Communist Rag Atlantic Monthly, Pope Francis, Yaldabaoth and Sophia

October 22, 2020 at 10:46 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The innkeeper of Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn (who happened to be the former proprietor of the mysterious Hotel California made famous in an Eagles song) was listening to the local Sleepy Hollow radio station on the radio.

The station was playing a quote from the United Kingdom’s most controversial Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.

Said Renfield, “It should come as no surprise that America’s most pretentiously snobbish Communist rag The Atlantic Monthly magazine is doing a hatchet job on those Catholics who think that Joe Biden is a phony Catholic and that Pope Francis is a heretic. The best that the Atlantic Monthly can be used for is as a substitute for toilet paper when you run out.”

The innkeeper who realized that he had indeed run out of toilet paper grabbed the latest issue of The Atlantic Monthly and proceeded to his own private washroom.

When he returned, he said to himself, “I hope I won’t have to call the plumber to unplug that toilet. That Atlantic Monthly really seemed to be full of it.”

He noticed his guest Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had left his smart phone on top of the inn’s front desk.

There was a photo on it:

“Wow, is she ever hot,” the Innkeeper looked at the pic.

Yaldabaoth came running down the stairs in search of his smart phone.

“Is that a picture of your girlfriend?” The innkeeper asked.

“No, my mother,” Yaldabaoth answered.

“But she doesn’t look a day over 30,” the innkeeper protested.

“Because she’s a goddess,” Yaldabaoth explained, “She’s Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.”

“Wow, now I know why your name Yaldabaoth sounds so familiar,” a lightbulb went on over the Innkeeper’s head which was a sure indication that the village electrician had restored the Inn’s electricity, “It’s mentioned in some ancient Gnostic texts that Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth. But I thought you were supposed to be the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.”

“Well, like most mothers, my mother has a tendency to exaggerate about her children,” Yaldabaoth explained, “It was far more impressive sounding to tell people that she had a son who was the Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun. People might have been impressed by the leprechaun part but definitely not the drunken alcoholic part.”

“You have a point there,” the Innkeeper admitted.

Indeed Yaldabaoth who had taken off his wee leprechaun hat was sporting a very large bump on his head.

It was caused by the boys of the village of Sleepy Hollow who were using the Headless Horseman’s pumpkin head as a substitute ball in a rather nasty game of Dodgeball.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 22nd
2020.

12 Comments

  1. Sabiscuit said,

    Oh, the Atlantic Monthly, (rubs hands). I remember emailing a five page professional “read” of a columnist who was using the magazine to show off about living in Scandinavia, with his Scandinavian wife. He had a “job”, too. Scandinavia looks and smells better than America, he said, so I let him have it. I sent my real name, academic credentials, phone numbers and postal address in case he wanted to answer me. (He has not). He had a blog too, and even published a book that went, “I live in Scandinavia so I’m better than other Americans, okurrr.” I stopped thinking of the Atlantic as a journalistic publication after reading that incident.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s wonderful you exposed an Atlantic journalist like that.

      It definitely is not a journalistic publication.

  2. George F. said,

    …Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun…well, that part is true.

  3. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    I can sympathize with Yaldabaoth’s mom. If a mother love her children, she wouldn’t want other people to look down on them. I’ll gladly tell everyone that my son is a genius pianist if it was true πŸ˜„ however, I think I’ll choose to stay silent if there’s nothing good about him, just don’t insult him because I’ll break your nose πŸ˜…

    Oh and WP Reader ruined your post formatting 😦
    I was about to complain you, but I’m glad I click on the title to get to your site and see that it wasn’t you who connected all the paragraphs into one. Gosh, it’s torture to read there.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      WP reader?

      Is that part of the WordPress app, Jessica?

      Because I never use the reader myself.

      I always use my Net browser to write or read posts.

      In fact, I rarely use an app for anything.

      I just use my Net browser to view sites.

      Wow, I hope the WP reader hasn’t ruined my posts for everybody. πŸ™

      You’re the first person who’s ever mentioned that about the WP reader and my posts.

  4. David Redpath said,

    I know exactly where Sophia is
    coming from. Rather than telling
    people that Uncle Ernie is an old
    washed up, burnt out, drug addled,
    kiddie fiddling, hippy drag queen,
    I just say that I don’t know him 😎
    and that we’re not actually related.

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