Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Fat Ugly Blimp Behind The Mask

April 30, 2021 at 10:24 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing past time was killing ugly looking women- an aesthetic environmentally protecting endeavour that didn’t even rate an honourable mention in Pope Francis’ 2015 encyclical on the environment Laudato Si) was walking down a back alley.

A couple of under-aged “yutes” (the name Brooklyn lawyer Vinny had for “youths” in the courtroom in the 1992 movie My Cousin Vinny) asked Pan Goatee if he’d go in and buy them a bottle of booze in a nearby liquor store for which they’d pay him since they couldn’t buy liquor themselves being under age.

Goatee told them “No.”

He wished Sherrielock Holmes had been in the vicinity to thoroughly tomato their under-aged bottoms.

Such delinquents would undoubtedly grow up to become Members of Parliament or if they lived in the U.S., members of Congress.

As he walked down the alleyway behind the building he noticed a single car parked there which he found very suspicious.

The driver’s window was open.

Sitting there in the driver’s seat was a pathetically ugly, repulsive and absolutely hideous fat ugly blimp who was of course wearing a face mask as a symbol of loyalty and fealty to the global Coviet Union.

But the mask did little to protect the viewer from the sheer ugliness and hideousness of her fat ugly blimpiness.

“You fat ugly cow,” Goatee said to the blimp behind the mask, “This is the reason I hate spring so. All you fat ugly blimps come waddling out from under the woodwork. Ruining everybody’s day in what should be welcoming the advent of spring.”

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Blimp eating nanites from Hell then came and ate the fat ugly blimp.

The two “yutes” who had found a sucker to buy booze for them and had retreated to the back alley to start drinking it swore off liquor for the rest of their lives when the fat ugly blimp behind the mask’s head landed on one of the “yutes” laps.

The two yutes beat a hasty retreat before the nanites arrived to eat the fat ugly blimp’s head.

The nanites then drank the two yutes’ bottles of liquor left behind.

. . .

A U.S. Air Force officer was walking around the Air Force base near Cheyenne, Wyoming.

Suddenly he noticed a round saucer shaped object (what people usually call a UFO) descending on to the base.

The top part of the saucer opened and out stepped six t-rexes about 6 foot 6 in height (so considerably shorter than the average height Tyrannosaurus Rex of the Cretaceous period in prehistoric times).

The t-rex with the biggest and most ferocious head ate the Air Force officer.

Then that t-rex spoke in a language not known by Google Translate words to this effect, “All right find where the strategic missiles are located and you know what to do from there.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 30th


  1. Sherry V.H said,

    Pan Goatee is the best, right? People should be aware of his coming and do their exercises to stay slim. LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, they should have Pan Goatee doing TV commercials for Weight Watchers.

      He could say lines like, “That next 12 ounce steak or 3-tiered chocolate cake you eat could be your last.” 🤣

  2. Kritika said,

    Oh the month has started and he gets to meet a fat ugly blimp. T-rex of 6 Ft height hahahaha

  3. Dawn Renee said,

    Coviet Union & “yutes” ha

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