The Turning Point

April 9, 2021 at 8:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“So, where is your friend Renfield R. Renfield tonight?” Angelique Dumont asked her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon as he came over to her apartment.

“I was informed by Athelstan the butler at the Set Mansion this morning that Renfield has apparently decided to vanish for a few days,” Amadeus answered.

“Vanish?” Angelique seemed perplexed.

“Yes, the number of governments and wealthy global oligarchs around the world who want to see him assassinated has really grown exponentially the past week,” Amadeus explained.

“So I take it then that Renfield won’t be attending Prince Philip’s funeral?” Angelique inquired.

“Well I understand Philip’s funeral is to be a small affair at the Duke of Edinburgh’s own personal request plus Covid restrictions are in place,” Amadeus was eating a Worcestershire sauce laced grilled cheese sandwich, “Plus I don’t think Renfield would have really been invited anyways.”

“Prince Philip didn’t like Renfield?” Angelique Dumont put honey in her tea.

“I don’t think Philip knew Renfield very well,” Amadeus pointed out, “But Prince Philip’s eldest son Charles Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall certainly doesn’t like Renfield very well.”

“Why doesn’t Prince Charles like Renfield?” Angelique wanted to know.

“Well, because a few years ago, Charles was only standing a few feet away from Renfield when Renfield said to someone else that in his opinion Charles’ 2nd wife Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall looked like a horse,” Amadeus sipped a ginger beer.

“That would explain the Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall Charles’ dislike of Renfield,” Angelique admitted.

“The next day, Renfield did issue an apology… to horses,” Amadeus recalled, “but even that didn’t quite cut the mustard with Prince Charles.”

“I should say not,” Angelique shook her head, “But I think Her Majesty the Queen likes Renfield does she not?”.

“Yes,” Amadeus nodded, “Because Renfield once saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.”

. . .

“Who’s this Prince Philip guy?” American President Joe Biden asked one of his aides, “Is he the fellow who made Philips Electric Shavers?”.

“No, Mr. President,” The aide wore a t-shirt that said I’M WITH STUPID with an arrow pointing in Biden’s direction, “He was the Prince Consort of the Queen of England.”

“Victoria?” Biden reached for a glass of water to take his Geritol pills.

“That was Prince Albert,” his aide sounded exasperated, “And Victoria was queen for the most part of two centuries ago.”

“Who’s the current Queen?” Biden inquired.

“Are you referring to the Sovereign of Great Britain or your recent appointment to the position of Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services?” His aide wanted to know.

Biden scratched his head at that one.

. . .

After administering a severe spanking to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing for being late to their meeting, the Norse Goddess Freya went to a corner of the room and stood looking at him.

“So did you find out if it’s true that my son Thor has formed an alliance with Loki?” Freya asked.

“It’s true,” Dracul Van Helsing lit a cigarette and poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“But such an alliance was not foreseen in the Poetic Edda or Prose Edda?” Freya pointed out.

“That’s true as well,” Van Helsing nodded, “Anyhow Thor and Loki have formed an alliance with Osiris and Horus to bring about a Great Reset New World Order. That idiotic English language mantra Build Back Better is being translated into ancient Norse and ancient Egyptian even as we speak.”

“This is depressing news,” Freya sighed, “I need a conjugal encounter right now to get rid of my depression.”

“So do I,” Van Helsing confessed.

They were soon on the bed in the apartment making out with one another.

The ghost of Orson Welles walked in at that moment.

“Not again,” Welles’ ghost went back into the hall.

A Norwegian otter carrying a notepad and a pencil asked Welles if he knew the ancient Norse word for Google.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 9th
2021.

8 Comments

  1. Kritika said,

    ‘Renfield said to someone else that in his opinion Charles’ 2nd wife Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall looked like a horse’ hahahahaha
    It was a fun chapter. Hahaha enjoyed it.

  2. Seoul Sister said,

    My favorite line came afterwards, “The next day, Renfield did issue an apology… to horses,” 🤗💖horses are awesome, Camilla is not!

  3. Sherry V.H said,

    Speaking of Biden … he is for sure a stupid … sorry to say this, did not think OVER everything political in a correct way … What should I say.
    Recently he sanctioned Russia – that would cause more than just an upheaval of menacing results that is about to come his way …
    One can never disturb Putin – that would be fatal, I dare say …
    Who does Biden think he is? … Geeezzz ….

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Biden is definitely an idiot all right.

      Taking sanctions against Russia.

      Saying he’d back Ukraine in any military showdown with Russia.

      Pissing off Putin is like putting a stick into a wasps’ nest.

      What happens next isn’t going to be a pleasant sight. 🦗🤕

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