Will Dracula Be The Next Pope?

July 27, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was sitting in his office at the Vatican.

Although Francis required all Vatican employees and visitors to be be vaccinated with the Covid non-vaccine (none of the so-called vaccines for Covid were technically vaccines but rather genetic serums but most of the public was too dumb and gullible to know that. Since Big Pharma, Big Government, Big Business and the mainstream media called it a vaccine, it was obviously a vaccine to them), since most of those working at the Vatican were paying more attention to their gay sex hook-up Grindr apps on their phone rather than who was vaccinated, nobody bothered to note that Samhain Cardinal Salaman had never been vaccinated.

Salaman was informed that he had a visitor.

Sergius Materiy the Russian Orthodox Archbishop of Astana, Kazakhstan.

Salaman invited the Archbishop into his office.

“What can I do for you, your Eminence?” Salaman asked the Archbishop.

“I’m here to discuss something your Eminence,” The Archbishop answered, “Since you work in the Vatican, you are probably more aware than I am about the rumours swirling around that Francis is on the verge of kicking the bucket. Hence his reasoning and his rush to proclaim the motu proprio Traditionis custodes into law and restrict the celebration of the Tridentine Mass.”

“Yes, I’ve heard those rumours,” Cardinal Salaman nodded, “I’ve been told that the only one who hates the Latin Tridentine Mass more than Francis is Lucifer himself.”

“His recent operation wasn’t as successful as he and his doctors had hoped?” Archbishop Materiy asked.

“I’ve been told (unofficially of course) that his main trouble is his reaction to the Covid non-vaccine that he received earlier this year,” Salaman replied.

“Anyways, the reason I’m here is…” the Astana Archbishop paused, “Well you no doubt heard that a few years ago an expedition was sent to Castle Dracula in Transylvania in order to remove the wooden stake from Prince Vlad III Dracula’s heart and bring him back from the dead. The purpose being to have Vlad III Dracula fight the ISIS Islamic State in Syria and also to stop Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from bringing back the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that was the purpose in bringing Prince Vlad III Dracula back from the dead,” The Cardinal nodded.

“Anyways I’m going to give you this document,” Materiy handed him a piece of paper, “It describes a plan for a post-Francis world. A world where Dracula is the next Pope.”

“Dracula as the next Pope?” Salaman was astounded, “But Dracula currently isn’t even a Cardinal. How will he get to be Pope?”.

“Read on, MacDuff,” The Archbishop paraphrased Shakespeare as he pointed towards the document.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 27th

Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula ponders the question, “Will my father Count Dracula be the next Pope?”.


  1. George F. said,

    See? Dracula as Pope. Brilliant…and only you would think of it. I may write today. I dunno. I lost my motivation…have you seen it anywhere?

  2. Hetty Eliot said,

    Dracula would be a step up.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I wholeheartedly agree, Hetty.

      Pope Dracula’s view of Islam would be more in line with Pope Benedict XVI’s Regensburg Address of September 12th 2006 than Pope Francis’ Abu Dhabi Declaration of February 4th 2019 (the Catholic ecclesiastical equivalent of British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain’s 1938 Munich Agreement) in which the new religion of Chrislam was created.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        When you said “Pope Dracula,” I felt a wave of respect I never felt before.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It shows how terrible things have gotten under Francis that when one says “Pope Dracula”, one feels a wave of respect.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Yeah, really, when you put it that way. I’m not even trying to be funny.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I knew you weren’t.

        When the idea came to me a couple of days ago about a Cardinal wanting to see a Pope Dracula, I thought, “That isn’t such a bad idea.”

        At least, Prince Vlad III Tepes of Wallachia was a devout Catholic.

        The same could not be said for Francis.

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