Renfieldian TV Commercial For The New RCR GK 987 Assault Rifle

November 16, 2020 at 11:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

A new TV commercial was hitting the airwaves in America.

The commercial started out by showing video footage of Antifa rioting, burning and looting in various U.S. cities as well as beating people up in Washington DC this past weekend including a mother walking with two small children and pushing a baby stroller with a baby inside.

(Suddenly the camera focuses in on British MP Renfield R. Renfield looking glum and serious)

Renfield (looking glum and serious): Are you bothered by the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa?
Are the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa getting you down?

(Renfield opens a pirate chest with the words CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW WAS HERE and pulls out one mean looking assault rifle and semi-automatic weapon)

Renfield (smiling): Then buy the new Renfield Cadbury Rocher GK 987 Assault Rifle and blow those Antifa/BLM suckers to kingdom come.
It’s easy to handle and easy to use.

(Renfield turns to his left and begins shooting)

Renfield (proudly holding up the weapon): It doesn’t quite hit the billions and billions that Carl Sagan talked about on his old TV show Cosmos but it does successfully target dozens and dozens.

Voice of Shot Antifa/BLM member (calling out from off-screen): Aw, shit, I don’t feel so ‘woke’ now. I think I’m dying.

Renfield (grinning): See what I mean?

Renfield (holding up the assault weapon again): The new RCR GK 987 Assault Rifle is available in the Family Christmas Gifts Ideas section of a Walmart near you. You can also order one on-line at Amazon by looking under the Christmas Gift Ideas For Grandma Isolated In A Covid Lockdown Nursing Home Category. Or you can order by phone calling our 1-800-Toll Free number. For those of you who call this number before midnight in your local time zone, we’ll throw in a free autographed photo of me conducting the London Philharmonic Orchestra a few years back before this whole Covid nonsense started up.

(Renfield raises a glass of champagne and takes a sip)

Renfield (puts glass down and smiles): Oh, and happy shooting.

(He raises the RCR GK 987 Assault Rife and takes aim)

Antifa members: No peace without… shit. (All croak)

Renfield (sipping his champagne): I have the feeling Neville Chamberlain once said something similar.

World famous cellist Tina Guo was guest cellist the night Renfield conducted the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 16th


  1. janowrite said,

    “dozens and dozens” – rolling on the floor! Brilliant once again!

  2. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Suddenly the camera focuses in on British MP Renfield R. Renfield looking glum and serious … followed by more Renfield scenes…

    Me: *squealed!* 🀩 *wave*… another ear deafening sqeal. Slap myself. *pant* *pant* Trying to play cool 😎 Renfield let me join the battle.

  3. draculauren said,

    “Aw, shit, I don’t feel so β€˜woke’ now. I think I’m dying.” Almost spit my tea out. πŸ˜€

    How ’bout a Black Friday deal on this sucker, Renfield?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Glad you enjoyed that line, Lauren. πŸ˜€

      Yes, Renfield will probably be offering Black Friday deals on this.

      Door crasher specials. πŸ˜…

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