Sherrielock Holmes and Mr. Truffles

March 20, 2021 at 10:06 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Sherrielock Holmes and Mr. Truffles

It was the very first day of spring
Outside her Baker Street apartment
The birds did sing

In front of her bookshelf Sherrielock Holmes did perch
An hour after applying to Boris Johnson’s behind
A firm use of the birch

She was sitting next to Mr. Truffles
Who looked very dapper today
And not a walking ad for Ruffles

They would soon walk out into the London street
She the epitome of grace upon her feet
And the orange tabby looking very neat

A sneak preview of an Easter parade
Had not Euro governments given that feast
A failing grade

Easter was not in the best laid plans
Of genetic splice and men
Bill Gates wanted people in the lions’ den

Nero at the Colosseum may have played the fiddle
Nancy Pelosi’s bladder leaks pad underestimated her piddle
But for Soros, Gates and Xi- they gave not a diddle

So much of humanity had to go
At the dawn of this Malthusian eugenics show
The Great Reset must go with the flow

But Sherrielock Holmes and Mr. Truffles
Plan to beat zombie nosferatu overlords at their game
Giving this unique duo in history everlasting fame.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 20th
2021.

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Qonzilqointec On Saint Joseph’s Day

March 19, 2021 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec outside Saint Joseph’s Catholic Church in London

Saint Joseph’s Catholic Church in London was closed as were all the Catholic Churches throughout England and Wales.

The Catholic Bishops of England and Wales Conference had ordered them closed.

Because as the Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus had prophesied to the three shepherd children at Fatima Portugal in 1917, numerous Catholic bishops throughout the world had become devoid of supernatural faith and had adopted a secular atheistic philosophy.

A global secular atheistic philosophy that would one day be replaced by Luciferianism according to the thinking of Adam Weishaupt the founder of the Bavarian Illuminati back in the late 18th Century.

Qonzilqointec tried to open the church door.

Closed as she suspected.

Would the ceasing of public sacrifices of the Mass lead to the coming of the Antichrist as Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich had prophesied back in the early 19th Century?

Her own country of Mexico had become a stomping ground for refugees from all over Latin America ever since U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden had opened up the southern U.S. border.

The worst thing of all was that the criminal gangs who controlled human trafficking and child sex trafficking were now taking advantage of Biden’s blunder headed policy.

Those were the people she wanted most to stop.

But no one in the Western world was doing anything to stop them.

Government, big business and organized crime were virtually one and the same throughout the world.

An unholy trinity that had replaced the Holy Trinity of a previous era.

And the mainstream news media was the mouthpiece of this unholy trinity.

A satanic Baal and Baphomet controlled Oracle of Delphi that was able to broadcast simultaneously across the world.

Independent voices on social media had spoken outside the mainstream media.

Some independent voices used smatterings of truth and puddles of lies.

Other independent voices were not so independent but Establishment Emmanuel Goldsteins acting on behalf of a Big Brother all along (such was Q-Anon named after Qanon a transgendered god of a Kyoto Japan Buddhist temple who practiced deception and gave out false information and pretended to be Kwan Yin the Buddhist goddess of mercy when he wasn’t).

A very rare few were conspiracy factualists and not conspiracy theorists.

But they were being purged in a social media crackdown on dissent against the New World Order.

And that’s why Qonzilqointec was in London.

Hoping to bring down the New World Order that would be the dystopian nightmare as Orwell visualized.

Dr. Seuss was being replaced by Dr. Fauci, Peter Pan was being replaced by Health and Human Services Assistant Secretary Rachel Levine, and Dumbo the Elephant was being replaced by senile old fool Joe Biden.

And there were even greater nightmare replacements awaiting in the dystopian New World Order.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 19th
2021.

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Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

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Cleopatra, Maitreya and Yaldabaoth On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2021 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was Saint Patrick’s Day 2021.

And Yaldabaoth was on a bridge overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin, Ireland.

The night before he had been in a psychiatrist’s office at Saint Raphael’s Hospital in London.

The session was to help him overcome his drinking problem.

But judging from the amount of Guinness he had drunk on this Saint Patrick’s Day Evening in Dublin, it was obviously going to take more than one session.

“Yaldabaoth,” the man named Peter Whitstable (whose unofficial title was the Fox Mulder of Interpol) greeted him.

“What are you doing here in Dublin?” Yaldabaoth asked, “Do you have some more cloak and dagger work for me to do?”.

The leprechaun put on a green cloak and then pulled a green jade dagger out of one of his green socks and put it in his green belt.

“As you know the past dozen years, the Irish government has become increasingly made up of Apostles of the Antichrist,” Whitstable noted.

“I imagine Saint Paddy is not too pleased with that,” Yaldabaoth drank his Guinness, “Is Harvey Tallbanger the invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit here to throw green algae cream pies in their faces?”.

“Most likely yes to your first statement and I don’t know to your second,” Whitstable answered, “I do know most leading members of the Irish government have taken an oath of allegiance to a hidden and secret High King of Ireland.”

“And who is this hidden and secret High King of Ireland?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“Maitreya a golden cobra serpent supernatural entity from the Himalayan region of Tibet and Nepal,” Whitstable replied.

“Oh yes, he did have himself crowned High King of Ireland at the Hill of Tara back on Saint Patrick’s Day in 2018,” Yaldabaoth wiped his runny nose with a green handkerchief, “I believe he had crowned Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt (whom he had resurrected from the dead) his High Queen as well.

“Exactly,” Whitstable nodded, “Cleopatra is currently staying at a hotel here in Dublin.”

“What hotel?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“This one,” Whitstable handed the leprechaun a card with the hotel address on it, “I want you to get her photograph for my Interpol files. We do not have a photo of the living Cleopatra.”

“Seeing as how she’s been dead since the 1st Century BC and was only resurrected 4 years ago, I can see why,” Yaldabaoth nodded, “I imagine Saint Paddy is probably ticked that not only has a serpent returned to Ireland (he having driven the serpents out of Ireland) but is further ticked that a serpent has crowned himself High King of Ireland.”

“I would imagine,” Whitstable agreed.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden asked one of his aides why one of the White House fountains was green.

“You ordered it dyed green for Saint Patrick’s Day,” his aide answered.

“I did?” Biden scratched his head, “Is it Saint Patrick’s Day?”.

The aide nodded.

“Then why is my desk cactus dressed as Santa Claus, why is my dog dressed like the Easter Bunny and why is Hunter dressed like a crack pipe smoking Great Pumpkin?” Biden inquired.

Meanwhile back in Dublin, Ireland, Yaldabaoth entered the hotel room where Cleopatra was staying.

He carried in his hands a black and white film camera that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles when he was alive.

Yaldabaoth entered Cleopatra’s bedroom and snapped a photo.

Cleopatra the former Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland

After snapping the photo, Yaldabaoth gasped, “My God, that’s a killer outfit you’re wearing.”

He then fell over dead.

“Jesus,” an Irish Jesuit priest, who was recently defrocked by his superior for being straight and heterosexual, remarked as he walked by the open door in the hallway.

“Oh, the void, the void,” a spider, who had recently come in contact with radioactive material in a science lab, remarked as he crawled by.

“This looks like a job for Dr. Marmalade Montague and his Hendrick’s Gin Dunking Machine,” Harvey Tallbanger commented as he walked by and noticed Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun lying dead at Cleopatra’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes feet.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 17th
2021.

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Sophia Wants Yaldabaoth To See Dr. Adaeze Salisu

March 16, 2021 at 10:02 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dr. Adaeze Salisu

“Who is this woman?” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun asked his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom, “And why are you showing me this photograph of her?”.

“I thought since you’ve been doing cloak and dagger work on behalf of Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol,” Sophia explained, “You might take more notice if a photograph was shown of her. Like the leader of the Mission Impossible team looked at photographs of people before a recording self destructed in 10 seconds.”

“Nothing is going to self-destruct around here in 10 seconds is it?” Yaldabaoth looked around the room with concern.

“Of course not,” Sophia laughed, “Anyhow, now that I’ve got your attention with that photograph, the woman is Dr. Adaeze Salisu the head of psychiatry at Saint Raphael’s Hospital in London. I want you to see her.”

“You want me to see a psychiatrist?” Yaldabaoth’s jaw dropped and a gold doubloon coin fell out of his mouth.

“About your drinking problem,” Sophia sighed, “You must admit you’ve had a severe drinking problem for centuries.”

“And why can’t I have it for several more centuries?” Yaldabaoth protested.

“You should really be doing more with your life than drinking,” Sophia looked glum.

“But like you yourself said I’ve been doing cloak and dagger work on behalf of Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol,” Yaldabaoth pointed out.

“And how has that been working out for you?” Sophia asked, “You’ve died twice when you met one of your fellow cloak and dagger secret operative associates the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka. And then on another occasion you were mooned by British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.”

“Cloak and dagger work wasn’t meant to be a bed of roses,” Yaldabaoth got the feeling he was sitting on thorns and stood up.

“Anyhow I’ve booked an appointment for you this afternoon,” Sophia smiled.

“You have?” Yaldabaoth was shocked.

Later as Yaldabaoth walked the streets of London in the direction of Saint Raphael’s Hospital, “Why would I need to see a psychiatrist?”.

He looked down an alleyway and noticed a stegosaurus sniffing a line of laundry.

“On the other hand…” Yaldabaoth took off his little green hat and scratched his head.

Later in the office of Dr. Adaeze Salisu.

Looking at Dr. Adaeze Salisu, he said, “I thought I as the patient was supposed to be the one lying on the couch while you as the psychiatrist sat on the chair.”

“I like doing things a little differently in my practice,” Dr. Adaeze Salisu smiled.

“I liked your sign on the door that said THE DOCTOR IS IN,” Yaldabaoth smiled, “I don’t suppose Psychiatric Help is still 5c like it was in the days of Charlie Brown, Lucy, Snoopy, Linus and the Peanuts gang.”

“No, I’m afraid it’s a lot more than 5c,” Dr. Salisu shook her head.

“Pity,” Yaldabaoth smiled, “I don’t suppose you have anything stronger to drink than that package of Canadian Red Rose Tea I see on your desk.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 16th
2021.

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Extremely Curious George

March 15, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well, I’m sure Renfield will be happy to see you back in London, Amadeus,” Set Enterprises’ secret agent Miranda Singh remarked to Amadeus Emanon who was the best friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield and had been living for over a year in Australia, “but I thought the Australian government wasn’t allowing you to leave Australia because they found something strange with your DNA and were wanting Australia’s intelligence agencies to investigate further.”

“That’s true but the Boss,” Amadeus was referring to his official employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “sent one of his eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis-powered dirigible airships The Peregrine Falcon to rescue me after my Australian host Uncle Ernie had his backyard unauthorized and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing facility raided and poor Uncle Ernie once again finds himself in jail.”

“Why was Uncle Ernie raided?” Miranda inquired.

“Xi Jinping discovered that Uncle Ernie was the major competitor and rival to the CCP illegal drug monopoly in Australia and Xi couldn’t stand having any major competitors in the Australian market,” Amadeus explained, “Many Austalian politicians depend on CCP illegal drug money to help finance their political campaigns and so when the word got out that Xi’s axe was about to fall on Uncle Ernie’s head, many Australian politicos put on their executioners’ masks.”

“Like Victoria State Dictator Daniel Andrews whose nickname is Chairman Dan?” Miranda asked.

“Yes, Andrews recently slipped on some wet stairs at his holiday home on the Mornington Peninsula a week ago,” Amadeus nodded, “surprisingly the day after Uncle Ernie gave a surprise evening performance of his drag queen show Cumelita to kangaroos and koala bears who were watching the performance through the Andrews holiday home window. It was strange the Australian police said they found traces of Uncle Ernie’s DNA on those wet stairs which leads one to speculate on what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing.”

“I’m sure a YouTube video will appear eventually showing what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked as he entered the room.

“Unless of course Uncle Ernie sang a song whose lyrics dispute the official Covid-19 narrative currently being espoused by the World Health Organization,” Miranda quipped, “in which case that video will be immediately banned by YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.”

“Was that a stegosaurus I just saw walking by?” Amadeus gasped as he pointed out the office window.

“Yes, Dr. Cadbury Rocher successfully cloned a stegosaurus using stegosaurus DNA found on the blood sucked by the perfectly preserved remains of a 155 million year old mosquito,” Montague smiled.

“What’s its name?” Amadeus asked.

“Extremely Curious George,” Montague answered.

“Extremely Curious George?” Amadeus repeated the name in the form of a question.

“Yes, like Curious George the monkey in the famous children’s stories and later film,” Montague nodded, “only a lot more curious.”

A strange cry is heard.

“Um,” Montague turned pale, “I think Extremely Curious George may have just examined the mouse trap I set to catch the mouse who’s been stealing my grilled cheese sandwiches.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 15th
2021.

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Metropolitan London Policeman Sells Soul To Devil To Protect Himself From Renfield

March 14, 2021 at 10:30 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to get a piece of Canadian cannabis (sent to him as a gift from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau) out of his messy hair.

One of Johnson’s aides approached him, “Mr. Johnson, there are a few demons in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens the Metropolitan Police Officer charged with the kidnapping and murder of Sarah Everard the 33-year-old woman who vanished March 3rd while walking home in London. The woman whose body was found a week later.”

“And what are demons doing in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens?” Johnson used a garden rake to try to comb last year’s dandelions out of his hair.

“To protect him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Johnson’s aide answered.

“To protect him from Renfield?” Johnson started eating some Ritz crackers he pulled out of his hair.

“Yes, Couzens found out about what Renfield has done to members of the ISIS Islamic Sate as well as immigrant smugglers (who smuggle immigrants in inhuman conditions such as overcrowded refrigerated tractor trailors), human traffickers and sex traffickers. None of those people have ever been found alive again who have fallen into Renfield’s hands and rumours of their demise at Renfield’s hands are the stuff of the worst sort of nightmares among terrorists and human traffickers,” the aide explained, “So Couzens feared that the only one who could provide him protection from Renfield was the Devil so he sold his soul to him.”

“I must keep that in mind someday,” Johnson pulled his smart phone out of his hair and started checking to see if he had the Devil’s phone number.

Last night members of the Metropolitan London Police Force had roughed up, arrested and manhandled a whole bunch of women who were holding a memorial vigil for Sarah Everard.

Today there were calls for Cressida Dick the first ever woman police commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police to resign following her police force’s manhandling of the women attending the vigil.

Cressida Dick naturally rejected calls for her resignation.

Today there were large numbers of people tuning in to Renfield’s Sunday night podcast.

Renfield began, “You know prior to this pandemic before an unseen stupidity virus descended upon most of the world’s population and most people started believing everything their governments and their so-called “health experts” started telling them, most people called the common cold the common cold. But what did scientists and science geeks and science nerds (who always fancied themselves as superior to the rest of the population only to get the raspberry they so richly deserve from those geniuses who truly excel in the arts and humanities such as myself) call the common cold? They called it the corona virus. However the term corona virus still didn’t impress the general population during the pandemic as they all seem to have been terrified by the number of people testing positive for the corona virus in 2020.
Which had they tested for the cornona virus in years prior to 2020, there would still have been high results.
As the common cold was the ongoing ailment all the time.
And the common cold if not taken care of properly could always lead to things such as pneumonia.
The common cold could always prove disastrous for those suffering from pre-existing conditions and those having ailments that already affect their immunity.
The only thing different about the 2020 corona virus (or the common cold as it used to be commonly called before the 2020 pandemic) was the tweaking it received from mad scientists doing experiments with bats at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
And thus the CCP Wuhan virus did have more devastating effects on the vulnerable than did the common cold of previous years.
And often the manner of death was more horrible than the usual common cold produced pneumonia or other ailments.
Now we have several different vaccines for the Covid-19 virus (the CCP tweaked version of the common cold) and those vaccines have produced almost 12,000 deaths across the world in the 10 weeks since those vaccines have first been introduced. Ask yourself what other product in recorded history has produced 12,000 deaths in a 10 week period and yet governments and “experts” and Big Pharma companies are still busy telling people these products are safe to take?
Now the Metropolitan London Police are telling us that their manhandling of women at last night’s vigil for Sarah Everard is all justified by the Covid health restrictions.
In the past year ever since the CCP puppets at WHO (World Health Organization) proclaimed this pandemic, every Fascist pig, Neo-Bolshevik Communist hydra, totalitatarian despot, mentally unhinged demagogue and all-around asshole have used the Covid health restrictions to trample on civil liberties and freedoms and lock the entire population of the world up in one massive prison planet.
And the members of the Metropolitan London Police are sadly no different than the list of usual suspects I mentioned in my previous statement.
As Lord Acton shrewdly observed back in the 19th Century, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
And Covid health restrictions have given governments and “health experts” and police forces absolute power.
And they have acted like power mad assholes the past year accordingly.
The trouble is most people are giving them the benefit of doubt when they shouldn’t.
As for Cressida Dick the current Commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police, there’s no better name for her.
Cressida is an appropriate first name for her because as the character of Cressida tells the character of Troilus in William Shakespeare’s play Troilus and Cressida that if she breaks her vow of eternal love for him, then “May the name Cressida represent every woman given to falsehood”.
Of course the Trojan woman Cressida falls for the Greek Diogenes in the play and abandons her vow to Troilus leading to the origin of the expression “as false as Cressida”.
And Dick is an excellent last name for her because she is a dick.
As I speak, Harvey Tallbanger the invisible and very tall bunny rabbit is delivering to her face a cream pie containing a very large dildo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 14th
2021.

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Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane Meet The Brides of Dracula

March 13, 2021 at 10:53 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic romance, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been binge watching episodes of the old TV series Frasier.

He then binge watched a Dracula movie marathon.

When that was over, he set his water proof alarm clock moving the time an hour ahead as tomorrow would be the start of Daylight Savings Time.

He then lay back on his water proof pillow and fell asleep.

He had a dream whereby Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane met the Brides of Dracula.

Niles: This is all your fault, Frasier. I don’t really relish the idea of walking around a spooky Transylvanian castle. It doesn’t really cut the mustard in my opinion. Hot doggetty!

Frasier: Niles, I wish you’d stop using those weird euphemisms uttered by that pot smoking hot dog salesman doing those late night infomercials advertising American cuisine recipes you can do in hot tubs. And why is it my fault? You were the one who insisted on giving two rather large glasses of sherry to my BMW’s GPS before we set out on this road trip.

Niles: Yes, well if you had stopped to ask for directions from that transgendered transvestite in the baked potato costume in Boisie, Idaho, we might not be in this mess.

Frasier: No, we might be in a bigger mess.

Niles: What could possibly be a bigger mess than a spooky Transylvanian castle?

Frasier: How about social distancing from a perfect 10 fashion model during a pandemic?

Niles: Frasier, I refuse to believe you dated a perfect 10 fashion model.

Frasier: So does everybody else.

Niles (pointing to a door): Where do you suppose this leads?

Frasier: Oh, I don’t know, Niles. Why don’t you open it and see how many other headwaiters with Hungarian accents lying in coffins we can come across? I haven’t donated so much blood since that multiple radio station personality blood donor challenge in Seattle way back in the day.

Niles (opening door and looking in): It’s the Brides of Dracula.

Frasier (looking in): My God, you’re right, Niles.

Niles: Frasier, I haven’t had so many erotic images and fantasies going through my mind since I first read that scene with the brides of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula as a sophomore back in prep school.

Frasier: That wouldn’t have been the night before the headmaster ordered that major steamcleaning of your mattress?

Niles: Frasier, I wish you hadn’t brought that up.

Frasier: Your mattress probably wished the same thing at the time as well.

Brides of Dracula (calling out): Niles, Frasier!

Niles (rushing in): I regret that I have but one life to give for my fantasy.

Frasier: Niles, quit being such a ham!

(Frasier rushes in)

Frasier: Be a blood sausage like me.

Voice of Count Dracula (singing in the background): I don’t know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs. They’re calling again.

Voice of Announcer: Good night, Transylvania.

The End.

-A Frasier Meets Brides of Dracula Episode
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 13th
2021.

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Harvey Tallbanger, Antichrist Apostle Mario Draghi, Inanna and Ishtar

March 12, 2021 at 11:10 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Italian Prime Minister Mario Draghi announced that Italy would be under a total lockdown over the Easter weekend for the 2nd year in a row.

Before going to address a virtual press conference, Draghi unbeknownst to himself, was injected with Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Truth Serum by Harvey Tallbanger (the invisible to mortals) 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

Harvey was a Welsh pooka a mischievous supernatural creature from Welsh and Celtic folklore.

During the press conference, Italian Prime Minister Mario Draghi was asked why he decided that Easter should be cancelled for the 2nd year in a row in Italy.

“Because I’m an Apostle of the Antichrist,” Draghi (well under the influence of the Dr. Cadbury Rocher Truth Serum) replied.

As he answered, the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST appeared in red and black felt ink letters on his forehead.

Draghi continued, “If we can stop the Sacrifice of the Mass from being said in Churches all over the world, this will definitely lay the foundation for the Antichrist’s imminent appearance on the world stage. Because unbeknownst to many of you, many world leaders and I worship the Antichrist in private and secret. We’ve been able to use the Wuhan CCP Virus pandemic to close Churches and stop the Sacrifice of the Mass all over the world. And it’s especially effective when you’re able to stop the Sacrifice of the Mass from being said at Christmas and Easter.””

Joe Biden was watching the Mario Draghi press conference on his TV set in the Oval Office.

He asked his marijuana pot smoking cactus plant Sweet Dementia sitting atop his Oval Office desk, “Am I one of those world leaders who secretly worship the Antichrist?”.

Because he had apparently forgotten.

“Yes,” Sweet Dementia spelled out the word in the air through her pot exhalation smoke.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Beijing Joe remarked, “No wonder I get along so well with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. To say nothing of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts.”

Meanwhile in the Vatican, the Sumerian goddess Inanna and her identical twin sister the Akkadian/Assyrian/Babylonian goddess Ishtar were watching the Mario Draghi press conference on the TV set in Pope Francis’ study.

They had flown to Rome with Pope Francis on his plane ride back from Iraq.

“We must stop Mario Draghi from talking,” Inanna remarked to Ishtar, “He’s blabbing too much.”

They flew (like bats out of Hell) to the site of Mario Draghi’s press conference where they knocked him out.

As Draghi lay there unconscious on the floor, he received a spaghetti and meatball laced cream pie in the face – courtesy of Harvey Tallbanger.

Inanna or Ishtar? : Only her hairdresser knows for sure.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 12th
2021.

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Star-Crossed Leprechaun

March 11, 2021 at 11:43 pm (Espionage, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

“Darling, darling, what is it you saw?” Parker Andrewes asked his wife Claire.

“Perhaps Madame Andrewes would like a cup of tea?” Bela the butler put a tea tray down on the table next to the lounging chair where Claire Andrewes had collapsed after looking out the window.

“Tea would be nice,” said Claire.

“Darling, what was it you saw?” Parker Andrewes asked his wife again.

“A leprechaun,” Claire replied.

“A leprechaun?” Parker Andrewes was stunned by the reply.

“You mean like the wee green folk who live in Ireland?” Bela inquired.

“Yes,” Claire nodded.

Our story begins several hours earlier in the year 2021 at 10 Downing Street in London.

“And what did you say your name was again?” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson asked his bald headed guest with the big fangs protruding over his mouth.

“Count Nosferatu,” the bald headed man with big fangs answered.

“Count Nosferatu?” Johnson removed some scrambled eggs that had been caught in his hair, “You mean like Count Dracula?”.

“No, Count Nosferatu like the 1922 German silent film Nosferatu starring Max Schreck,” the bald headed vampire answered, “Although his name was Count Orlok in the film but mine is Nosferatu. That’s because I was the world’s first Nosferatu.”

“What’s the difference between Nosferatu and other vampires?” Johnson removed some slices of bacon caught in his hair.

“Nosferatu are bald headed vampires,” Count Nosferatu replied.

“Really?” Boris Johnson started washing his hair with Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, “I hope that won’t happen to me. The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith turned me into what she called a zombie nosferatu. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to go bald.”

“Many zombies still have hair,” Count Nosferatu reflected, “so perhaps you’ll be more zombie than nosferatu.”

“Gosh, I certainly hope so,” Johnson started drying his hair with heat from a toaster he held upside down over his head.

“I think someone’s filming us,” Count Nosferatu pointed to the potted plants on the stand outside the 2nd floor balcony window.

“It must be the blasted members of the press again,” Johnson seethed, “I’m going to settle this once and for all. I’m going to moon them.”

Johnson pulled his trousers and boxer shorts down.

He then turned around and bent over.

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was standing in the potted plants filming the Boris Johnson-Count Nosferatu meeting on behalf of Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was startled by the sight of Boris Johnson mooning him.

So much so that he pushed the wrong button on his Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern Film Projector and Camera.

The device could also serve as an instrument for time travel.

Yaldabaoth wound up in the year 1939 on the Parker Andrewes Estate near Watertown New York.

Claire Andrewes happened to be looking out the Andrewes mansion window at the time.

She noticed the wee leprechaun.

Yaldbaoth tried pushing another button on the device to return to the time from whence he came.

Instead he pushed a button that projected 3-D holographic images of the Boris Johnson-Count Nosferatu meeting including the British Prime Minister’s infamous mooning of the potted plants on the 2nd floor balcony window.

The sight of Johnson’s moon landing sent Claire Andrewes reeling into her lounging chair where her husband Parker and their butler Bela came rushing to her aid.

The ghost of radio show host Paul Harvey appeared outside the mansion and speaking into a ghostly microphone said, “And now you know the rest of the story.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 11th
2021.

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