Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview

March 10, 2021 at 11:56 pm (books, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.

The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.

Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.

Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.

In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.

Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.

“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.

“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.

“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.

“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”

“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”

“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.

30 Comments

  1. Mary Chang Story Writer: Inspiration, Creativity, Self-Empowerment said,

    You’re hilarious!

  2. ΠιCΘLΣ said,

    I was amused to see this post because a colleague of mine was telling me just now that Pope Francis went on a trip. And I haven’t been paying attention to him properly because I was not watching the news.

    You know how I cheer up when you talk about ancient Babylonian secret religions. I’m off to chant, and offer a vegan goat sacrifice on a sustainable green altar that’s been sprinkled with celebrity bath water.

  3. prolificwritersacademy said,

    Great read

  4. GP said,

    Harry and Meghan put on a world class performance as choreographed by Oprah.
    Children have learned to read from the humorous books by Seuss. Suddenly saying they are offensive shows the censorship attitude these days.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Very much so, GP.

      I remember the small bookshelf in my Grade 1 class back in Elementary School was filled with Dr. Seuss books.

      They were the books that taught me how to read.

      • GP said,

        And now – “Dumbo”, Peter Pan” and “Swiss Family Robinson” will no longer be shown!!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It seems everything is becoming politically incorrect these days.

      • GP said,

        Children are soon to have very boring childhoods it appears.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It very much looks that way.

  5. River Dixon said,

    It’s really, really hard being a princess. I feel soooo bad for her.

  6. Weird and Wonderful said,

    That was even more funnier than my take on things about the world using Sophie Xeno!!! I did not even try to be so creative with Dr Zeus. You’ve tickled me and my ideas are flowing now.

  7. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    Wah, I’m really need a life away from Renfield. From re-reading The Vampiress With Amnesia to reading more of his admirable deed here is too much for my heart. Sigh 🥰

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL, Jessica. 🤣😂😅

      Glad to hear you’re re-reading The Vampiress With Amnesia. 😀

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        I’m taking it slow this time… enjoying it more by ignoring who are fiction and who’s not and enjoying better because I’m reading it in a new light.
        Just a bit sad that Renfield got tuna allergy. It’s one of my most favorite fish 🐟 that means I can’t enjoy this with him not if he must inject himself first 😢 gosh so shy 🙈

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, and tuna fish is Renfield’s favourite sandwich. 🐟

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        True tragic. This reminds me of cashew fruit. It’s my favorite fruit but I so much as take one bite, I’ll suffer a month of sore and blistered lips 😢

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sorry to hear that, Jessica. ☹

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        The allergy is external so if I really want I can always the slice it to small bites, but of course, there’s something so fun about biting it like an apple.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        There is.

  8. Mermaid said,

    Your writing style is amusing!

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