Thessalonike of Macedon Meets Dracul and Yaldabaoth

July 8, 2021 at 10:49 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Thessalonike of Macedon

Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford University was delivering a lecture in front of a fountain with a statue of a mermaid inside the fountain.

Prof. William Charles was delivering the lecture to a camera as part of an on-line course that he was teaching.

Said Prof. Charles, “Now there is a popular Greek legend that says Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon became a mermaid and lived and frolicked in the Aegean Sea for hundreds of years.
The legend states that Alexander the Great in his quest for the Fountain of Immortality managed to get a flask of this immortal water.
He happened to wash Thessalonike’s hair with this flask of immortal water.
For Alexander had foolishly forgot to bring along the bottle of shampoo that his half-sister Thessalonike had asked for.
Not wanting Thessalonike to throw a major spaz attack as a result of his blundering, Alexander used the flask of immortality water to wash his half-sister’s hair instead.
When Alexander the Great died in the Persian capital of Babylon in June 323 BC, the legend says that his grief-stricken sister attempted to end her life by jumping into the sea.
Instead of drowning, however, she became a mermaid passing judgment on mariners throughout the centuries and across the Seven Seas.
To the sailors she encountered, she would always pose the same question, “Is Alexander the King alive?”.
To which the correct answer would be, “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”
Given this answer, she would allow the ship and her crew to sail safely away in calm seas.
Any other answer would transform her into a raging Gorgon bent on sending the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

“So that was how the German battleship Bismarck was actually sunk to the bottom of the sea?” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was reading the top secret report on the sinking of the Bismarck that was finally being released over 80 years after the incident had happened back in May of 1941.

“It looks like Johnny Horton’s ghost will have to rewrite the lyrics of his hit song Sink The Bismarck,” An eavesdropping British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had wiretapped Boris Johnson’s office) quipped.

“Who would have thought that it was a mermaid?” Amadeus Emanon ate a plate of sweet and sour jumbo shrimp, “And Alexander the Great’s half-sister at that.”

. . .

Meanwhile as animals at the Denver Zoo in Colorado were now being injected with Covid vaccines as part of the Biden Administration’s MAKE AMERICA WOKE AGAIN efforts, a demon possessed marine biologist had injected the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon with a Covid-19 vaccine in the Aegean Sea.

The end result of the injection was that it had turned Thessalonike of Macedon into a mortal woman again.

And it was in that form that Thessalonike of Macedon had appeared to Dracul Van Helsing and Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a pier on the Aegean Sea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 8th
2021.

17 Comments

  1. Marlapaige said,

    ““It looks like Johnny Horton’s ghost will have to rewrite the lyrics of his hit song Sink The Bismarck,””

    This had me in stitches. I love that song and that is a very creative way to incorporate a song most people don’t remember, sadly

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I always enjoyed Johnny Horton’s Sink The Bismarck.

      It was a great song.

      And it is sad most people don’t remember it.

      • Marlapaige said,

        I first heard it on an album I found in a record store, I think it was called “16×4” or it was spelled out… something like that. It was four songs each by four artists. It was the first time I ever heard Johnny Horton at all, and I loved all four songs. I chose the album because I loved Marty Robbins and Johnny Cash. Of the remaining four I only liked the one song… I think it was called Heartaches by the Number. I only remember one line “I’ve got heartaches by the numbers, troubles by the score”, so I may have the title wrong, but that’s the line.

        Luckily, I made sure that both my sisters listened to it so that it’s not forgotten, and all of us can still sing every line. And my nephew loves it too. My niece is too young so she hasn’t been convinced us adults know everything yet LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Was that the Guy Mitchell version of Heartaches By The Number on that record?

        My favourite song of Marty Robbins was El Paso.

        My character of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster occasionally has visions of the future (which sadly never come true because it would be great fun if they did).

        A few years ago, Michelangelo had a vision of 2020 (and he never saw the pandemic) and of the Republican National Convention that year.

        In Michelangelo’s vision, Donald Trump had fallen in love with a Mexican girl in the West Texas town of El Paso.

        So in Michelangelo’s vision, Donald Trump sang the song at the convention, “Out in the West Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl…”

        Melania came out on stage and hit the Donald over the head with her purse rendering him unconscious.

        I always thought that would have been great fun if Michelangelo’s vision had come true.

        And as for Johnny Cash, I loved most of his songs.

      • Marlapaige said,

        Good Morning.

        No, I had to look it up because I couldn’t remember his name, even today. The version of “Heartaches by the Number” on that particular album was by Ray Price.

        I absolutely loved “El Paso” and I would sing it all the time, but my favorite song by him on the album was “A White Sport Coat”. I loved everything about the song, which my mother thought was a little crazy because she preferred his “Singing the Blues.”

        Much later, I was singing along to “The Day The Music Died,” and I knew all the words from before I even ever heard this album, but as i was singing I suddenly realized it directly mentions “A White Sport Coat.” My mother recognized this when I told her, and she was annoyed that there was no overt mention of “Singing the Blues.” She told me that Don McLean made a mistake and he put out a news article saying he was going to rectify it immediately.

        Surprisingly, he never did.

        I love Michelangelo’s vision of the future, and that would have been amazing to watch Melania whollop him in the head. And don’t be too upset his vision hasn’t come true…yet. The Blow-Hard is still trying to do speeches and conventions and there’s still a chance he can do all of that. Maybe the vision didn’t have the pandemic because it was already under control and then it happened. We still have time to see if it comes true.

        Johnny Cash was awesome. He also made a couple of songs with Bob Dylan during Dylan’s country phase. I enjoy all of those too. Dylan got all the lyrics right to “Ring of Fire” but then confused the lyrics on one of his own songs and Johnny Cash sang louder than him and Dylan figured he knew the words better and switched. It’s great fun to hear the two of them together. it’s very clear that Dylan is enjoying singing with someone he looks up to (if you listen to Dylan you can hear it in his voice), and Cash is enjoying singing with Dylan (who wouldn’t enjoy singing with someone famous who also thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread??)

        I found a link to the album i’ve been talking about, if you’re interested: https://www.allmusic.com/album/16-by-4-mw0000198677

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks for the link.

        Wow, you certainly know your music history.

        A friend of mine from Australia, David Redpath, loves discussing the history of music.

        He’s a big fan of Bob Dylan.

        I noticed North To Alaska is on that album in the link.

        That’s my favourite Johnny Horton song after Sink The Bismarck.

        The Battle of New Orleans was a catchy tune but the lyrics aren’t pleasing to Canadian ears since Canada fought on the side of the British in the War of 1812.

        Apparently my mother and my father (so they told me) wrote a song in response to The Battle of New Orleans the year it came out.

        They wrote about how a Canadian militia from Ontario went all the way down to Washington DC and burnt down the White House.

        Which I guess actually happened.

        But I guess Canadian radio stations refused to play it since they didn’t want to be accused of being anti-American.

      • Marlapaige said,

        Thank you. I really love music and it’s history is a major part of it. If you don’t know the history behind something, you can’t truly appreciate it for what it is. Just like American folk music, it’s about what was going on at the time. You can’t truly appreciate that “This Land is Your Land” by Woody Guthrie is actually always condensed because it’s sympathetic to communism. And Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” is not the anthem everyone thinks it is, it’s anti-Vietnam.

        I also enjoy North to Alaska.. Johnny Horton music is very good.

        It’s interesting that your parents wrote a song about when they burned the White House. It is a fact that most people forget, and I know Trudeau came out abou tit saying that he didn’t want Canada to be remembered that way. I would love to hear it, but by the sound of your comment, you didn’t ever hear it either.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I didn’t hear it either.

      • Marlapaige said,

        You said that they told you the radio stations wouldn’t play it. Since you can’t just submit lyrics for a radio station to play it, it means there’s at least a demo out there somewhere, if not a full-on recording of it. Have you ever tried finding it?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I haven’t.

        That’s a great Sherlockian deduction about radio stations not accepting just lyrics.

        I wonder who sang on the demo?

        It must have been my mother since since my dad didn’t have much of a singing voice.

        Unless they were trying for super comedic effects.

      • Marlapaige said,

        Well, if they wrote it and submitted it, they would have been hesitant if it was their first attempt, so try the local station. Ask for a song written/submitted around (time frame indicated by parents or best guess) with lyrics and music by (parents names). See what comes up.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I imagine they would have submitted it to CHQT in Edmonton since that was my parents’ favourite radio station.

        Several years ago, CHQT switched from being a popular music station to being an all-talk station.

        Although as my best friend from my University years (who still lives in Edmonton) says they generally have nothing intelligent to say as they’re busy talking.

        I don’t know if they would have kept any demo tapes once they switched formats.

      • Marlapaige said,

        Don’t assume. It’s a telephone call. They have it or they don’t. If they don’t, they probably know where they sent the demos and tapes and can direct you appropriately

  2. Awaiya Akaido said,

    I have never heard the tale. I think that it is hilarious!💦🐋

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