Shakespearian Commentary On Contemporary Social Media

June 2, 2021 at 10:33 pm (Plays, Short play) (, )

Enter a servant into the study of Lord Falconcrest.

Lord Falconcrest (moaning): Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.

Servant: What is it, my lord?

Lord Falconcrest: It has hit me with the full fury of an idiot that I accidentally sent a text message to my girlfriend last night instead of the woman I had slept with a couple of hours earlier. The message was meant for the eyes of the woman I had a chance but very pleasant encounter with.

Servant: A grave matter indeed, my lord. Especially if it results in your sudden demise.

Lord Falconcrest: Let me checketh out her Facebook page.

(Falconcrest pulls out his smart phone and checks it)

Lord Falconcrest: Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.

Servant: My Lord?

Lord Falconcrest: She hath changeth her status from being “In a relationship” to being “Single”. And I have been removed from her Friends list.

Servant: It is a surprise that she hath not blocked thee, my lord.

Lord Falconcrest: She no doubt wanteth me to see all the comments on her timeline from would-be suitors who want to move into the territory from which I have been so unceremoniously cast aside.

Servant: If thou hast not grabbed another pussy before the blast of the last Trump of the evening before Joe Biden falleth down the stairs, thou wouldst not be in this predicament.

Lord Falconcrest: Thou hast spoken wisely, noble Mercutio.

Servant: It is as my old grandmother used to say on occasion- ‘Tis sometimes best to keep thy pecker in thy pants.”

Lord Falconcrest: Oh, wouldy I had heard of thy grandmother’s sage advice before the cock crowed last night.

-A Shakespearian style dialogue
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 2nd
2021.

10 Comments

  1. Jo said,

    Mercutio? Shall I understand that the lord in question is Romeo in a parallel universe? πŸ˜€

  2. voodooville said,

    What a predicament to be in. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little stain!

  3. Kritika said,

    Hilarious commentary. Enjoyed the Shakespeare touch.

  4. George F. said,

    Keeping thy pecker in thy pants goes against our natural inclinations dear sir!

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