Another August Evening and Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos

August 25, 2021 at 10:32 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

Genetically created satyr serial kiler Pan Goatee was recently proclaimed a god by the League For The Beautification of Mother Earth.

His enthronement ceremony was held this past Sunday August 22nd at a replica of the Third Temple of Diana of The Ephesians located at Miniaturk Park in Istanbul, Turkey.

Pan Goatee being enthroned as a god by the League For The Beautification of Mother Earth.
The event held in the replica Third Temple of Diana of the Ephesians was sponsored by the Quasar Astral Laser Machete Manufacturing Company and Krampus’ Extreme Weight Loss Clinics.

Pan had been flown to Istanbul and back on Yaldabaoth The Irish Leprechaun’s pet pterodactyl Simon Majestic.

Today Pan Goatee had gone down to the City of Calgary Planning and Engineering Department to behead all the brainless city planners and engineers who had ripped up all the sidewalks in Pan Goatee’s section of town.

Calgary’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Naheed Nenshi put out a call to hire a whole bunch of new engineers and city planners as their current batch were now all dead.

The last whining and snivelling brainless city planner to be beheaded by Pan Goatee had told the satyr prior to beheading, “It wasn’t our fault. Shaw Cable had asked us to rip up the sidewalks and sides of the roads so they could put in new fibre optic cables to be part of the Mark of The Beast system that is currently being rolled out through the introduction of vaccine passports.”

Pan Goatee went down to the offices of Shaw Cable in Calgary and beheaded all their executives.

A call was put out for job interviews to fill vacancies in Executive positions at Shaw Cable since their current batch of executives were now all dead.

Tonight as Pan Goatee went for a walk in his neighbourhood, he encountered an ugly looking female cyclist.

“My God but you’re ugly,” Goatee commented in John Cleese Basil Fawlty style fashion as he beheaded her.

He then went to the Dollarama store.

There was nothing really good on sale for a dollar tonight so he left.

As he was exiting, his eyes were visually assaulted by a fat ugly blimp with pink and purple hair.

“What makes you think you fat ugly blimps are any better looking by dyeing your hair pink and purple?” Goatee pulled out his astral laser machete and beheaded the repulsively ugly creature, “It doesn’t work. All you’re doing is making the hair dye manufacturers richer before you die.”

Krampus the Demon Goat emerged from a nearby pit (where a sidewalk used to be) and carried off the dismembered remains of both the fat ugly blimp with pink and purple hair as well as the ugly female cyclist.

. . .

The Israeli Ambassador to The Vatican was meeting with the demonically possessed Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) to express the concern of Israel’s leading chief rabbis over a recent papal address in which Francis had attacked the Law of Moses (including and especially the Ten Commandments).

As Francis’ eyes glowed demonically red and his head spun around in 360 degree fashion and he vomited forth ripped pages of the first 5 books of the Bible, the pontiff growled and hissed, “We are legion. I was recently joined by Communist cardinals and archbishops from the Americas in saying that taking the vaccine is an act of love. So take the vaccine, dammit.”

“But almost all of us in Israel did take the vaccine,” the Ambassador pointed out, “And now 85% of the Covid cases in Israel are among the vaccinated.”

“Well Hitler would probably love that,” the Pontiff hissed before breaking into a rendition of,

“The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes,
The stag in the forest runs free
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me….”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 25th


  1. David Redpath said,

    What’s a satyr like Pan Goatee
    doing in a place like Galgary?
    Besides his civic duty in keeping
    Canada beautiful . . . and the
    cosmetically challenged away πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦πŸ˜Ž

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      He’s on a secret mission.

      And for his open public mission, he gets rid of the cosmetically challenged.

      I could tell you what his secret mission is but alas you’re Australian, my friend.

      And it’s an open secret in the global espionage and intelligence community that ASIO operatives are notorious for blabbing aloud state secrets particularly during Happy Hour (which I hear can be any hour of the day in Australia).

      At least so Uncle Ernie sang aloud during his last live performance prior to singing aloud Australia’s secret response to its trade war with China in his Cumelita lyrics.

      I understand the Australian news media is trying to figure out why so many Red Chinese spies and operatives attend Uncle Ernie’s performances.

      I guess they must have a cultural thing for elderly Australian men in drag. 😎

      • David Redpath said,

        As an undercover ASIO agent,
        I blame the inscrutable Inn Lu
        for that unfortunate reputation.
        Way back during the Cold War
        Inn Lu was the proprietor of a
        notorious night club/opium den,
        L’agent Moulin Rouge, just across
        the road from ASIO headquarters.
        When the CIA realised what was
        going on they persuaded, with
        extreme prejudice, a reluctant
        Inn Lu to become a conduit of
        false information back to Red
        China. All the CIA had to do was
        keep the bar stocked with Foster’s
        Larger, and ASIO fully stocked with
        misinformation … marked as top
        secret. At the time Uncle Ernie’s
        drag show was the highly popular
        resident stage show, whilst he
        worked off his prodigious bar tab.
        Hence Uncle Ernie became an
        innocent dupe in that whole debacle.

      • David Redpath said,

        ( Of course, Uncle Ernie would
        never knowingly betray his country.
        If only he could remember which
        country that is? πŸ€” )

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He forgets to go a-Waltzing Matilda. πŸ˜…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL @ Uncle Ernie working off his prodigious bar tab. 🀣

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