Pan Goatee Beheads 6 Yutes and A Fat Ugly Blimp Alcoholic In A Blizzard Along With A Joe Biden Admiring Reporter

November 10, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking through a blizzard to pick up a couple of bottles of Coca-Cola Zero (the diet Coke that actually tastes like Coca-Cola Classic unlike the named Diet Coke with a large D).

When he arrived at the nearby small shopping centre, he was horrified to discover that the grocery store had closed (probably due to nobody visiting them in the blizzard).

There was a liquor store next door to them which was open (because as everybody knows in contemporary booze happy North American society, liquor stores never close no matter what the weather. They’re even open in hurricanes and asteroid strikes which was a good thing with the 99942 Apophis asteroid rapidly approaching Earth).

Goatee went in to buy Coca-Cola Zero.

As he was leaving, a hideously repulsive fat ugly blimp entered the liquor store mumbling to herself, “Need whisky. Desperately need whisky.”

“Oh Great God Zeus,” Goatee exclaimed, “Just what society needs at the moment. A fat ugly blimp alcoholic.”

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat uglo extra-large purveyor of distillery and brewery fumes thus saving people from blinding and killing themselves at some future Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Nanites immediately came and ate the fat ugly blimp’s head and body.

Krampus the 2nd (a DARPA created genetic clone of the original Germanic demonic goat hybrid Krampus who appears in the former Germanic territories of the former Holy Roman Empire on Krampusnacht which is the evening before the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas) gathered up the 999 trillion remains of the fat ugly blimp alcoholic and put them in a bag and took them to Tartarus for cremation where the flames rose even higher due to the high alcohol intake.

Goatee continued down the blizzard laden street and noticed 6 yutes (what Joe Pesci’s Brooklyn lawyer character called “youths” during his first ever trial held in the Deep South in the 1992 film My Cousin Vinny) walking on the other side of the street.

“We don’t care what anyone says,” one of the 6 yutes shouted in a loud voice, “We’re going to continue to use sexist and racist terminlogy.”

“It’s bozos like you who are laying the groundwork for a Neo-Bolshevik Communist insurrection in the United States,” Goatee pointed out as he immediately beheaded the 6 yutes.

“Excuse me,” a Global News Canada reporter with a stupid looking expression on his face approached Goatee.

Of course almost all Global News Canada reporters have stupid looking expressions on their faces with the exception of a Vietnamese-Canadian female friend of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst who happened to work for Global News Calgary as a reporter.

One who when her local Calgary news stories are actually shown on Global News Canada National reports neither her name nor face is shown or her voice is heard to Global News Canada National audiences (thus showing the total racism and total hypocrisy of the politically correct Global News Canada Network whose political hero is the totally racist and totally hypocritical bozo with a “white savior’ complex Justin Trudeau).

“I noticed you beheaded those 6 yutes for being racist and sexist,” the Global News Canada reporter who was wearing a Joe Biden For President t-shirt pointed out, “yet aren’t you the satyr who goes around beheading ugly looking women? Isn’t beheading ugly women sexist?”.

“No you moron, that form of discrimination is called lookism,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the imbecilic Global News Canada reporter for his mental ineptitude, “If I was homosexual, I’d go around beheading ugly looking men. Just like when the bisexual writer Oscar Wilde (who’s one of my literary and Philosophy of Aesthetics heroes) was asked at his trial why he didn’t kiss a certain waiter at a certain hotel, Wilde answered, “Because he was too ugly.” So get your definition straight. It’s lookism not sexism. God knows, there are enough imbecilic reporters already in the world. Well, I guess there’s one less now.”

Goatee went home.

Goatee then watched on-line one of his favourite reporters, Detroit’s Michael Voris, a true objective journalist and not a Marxist partisan New World Order hack.

The photographic images on the screen behind Voris showed that birds of a feather flock together.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 10th


  1. Sabiscuit said,

    They’re not “Marxist” hacks. That would require them to read the lecture notes, copy the assignment from an essay-writing site, and/or misunderstand the lecturer. Bolshie, in the contemporary definition yes. Hacks, yes. If you shake your mobile device really hard, they will fall out of it.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Speaking of mobile phones, have you heard these reports surfacing that if you ask Siri “How old is the President of the United States?”, Siri will reply, “Kamala Harris is 56 years old, having been born on October 20th 1964”.

      The votes have not all been certified in many states and the recounts haven’t even started yet but because the AP (Associated Press) this past Saturday announced that, according to its projections, Biden won the Presidency and the rest of the mainstream Marxist media (CNN, Global News Canada, USA Today, The Washington Post, The New York Times, MSNBC etc.) and many brainless world leaders (including Canada’s JustinTrudeau) treated the AP declaration as the voice of God (or in this century the voice of Mother Earth Gaia or Pachamama) , they said Biden indeed did win.

      But the Neo-Maoist global tech-giants are way ahead of everybody else.

      They’re already sent Biden off to a padded cell in the dementia ward or pushed him off a cliff in their minds as the far-Left (during the Cold War era, she’d have been called a Communist) Kamala Harris is already President and have programmed AIs such as Siri to say that.

      • Sabiscuit said,

        I heard the rumour and saw the video. It’s possible the video was edited. I asked just now and Siri gave me the correct answer. I’m sure it’s a “glitch”. 😉😉😉 We all know about “glitching“ as a corporate strategy among these folks. You know, the glitches that hide your posts in a feed or timeline and deliver feedback comments after four years. So, I am 100% certain that someone over there did that on purpose.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, there are certainly lots of “glitches” out there. 😀

  2. Kritika said,

    Lookism it is exactly.

  3. George F. said,

    …with the 99942 Apophis asteroid rapidly approaching Earth…and it’s a good thing the liquor stores are open too. Religion is no longer the opiate of the masses, and liquor is the suitable replacement…particularly with an asteroid about to put us in the same category as the dinosaurs. Speaking of “lookism”, I was explaining to a Yut recently that much of what is mistakenly called “racism” in our capitalistic society is actually “economicism…” Simply put, the guy who walks in the door who simply appears to have more money, either white, brown or black ( if you are brown are black you have to be displaying lots of what is commonly called “bling..”) you will simply receive better service and more attention. By comparison, the other “non money looking person” will feel ignored. Anyway, you’ve put up another hysterical article!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I think you’re absolutely right about “economicism”, George.

      People suck up to those who look rich.

      And look down on those who look poor.

      My 8 months of homelessness in 2016-2017 made that abundantly clear to me.

      I have lots of personal experience of that.

      • George F. said,

        I too have personal experience in this area. It’s too bad…and very sad. We are not seen as human beings. Only as prospects or customers. If not that, then nothing.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, my friend. ☹

        It’s a rough thing to go through.

      • George F. said,

        thank you. I am “over it.”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  4. Unique Tales said,

    Excellent post. 😊

  5. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    “With a large D” and “Lookism” 😂 … wait… let me process if I like him or not. 😁

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: