Pan Goatee’s Shopping Season Beheadings

December 12, 2021 at 9:45 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (Pan Goatee)

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a transit bus when a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ boyfriend with a kid in tow in a baby carriage boarded it.

“What the Hell?” Pan Goatee said, “Dr. Anthony Fauci’s abominations to the human genome are still replicating themselves?”.

He threw his astral laser machete like a boomerang and beheaded fat ugly blimp, moronic low IQ boyfriend and ugly moronic progeny.

Later as he was crossing a street, a thin ugly looking stoat walked by so he beheaded her.

Later at a parking lot in front of a Dollarama store, some fool was driving around trying to run over people.

So Goatee threw his astral laser machete and beheaded him.

“This is what happens when you allow these bleeding heart left-lib types to ban guns,” Goatee noted, “Not only can you not then overthrow tyrannical governments as the Australian people are now discovering but if you ban guns, some people just use their motor vehicles to kill people.”

Goatee then went and sat at another bus stop.

A kid who was the spitting image of an 11-year-old Harry Potter set a firecracker off in front of a grocery store.

“That can’t be the real Harry Potter,” Goatee deduced in Sherlock Holmesian fashion, “Harry Potter wouldn’t do something so reckless and irresponsible. That is a Voldemort impersonation.”

Goatee threw his astal laser machete and beheaded the obnoxious irresponsible Harry Potter wannabe.

Dr. Anthony Fauci who was watching all this unfold via his Hermes Trismegistus autographed (on the bottom) crystal ball shouted, “This Pan Goatee is wrecking my plans for the City of Calgary.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 12th
2021.

Pan Goatee: “Dr. Anthony Fauci is the grinch who wants to steal Christmas this year.”