Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos While Alberta’s Neo-Fascist Tyrant Premier Jason Kenney Hopes For A Joe Biden Like Victory In Mail-In Ballots

April 8, 2022 at 11:18 pm (Aesthetics, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria joins genetically created satyr Pan Goatee the world’s greatest living philosophical authority on aesthetics and beauty in tonight’s vampire novel chapter

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was leaving the grocery store with a bottle of lemonade when a repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband entered the store.

Goatee beheaded them both and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria showed up with a portable high definition television attached to his forehead where he was watching a heavyweight boxing match between Gordon The Black Donnelly (who was related to the infamous Black Donnelly clan of 19th Century Lucan Ontario) the world’s first living dead zombie boxer and a Top 10 world ranked opponent.

He then carried the remains of uglo and moron down to Tartarus as he cheered Gordon The Black Donnelly on in the 1st round.

Goatee was on his way home when he encountered a really super repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband.

The satyr beheaded the really super repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. etc. pieces.

He also beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus with HD television set attached to his forehead arrived cheering on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 2nd round against his opponent and carried the remains down to Tartarus.

Goatee walked a little further and came across another uglo with her moronic boyfriend.

Pan beheaded both uglo and moron and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces.

As if on cue, Krampus arrived with HD television set still attached to his forehead and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 3rd round against his opponent while he carried the remains down to Tartarus.

Goatee continued to walk along when he suddenly saw a fat ugly blimp enter a fenced park area and then frighten a whole bunch of four legged dogs who were being walked on leashes.

Goatee threw his astral laser machete in non-Uncle Ernie style Australian boomerang fashion where it beheaded the fat ugly blimp two legged dog and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus with HD television set still attached to his forehead arrived on scene (this time riding a pair of roller skates) and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 4th round against his opponent while carrying the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus.

. . .

Alberta’s fat slob Neo-Fascist tyrant Premier Jason Kenney was to have faced a leadership review (of his incompetent and totalitarian inclined leadership of Alberta’s United Conservative Party) in the City of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada this weekend.

However Kenney bent the rules to change the vote to a mail-in ballot where the pudgy puffter Premier (as he was called by Edmonton based noted Canadian historian and archivist Jack Morrow) was hoping to pull a Joe Biden and win the leadership through a stuffed mail-in ballot approach (the same way that the Depends wearing senile old fool in the White House Oval Office stole the 2020 U.S. Presidential election from Donald Trump).

For this change in leadership vote tactics, Kenney relied on the advice of the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’Ripper.

The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had been the pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney’s supernatural advisor ever since the Covid-1984 plandemic had been declared by the pro-Communist World Health Organization (WHO) back in March of 2020.

Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was the major shareholder in the Irish Bates Motel in the City of Killarney, Ireland.

The Irish Bates Motel was also the same motel which received more complaints about its showers than any other motel in Ireland.

It was said that the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had an unhealthy relationship with his mother.

The same also could be said of course for Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney and his mother.

Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney was in the bathtub playing with his pink rubber ducky named Mr. Nubbs.

The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was watching on television the world’s first living dead zombie boxer Gordon The Black Donnelly battle his #10 in the world ranked Heavyweight Boxing opponent.

“Believe it or not,” Ripley shouted in the direction of the bathroom, “Gordon the Black Donnelly knocked out his opponent in the 8th round.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 8th


  1. elvis bojangles said,

    Biden didn’t steal the 2020 election from Trump. Biden won it. Trump lost ~ and now, since he endlessly cries and lies about it, he is America’s eternal loser…

    Please don’t get mad at me for being blunt. However, a hearty ribald debate is always welcome…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, Biden stole the election.

      Ballots were stuffed in at least 6 states.

      Probably more states as well.

      America is no longer a democracy.

      It’s a corruptocracy.

      And the mainstream media is part of that corruption.

      America is like the Roman Empire of old.

      • elvis bojangles said,

        You can run around with a corruptocracy in your head if you wish, but I’m gonna run around with a democracy in mine & pull weeds & cultivate the grounds of the ongoing experiment. The free press is watching the government & reporting what it sees. None of us are saints, except, of course, Nancy Pelosi. Her hair reminds me of a brilliant halo…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I was actually hoping that Nancy Pelosi would be gunned down in the street during the January 6th 2001 Capitol Hill protests (called a riot and an insurrection by the psychedelic drug taking brainless mainstream media).

        Alas not everybody’s wishes come true.

        I do hope you get yourself checked into a drug addiction recovery clinic soon so that you can overcome your mind debilitating drug habit and get in touch with reality soon.

  2. Hyperion said,

    This chapter gave me the feeling that Pan and Krampus are falling into a rut of endless aesthetic cleansing. However, Pan is passionate about his work and seems to have endless energy and Krampus has found a way to cope with the workload by carrying his TV with ESPN along for the duty day. All in all it seems to be working well.

    Secondly the Hitchcokian references were delicious consumption. Another chapter we
    L done my friend.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, my friend.

      Yes, Pan and Krampus seemed to be overwhelmed with work at the moment.

      The amount of facially aestheticically challenged women in Calgary seem to be doubling exponentially.

      It’s like a hydra of ugliness arising.

      Glad you enjoyed the Hitchcockian references.

      • Hyperion said,

        No one does it better than you, Chris.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you, Daniel. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Keep it coming. The world needs you or unaesthetic things will take over.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It is the dreaded plan from outer space that Ed Wood Jr. never saw coming.

        Unaesthetic things not Vampira.

        Wood was no prophet.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think he faked it thinking we wouldn’t notice.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, he faked it.

        And Ed Woods’ faked Plan 9 From Outer Space got transferred over to Stanley Kubrick and the Apollo Moon landings thanks to NASA’s resident Jungian Clinical Psychologist’s drunken ramblings in an early Internet chat room 30 years ago this year.

      • Hyperion said,

        There are no secrets on the internet as they all found out.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        All caught in the World Wide Web.

      • Hyperion said,

        To be regurgitated at Senate confirmations ten years later.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        Along with Hunter’s laptop.

        Which may explain why Joe just appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court a judge who was soft and lenient on pedophiles and purveyors of child pornography.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think you are into a truth we were afraid to know. If the left MSM comes out calling it baseless, then we know for sure it’s true.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that’s a sure indicator it’s true.

        Especially if New York Times and Washington Post ” fact checkers” say it’s not true.

        The same sort of people who share and exchange photos with Hunter.

      • Hyperion said,

        Exactly. Birds of a feather bootie poke each other together.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        In storm, calm or whatever the weather.

      • Hyperion said,

        While the raven says, WTF! I never….

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Pallas Athena’s bust says, “This raven is clever.”

      • Hyperion said,

        And the Mistress of the Dark shrugs, “whatever,”
        As the wurst slides down her throat she quips,
        “I never say never.”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As the country music singer sings, “Elvira forever.”

      • Hyperion said,

        This story only gets better

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Like tenderloin alongside the purloined letter.

  3. elvis bojangles said,

    The only drug to which I’m addicted is coffee. Biden hasn’t stolen anything in his entire life. That’s why on the Indian reservation they call him “Honest Joe”. And what about Nancy’s smile? How can you be so hard on a woman with a smile like that? So radiant, and so reflective of a tender heart!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Not true.

      Joe Biden stole all of one of British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock’s speeches back in the late 1980s.

      Including Biden claiming in the speech, “I’m the son of a coal miner.”

      Neil Kinnock was.

      Joe Biden wasn’t.

      Nancy Pelosi favours the murder of unborn children as well as sexual perversions like sodomy and transgenderism.

      As does Joe Biden.

      • elvis bojangles said,

        Biden has sometimes been forgetful. And he forgot to give credit to the Englander’s speech that time. The expansion of freedom for some groups (sudden moms, queers, etc) sometimes can be regrettable. But what’s also regrettable is Trump trying to steal the election while declaring Biden of stealing it. There are about 50 judges across the U.S., some appointed by Trump, who wonder where’s the evidence that backs Trump’s accusation. Meanwhile a mountain of evidence is growing that Trump’s attempted switcheroo was actually ~ a clumsy crime…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Joe Biden is the servant of the World Economic Forum and the Transhumanists.

        That’s why he won the election.

        They fix elections all over the world.

        Except in Russia.

        Which is why Russia is fighting the West in Ukraine.

  4. elvis bojangles said,

    Oh, this train is now arriving in Yuma, Arizona. I must get off here. Thank you for your perspective…

  5. Hyperion said,

    By the fireplace in a favorite sweater

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Brandon is tied by a lady in leather.

      • Hyperion said,

        When suddenly Brandon’s depends explode with a honking blather

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Causing all living within immediate sight to run, jump and scatter.

      • Hyperion said,

        Leaving their Calvin Klein undies in tatters

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And brown sploshes were everywhere splattered.

      • Hyperion said,

        Escaping the stigma of poo foot is now all that matters

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which explains everyone hanging from the rafters.

      • Hyperion said,

        Sadly, for them, there is no happy ever after.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And now Joe Biden is even dafter.

      • Hyperion said,

        Pooty Joe is always in the crapper

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Looking for toilet paper outside the wrapper.

      • Hyperion said,

        With soggy drawers,
        Pooty Joe thought himself quite dapper

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        But he frightened off a girl dressed as a 1920s Flapper.

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