Extremely Curious George

March 15, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well, I’m sure Renfield will be happy to see you back in London, Amadeus,” Set Enterprises’ secret agent Miranda Singh remarked to Amadeus Emanon who was the best friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield and had been living for over a year in Australia, “but I thought the Australian government wasn’t allowing you to leave Australia because they found something strange with your DNA and were wanting Australia’s intelligence agencies to investigate further.”

“That’s true but the Boss,” Amadeus was referring to his official employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “sent one of his eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis-powered dirigible airships The Peregrine Falcon to rescue me after my Australian host Uncle Ernie had his backyard unauthorized and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing facility raided and poor Uncle Ernie once again finds himself in jail.”

“Why was Uncle Ernie raided?” Miranda inquired.

“Xi Jinping discovered that Uncle Ernie was the major competitor and rival to the CCP illegal drug monopoly in Australia and Xi couldn’t stand having any major competitors in the Australian market,” Amadeus explained, “Many Austalian politicians depend on CCP illegal drug money to help finance their political campaigns and so when the word got out that Xi’s axe was about to fall on Uncle Ernie’s head, many Australian politicos put on their executioners’ masks.”

“Like Victoria State Dictator Daniel Andrews whose nickname is Chairman Dan?” Miranda asked.

“Yes, Andrews recently slipped on some wet stairs at his holiday home on the Mornington Peninsula a week ago,” Amadeus nodded, “surprisingly the day after Uncle Ernie gave a surprise evening performance of his drag queen show Cumelita to kangaroos and koala bears who were watching the performance through the Andrews holiday home window. It was strange the Australian police said they found traces of Uncle Ernie’s DNA on those wet stairs which leads one to speculate on what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing.”

“I’m sure a YouTube video will appear eventually showing what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked as he entered the room.

“Unless of course Uncle Ernie sang a song whose lyrics dispute the official Covid-19 narrative currently being espoused by the World Health Organization,” Miranda quipped, “in which case that video will be immediately banned by YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.”

“Was that a stegosaurus I just saw walking by?” Amadeus gasped as he pointed out the office window.

“Yes, Dr. Cadbury Rocher successfully cloned a stegosaurus using stegosaurus DNA found on the blood sucked by the perfectly preserved remains of a 155 million year old mosquito,” Montague smiled.

“What’s its name?” Amadeus asked.

“Extremely Curious George,” Montague answered.

“Extremely Curious George?” Amadeus repeated the name in the form of a question.

“Yes, like Curious George the monkey in the famous children’s stories and later film,” Montague nodded, “only a lot more curious.”

A strange cry is heard.

“Um,” Montague turned pale, “I think Extremely Curious George may have just examined the mouse trap I set to catch the mouse who’s been stealing my grilled cheese sandwiches.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 15th
2021.

4 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Unfortunately, poor Uncle Ernie is just
    too trusting. Back in 2008, during the
    Beijing Olympics, he met personally with
    Xi Jinping and reached an agreement
    regarding drug distribution. The Chinese
    to run the Methamphetamine (ice) trade,
    with a side serve of opium, and Uncle
    Ernie could dish up the rest of the illicit
    drug market. Officially he was in town as
    Australia’s Cultural Ambassador to the
    Olympic Games, performing his drag show
    extravaganza for the Paramount Leader
    and his cronies.
    As you are no doubt aware, Christopher,
    China recently started boycotting imports
    from Australia hoping to cause maximum
    economic damage in retaliation for daring
    to suggest an official international inquiry
    into the origins of the Covid-19 Pandemic
    (as if the virus itself didn’t wreak enough
    havoc … Thunck you very much! ).
    Uncle Ernie is simply collateral damage
    in this war of retaliation. Obviously
    Xi Jinping is under the impression that
    Uncle Ernie’s ‘Drug of the Day’ franchise is
    an intrinsic component of the Australian
    economy. If Uncle Ernie ever lodged a
    tax return it could very well be true.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Ah, yes the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing.

      What an extravaganza they were.

      Where CCP propaganda outdid the Nazi propaganda of the 1936 Berlin Olympics.

      Yes, the CCP don’t want the origins of the pandemic to leak out.

      Yes, if Uncle Ernie ever lodged a tax return.

      What a jaw dropper that would be.

      Donald Trump, move over.

      • David Redpath said,

        Talkin’ of propaganda, no one here
        in Australia believes the reports of
        Chairman Dan Andrews injuring his
        back. The opposition is demanding
        X-ray proof that Pandemic Dan
        actually has a spine to injure.
        He’s been no friend to Uncle Ernie,
        having banned his drag show,
        ‘Cumalita, Queen of de Spurt’,
        and calling poor Uncle Ernie a
        particlent aerosol and a not so
        super spreader of last resort
        It would be of no surprise if Uncle
        Ernie had personally delivered a
        dish of cold revenge on Chairman
        Dan’s doorstep ❄️😎

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that would definitely be no surprise if Uncle Ernie followed the maxim “Revenge is a dish best served cold” on Chairman Dan’s doorstep.

        Of course it might have been something else if Uncle Ernie had remembered to pay the hot water bill.

        Still Uncle Ernie can blame his shrinkage problem on all those cold baths and cold showers he’s taken.

        “Cumalita, Queen of Da Spurt” could have been the Gone With The Wind of drag shows if it had not been banned.

        Or maybe the drag show version of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing to quote Dustin Hoffman’s Tootsie.

        LOL ! @ Chairman Dan not having a spine to injure.

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