Pan Goatee To Command U.S. Aircraft Carrier Gerald R. Ford?

June 22, 2021 at 10:40 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

U.S. President Joe Biden was sniffing the prickly needles on his cannabis pot smoking cactus plant Sweet Dementia.

“Mr. President, the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford survived a “full ship shock trial explosion” that registered as a 3.9 magnitude earthquake about 161 kilometres off the coast of Florida,” one of his aides said.

“Is that a good thing?” Biden patted the head of his recently deceased 13-year-old German shepherd Champ who had just been stuffed by a Washington DC taxidermist.

“It is,” his aide nodded, “Oh, and another thing…”

“Champ no longer seems to hump my leg as often as he used to,” Biden noted.

“No, that’s not it, Mr. President,” his aide shook his head, “And besides it was vice-versa. No, this has to do with DARPA…”

“DARPA?” Biden was trying to recall the acronym.

“Yes, a DARPA telepathic psychic research team after staring at photos of goats and then staring at photos of Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi (they were more sexually aroused by the goats) has come up with the conclusion that genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee should be put in command of the USS Gerald R. Ford,” his aide pointed out.

“Okay,” Biden started sniffing Champ’s fur.

. . .

Meanwhile U.S. Vice-President Kamala Harris was having a discussion with one of her aides.

“I think when Joe goes,” Kamala stated, “we should get the taxidermist who stuffed Champ to stuff Joe. And we can carry on this puppet regime. The American people shouldn’t be able to spot any difference between a stuffed dead Joe and the current vegetative one.”

. . .

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women) entered a store.

To his horror, he saw an ugly looking woman working as the cashier.

He beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“Well so much for the thought of buying a lottery ticket,” Goatee commented, “No good luck in the air here tonight.”

He exited the store and then continued walking along the strip mall.

He walked past a Subway store.

“I should go in and buy a submarine sandwich,” Goatee thought.

Fortunately for Goatee (and for the clerk as well) the employee working in the store wasn’t ugly so Goatee bought a submarine sandwich.

He sat at some outside tables and ate his sandwich.

Goatee had just finished eating his sandwich when a really repulsive ugly looking woman walked by pushing a baby stroller.

“Egad! What an uglo! And pushing a baby stroller! Who the Hell would want to fuck that!” Goatee wondered aloud, “Possibly someone under the influence of alcohol according to the ramblings of a woke brain dead zombie who imagines seeing a Q-Anon conspirator under every bed.”

Goatee beheaded the hideous repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then beheaded the kid as well because according to the genetics textbook he read last night, ugly looking kids usually have ugly parents.

He contined walking around the strip mall until he passed a coffee shop.

He thought he’d stop in and order an iced cappucino since it was an extremely hot night.

However unfortunately for Pan, a fat ugly blimp was working as the cashier.

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As he left the coffee shop, a pair of clean cut youths wearing white shirts, black dress pants and black ties came up to him, “Have you heard the good news to be found in the Book of Mormon as preached by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?”.

“No, I haven’t,” Goatee shook his head, “And I don’t have time. Why don’t you go into that coffee shop there and preach the good news of the Book of Mormon to whoever you find in that coffee shop.”

The two young missionaries entered the coffee shop and soiled their magical mystical underwear when they discovered what lay on the floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 22nd
2021.

14 Comments

  1. Kritika said,

    Stuffed Joe lols
    Poor young missionaries hahaha.

  2. voodooville said,

    We’ll miss the sparkle in Kamala’s eyes, when Joe sniffs her hair. A power couple and such a beautiful scene.

    Will Kamala Build (Joe’s) Back Better in the stuffed version?

  3. parneetsachdev said,

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

  4. Sherry V.H said,

    Magical mystical underwear???
    hahaha …

  5. Pan Goatee To Command U.S. Aircraft Carrier Gerald R. Ford? β€” Dracul Van Helsing | Vermont Folk Troth said,

    […] Pan Goatee To Command U.S. Aircraft Carrier Gerald R. Ford? β€” Dracul Van Helsing […]

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