Send In The Clowns

June 29, 2021 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pope Francis was laying in bed trying to fall asleep.

He had neglected to take off his red clown nose that he had put on earlier this evening in order to attend a Clown Mass that was being held at Saint Peter’s Basilica.

During the reading of the Gospel at the Clown Mask, a holographic image of American Jesuit priest James Martin read a chapter from Stephen King’s novel IT rather than a chapter from the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John.

“A word to the wise,” Cerberus the Hell Hound of the Underworld dropped a penny on Pope Francis’ head while hanging from the ceiling of the Basilica.

After meditating on the meaning of tonight’s Gospel reading, Francis fell asleep.

He dreamed that he was down in the fires of Tartarus and he watched as that 21st Century cultural icon Lady Gaga was busy roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit over a large area of open flames.

The air was thick with the smell and aroma of sulphur.

A group of demons danced around Lady Gaga as she roasted away.

As they danced, they sang a song Died This Way (to the tune and melody of Lady Gaga’s song Born This Way).

Francis woke up.

“But how is that possible?” The Vicar of cliche Marxist slogans asked himself, “As I told Eugenio Scalfari the atheistic Marxist co-founder of the newspaper La Repubblica in a couple of interviews with him, Hell does not exist and even if it does, there’s no one there.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 29th


  1. Marlapaige said,

    “Died This Way” had me in stitches. Then I read that it was to the tune of “Born This Way” and I laughed even harder.

    The imagery of this was exquisite from the depiction of the Clown Mass to Cerberus with the coin and Tartarus. Well done!

  2. Hetty Eliot said,

    I can’t tell if this is real or not, sorry.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I guess with a satanic antipope like Bergoglio sitting on the throne of Peter, it’s difficult to separate fact and fiction.

      My geopolitical satire chapters are the equivalent of an editorial cartoonist’s work on the editorial page of a newspaper.

      It takes certain characteristics and certain trends that are true in themselves and then exaggerates them in order that the general population can finally see and grasp the truths that are being examined.

      If they weren’t exaggerated, people might not be able to see it in passing.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        I know what you’re doing 😛 I’m just being (half) sarcastic because when it comes to Poop Francis, the line between fact and satire is VERY blurry

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, when it comes to Francis, the line between fact and satire is very blurry indeed. 😂

  3. Hetty Eliot said,

    Actually, (un)holy crap, the clown nose is real… I was literally just reading an article on a Catholic site about him and it mentioned a clown nose…. You weren’t satirizing there… WTF

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, yesterday I saw that photo of Francis wearing a clown nose and that’s what inspired this post.

  4. voodooville said,

    In Dante’s Divine Comedy there is a scene where Dante while walking through Hell, finds a guy with his head caught between two flaming rocks. Feeling sorry for the guy, he pulls out his head, only to find that that guy is actually the Pope (Pope Nicholas). I couldn’t confirm if that scene is actually there.

    700 years later, things are still the same. Whether it is the Pope, Prime Ministers, CEOs of companies, writers or Youtube influencers, they have to follow the Agenda, or they can’t run their business or Church and make money.

  5. Kritika said,

    A Pope with the red nose. A hilarious sight it would be. lols

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