Renfield Spends New Year’s Eve In Moscow
Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Moscow date on this New Year’s Eve.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had flown over to Moscow Russia in the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s dirigible airship named THE TSAREVICH ALEXIS.
He was to meet Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB in a classy Moscow restaurant.
Over glasses of wine, Renfield and Svetlana discussed the forging of an alliance between Renfield and Vladimir Putin.
Previously Renfield and Putin had been enemies.
They tried to kill one another on many an occasion.
However now they had a mutual enemy- European Union Vaccinazism.
Renfield was hoping to convince Putin through Svetlana that when Putin invaded Western Ukraine to not stop at Ukraine’s border but continue on and liberate all of the European Union from the totalitarianism of Vaccinazism.
“The only way we can get rid of these petty tyrants and deranged medical bureaucrats throughout the European Union is through armed force,” Renfield noted, “I’d much prefer a Neo-Czarist Russian Imperialism ruling Western Europe than the current hybrid of Neo-Hitlerian Neo-Mussolinian Fascism and Neo-Stalinist Neo-Bolshevik Communism that goes by the name of Vaccinazism.”
“Do you want him to invade Britain as well?” Svetlana purred sensuously.
Renfield put his knife straight up on the table and answered, “Well I’d like you to come to Britain as the new Russian Ambassador but no I’ll take care of Britain if he takes care of the European Union.”
“What do you think Joe Biden would do if this were to occur?” Svetlana smoothed the hem of her dress.
“Well,” Renfield crossed his legs in hopes that no attention would be drawn to himself over his response, “He’ll probably send his Armed Forces Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley (who seems to have more medals on his chest than there were on the chests of Gen. Dwight Eisenhower, Gen. Douglas MacArthur and Gen. George Patton combined) out to make some sort of idiotic statement or other but then do absolutely nothing like he did when he gave $82 billion worth of military equipment and the entire country of Afghanistan over to the Taliban.”
“It’s agreed then,” Svetlana smiled.
Renfield and Svetlana then had fireworks go off on the table as fireworks went off outside.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 31st
2021.
Pan Goatee Receives Calgary’s Citizen of The Year Award From Calgary’s Sir William Wallace Braveheart League
The world’s most beloved and popular genetically created satyr (called a faun by the Ancient Romans) Pan Goatee bows and acknowledges the applause after receiving the Citizen of The Year Award from Calgary’s Sir William Wallace Braveheart League.
As 2021 wound down to its close, Calgary’s Sir William Wallace League of Unvaccinated Bravehearts gave its Citizen of the Year Award to genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee for “his efforts in beautifying Calgary by getting rid of the city’s female uglos and increasing the city’s collective IQ by getting rid of the male morons who either date or marry them”.
Goatee’s receiving the award was condemned by the snivelling cowards and complacent morons in Calgary who follow the Vaccinazi tyrants’ vaccine mandates.
Dr. Anthony Fauci wasn’t happy either.
“This offends me,” Fauci whined, “And being the Apotheosis of Science, I shouldn’t be offended.”
In front of the Southern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium in Calgary, the statue of Scotland’s King Robert The Bruce remarked, “William Wallace paved the way for my victories. If there had been no William Wallace, I probably would never have become King.”
Bruce approved of Pan Goatee as the William Wallace League’s Choice For Calgary’s Citizen of The Year.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 30th
2021.
Pan Goatee Beheads A Repulsive Uglo Who’s Stupid Enough To Smoke In -30 Degree Weather
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had his day ruined when a thoroughly repulsive ugly redhead (that scholars of Bible prophecy called the Anti-Mary Magdalene the ugly loathsome and disgusting female disciple of the Antichrist who wept tears over his feet giving him boils, smallpox, syphilis and gonorrhea on his feet an ailment that caused his vaccinated podiatrist to die of a heart attack on the spot) got out of her vehicle to smoke a cigarette in freezing -30 degree weather thereby showing her hideous repulsive ugly looking face to Pan Goatee and his roommates who were waiting in a vehicle for the other roommate to come out of the bank.
Pan Goatee, being a homicidal psychopath, was naturally on an Alberta Provincial Government disability pension.
He had to fill in his annual report card due by the middle of next month and mail it to Alberta Social Services.
He didn’t have a stamp so he had to go to a post office to get it mailed.
He didn’t want to freeze his goat’s ass off in -30 degree weather.
His roommates were going grocery shopping and a neighbour was giving them a ride so he caught a ride with them to go to the post office to buy a stamp.
The post office was the first place they stopped off.
Unfortunately for Pan, some stupid airheaded old bat at the front of the post office line was mailing parcels to every single idiot on Earth which was naturally taking an extremely long time.
Pan wished that if George Soros, Bill Gates and Dr. Anthony Fauci wanted to kill off all the stupid people in the world (all those people who believe everything that those three groups of compulsive liars; Big Government, Big Business (in this case Big Pharma) and the brainless mainstream media tell them- in this case that vaccines are good for them ), they’d at least bring forth more quickly acting “vaccines” (genetic serums) and booster shots to kill these losers right away.
Instead it was young athletes from all over the world and writers like Anne Rice who keeled over shortly after getting the jabs.
The losers continued to live disrupting other people’s lives with their intense stupidity.
How many booster shots was it going to take to kill them?
After all they were the ones who voted in all these tyrannical Vaccinazi politicians in the first place (As Sir Winston Churchill astutely observed, “The best argument against democracy is a 5 minute conversation with the average voter”).
Goatee put his astral laser machete into boomerang mode and sent it flying in the direction of the airheaded old bat who was mailing parcels to every single idiot on earth.
The machete beheaded the stupid airheaded old bat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus the demon goat arrived on the scene wearing a Wayne Knight Norman Newman sized Canada Post letter carrier uniform and announced, “999 trillion pieces of stupid airheaded old bat special delivery to Tartarus in Hell.”
Goatee bought the stamp and mailed his report to Alberta Social Services.
He was glad he beheaded and dismembered the stupid old bat.
He couldn’t help shake the feeling that because this airheaded old bat was so stupid and inconsiderate as to mail parcels to every single single idiot on Earth, this would cause trouble for him down the road.
He was right on that.
The next stop was a bank where one of his roommates went in to get money out of the bank.
Another vehicle pulled up across from them.
A moronic looking male loser got out of the driver’s seat.
A super unbelievably repulsively ugly looking redhead got out of the passenger side.
Goatee hoped the uglo redhead would enter the bank with her loser boyfriend.
Instead the stupid repulsively ugly looking redhead lit a cigarette and stood in front of the passenger side of the car smoking it in -30 degree weather.
Because of where the uglo was standing, Pan Goatee and his roommates were subject to a Hellish view of her vomit inducing face.
Goatee got out of the SUV van with his astral laser machete and approached the uglo.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that smoking cigarettes would be the death of you?” Goatee pointed out as he beheaded the uglo, “In this case, they were right. Because of your bloody goddamned stupidity in wanting to get out of the car to smoke a cigarette in -30 degrees weather, my buddies and I had our eyes aesthetically assaulted by the sheer repulsive ugliness of your face. Such stupidity, ugliness and cigarette addiction can’t go unpunished. And in this case, the punishment required is capital punishment.”
He then cut up the uglo into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus arrived in his Wayne Knight Norman Newman sized Canada Post letter carrier uniform and announced, “999 trillion pieces of repulsively ugly redheaded uglo dubbed the Anti-Mary Magdalene by Bible prophecy scholars special delivery to Tartarus in Hell.”
Goatee went back and sat in the van.
Soon the uglo’s unbelievably idiotic and incredibly moronic low IQ boyfriend came running back oblivious to the fact that the parking lot gets icy in these temperatures.
He slid on the ice and went whack! face first into the side of his own car.
“Serves you right, you cerebrally challenged jackass!” Goatee slammed the door of the van.
“You certainly chose the wrong day to do your banking, asshole,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the moron, “This wouldn’t be happening to you if you had brains. If you’re going to do your banking, leave your repulsively ugly cigarette smoking girlfriend at home. And that way she won’t be getting out of the car smoking cigarettes in -30 degree weather where she can commit visual assault on the eyes of innocent bystanders.”
Krampus arrived again still dressed in his Wayne Knight Norman Newman sized Canada Post letter carrier uniform and announced, “999 trillion pieces of incredibly stupid and unbelievably idiotic low IQ moron who can’t figure out he that he should leave his repulsively ugly cigarette smoking girlfriend at home when he’s doing his banking- special delivery to Tartarus in Hell.”
-A vampire novel chapter
and Pan Goatee tale
Wednesday December 29th
2021.
The Mexican Cantina
Rosa the singer inside the Mexican cantina
The year was 1959.
Richard M. Nixon was preparing to succeed Dwight Eisenhower as President the next year.
John F. Kennedy was on the phone to Marilyn Monroe asking if she’d drop by his place on New Year’s Eve and personally sing Auld Lang Syne to him.
Jackie Kennedy was shopping for rolling pins.
And the Greek god Zeus was in the office of Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion asking him to locate Ganymede the cup-bearer to the Olympian gods.
Ganymede had apparently gone missing and was rumoured to be working inside a Mexican cantina.
Zeus wanted Albion to find him and bring him back to Olympus.
. . .
“I’m tired of you Olympians always whining about your wine all the time,” was Ganymede’s good-bye note.
Zeus wept.
He enjoyed the immortal youth bringing him wine.
And now he was gone.
He went to his Rolodex and found the business card for Carson Cody Albion.
He then summoned an eagle to fly him to Los Angeles.
The eagle was happy.
It was tired of eating liver all the time.
The titan Prometheus was happy as well.
. . .
In the Mexican cantina called Pedro’s, Rosa was singing up a storm.
When she had finished, she went and stood next to the piano.
Behind her stood the Greek god Ganymede disguised as a statue.
Carson Cody Albion had received a grape rather than an olive in his martini as he watched the show.
The grape contained a fortune cookie saying sized message that read I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO OLYMPUS.
It was signed Ganymede.
Albion wrote Zeus a note saying that Ganymede had joined a militia of anti-Castro Cubans being put together by U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon and couldn’t be located.
Cody then went to Rosa’s dressing room and knocked on her door.
Rosa opened the door.
Albion entered.
Rosa closed the door.
In the dining area Ganymede sat wearing an I LIKE IKE button and dark sunglasses and got his palm read by a blind fortune teller.
Mistaking Ganymede for Fidel Castro, the blind fortune teller told him that he’d one day have an idiot son who would become Prime Minister of Canada.
And inside the dressing room, Rosa personally sang Auld Lang Syne to Carson Cody Albion.
-A Carson Cody Albion
Private Eye Short Story
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 28th
2021.
Pachamama Worshipping Archbishop of Lima Peru Denies Incarnate Deity of Christ and His Sacrifice On The Cross
Sonia the Dragon Princess With Her Pet Green Dragon
The ghosts of Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte stood alongside the Christmas tree in Rome’s Saint Peter’s Square.
They had been asked to congregate there by Hermes the messenger god of the Greek pantheon who said they were to meet someone there.
Loki the Norse trickster god walked by carrying the world’s largest Hydra meat pizza (made out of frozen meat that had been transported to the Norse icy world of Niflheim by Loki from the body of the multiheaded Hydra of the Lake of Lerna slain by the Greek hero Hercules as the second of his Twelve Labors).
Since the dawning of the Age of Aquarius officially started on December 21st 2021 according to a prognostication by the Egyptian god Thoth who made the announcement on a 2019 tour of Australia where he stopped to sample some of the infamous Uncle Ernie’s notorious peanut butter cookies (which apparently contained more than just peanut butter), it was arranged for the Hydra meat to be defrosted “and then eaten, in the midst of an Aeschylus god of medicine caused pandemic, by all the leaders of the world” according to a prophecy of the little known Drunken Sibyl of Knock, Ireland.
Eating the meat would cause all the world’s political leaders to think exactly the same.
Some of the hydra meat was also to be put in the Aeschylus and Dr. Faust created vaccines (really genetic serums) where little synthetic biological particles called hydra vulgaris would then arise.
The Hydra Vulgaris took its name from the Hydra slain by Hercules.
Apparently that hydra used a lot of profanity and swearing in its language so it was often called vulgar.
Just as the Hydra’s one immortal head was about to be cut off by a golden sword given to Hercules by Athena, the Hydra’s immortal head broke into a solid screech of profanity before finally dying.
As Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar and Napoleon talked among themselves by the Christmas tree, they recalled how each of them were approached by a beautiful woman who wore a live small green dragon as an earring before they embarked on their particular campaigns of world conquest.
Her name was Sonia the Dragon Princess.
They saw her approaching them now.
And another individual- a mortal man- soon joined the ghostly conquerers as Sonia approached.
. . .
During a December 19th 2021 homily at Mass, Carlos Castillo Mattasoglio the Pachamama worshipping Archbishop of Lima Peru preached, “Jesus doesn’t die offering the sacrifice of a holocaust; Jesus dies as a murdered layman.”
He added that “Jesus dies as a layman who gives hope to humanity, he dies as a human being like all of you.”
A radical feminist lesbian nun sang the Sir Elton John song lyrics, “It’s no sacrifice at all…” as she watched the homily on video.
The archbishop’s homily of Jesus as “a murdered layman” and not being a “sacrifice of a holocaust (sin offering)” contradicted Saint Paul’s Letter to the Hebrews where Paul said Christ is the “High Priest who offers Himself once and for all for the forgiveness of sins”.
As for his statement, “he dies as a human being like all of you”, he contradicts Saint John who wrote, “Who is a liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ (God Incarnate in the Flesh)? He is Antichrist that denieth the Father and the Son.”
Meanwhile over in Chicago, the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Blaise Cardinal Cupich the Archbishop of Chicago issued a proclamation that forbade use of the Traditional Roman Rite Latin Liturgy on Christmas, the Easter Triduum, Easter Sunday, Pentecost and the first Sunday of each month.
In Rome the mortal man who had just been anointed by the green dragon earring of Sonia the Dragon Princess was pleased with the pronouncements of Archbishop Carlos Castillo Mattasoglio and Blaise Cardinal Cupich.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 27th
2021.
NASA and The Pope To Say ETs Are Here?
In a rather bizarre move, NASA has recruited a British priest to prepare the religious for the discovery of alien life.
Rev. Dr. Andrew Davison a priest and theology professor at the University of Cambridge is the man for the job apparently.
The appointment comes as NASA’s $10 billion James Webb Space Telescope was launched yesterday on Christmas Day.
Rev. Dr. Andrew Davison is a theologian at Cambridge University who has a Doctorate in Biochemistry from Oxford.
He is the Starbridge Lecturer in Natural Sciences and Theology at Cambridge and Canon Philosopher at St. Albans Cathedral.
Davison spent an academic year at Princeton University in 2016 in a program sponsored by NASA called The Societal Implications of Astrobiology.
. . .
Pope Francis was talking to the head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Agency Cardinal JM (his code name stood for Judas Manasseh).
“Does this mean NASA has discovered alien life?” Francis asked.
“Well,” Cardinal JM looked up from his smart phone, “Apparently Jabba the Hutt was originally human and he got his name Jabba after he received more jabs of Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca and Johnson & Johnson than any other human in recorded history according to the Live Long and Prosper Mr. Spock Prophecies that came shooting through the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel 3 nights ago.”
. . .
Woman looking through window: Not for Santa Claus or ET aliens but for her loved ones to arrive.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
December 26th
2021.
The Christmas Tree and The Elf
“One of the ornaments needs adjusting,”
Said the beautiful female elf
Who stood on a ladder and adjusted
The ornament below the Christmas Star.
5 minutes ago there was not a beautiful female elf in my room
But now there is.
Merry Chistmas.
10 minutes ago there was not a ladder in my room
But it appeared 9 minutes ago.
24 hours there was not a Christmas tree in my room
But it appeared when I woke up this morning.
Christmas Tree
Then ladder
Then beautiful female elf.
Christmas Magic is obviously at work here.
Or maybe what the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future
Put in my eggnog last night.
Whatever it was, Merry Christmas!
Feliz Navidad!
Chuc mung Giang Sinh!
(I attended a Spanish language Church over the summer.
And the closest Church to where I now live is a Vietnamese Catholic Church.
So I attended there for Christmas Eve Mass last night and went there for Christmas Day Mass today).
-A Christmas poem
written by Christopher
Saturday December 25th
2021.
Christmas Eve 2021
Over 2 millenia ago in Bethlehem was born a Light
Born on a night of a celestial Star so bright
Oh Cosmos’ brightest light
Shine on us this very night.
-A poem written by Christopher
Christmas Eve
December 24th 2021
Michelangelo And The Night Before Christmas Eve
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to Christmas Carols on the radio.
He wondered if there had been a lobster in the stable at the birth of Jesus.
According to the 2003 Richard Curtis film Love Actually there had been two lobsters present at the birth of Jesus as related in the school nativity play presented in the film.
But Michelangelo had long since discovered that there was no rock singer called Billy Mack (Bill Nighy’s character) who sang a Christmas hit single and starred in a hit music video called Christmas Is All Around.
So he didn’t know how much stock to put into there being two lobsters present at the birth of Jesus as mentioned in the school nativity play.
Michelangelo turned off his waterproof tablet and went to sleep.
He had a dream (or was it a vision?) of Chicago’s Communist lesbian blowhard Mayor Lori Lightfoot being burnt at the stake at a huge marshmallow and wiener roast on the shores of Lake Michigan, of Justin Trudeau being hung by the neck until dead from the Canadian House of Commons clock tower, of Australia’s Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews being tried in a kangaroo court (made up of real actual kangaroos playing tennis) and then being taken out and shot by firing squad, of French President Emmanuel Macron being guillotined underneath the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and deranged evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci being placed alive in a cage made up of very hungry beagles.
In Times Square the electronic billboard read RENFIELD R. RENFIELD OVERTHROWS NEW WORLD ORDER.
Down at The New York Times Building, reporters and editors at the New York Times were throwing themselves out of their respective windows in what seemed to be a re-enactment of the 1929 Wall Street Stock Market Crash.
They were doing the same at TIME Magazine, The Washington Post, CNN, FOX NEWS, CBS,NBC, MSNBC, ABC and PBS.
Michelangelo was awakened by the distant sounds of the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being turned on.
Leslie Howard and Merle Oberon in the 1934 film The Scarlet Pimpernel
The Scarlet Pimpernel would not bother rescuing Emmanuel Macron from the guillotine.
Lady Marguerite St. Just Blakeney would not let him since her mother was harassed and propositioned by Macron in the cougar section of the Paris Zoo.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 23rd
2021.
A Renfieldian Call To Arms
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Wednesday night podcast.
He wore a t-shirt that read JUSTIN WELBY IS AN IDIOT.
The podcast started with a video clip of Dr. Anthony Fauci saying to the unvaccinated, “The virus is going to find you.”
“But it seems to be finding the vaccinated first, jackass,” Renfield commented.
“The omicron is surging among vaccinated people for most of the globe’s population, young athletes are keeling over after getting the vaccine, young childen are now dying after the FDA and Health Canada approved the jabs for children 5 to 11 (in Canada and the U.S.) and newborn babies are dying after their pregnant mothers get the shot,” Renfield pointed out, “but still deranged medical bureaucrats and tyrannical politicians across the globe are insisting everyone get vaccinated and are bringing in vaccine mandate laws and even compulsory vaccination”.
A picture of Vladimir Lenin appears holding a book titled What Is To Be Done?
“The answer,” Renfield smiled, “is we kill all the bastards who are advocating for vaccine mandates and compulsory vaccination. A course of action I’ve been advocating since December of last year. Earlier this year when large portions of the population did not get vaccinated, Vaccinazi tyrants among our political leaders said, “No more Mr. Nice Guy.” Well it’s time my fellow anti-Vaccinazis become more like me and less like Liberace, Paul Lynde and Truman Capote and say “No more Mr. Nice Guy.” People who advocate for vaccine mandates and compulsory vaccination should be burnt at the stake, hung by the neck until dead or shot by firing squad.”
Renfield continued,
“Whether you’re a senile old fool who stole your way to power via election fraud and now sit in a big white house where you single handedly keep the adult diaper industry in business or whether you’re an Italian-American physician with a high pitched whiny voice who fancies himself the apotheosis of Science while acting like a 21st Century Dr. Josef Mengele or whether you’re a modern day Fuhrer who drinks bucketloads of beer, snorts truckloads of cocaine and speaks with an Australian rather than a German accent or whether you’re a pro-Anschluss Chancellor in Vienna Austria or the latest sour kraut chancellor in Berlin longing for the glory days of the Third Reich or whether you’re a failed High School Drama teacher who somehow became a Prime Minister but still likes to paint blackface on your face or whether you’re an Apostle of the Antichrist supposedly Catholic Cardinal-Archbishop of Quebec City who has cancelled all Masses over the Christmas Season, the best thing that can happen to you and the best thing that can happen for the world is for you to be burnt at the stake, hung by the neck until dead or shot by firing squad.”
A Christmas choir suddenly appears behind Renfield singing, “Repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy…”
Renfield grins, “Yes, friends, repeat the sounding joy..”
He puts a mistletoe above his desk.
Miss Claus who works in a nearby Department store (where Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writers like George Finneganburg would line up to get their Christmas pictures taken on her knee or possibly across her knee 😉) came in and kissed Renfield under the mistletoe.
Department store Miss Sandra Claus: Just before leaving to take part in the mistletoe segment of British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast
Renfield (smiling broadly after being kissed by Miss Sandra Claus): And now I’d like to leave the last word to Tiny Tim…
A video of a long haired man appears on the screen and he starts singing, “Tiptoe through the tulips…”
Renfield grinning, “Oops.. my bad… wrong Tiny Tim..”
As Renfield gracefully goes across Miss Sandra Claus’ knee to receive a spanking for being bad, a video clip of Glyn Dearman as Tiny Tim from the 1951 Alastair Sim as Scrooge film A Christmas Carol is then shown where he says, “God bless us, everyone.”
The words PEACE ON EARTH, GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN are then shown on the screen.
As a choir sings “God rest ye merry gentlemen…” , photoshopped images of various deranged medical bureaucrats and tyrannical Vaccinazi political leaders from around the world being burnt at the stake, hung by the neck until dead, shot by firing squad or in some cases guillotined are then shown.
The camera then pans to a vast crowd of unmasked non-social distancing revellers partying in London’s Trafalgar Square who are holding up signs that read THIS IS THE REASON WE LOVE RENFIELD.
Pope Francis immediately proceeded to write another papal statement denouncing populism.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 22nd
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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