The Day After

November 4, 2020 at 11:41 pm (Aesthetics, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“The U.S. Democrats believe in killing babies and supporting sodomy.
So it should come as no surprise that they would believe in cheating at elections as well.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP on the Democrats tampering with election results in the states of Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to say nothing of Arizona, North Carolina and Georgia.

The world’s most charismatic and witty serial killer Pan Goatee was walking down the street when lo and behold! the poor chap’s night was ruined by the sight of a fat ugly blimp approaching.

“You hideous behemoth straight from the pits of the place that Pope Francis says doesn’t exist,” Pan Goatee remarked as he lopped the fat uglo’s head off, “Just because the Democrats are cheating their way to a pro-Communist Biden-Harris ticket victory doesn’t mean that you fat ugly blimps can walk around with impunity.”

Nanites immediately arrived on the scene to eat the fat ugly blimp’s head and body.

More massive regurgitation was now taking place aboard Charon’s ferry on the River Styx.

After Pan Goatee had bought the bread at the grocery store, he returned home.

While returning home, Pan Goatee encountered a medium sized ugly looking gargoyle.

The Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche quoting on the subject of aesthetics genetically created satyr serial killer had, for his own personal Dewey system classification purposes, classified ugly looking females into three catgories: fat ugly blimps, medium sized ugly looking gargoyles and thin ugly looking stoats.

The gargoyle’s head was quickly lopped off by Pan Goatee’s machete and afer being eaten by nanites definitely would not be decorating the outside of Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral in the near future much to the relief of other gargoyles as well as Islamic terrorists inspecting the outside of the building as they were planning their next terrorist attack.

A reporter from Canada’s Rebel News Network approached Goatee.

It was fortunate for her that she was beautiful.

“Mr. Goatee,” the woman smiled, “I imagine both sides in the upcoming Second American Civil War will be seeking your services. Which side will you be fighting for?”.

“Well I imagine most of the ugly women will be backing the Biden-Harris ticket,” Goatee sipped his Iced Cappuccino, “so I imagine I’ll be fighting against the Biden-Harris supporters. Most women who are leftists are either ugly or airheads or in many terrifying cases both.”

“So Trump can count on your support then?” Asked the Rebel News reporter.

“Yes,” Goatee signed autographs being sought by some of the neighbourhood children, “I don’t like Trump personally but I much prefer him to that senile old fool and KKK white supremacist puppet of Xi Jinping’s Chinese Communist Party on the other side.”

. . .

Global News Canada’s Communist correspondents in the U.S. Communist asshole Jackson Proskow, Communist asshole Eric Sorensen and Communist asshole Reggie Cecchini all had to change their underwear on hearing the news that Pan Goatee would be fighting against the pro-Communist Biden-Harris camp in the upcoming Second American Civil War.

. . .

George Soros’ son Alexander Soros who was the deputy chairman of his father’s Open Society Foundations (that was currently financing the ongoing Neo-Bolshevik Revolution in the U.S.) was spending the day consulting a spiritist medium.

The name of the spiritist medium had been given to him by well-known spirit cooker Marina Abramovic.

Soros was hoping to get in touch with the ghost of the 2nd Century rabbi Simeon bar Yochai.

Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai often referred to as Rashbi was said to be the author of the great Kabbalistic work the Zohar.

Many sayings of his were to be found in the Babylonian Talmud including a passage that said it was perfectly acceptable to have sexual relationships with girls as young as 2 or 3 years of age.

Alexander Soros was hoping to get advice from the rabbi’s ghost on how to fit America into the planned Great Reset envisioned by his father George Soros, Bill and Melinda Gates, Prince Charles of Britain who talked to plants and wondered why they never talked back to him, World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab, Pope Francis and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.

. . .

An astronomer at the Mauna Kea astronomical observatory in Hawaii was observing the asteroid Apophis (named after the ancient Egyptian Great Serpent god of Chaos) that is calculated to be coming closest to Earth on April 13th 2029.

The trouble was the observatory’s instruments had suddenly picked up that the asteroid Apophis was accelerating its speed.

The astronomer asked the observatory’s computers to calculate what would happen if the asteroid continued to accelerate at a certain speed within a certain set of conditions.

The astronomer ripped off the final calculations on the paper from the computer printer.

The paper read, “It would hit Earth with maximum impact on…”

“Oh shit!” The astronomer cried, “Is there no end to all that is happening in 2020?”.

“Did anybody get the license plate number of that asteroid?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 4th


  1. The Social Vigilante said,

    i hope Trump makes it through

  2. Kritika said,

    The last line is awesome. Lols

  3. Sabiscuit said,

    It’s like the human race find new ways to be depraved on an hourly basis. With a smirk on their face. And after a recent update, Siri uses a red dot to tell me if my phone is recording my voice. If you’re already mining all of my data. Nice job, Apple Inc. Slow clap. πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Sung to the tune of Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head
      the theme song from the movie
      Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid:

      Red dots keep falling on my head
      But that doesn’t mean privacy is dead
      Siri’s not for me
      Cause I’m never gonna stop data mining by complaining
      So says Siri
      Red dots burying me

      A couple of days ago one of my readers Mole in his comments asked me if I was currently writing from some psych ward.

      After coming up with that song, I’m starting to think he may be right. πŸ˜‚

      • Sabiscuit said,

        The data mining permissions are already in the terms of service. But I find it ridiculous that they put a red dot there when it is understood that the thing is always recording. It’s ridiculous.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It is strange.

  4. Hetty Eliot said,

    “Most women who are leftists are either ugly or airheads or in many terrifying cases both.”

    I’ve noticed this phenomenon myself. Exhibit A: California politicians. And then all of the pro-public-menstruation activists.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Now, there’s a phenomenon I must admit I’ve never heard of.

      Pro-public menstruation activists?

      I hesitate to ask,

      Do they go around menstruating in public at their public menstruation demonstrations?

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Can’t quite remember who it was but the images will remain for a long time. And yes, they allowed things to.. take their course. You know, the man hating types.

  5. Unique Tales said,

    Excellent, not sure if you stories purpose is to amuse, if it is you’ve achieved it. 😊

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’m sort of a writer equivalent of the old time newspaper editorial cartoonists.

      I write on serious subjects but do so in a satirical fashion.

      I can’t draw so I create something similar to the old newspaper editorial cartoons through the written word.

  6. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    The woman asking Pan Goatee got to be a beauty since her head is still on her shoulder after getting that close to him. I love his choice of drinks. Gosh, Goatee is like an anti-hero I hate to love.

    Btw, how big is this asteroid?

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