Xi Jinping Plans To Bang Italian Harlot In Shanghai While Continuing With His World Domination Plans

December 19, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Communist China’s paramount leader the evil megalomaniac Xi Jinping was talking to his Supernaturnal entity advisor the Black Dragon who had emerged from a black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy eons ago.

“Heilong,” Xi asked the Black Dragon, “What’s the name of that airheaded Italian harlot I always bang whenever I visit Shanghai?”.

“That would be Ambra Schilliro the Italian Commie journalist and Babylonianish harlot social butterfly who flutters around on her Social Cloud spreading Chinese Communist Party Public Relations (what British MP Renfield R. Renfield refers to as Neo-Maoist propaganda and bullshit) in the countries of China, Italy, the U.S. and Korea.”

Xi putting on a fertilizer cologne, “Yes, that’s the one. Book me an appointment with her for tonight.”

“But I understand 666 members of the Shanghai branch of the CCP had booked to bang her in one massive gang bang tonight,” Heilong pointed out.

“Well, put them on hold,” Xi foamed, “As always happens to me when I use my Huawei phone these days. I had to break down and start using Samsung.”

A PLA soldier approaches Xi, “Your Almightiness, we regret to report that our People’s Red Army just got our asses kicked by India’s Army on the India-China border again.”

“Well cover it up like we did before,” Xi barked.

Later in Shanghai, Xi paid a visit to the Italian harlot Ambra Schilliro.

He inserted his organ into Ambra’s mouth.

“Think of it as sucking on an egg roll,” Xi said neglecting to mention that egg rolls were a lot larger.

He then inserted it into the orifice between her front legs.

And then inserted it into the orifice between her back legs.

And then inserted it into her left nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 test,” Xi had said.

He then inserted it into her right nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 re-test,” Xi pontificated.

He then inserted it into her right ear.

“Think of it as a wax cleaning,” Xi smiled.

He then inserted it into her left ear as he remarked, “More wax cleaning.”

Heilong had put on dark sunglasses as he watched the spectacle.

“That Italian harlot,” Heilong noted, “seems to be getting as many orifices penetrated as Procopius the Byzantine historian (and secretary to the Byzantine general Belisarius) noted happened to Justinian’s wife the Empress Theodora in Procopius’ Secret History.”

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who had dropped into Shanghai to pick up an order of Shanghai Fried Rice) overheard Heilong’s remarks and said, “Everything Procopius wrote about me is a lie.”


Theodora: Everything Procopius wrote about her is a lie

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 19th
2020.

65 Comments

  1. ebonyandcrows said,

    😖

    What does the R. stand for in Renfield R. Renfield’s name?

  2. George F. said,

    Ah, I remember when I used to bang harlots everywhere…those were the days, long passed…

  3. George F. said,

    This is particularly nasty blog, which reminds me of a famous quote from John F. Kennedy himself: “I’m not through with a woman until I’ve had all three holes.” He was talking about Marilyn Monroe at the time, which explains why she was murdered: he’d had all three holes. I’m saddened by this type of sexual abuse, but it also reminds me of a famous biblical passage from Mathew 7:3: “”Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Meaning, of course, I cannot criticize the behavior of others, even in this sensitive area, because, in the words of Britany Spears, I am “not so innocent.”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’m not aware of that Kennedy quote.

      Is it real?

      Or more of the imagination of the Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg at work as he recounts the days of “fair Camelot”?

  4. Hyperion said,

    You have certainly outed the sexual ritual of the Neo-Maoists. It’s possible the revelation could start a wave of medical issues for women in western countries where some orifices tend to be less penetrable due to sizing issues strangely cautioned 900 years ago in the Kama Sutra. To restate, the Kama Sutra suggests elephant size men should not mate with gazelle size women. Conversely, rat sized men should not mate with Tiger sized women. There seemed to be a lot more common sense back in the day. 😉

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, they definitely had a lot more sense in those days, Daniel. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Some old books are still a good read. 😉

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Kama Sutra and The Diary of William Gladstone Chronicling His Sessions With Sherrielock Holmes are two old books definitely worth reading. 🤣😂😅

      • Hyperion said,

        Totally agree. The secrets to a happy life can’t be known until those two works are dread and understood. ☺️

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I understand that the words Gladstone wrote after one session with Sherrielock helped inspire some of the lyrics to Sir Elton John’s song I’m Still Standing. 🥺

      • Hyperion said,

        No doubt if Sir Elton John was paid a visit by Sherrielock Holmes for some of his less stellar performances, he was certainly glad that he was still standing. That lady can sure tomato a pair of buns, especially the big fluffy ones. 😳

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, they come out looking like red striped cotton candy. 😲

        Talk about receiving candy canes for Christmas. 🍭🎄

      • Hyperion said,

        A good caning has always helped one see the good in changing habits.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        There are plenty of world leaders in need of a good caning.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes indeed! I’d pay good money for a balcony seat at that show. I think Pootin would make a great Master of Ceremonies. I can see the Twinkle in his eyes as he announces, “First up we have the Real Donald, are you ready Miss Sherrie?” Snap snap whackity whackity whack whack and the audience goes wild.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        His toupee in his nether regions would go flying.

      • Hyperion said,

        A million laughs as he is cryin’

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the White House Xi Jinping is buying…

      • Hyperion said,

        All the secrets we have to spare,

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Those not found in Hillary’s underwear.

      • Hyperion said,

        Where Uncle Xi dreams of affair

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Because he doesn’t have Pan Goatee’s aesthetic good taste to spare…

      • Hyperion said,

        Xi descends into the fog
        When out of the Hildebeast’s panties
        pops are gregarious frog

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It was Nimrod’s brother
        whose brains were mashed
        In the wheeled machines of cog…

      • Hyperion said,

        He had on-boarded the Hildebeast’s pantaloons
        In a haste to escape the gelatinous buns
        Of Fancy Piglosi, when out of nowhere
        He was attacked from behind
        By Xi’s Pencil thin rod

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Xi was like the Apollo of Hyacinth
        A bisexual god

      • Hyperion said,

        Nothing was more evident
        as his nether world soon hosted the frog.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Xi Jinping’s Viagra fix
        went down like a bump on a log.

      • Hyperion said,

        As he pulled out his golden tweezers
        And began to flog

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        But it was like dental floss
        To the frog.

      • Hyperion said,

        Who mistook Xi’s Bullock’s for a tasty mouse

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        From gander to goose
        Xi walked around the house

      • Hyperion said,

        His left and right hand were mistress and spouse.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Producing the masturbatory Great Reset
        Of German Comrade Schwab Klaus.

      • Hyperion said,

        Then Trump in a fit of jealousy
        Thru them all out

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As Melania feeds Prez Bush Sr.’s ghost
        some spectral brussel sprout

      • Hyperion said,

        Which causes a ghostly gas
        That wafts down the halls of Congress
        Causing lefty and righty to pass out

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As AOC succumbs to one sweet and sour… kraut.

      • Hyperion said,

        And Sherrielock’s paddle finds it’s mark

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Producing flaming behind
        And fiery spark

      • Hyperion said,

        A spiked knee boot to the back of his head
        As he wails into the dirt, his bum in the air
        The cat-o-nine tails comes whistling hard
        whackity whackity whack whack
        Xi loses his mind
        The bum fire starts

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And his blistered pounds of flesh
        Are carried out in grocery carts

      • Hyperion said,

        And Sherrielock warns
        I’ll be back, so play it smart.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Xi lets loose with one au revoir fart.

      • Hyperion said,

        Sherrilock crinkled her nose and commented
        How tart that fart
        And she proceeded to leave

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Leaving Xi with his tomatoed tangled web he did weave
        When first he practiced to deceive.

      • Hyperion said,

        And after he did do the deed
        He found himself on his knees
        Head low and booth high

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hi Daniel,

        As I just said to you in a comment on a previous post, I’m unable to formulate a humourous response today.

        As I mentioned in that comment, one of my roommates in the house where I rent a room died today.

      • Hyperion said,

        Dang Chris! What happened? Do you know? That would put a serious damper on anyone’s mood. I’m very sorry to hear such a tragedy struck so close to you. Please do take care. We can suspend our running poetic examination of Naughty Boy Xi. Humor can wait for a respectable time. Take care – Daniel

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you, Daniel.

        No, I’m not quite sure what happened.

        We’re hoping to find out tomorrow when the social worker comes back to clean more stuff out of Dan’s room.

      • Hyperion said,

        Very Sad.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. 🙁

  5. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Those men better be a good, good boy this Christmas.
    Out of the way Krampus!
    Sherrielock Holmes is the new terror.
    He is so not up-to-date.
    Sorry, Krampus. She is bad.
    But she cannot be beaten down.

  6. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! 😂 Inserting it everywhere like that must have been uncomfortable. I can’t stop cringing at the nostril part, I got a sensitive sense of smell and I think I would puke if he does that to me 🤣

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