Exposed: Krampus’ Christmas Eve 2020 Kidnapping of Santa

December 26, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

As everyone knows Santa Claus lives at the North Pole.

Of course Santa Claus isn’t his original name.

The original name of the extremely tall and very fat elf was Caerthalian.

However Caerthalian was so impressed with the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas of Myra (March 15th 270 AD to December 6th 343 AD) and his beautiful habit of giving gifts at Christmas, that, after the good Saint died, Caerthalian and some of his smaller and shorter elf acquaintances moved up to the North Pole and built a small toy workshop where they made gifts for good little girls and boys that they then delivered around the world by Christmas morn.

As the Middle Ages started to drift into the era of the Renaissance, three little boys Martin Luther, John Calvin and Ulrich Zwingli never received any gifts at Christmas from Caerthalian (who had since changed his name to Santa Claus a variant of the Dutch Sinter Klaas which was the Dutch nickname for Saint Nicholas) because they were consistently naughty throughout the year.

As such when grown men, all 3 consistently argued for justification by faith.

Thus from Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ penchant for only giving gifts to good little girls and boys, the seeds of the Protestant Reformation were born.

Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ discriminatory policy of not giving gifts to the ethically challenged would be thoroughly repudiated by Jorge Mario Bergoglio in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century.

Turning to the point where the second and third decades of the 21st Century would merge- Christmas Eve 2020- after a meeting of demons and fallen angels in the newly formed Council For Inclusive Debauchery, it was agreed that the half-demon half-goat Krampus (who was the most unholy creature at December in the territory of the old Holy Roman Empire) should kidnap Santa Claus on the night of December 24th and commandeer his gift laden one horse open sleigh that was driven by eight reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen) plus Rudolph (who had been putting in a special cameo appearance every Christmas Eve since 1939).

Olive the other reindeer would stay home and get plastered drinking Mrs. Claus’ rum laced eggnog.

This year Krampus would be carrying a special gift that was made by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

Bill Gates was already rubbing his hands with glee as visions of the next vaccine danced in his head.

Dr. Anthony Fauci and the Xi Jinping Commie loving idiots at WHO had already told the children of the world that Santa was immune from Covid and they should not be afraid to hug the jolly old elf if they see him.

Any change in Santa’s appearance from previous Christmasses (i.e. looking like Krampus) could be explained by an allergic skin reaction to a teen elf acne medication he was taking.

With the blessings of Dr. Anthony Fauci and the WHO, Krampus as the Santa imposter set out on his Christmas Eve mission.

It was agreed by all involved with the Council For Inclusive Debauchery that Rudolph plus the original 8 reindeer plus Olive the other reindeer should be held under quarantine so that reports of the Krampus posing as Santa story would not get out to the world and give the mainstream Marxist media in the West a chance to think up a cockinbull story knocking any honest reports of the incident.

Rudolph however managed to escape and got to the Set Estate in London where he told British MP Renfield R. Renfield the story.

Renfield went in and informed his former employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set of what had happened.

“What reindeer relayed this info?” Set asked.

“Rudolph,” Renfield replied.

“How do you know it was Rudolph?” Set inquired.

“Because of his red shiny nose,” Renfield answered.

Set lit himself a cigar and asked, “What is the cause of his red shiny nose?”.

“Could it be Oom-Pah-Pah?” The woman playing the female character of Nancy sang on the old LP record belonging to Set which contained songs from the 1960 musical Oliver! a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic 1838 novel Oliver Twist.

Renfield, looking back into the living room where he noticed Rudolph hitting the bottles of gin, remarked, “The lady on the record says it all.”

-A Christmas children’s story
for adults
and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 26th
2020.

14 Comments

  1. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Wow, I love this story 😍 ❀

  2. Kritika said,

    Its sad that the real Santa was kidnapped. A sad Christmas Story. I hate Bill Gates.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Bill Gates is not a popular fellow these days.

      • Kritika said,

        Right you are.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Of course Bill Gates brought this all on himself.

        Suffering from the delusion that just because he’s a multibillionaire (near trillionaire), this gave him the right to tell other people on the planet what they can and can’t do.

        To say nothing of his close friendships with Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping, WHO’s Ethiopian Communist TPLF Party head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus and registered American CCP member (as a couple of Chinese friends of mine discovered by actually looking at CCP membership lists available on the Net although available only in Chinese language) Dr. Anthony Fauci.

      • Kritika said,

        Money holds the power and gets inside the minds of the people who have it in a great amount. Glad to know the depths through your articles.
        Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re very welcome, Kritika.

        I guess I’m able to teach through my writing. πŸ™‚

        During my last year of getting an Undergraduate Honours Degree In Philosophy, I wanted to eventually become a teacher (teaching High School) or a professor (teaching in a College or University) but my mother wanted me to become a lawyer (something she had decided for me when I was just 6 years old) .

        So we had great arguments during my last year of undergraduate studies in University.

        The end result was that neither of us got what we wanted.

        I ended up becoming a journalist (which I guess did help me with my future writing skills) but I think I would have really enjoyed teaching.

      • Kritika said,

        I would say your writing style is a mix of your profession and what you wanted to be. The way you weave the reality is attractive for a reader. πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you so much, Kritika. ❀

      • Kritika said,

        My pleasure ❀

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