Pan Goatee Beheads Brainless Uglo While Matthew Fox Is In The Running To Become The Next Unholy Grand Inquisitor

April 14, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Krampus The Demon much prefers Christmas to April snowstorms

It was April.

And there was a huge snowstorm happening.

So much for global warming.

Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore found himself buried under 6 feet of snow.

And as far as the snow clearing crews were concerned, Gore could remain buried.

While much of North America found itself buried under feet of white, the Oval Office in the White House found itself buried under feet of brown.

“My Depends runneth over,” senile old Joe whined.

Today was also the 110th Anniversary of the night the Titanic struck an iceburg.

Ukraine marked the anniversary by sinking the pride and flagship of the Russian Navy’s Black Sea fleet the guided-missile cruiser Moskva.

Meanwhile the charismatic genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a bus.

His stomach started to churn when a repulsive uglo got on the bus.

However unlike many uglos, she went and sat at the back of the bus so Goatee wouldn’t have to look at her repulsive ugly face.

Later Goatee went to a office to get some paper work done and faxes sent.

He was out walking when the same repulsive uglo he had seen on the bus earlier was now walking straight towards him.

“What? Seeing your stupid ugly face twice in the same day? I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again,” Goatee beheaded the repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon arrived being pulled in a one horse open sleigh through the blinding snowstorm.

“It’s almost Easter and it’s starting to look a lot like Christmas,” Krampus observed.

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Peter Cottontail (hopping down the bunny trail) collided on the icy snowy streets.

. . .

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, satanic AntiPope Francis, as he had done on the island of Malta, was directing that all Crosses and Crucifixes be taken down so as not to offend Muslims.

Meanwhile on loudspeakers parked outside the Vatican, the voice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield could be heard reading aloud Canto 28 of Dante’s Inferno.

And Pope Francis was telling an aide that he was thinking of appointing the New Age astrology believing and witchcraft practicing Episcopalian priest Father Matthew Fox (who had been a Dominican priest until he had been investigated for his whacko beliefs by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger the future Pope Benedict XVI) to be the new head of the Congregation For The Doctrine of the Faith.

It would be the new Unholy Grand Inquistor’s job to enforce the syncretistic beliefs of Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s new Church to be called Mystery Babylon The Mother of Harlots.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 14th



  1. Seoul Sister said,

    Depends wasn’t so dependable 😅!

  2. Hyperion said,

    I really am into this morphing of the Vatican into a cult. I think there are tons of chapters that can come out of that. I think Pan Goatee needs to meet a worthy opponent on the bus. He should meet up with a libertine post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion where a duel to the death occurs but where Pan must use every ounce of his strength and cunning to over come the evil antagonist sent by his/her holiness the grand harlot of Faustus to even the score.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I agree, Daniel, I think there are tons of chapters to come out of AntiPope Francis morphing the Vatican into a cult.

      A fencing match between Pan Goatee and a libertine post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion would be quite the match.

      I imagine it would be a sell out on Pay-Per-View in Calgary among the brainless white males of Calgary where they would be cheering on the libertine post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion since it (a pronoun that I hope transgenders won’t find offensive) reminds them so much in appearance of their own white girlfriends or wives.

      I myself am a Drumheller born and Edmonton raised white male so that’s why I don’t have the inherent bad taste in women that most Calgary white males seem to have.

      And why I seem to get along with the city’s African, Caribbean, East Asian, South Asian and Latin American women who don’t seem to have Nancy Pelosi’s and the Hillary Beast’s and Mrs. Sheldon Cooper’s facially aestheticaly challenged DNA in their genes.

      • Hyperion said,

        Canada is such a beautiful country. I guess the environment hasn’t been friendly to the DNA in some places. I suppose, this sets the tone for the inevitable battle between the aesthetics of Aasgärd and Olympus. Loki’s children come to mind versus the offspring of the Greco Roman Pantheon who gave us many stunning goddesses for the shepherds to dream about.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think about 3 years back I did write a blog post where Loki was making out with female walruses in the Bow River as the explanation for Calgary’s ugly female population.

        So I guess this is what it comes down to – the progeny of Loki vs. the progeny of the Greco-Roman pantheon.

        I imagine the post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion is the immediate offspring of Loki and the female human genitalia of the Baphomet.

        While Pan Goatee undoubtedly carries the blood of the Greco-Roman pantheon in his veins.

      • Hyperion said,

        It does seem to all fall into place when one looks at the situation in Calgary versus some place like Miami Beach. On one hand the Trickster is employing the aid of of female walruses to produce laser fodder for Pan Goatee and on the other hand we have string micro bikini manufacturers producing female goddesses to attract Russian Oligarchs in their oversized yachts to become cannon fodder for the International Russian Oligarch Yacht Capture program. I see how it works now. 👀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it’s quite a cleverly worked plan.

      • Hyperion said,

        I’m going to enjoy reading about it in the Vampire Chapters.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’d be writing more chapters if I didn’t have to do all this blasted paperwork to get back on the Alberta Government Housing, Medical and Income Support Program which they in their stupidity got me off of due to a computer glitch.

        I still owe $500 for this month’s rent but fortunately for me I’ve got understanding landlords who know how stupid the Aberta government can be.

        I’ve got 5 out of 6 documents completed.

        The only thing I need to do now is get a doctor’s note.

        I finally got ahold of my doctor’s office and have an appointment for Friday.

        But there’s a $50 surcharge of cash to get the doctor’s note that I don’t have.

      • Hyperion said,

        Are you still unable to use paypal?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I still seem to be unable to use PayPal.

      • Hyperion said,

        Darn! Sometimes being cut off from Satanic systems can be a temporary setback.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It can.

        I think Satan arranges for that to happen.

  3. Hyperion said,

    I do believe that the Libertine movement that adheres strictly to the teaching of The Marquis de Sade will normalize sexually transgendered people and teach three year olds to always lust for the sterile ersatz man or woman. In this way the next step to normalizing beastiality will pass easily into broad practice. And for those who yearn for the bizarre deviant desire for a heterosexual relationship will be encouraged to wed silicone dolls with fully functional genitals. The population then crashes to pre Stone Age levels and the Uber rich revel in their bit coin even tho there is no way to use it. It all depends on whether Pan Goatee wins or the post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion wins.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s true – just like the 1st Ali-Frazier Fight was the Fight of the 20th Century according to writer Norman Mailer so the fight between Pan Goatee and the post operative M2F transgendered Olympic fencing champion becomes the Fight of the 21st Century.

      • Hyperion said,

        Dang! This is much more than I imagined.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As Howard Cosell might put it, “This is a spectacle on which hangs the fate of the entire Cosmos. We’ll be right back after this message from Squirrel Peanut Butter.”

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL 😆 that about sums it up.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It does. 😁

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: