Pan Goatee Beheads An Airheaded Thin Ugly Stoat

March 10, 2022 at 10:37 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

According to the Pan Goatee Classification System of Ugly Women (which was the most accurate classification system of ugly women ever developed by man or satyr), there were 3 categories of ugly women; the thin ugly stoat, the medium sized ugly gargoyle and the fat ugly blimp.

As Pan Goatee was sitting besides the second door at the front of a Public Transit bus, a thin ugly stoat (who had been sitting at the back of the bus where she belonged) decided to get uppity (way beyond her uglo station in life) and decided to walk up towards the front and get off at the door near where Pan Goatee was sitting.

A total airheaded move.

But then again most uglos are not noted for either their beauty or their brains.

Goatee grabbed his astral laser machete and beheaded the thin ugly stoat.

He then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat carried the uglo stoat’s remains down to Tartarus.

Pan Goatee then did a TV commercial for a custom built coffin maker.

. . .

Pope Francis was debating whether he should call for a Holy Crusade against Russia on behalf of Ukraine and the George Soros-Klaus Schwab New World Order.

How many years should he knock off Purgatory (that he didn’t believe in) to those who took up the Crusade?

How many Get Out of Hell (that he didn’t believe in) Free cards should he issue to those who took up the Crusade?

As he sat there, Phoenix Diabolicus (the fallen angel who was 2nd in charge to Lucifer) approached him, “I think it’s an excellent idea for you to call an Unholy Holy Crusade against Russia.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday
March 10th 2022


  1. Hetty Eliot said,

    Still can’t believe the guy in the photograph is a real person.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, he is.

      He’s the Belgian magician Aaron Crow.

      When I first saw him on America’s Got Talent back in 2018, I said to myself, “That’s Pan Goatee.”

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        I know, you told me once! I just still don’t believe that person exists 🤣

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. 😂

  2. George F. said,

    Call for that Crusade!

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