Kraken’s Croissant Cravings

December 18, 2020 at 11:26 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“French President Emmanuel Macron has tested positive for Covid-19.
Coincidentally enough a number of cougars at the Paris Zoo have also tested positive for Covid-19.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading a news story on radio.

As the Fascist Freemasonic French President Emmanuel Macron was busy self-isolating along with quite a number of cougars who were also self-isolating, French Aquarian Age Bonapartist leader The Kraken Napololeon VI was walking the streets of Paris along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

The Kraken, who was sipping 8 cups of cognac-laced coffee at the same time, asked his wife, “Where is everybody?”.

“Under lockdown,” Medusa answered as she curled her hair with her wireless electric blow dryer and hair curler.

“Bummer,” the Kraken walked past a couple of gay Jesuit priests who suddenly found themselves frozen to a park bench captured in the activity they were engaging in, “I wonder if there’s any place that’s open. I’ve got a craving for hot buttered croissants.”

As the Kraken craved croissants, Macron missed his cougars in the French Presidential Palace.

And in a Paris hotel room, the Norse valkyrie Kara awaited the arrival of vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 18th


  1. Jo said,

    Cougars, huh?! ๐Ÿ˜€ You’re mean! I like that! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Sabiscuit said,

    I hear Medusa was breathtakingly beautiful which is why men turned to stone at the sight of her. If only one could emulate her otherworldly charm. Incidentally, Macaroni is going to be 43 on Monday. How kind you are to remember him. ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜†

    I wrote some flash fiction a while ago about a head of state closely resembling him in personality. He presented a giant head of cabbage as his spouse on his first official visit to the UK. For the state visit, it needed โ€œhairโ€ and โ€œmakeupโ€ for a photo shoot – five stylists were hired for the job. After that, the wife of the PM accidentally stepped on a leaf of the cabbage as it rolled off a plate and down some steps. She was eviscerated on social media for being โ€œbodyistโ€ and had to issue a grovelling apology. I decided not to publish the story in case someone decided that I was not joking.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Medusa was a very beautiful woman which is why Poseidon wanted her which is why she lost her virginity (verboten for a priestess of Athena) which is how she wound up with snakes in her hair.

      But she was a great beauty.

      I didn’t know Macaroni was going to turn 43 on Monday.

      No doubt he’ll try to see some significance in the Christmas Star Jupiter-Saturn conjunction on his birthday (the most significant conjunction since 1226).

      Yes, the Macron as cabbage story some people might not take as a joke.

      No doubt a combined guillotine executioner and Ukrainian cuisine specialist chef could make a cabbage roll out of Macron’s head.

      • Sabiscuit said,

        I got to see the full solar eclipse in Argentina live on YouTube earlier this week. It was beautiful. I had heard about the double planet alignment coming up (thanks for the reminder) and hope theyโ€™ll have a stargazer event for it. Have a good Saturday.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You have a good Saturday as well, Sabiscuit. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. ebonyandcrows said,

    I almost always start laughing from the very first line lol

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s great to hear, Larissa.

      Glad to have people rolling in the aisles from the very first line. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Ignatius J. B. said,


  5. shั”rrรญั” dั” vฮฑlั”rรญฮฑ said,

    The gay Jesuit priests got frozen??? wahahaha … Better be rather than being frozen in the lab for having Covid! LOL

  6. Hyperion said,

    Another great chapter Chris! I loved the cougar theme. No doubt a French PM who believes in pleasuring older Parisian socialites is the very best of political strategies. Sadly, there are drawbacks when the First Lady decides to pull off the wings of her butterfly cabbage patch PM. Scandalous! I love it!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Daniel.

      Yes, it would be quite something to see the First Lady pull butterfly wings off her butterfly cabbage patch doll. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        We can stay tuned for the Tik Tok video soon.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which will be the lead story on both CNN and Fox News.

      • Hyperion said,

        Finally the Fake news will report real news.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Mrs. Macron’s cole slaw recipe will be shown on the Food Network.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haaaa! The people will never know what happened to the missing PM. Perhaps he went to seek out counsel with The GOO.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it”s like a Roald Dahl short story where a wife murders her husband by hitting him on the head with a frozen leg of lamb.

        Later when the police arrive, she has the leg of lamb roasting in the oven.

        As the police search the home for any sign of the murder weapon, she invites them to have dinner.

        They accept.

        As they eat, the inspector remarks, “You know we’re probably doing her a favour. It would be a rather large leg of lamb just for one person to eat.”

      • Hyperion said,

        Excellent strategy in this caper. Who would ever suspect a leg of lamb? ๐Ÿ˜

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Exactly. ๐Ÿ˜€

        You might have to duck a l’orange should you see Tiger Mom approach carrying a frozen leg of lamb. ๐Ÿคฃ

      • Hyperion said,

        That would be my clue to skiddoo

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL ! ๐Ÿ˜‚

  7. liveterra said,

    ร‡ok gรผzel ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

  8. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Renfield’s news ๐Ÿ˜‚

    By the way, some doctors in Sweden had sent some swab to be tested and it come out positive. Guess what creature it was. A papaya ๐Ÿคฃ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Renfield’s news. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      LOL ! @ the papaya testing positive for Covid in Swden. ๐Ÿคฃ

      I hear a can of Coca-Cola in Austria tested positive for Covid as well. ๐Ÿ˜…

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