Xi Jinping Plans To Bang Italian Harlot In Shanghai While Continuing With His World Domination Plans
Communist China’s paramount leader the evil megalomaniac Xi Jinping was talking to his Supernaturnal entity advisor the Black Dragon who had emerged from a black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy eons ago.
“Heilong,” Xi asked the Black Dragon, “What’s the name of that airheaded Italian harlot I always bang whenever I visit Shanghai?”.
“That would be Ambra Schilliro the Italian Commie journalist and Babylonianish harlot social butterfly who flutters around on her Social Cloud spreading Chinese Communist Party Public Relations (what British MP Renfield R. Renfield refers to as Neo-Maoist propaganda and bullshit) in the countries of China, Italy, the U.S. and Korea.”
Xi putting on a fertilizer cologne, “Yes, that’s the one. Book me an appointment with her for tonight.”
“But I understand 666 members of the Shanghai branch of the CCP had booked to bang her in one massive gang bang tonight,” Heilong pointed out.
“Well, put them on hold,” Xi foamed, “As always happens to me when I use my Huawei phone these days. I had to break down and start using Samsung.”
A PLA soldier approaches Xi, “Your Almightiness, we regret to report that our People’s Red Army just got our asses kicked by India’s Army on the India-China border again.”
“Well cover it up like we did before,” Xi barked.
Later in Shanghai, Xi paid a visit to the Italian harlot Ambra Schilliro.
He inserted his organ into Ambra’s mouth.
“Think of it as sucking on an egg roll,” Xi said neglecting to mention that egg rolls were a lot larger.
He then inserted it into the orifice between her front legs.
And then inserted it into the orifice between her back legs.
And then inserted it into her left nostril.
“Think of it as a Covid-19 test,” Xi had said.
He then inserted it into her right nostril.
“Think of it as a Covid-19 re-test,” Xi pontificated.
He then inserted it into her right ear.
“Think of it as a wax cleaning,” Xi smiled.
He then inserted it into her left ear as he remarked, “More wax cleaning.”
Heilong had put on dark sunglasses as he watched the spectacle.
“That Italian harlot,” Heilong noted, “seems to be getting as many orifices penetrated as Procopius the Byzantine historian (and secretary to the Byzantine general Belisarius) noted happened to Justinian’s wife the Empress Theodora in Procopius’ Secret History.”
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who had dropped into Shanghai to pick up an order of Shanghai Fried Rice) overheard Heilong’s remarks and said, “Everything Procopius wrote about me is a lie.”
Theodora: Everything Procopius wrote about her is a lie
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 19th
2020.
ebonyandcrows said,
December 20, 2020 at 1:26 am
๐
What does the R. stand for in Renfield R. Renfieldโs name?
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 20, 2020 at 2:25 am
Renfield.
So his full name is Renfield Renfield Renfield.
ebonyandcrows said,
December 20, 2020 at 8:41 am
Lol I had a hunch it might be that.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 20, 2020 at 7:42 pm
You were absolutely correct, Larissa. ๐
ebonyandcrows said,
December 20, 2020 at 9:09 pm
Your phone keeps giving my name an extra s! ๐
-Larisa with one s ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 21, 2020 at 1:29 am
Okay, Larisa with one “s”, I’ll put that in its memory. ๐๐คฃ๐
George F. said,
December 20, 2020 at 8:57 am
Ah, I remember when I used to bang harlots everywhere…those were the days, long passed…
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 20, 2020 at 7:44 pm
A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away…
… when your light saber shone brightly…
George F. said,
December 20, 2020 at 8:21 pm
Yep. A long long time ago…
George F. said,
December 20, 2020 at 9:05 am
This is particularly nasty blog, which reminds me of a famous quote from John F. Kennedy himself: “I’m not through with a woman until I’ve had all three holes.” He was talking about Marilyn Monroe at the time, which explains why she was murdered: he’d had all three holes. I’m saddened by this type of sexual abuse, but it also reminds me of a famous biblical passage from Mathew 7:3: “”Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Meaning, of course, I cannot criticize the behavior of others, even in this sensitive area, because, in the words of Britany Spears, I am “not so innocent.”
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 20, 2020 at 7:48 pm
I’m not aware of that Kennedy quote.
Is it real?
Or more of the imagination of the Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg at work as he recounts the days of “fair Camelot”?
George F. said,
December 20, 2020 at 8:21 pm
It’s real. LOL!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 20, 2020 at 8:22 pm
๐คฃ๐๐
Hyperion said,
December 21, 2020 at 8:14 pm
You have certainly outed the sexual ritual of the Neo-Maoists. Itโs possible the revelation could start a wave of medical issues for women in western countries where some orifices tend to be less penetrable due to sizing issues strangely cautioned 900 years ago in the Kama Sutra. To restate, the Kama Sutra suggests elephant size men should not mate with gazelle size women. Conversely, rat sized men should not mate with Tiger sized women. There seemed to be a lot more common sense back in the day. ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 21, 2020 at 9:39 pm
Yes, they definitely had a lot more sense in those days, Daniel. ๐
Hyperion said,
December 21, 2020 at 10:10 pm
Some old books are still a good read. ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 21, 2020 at 10:22 pm
Yes, the Kama Sutra and The Diary of William Gladstone Chronicling His Sessions With Sherrielock Holmes are two old books definitely worth reading. ๐คฃ๐๐
Hyperion said,
December 22, 2020 at 10:37 am
Totally agree. The secrets to a happy life canโt be known until those two works are dread and understood. โบ๏ธ
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 22, 2020 at 5:18 pm
I understand that the words Gladstone wrote after one session with Sherrielock helped inspire some of the lyrics to Sir Elton John’s song I’m Still Standing. ๐ฅบ
Hyperion said,
December 22, 2020 at 5:34 pm
No doubt if Sir Elton John was paid a visit by Sherrielock Holmes for some of his less stellar performances, he was certainly glad that he was still standing. That lady can sure tomato a pair of buns, especially the big fluffy ones. ๐ณ
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 22, 2020 at 5:45 pm
Yes, they come out looking like red striped cotton candy. ๐ฒ
Talk about receiving candy canes for Christmas. ๐ญ๐
Hyperion said,
December 22, 2020 at 8:42 pm
A good caning has always helped one see the good in changing habits.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 22, 2020 at 9:58 pm
There are plenty of world leaders in need of a good caning.
Hyperion said,
December 23, 2020 at 7:54 am
Yes indeed! Iโd pay good money for a balcony seat at that show. I think Pootin would make a great Master of Ceremonies. I can see the Twinkle in his eyes as he announces, โFirst up we have the Real Donald, are you ready Miss Sherrie?โ Snap snap whackity whackity whack whack and the audience goes wild.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 23, 2020 at 6:14 pm
His toupee in his nether regions would go flying.
Hyperion said,
December 24, 2020 at 10:51 pm
A million laughs as he is cryinโ
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 25, 2020 at 3:03 am
And the White House Xi Jinping is buying…
Hyperion said,
December 25, 2020 at 2:06 pm
All the secrets we have to spare,
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 26, 2020 at 3:33 am
Those not found in Hillary’s underwear.
Hyperion said,
December 26, 2020 at 9:52 am
Where Uncle Xi dreams of affair
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 26, 2020 at 12:51 pm
Because he doesn’t have Pan Goatee’s aesthetic good taste to spare…
Hyperion said,
December 26, 2020 at 5:08 pm
Xi descends into the fog
When out of the Hildebeast’s panties
pops are gregarious frog
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 26, 2020 at 5:24 pm
It was Nimrod’s brother
whose brains were mashed
In the wheeled machines of cog…
Hyperion said,
December 26, 2020 at 5:55 pm
He had on-boarded the Hildebeastโs pantaloons
In a haste to escape the gelatinous buns
Of Fancy Piglosi, when out of nowhere
He was attacked from behind
By Xiโs Pencil thin rod
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 26, 2020 at 9:10 pm
Xi was like the Apollo of Hyacinth
A bisexual god
Hyperion said,
December 27, 2020 at 9:59 am
Nothing was more evident
as his nether world soon hosted the frog.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 27, 2020 at 8:51 pm
And Xi Jinping’s Viagra fix
went down like a bump on a log.
Hyperion said,
December 28, 2020 at 3:59 pm
As he pulled out his golden tweezers
And began to flog
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 28, 2020 at 6:41 pm
But it was like dental floss
To the frog.
Hyperion said,
December 28, 2020 at 9:04 pm
Who mistook Xiโs Bullock’s for a tasty mouse
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 29, 2020 at 1:08 am
From gander to goose
Xi walked around the house
Hyperion said,
December 29, 2020 at 6:27 am
His left and right hand were mistress and spouse.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 29, 2020 at 6:32 pm
Producing the masturbatory Great Reset
Of German Comrade Schwab Klaus.
Hyperion said,
December 29, 2020 at 7:39 pm
Then Trump in a fit of jealousy
Thru them all out
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 29, 2020 at 9:43 pm
As Melania feeds Prez Bush Sr.’s ghost
some spectral brussel sprout
Hyperion said,
December 30, 2020 at 5:42 am
Which causes a ghostly gas
That wafts down the halls of Congress
Causing lefty and righty to pass out
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 30, 2020 at 4:15 pm
As AOC succumbs to one sweet and sour… kraut.
Hyperion said,
December 30, 2020 at 10:46 pm
And Sherrielockโs paddle finds it’s mark
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 31, 2020 at 1:39 am
Producing flaming behind
And fiery spark
Hyperion said,
December 31, 2020 at 8:41 am
A spiked knee boot to the back of his head
As he wails into the dirt, his bum in the air
The cat-o-nine tails comes whistling hard
whackity whackity whack whack
Xi loses his mind
The bum fire starts
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 31, 2020 at 11:09 am
And his blistered pounds of flesh
Are carried out in grocery carts
Hyperion said,
January 1, 2021 at 1:53 am
And Sherrielock warns
Iโll be back, so play it smart.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 1, 2021 at 3:09 am
And Xi lets loose with one au revoir fart.
Hyperion said,
January 2, 2021 at 8:21 am
Sherrilock crinkled her nose and commented
How tart that fart
And she proceeded to leave
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 2, 2021 at 6:38 pm
Leaving Xi with his tomatoed tangled web he did weave
When first he practiced to deceive.
Hyperion said,
January 2, 2021 at 8:07 pm
And after he did do the deed
He found himself on his knees
Head low and booth high
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 5, 2021 at 2:42 pm
Hi Daniel,
As I just said to you in a comment on a previous post, I’m unable to formulate a humourous response today.
As I mentioned in that comment, one of my roommates in the house where I rent a room died today.
Hyperion said,
January 5, 2021 at 3:01 pm
Dang Chris! What happened? Do you know? That would put a serious damper on anyoneโs mood. Iโm very sorry to hear such a tragedy struck so close to you. Please do take care. We can suspend our running poetic examination of Naughty Boy Xi. Humor can wait for a respectable time. Take care – Daniel
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 5, 2021 at 3:46 pm
Thank you, Daniel.
No, I’m not quite sure what happened.
We’re hoping to find out tomorrow when the social worker comes back to clean more stuff out of Dan’s room.
Hyperion said,
January 5, 2021 at 4:27 pm
Very Sad.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 5, 2021 at 6:04 pm
Indeed. ๐
shัrrรญั dั vฮฑlัrรญฮฑ said,
December 23, 2020 at 1:09 pm
Those men better be a good, good boy this Christmas.
Out of the way Krampus!
Sherrielock Holmes is the new terror.
He is so not up-to-date.
Sorry, Krampus. She is bad.
But she cannot be beaten down.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 23, 2020 at 6:18 pm
Krampus gets his goat hide beaten off him. ๐๐๐๐คฃ
Jessica E. Larsen said,
December 23, 2020 at 7:51 pm
Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! ๐ Inserting it everywhere like that must have been uncomfortable. I can’t stop cringing at the nostril part, I got a sensitive sense of smell and I think I would puke if he does that to me ๐คฃ
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 24, 2020 at 1:37 am
Yes, most people would probably puke if Xi did that to them. ๐๐คฃ