All Bent and Broken

November 25, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Life, Poetry) ()

When I was a kid in elementary school
My older sister was in High School
She talked about a student in her school
Who was a poet
I, at the time, was surprised.
I didn’t think there were any poets
left in the world
I thought they all died out at
the end of the 19th Century.

I don’t remember this poet’s first name
But his last name was Cardinal
And he apparently wrote poetry
Under the pen name
Charles Frederick

He self published his own poetry
In a book
They sold in the High School store
The book was called
Here Lies Charles Frederick
And the picture used to illustrate the cover
Was of a gravestone
That had the name
Charles Frederick on it

My sister bought it
I read the book
And I was impressed

But the only poem I remember this day from it
was about a little girl
Who showed her mother
Her teddy bear
After he had been damaged
And the only line I remember
from the poem
was the last line
The words the little girl
Spoke to her mother
“Mommy, he’s all bent and broken”

And that’s exactly the way I feel tonight
All bent and broken
Earlier today I received a huge punch in the gut
Metaphorical of course
But it’s probably going to send me
Into that deep spiralling well of depression
I thought I had finally escaped from

I’m like that little girl’s teddy bear
In the poem
In the book
Here Lies Charles Frederick-

I’m all bent and broken.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday November 25th
2020.

Writer’s note: The above poem is NOT a work of fiction.

41 Comments

  1. Anne J. said,

    I am sorry, Chris. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. shั”rrรญั” dั” vฮฑlั”rรญฮฑ said,

    Well, do not be, Chris …
    you are a believer of Christ and if that is His Will then one must accept with an open arm.
    All things happened with a reason and God has His reason if you see it this way …
    No one says life is easy and that is exactly what my father told me so many times before I left …
    “Girl, your mother and I, may be the ones that had give you life … But, just so you know that once you are out there, I won’t be there to save you from ‘life’ itself. Either, accepting it and go with the flow or you just stay where ever you are and so be it with whatever or however your life might be. If you do believe in fate and that the Lord has His reasons, then you go His way for His destination was never ‘ours’ to ask …”

    You stay strong over there, Chris!
    I pray for you …
    God Bless You, my friend!
    Amen.

  3. Kanti Burns said,

  4. Hetty Eliot said,

    I’m really sorry to hear something bad happened.

    As a stuffed animal lover, I understand how it feels for a child when their favorite toy is irreparably broken. It goes a lot deeper than the corniness of this statement sounds on the surface, which I think you get.

    I know that horrible feeling when something is suddenly unfixable.

    I’m sorry and I hope that whatever it is, it gets better somehow.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Hetty.

      I found out yesterday that the non-profit community housing co-op agency that own the house I rent a room in want me to move into another house.

      I’ve lived in this house and in this neighbourhood for the past 3 years.

      I’ve become accustomed to it.

      And I’m pretty sure it’s having to move that sends me into a state of depression whenever I have to do it.

      I’ve noticed that over the past 10 years when I first had to move out of my dad’s house 10 years ago (the only house I had ever known since childhood) when he died and his will (in which he had left me the house) was never found and so the house had to be sold and the proceeds from the sale divided up among his children.

      I’ve had to move 7 different times the past 10 years including an 18 month stint of homelessness.

      It starts to wear a person down after a while.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        When I read your post, I worried it had something to do with your living situation.

        All that moving and uncertainty about where you’ll be and for how long sounds awful. Especially being homeless.

        I might be reading too much into it, but I hope that if a will went missing, it wasn’t because of some type of shitty behavior by relatives. Things get so ugly when someone dies.

        I hope it there’s a happy resolution to this current problem, but in the meantime, perhaps you can at least think of the things that they cannot take away from you no matter where you go.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That was what a lawyer I hired in a lawsuit against some of my relatives wondered.

        Whether they hadn’t got ahold of the will and disposed of it.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Shame on them if they did.

        I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better today. My sacrifices to Earth mommy is paying off.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The world leader I’ve always empathized the most with is Winston Churchill.

        He too had a lifelong battle with depression (whom he called the Black Dog in reference to Black Shuck a ghostly spectral demon dog of English folklore said to haunt East Anglia).

        But he’d always force himself to get over it in order to battle the demonic political forces of his day- first Nazism and later after World War II – Stalinism.

        After the setback of having the wind knocked out of me this past Wednesday, I’m back again battling the demonic political forces of our own day – Covid Communism and its numerous adherents and “useful idiots” (of whom the names Joe Biden and Pope Francis come most preeminently to mind for some reason).

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Well, you’re very brave to express your thoughts because, as I am sure you know, they are not quite popular at the moment. But you’re always spot-on.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you so much, Hetty. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

  5. Seoul Sister said,

    Iโ€™m so sorry to hear this sad news, Christopher. Itโ€™s monumentally wrong that your house was taken from you in the first place. I hope for the best outcome to whatโ€™s happening to you currently.

  6. janowrite said,

    Empathy and best thoughts and prayers in your direction. So sorry to hear. Hoping things work out well for you and that your new home will be pleasing for you.

  7. draculauren said,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re being forced to move, Chris – and everything else that’s happened. It sounds exhausting and deeply unsettling. Having a place to call home is a big deal to me, and home is my favorite place to be. I hope your new home becomes an unexpected blessing and you’re able to be at peace and stay there a long time.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you so much, Lauren.

      • draculauren said,

        And echoing what Hetty said, your bravery is admired when it comes to freely posting thoughts on politics and such. I’m currently reading How to Destroy America in Three Easy Steps by a prominent American conservative and I hesitate to even share that with friends. It doesn’t matter if I even agree with it or not, just the fact that I’m reading it, considering it, feels dangerous.

        Also, for some reason people are able to like my comments on here but I’m not able to like any comments at all! I can like the post, just no comments. So let this comment be one big like for all your replies.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you so much, Lauren.

        And ever since I’ve had a blog here, I’ve never been able to like any comments on my own blog.

        When my blog first started to attract some readers back in 2014 and people started liking my replies and comments to them, I thought how the heck are they able to like comments on my blog when I as the blog owner can’t like comments on my own page?

        6 years later and I still don’t know how it’s possible to like comments on my own page.

        Unless one can do it using the WordPress App.

        I’ve never ever downloaded the WordPress App.

        In fact, I’m reluctant to download most Apps.

        Because I’ve found in using the few Apps that I have, it’s been my experience that doing something at the site by using my online browser, it seems to work better, it’s easier and things seem to run more smoothly than using the App.

        Plus I’ve found that there are many Apps that seem to drain an awful lot of power out of your batteries.

      • draculauren said,

        It took me a long time to figure out how to like comments on my own blog, and only figured that out this past year. On my home page I have to go to the Site tab and then Comments, where I approve my comments and can reply and “like” them directly there. Otherwise if I reply to comments directly on the post there is no option to like them.

        I’m with you, I don’t have the WordPress app. I try my best not to clutter up my phone with apps. I don’t want to be spending a ton of time looking at that small screen anyway. Maybe if I had the app I could magically like comments on your blog – I can like them on certain other blogs, so maybe it’s something in the settings or the particular theme they’re using for their blog.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Ah so that’s how it’s done.

        Thanks for letting me know. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hetty Eliot said,

      100%

  8. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Aw, this so too sad ๐Ÿ˜ฆ But we are entitled to feel hurt sometimes and takes a lot of courage to accept it.

    On a lighter note, 2 of my husband’s ex-girlfriends (Filipina like me) thought all scientists are dead because they only exist in history books.

    Plus, my kid self thought all tigers are extinct because we have none in the Philippines ๐Ÿ˜‚

    I hope you’ll cheer up soon Chris ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that’s very true, Jessica.

      Sometimes we do have to hurt once in a while.

      LOL ! at your husband’s two ex-girlfriends who thought all scientists were dead because they only exist in history books. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      I didn’t know you had no tigers in the Philippines, Jessica. ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ…

      I guess then if I visit the Philippines, I won’t have to worry about being eaten by tigers. ๐Ÿ˜€

      I’m starting to cheer up now, Jessica. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  9. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    That’s great to hear! We don’t have tigers ๐Ÿ™‚ But please be wary in the forest. There are spiders that could kill an adult man in 30mins after getting bite. I also experience a king cobra pass through my body when I ran away from home when I was 5, I froze like a stone so it ignored me ๐Ÿ˜ฐ

  10. SpiritedSoul ๐ŸŽญ said,

    R they going to pay for ur moving expenses?

  11. Priya Prakash said,

    Sending good vibes and prayers to you.. โ˜บ๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ

  12. Marlapaige said,

    I’m know I’m late to this particular post, but I just want to say that I didn’t need the last line to know it was not fiction, I felt it in my bones. You really have a way with words.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much.

      • Marlapaige said,

        You’re welcome. You really have a way with words. You tell the whole story in the fewest words possible and it’s quite touching. I am sorry you had to go through this. I know the feelings and I hate that you went through it to. I am glad you seem OK now.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I seem to be in a much better state now.

      • Marlapaige said,

        I am glad to hear that.

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