Some two thousand and twenty years after that
A virus offspring of bats or Pangolin anteaters
With a little bit of help and tweaking
from Wuhan lab virologists
operating within the demonic agenda of
Xi Jinping
is being set up for the
fall and rise of many in the world
Will the virus bring down a man
with the narcissism of a 1st Century Roman Emperor
And bring to power a senile old fool
Who’s the father of a pedophile and a crackhead
Who serves as the puppet of Neo-Bolsheviks
Anxious to incorporate a 1917 Russian Revolution
On the American political scene
With the cheering and applause
of an Argentinian Trotsky wannabe
in the Vatican
who underwent an extremely probing
far beyond frontal lobotomy
very early in life
and has never recovered since?
Sleepy Hollow
the scene of that haunting encounter
between teacher Ichabod Crane
and a Headless Horseman
far from the scene
of a grisly encounter
between a French schoolteacher
and a beheading disciple
of a 7th Century pedophile pervert Prophet
Sleepy Hollow
where the Headless Horseman
Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden
has returned
accompanied by his talking, singing and dancing
zombie black horse
Bucephalus Reborn
Sleepy Hollow
where an Irish leprechaun
son of a Gnostic goddess
is being seduced by
Tiffany Twisted
the Mercedes Benz
loving witch
at the Hotel California
The innkeeper of the Rip Van Winkle Inn
Former proprietor of the Hotel California
But can’t remember Tiffany
even though she’s a registered guest at the Inn
The leprechaun’s pet pterodactyl
has been asked to judge a pumpkin carving contest
Where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo
has inserted registered Republican
cast ballots
For early voting in the state
Sleepy Hollow
where a brainless Antifa/BLM white liberal “yute”
Was eaten by rats down by the riverside
after being chased by a group of black cats
Sleepy Hollow
where a West Coast private eye
was holidaying
far from the madness
of the state California
whose insanity
was worse than that
of the Hotel California
Sleepy Hollow
where this evening
the private eye
heard the gentle melodious playing
of a violin
and walked into the woods
to see its origin
And there on a beautifully carved piece of ice
sat a beautiful nymph holding a violin
dressed in a beautiful white dress
and creamish gray ballet slippers
surrounded by pink flower petals
that decorated the autumn floor
of the forest
Embrace of nymph and private eye
Arm on arm
Chest on chest
Lips on lips
A moment of caresses
In a world
where a divinized virus’ priesthood
says “Maintain social distancing”
A moment of love
in a world of hate
A moment of humanity
in a world of monsters
A moment of truth
in a world of lies
A moment far away
from the maddening world
A moment where what beautiful music
they made together.
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 24th
2020
Pope Francis Kisses Al-Azhar Mosque Imam On Lips, Sheik Ahmed al-Tayeb Calls On French Government To Behead Mohammed Blasphemers In Future
Yesterday as part of the Vatican Papal Peace Summit 2020, Pope Francis met with Sheikh Ahmed al-Tayeb the Grand Imam of Cairo Egypt’s Al-Azhar Mosque and University.
Upon meeting one another, the two kissed one another passionately on the lips.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield suggested that this might mark the beginnings of an interfaith gay civil union between Pope and Grand Imam in a ceremony that might be presided over by the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Dalai Lama and the head of the Satanic Temple USA.
Sheikh Ahmed al-Tayeb the Grand Imam of Al-Azhar Mosque was the man who signed the Document On Human Fraternity For World Peace and Living Together better known as the Abu Dhabi Declaration with Pope Francis back on February 4th 2019 in the city of Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.
Following his penchant for promoting world peace, human fraternity and living together, Sheikh Ahmed al-Tayeb said at the Vatican Papal Peace Summit that while he disapproved of the Islamist terrorist beheading of French schoolteacher Samuel Paty last week for having shown blasphemous cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed to his students in a class on free speech, he noted that it would not have happened if the French government had beheaded Mr. Paty for blasphemy instead.
The grand imam urged the adoption of a global law against Islamophobia so that it should no longer be the “duty” of terrorists to behead unpopular people but rather the Islamophile governments of the world should do it directly.
Asked to comment on the Grand Imam’s remarks, Mr. Renfield said “That this is proof positive that one can’t be a satirist anymore.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 23rd
2020.
Communist Rag Atlantic Monthly, Pope Francis, Yaldabaoth and Sophia
The innkeeper of Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn (who happened to be the former proprietor of the mysterious Hotel California made famous in an Eagles song) was listening to the local Sleepy Hollow radio station on the radio.
The station was playing a quote from the United Kingdom’s most controversial Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.
Said Renfield, “It should come as no surprise that America’s most pretentiously snobbish Communist rag The Atlantic Monthly magazine is doing a hatchet job on those Catholics who think that Joe Biden is a phony Catholic and that Pope Francis is a heretic. The best that the Atlantic Monthly can be used for is as a substitute for toilet paper when you run out.”
The innkeeper who realized that he had indeed run out of toilet paper grabbed the latest issue of The Atlantic Monthly and proceeded to his own private washroom.
When he returned, he said to himself, “I hope I won’t have to call the plumber to unplug that toilet. That Atlantic Monthly really seemed to be full of it.”
He noticed his guest Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had left his smart phone on top of the inn’s front desk.
There was a photo on it:
“Wow, is she ever hot,” the Innkeeper looked at the pic.
Yaldabaoth came running down the stairs in search of his smart phone.
“Is that a picture of your girlfriend?” The innkeeper asked.
“No, my mother,” Yaldabaoth answered.
“But she doesn’t look a day over 30,” the innkeeper protested.
“Because she’s a goddess,” Yaldabaoth explained, “She’s Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.”
“Wow, now I know why your name Yaldabaoth sounds so familiar,” a lightbulb went on over the Innkeeper’s head which was a sure indication that the village electrician had restored the Inn’s electricity, “It’s mentioned in some ancient Gnostic texts that Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth. But I thought you were supposed to be the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.”
“Well, like most mothers, my mother has a tendency to exaggerate about her children,” Yaldabaoth explained, “It was far more impressive sounding to tell people that she had a son who was the Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun. People might have been impressed by the leprechaun part but definitely not the drunken alcoholic part.”
“You have a point there,” the Innkeeper admitted.
Indeed Yaldabaoth who had taken off his wee leprechaun hat was sporting a very large bump on his head.
It was caused by the boys of the village of Sleepy Hollow who were using the Headless Horseman’s pumpkin head as a substitute ball in a rather nasty game of Dodgeball.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 22nd
2020.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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