Renfield Takes On Communist Covid-1984 Tech Giants

November 6, 2020 at 11:36 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

It had been brought to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s attention that the social media tech giants were censoring, suspending and banning a whole bunch of people in the wake of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election.

“Future historians will look back and say,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked to Renfield, “that they first started to impose the 21st Century variant of Communist totalitarianism in the virtual digital world before moving on to the real world.”

Orson Welles’ ghost drinking a spectral glass of spectral red wine agreed.

“Something must be done to stop this,” Renfield put on his dark sunglasses.

Renfield, who already had a YouTube account, opened a Facebook and Twitter account as well and started commenting on the Democrats’ crooked shenanigans in the recent 2020 U.S. Presidential election.

Sure enough he was permanently banned from both sites after having been a member for only a couple of hours.

YouTube following phone calls from Facebook, Twitter, George Soros, Pope Francis and Xi Jinping also permanently banned Renfield as well.

Renfield also received a nasty phone call from Russian President Vladimir Putin saying that Set Enterprises’ 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger injecting the Russian leader with a hemorrhoid inducing serum was the cause of the onset of his Parkinson’s Disease which would be forcing him to resign next year.

“Well so far you appear to be upsetting the Communist applecart more than Steve Bannon ever did,” Churchill’s ghost lit himself a cigar.

“Yes, Twitter and Facebook banned you only a couple of hours after you joined,” Welles’ ghost pointed out.

“And Twitter, Facebook and YouTube are going to unban me,” Renfield said.

Renfield borrowed Yaldabaoth’s pet pterodactyl from Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

The leprechaun was visiting London after recently returning from Sleepy Hollow of Headless Horseman fame.

The wee fellow with the huge drinking problem was visiting London because he hadn’t heard about the lockdown.

Sadly for him, there was no place to get a drink.

As for Renfield, he flew Yaldabaoth’s pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius (Hovering for short) to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s home.

“You’re going to unban me from Facebook,” Renfield informed Zuckerberg.

“Like Hell I am,” Zuckerberg sneered.

Renfield finished his cup of chai tea and put it on the counter of Zuckerberg’s kitchen.

“Hey, you’re not practicing social distancing,” Zuckerberg screamed as Renfield placed the Facebook CEO’s testicles into a vise which the British MP proceeded to tighten.

Within minutes, Zuckerberg had agreed to permanently unban Renfield from Facebook.

Next Renfield flew the pterodactyl named Hovering (for short) to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s house.

Within a few minutes of having his own testicles firmly ensconsed in the grip of Renfield’s vise, the Twitter CEO likewise agreed to permanently unban Renfield from Twitter.

Once again in the air flying upon the pterodactyl Hovering, Renfield, as he ate a bowl of take out chop suey with chopsticks, mused to himself, “For some reason, I’m reminded of something the late former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon once said, “If you’ve got a man by the balls, his heart and mind is sure to follow.” And coming up next is YouTube CEO..”.

Renfield noticed he had a problem.

YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki was a woman.

This called for a different sort of approach.

Notorious Australian drag queen Uncle Ernie found himself being abducted in a non-social distancing bath house in Sydney by a group of Norse Valkyries who owed Renfield a favour.

Uncle Ernie then was made to perform his Drag Queen show in front of YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki.

“All right, all right,” Ms. Wojcicki screamed after a few minutes of Uncle Ernie riding his toy horsie and singing Home On The Range, “You’re unbanned.”

“Unbanned? Well, I must say this is certainly a first for me,” Uncle Ernie commented.

“Not you, you imbecile who would probably fail at an audition for the role of Charley’s Aunt in the Brandon Thomas play,” Ms. Wojcicki raged and foamed, “Renfield is permanently unbanned from YouTube. Only please get this freak out of here.”

Susan Wojcicki pointed at Uncle Ernie.

“But,” Uncle Ernie protested as he was carried away by a group of winged Valkyries, “It’s not only Brazil where all the nuts come from.”

The Renfieldian War against Covid-1984 Communism had begun.

The first shots were fired not at Fort Sumter.

But at Uncle Ernie’s backside by sling shot carrying neighbourhood schoolchildren as the notorious Australian drag queen and uncertified pharmaceutical manufacturer flew overhead being carried in the arms of Valkyries.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 6th
2020.

15 Comments

  1. Sabiscuit said,

    I’m sure it’s not Parkinson’s. If he is as rich as they allege he is, then that diagnosis would make that claim ridiculous. There are cutting-edge treatments for it (my grandfather had it and when ever a medical journal publishes research I’m right on it). His team would have caught it through genetic testing. The “symptoms” are probably injuries from fibromyalgia or fractures incurred from falling off the horses that he’s riding bareback. And I’m sure he does a human dock every six months to find malignant tumours. They zap those things out when they are 3 mm wide. If he resigns, I would assume that he’s completely rinsed the 💵💰💷💶💎 and paid off the individuals investigating him. 💳🔋📡

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      These are just rumours circulating.

      I’m surprised he would resign though.

      He had changed the Constitution so he could remain in power until 2036.

      Not being in power would certainly expose him to a lot of danger as the late Chilean dictator Gen. Augusto Pinochet found out when he was no longer in power.

      • Sabiscuit said,

        Agreed, Christopher. I saw now after reading your post, one rumour report using a clearly doctored photo of his hand attached the wrong way. 😭

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That is strange.

        Showing his hand attached the wrong way.

  2. Unique Tales said,

    Great Post. 😊

  3. janowrite said,

    Loved it. Alas, it is nonfiction. 😉💗

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Jan, sadly dystopian fiction has become non-fiction in today’s Communist Covid-1984 world.

      Even the world of Harry Potter has become non-fiction as Voldemort waving a magic wand (a gift to him from Lenin, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung) says in Latin, “Novus Ordo Seclorum” and ballots for the Biden-Harris ticket magically appear out of thin air.

      • janowrite said,

        Yes…”as if by magic” because a little fraud here, a few ballots there – it all adds up. Just so grim. Thanks for caricaturing it so excellently. 💗

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome, Jan. ❤

  4. Kritika said,

    Uncle Ernie performing the dance lols. Enjoyed reading it.

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