Pan Goatee Beheads Evil Norse God Loki

April 25, 2022 at 10:01 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

The evil Norse god Loki after having been beheaded and dismembered by the genetically created classical Greek mythological satyr Pan Goatee is brought back from the dead by Dr. Anthony Fauci and a voodoo witch doctor only to die at the hands of Heimdall at the Battle of Ragnarok

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “Yesterday on Eastern Orthodox Sunday, Joe Biden’s cerebrally challenged Secretary of State Antony Blinken and his pronoun challenged Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin flew to Kyiv to meet with Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelenskiy. This meeting could prove disastrous for the Ukrainian people given the Biden Administration’s innate inability to win a war or win a peace or win anything else for that matter (except when it comes to massive cheating and fraud in a U.S. Presidential election)…”

When the podcast was over, Michelangelo drifted off to sleep where he had a dream (or was it a vision?) of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee battling the evil Norse god Loki (progenitor of the pathetically and repulsively ugly white women of Calgary).

In the battle the mighty Goatee beheaded the evil Loki and cut him up into the exact number of pieces that matched the exact number of inches and centimeters combined across the entire Universe.

“Math is a wonderful thing,” Odin commented as he licked a popsicle.

Krampus arrived to carry the remains of the despicable Loki down to Tartarus.

Unfortunately for humanity, the evil Dr. Anthony Fauci and an evil voodoo witch doctor named Dr. Blinken Austin brought Loki back from the dead (using trillions and trillions of research dollars (that shocked the ghost of Carl Sagan) that Biden printed up to accomplish the feat pushing America further into debt and massive inflation) and once again the villainous wretch was once again walking the face of the Earth.

Meanwhile tonight over in the City of Calgary (the site of Loki’s demonic and diabolical mating experiments), Pan Goatee had gone for an evening walk when he encountered a fat ugly blimp approaching him on the sidewalk so the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later the satyr walked into a Dollarama store to see if there were any items he needed.

While standing in one of the aisles Goatee looked to see if he could buy a jar of Instant Coffee.

There was no Instant Coffee.

Whereas a couple of weeks ago there were plenty of jars and now they were all gone.

A supply chain crisis that senile old fool Joe Biden would no doubt blame on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

As he stood in the aisle, a fat ugly blimp customer gazed down the aisle at him.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it down the aisle at the fat ugly blimp.

It beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces before returning to Goatee.

Goatee selected some other items and went up to the cashier.

There was only one other customer in front of him although the bozo seemed to be having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner.

As the bozo was failing on his 999 trillionth attempt to try to tap his debit card on to the scanner- another cashier- a fat ugly blimp- arrived on the scene and bellowed (in cow like fashion), “I can help whoever’s next.”

Goatee wasn’t going to be served by someone that fat and ugly so he put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the uglo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x ROTFLMFAO ! x etc. etc. pieces.

Goatee was so angry that he went back and left his basket in one of the aisles and left the store without buying anything.

As the satyr exited, he noticed the bozo was still having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner so Pan put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the bozo where it promptly beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The idiot would never ever have to worry about figuring out how to tap a debit card on to a scanner again.

Meanwhile over at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis decided not to meet Patriarch Kirill of Moscow after his Aleister Crowley blessed tarot card deck told him not to.

-Written Monday April 25th 2022.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: