Cardinal Salaman’s Dream About Dante and Virgil

June 17, 2022 at 10:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Those who are wise keep their lamps lit in these times.
Those who are foolish do not.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was asleep in his bed.

It was difficult being one of the few heterosexuals who worked at the Vatican these days.

And today he had read an advanced notice about an announcement that Pope Francis would soon be making about world geopolitics and global religion.

Most of the governments of the world should love him, Big Business should love him and the mainstream media should love him.

But what about the average worshipper in the pew?

What would his or her reaction be?

Salaman had a dream where the classical Roman poet Virgil and the medieval Florentine poet Dante visited him.

They took him to a deep circle of Tartarus.

They pointed to a rotating barbeque spit over open flames.


Dante and Virgil advised Samhain Cardinal Salaman not to join him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 17th



  1. thefirstdark said,

  2. Hyperion said,

    Wow Chris! This was stellar satire using two of my favorite historical figures. Dante wrote his Divine Comedy as a satire including several Popes and public figures of his day as they served out their time in Tartarus. And you have brilliantly carried on Dante’s work guiding us to another Pope’s final roasting place. I must admit, as serious as the truth is in our lives these days, that got a boisterous snort laugh from me. And then there was the deep suffering of loneliness for Cardinal Salaman as the only hetero male left in the Vatican. Touché. I suppose it is a lucky thing women aren’t allowed as priests in the Church. All of the countless undefined women who do not menstruate would surely create a scene for all the kindergarten and middle school children attending the Drag Queen readings of the Bible.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Daniel. 🙏🏻

      And you’re spot on about Drag Queen story readings of the Bible.

      God knows what they’d do with the story of Samson and Delilah.

      Competitor Delilah cutting competitor Samson’s hair the night before history’s first Miss Universe pageant.

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh God! My Head Elves just gave me a preview of the Hollywood woke bareback version starring RuPaul as Sampson and Joy Behar as Delilah. 🤢🤮. Instead of pulling the pillars of the temple down on the pagans, Sampson goes for a bikini wax and Delilah accidentally farts next to the boiling pot of oil and the place blows up. My Head Elves are not ones to stick to conventional horror film constructs.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oh God! Your head elves have successfully given me nightmares for days to come with that imagery. 🤢🤮

        Bill Gates’ last words before being struck and killed by one of the building’s falling steel beams were, “Stop that old cow from farting. It affects climate change.”

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haaaa! In this case, I actually side with Bill on the stop that old cow from farting. And sorry for the very uncouth comment. Some times I give myself PTSD and everyone around me. Those dang Head Elves.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And I’m currently getting PTSD because I haven’t got any new emails in my Gmail account the past 24 hours.

        I’m not sure whether my email is delayed due to being examined by national security agencies or whether my Gmail account is being considered full by Google.

        I’m unable to go back to the beginning of my emails and delete all my old ones from 2002 on.

        Remember you told me to click on More to access my old emails.

        Well I’ve clicked on More and nothing happens.

        I couldn’t do it on my old iPhone either before my old iPhone finally died a month and a half ago.

        In fact the last time I was able to go back and access my old emails from the very beginning was on a desktop computer.

        And of course as I discovered earlier this year I’m still banned from Calgary Public Libraries and thus can’t use their desktop computers.

        I’m freaking out because Gmail is my only method of communication with the outside world as I don’t have a phone.

        Is there any way you can phone Google in person and ask them if you could buy storage (100 GB for $15 a month) as a gift for a friend who’s on disability pension and is struggling to meet ends meet?

        Tell them my email address (which you have) and my Gmail user name Christopher Milner and my Google user name (Google user name not Gmail user name which IS Christopher Milner) which is ChristopherDraculVanHelsing.

        And that you’d like to buy Gmail storage for this person.

        Unless of course it’s like I told Hetty above, national intelligence agencies are intercepting my Gmail.

        Today I had to come and check my comments on my blog on WP in WP in person as I’m no longer getting Gmail notifications in person when someone comments.

      • Hyperion said,

        Hi Chris, I just saw this and hope your Gmail,has gotten dispensation from Tartarus so you can get your mail. It’s probably something very simple. Can you see your usage, how much you have stored on your account?

        Next, do you save emails in folders or everything in the inbox?

        Finally, look at the top of your email screen and it should show you how many emails you have in your inbox.

        Just start by deleting emails you don’t want on the first page and emails from the next page will fill the now empty slots. Due this a few times and you will be under the limits and can get more email.

        But, if your account is still near the limit you have to use the navigation arrows at the top right of the screen and move back in time and delete more emails.

        If it’s another problem, then you have to address that problem, like connectivity or your phone memory is full.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I discovered how much storage usage I have by clicking on my Google account icon on the top right hand side of my Google Chrome browser.

        I apparently am using 15.38 GB (or 102%) of my 15 GB limit.

        And it’s all to be found in Gmail.

        So I guess that explains why Cerberus has bit my buttocks in Tartarus.

        I’ve got all my email in Folders.

        Though I’ve now deleted all the emails in my Spam folder and am not getting any new Spam since I’m currently not getting any new emails.

        I have been slowly deleting some of my emails in the Promotions folder though obviously not enough since I’ve still got 15.38% GB usage left in my Google account.

        Is there any way I’d be able to delete all the email in my Promotions folder at once?

        Since I really don’t pay much attention to Promotions anyway.

        I’ve been doing it manually for a great part of the day yesterday and only have gotten about as far back as March 20th of this year.

        And still have 15.38% usage.

        I don’t know how far back the Promotions folder email goes and I imagine most of those Promotions have long since expired anyways.

      • Hyperion said,

        You can delete all the emails by clicking the square box above the top of the mailbox. That selects all the emails on the page which is usually 100. You should see a pop up that asks if you want to select all emails in the folder. Click yes, then click the trash can for delete and you are done. If it’s a lot of emails it may take a minute to complete. If you don’t see the select all emails in the folder pop up, just select the delete trash can and after the page reloads repeat until you are done. Do this for every folder you want to reduce.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


      • Hyperion said,

        Did it work?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hi Daniel,

        Yes, it did.

        The biggest help was when you advised me to find where my data usage appears.

        There is something called the Google One Manager where you can empty both your Spam and Trash folders en masse.

        I’ve been doing that since the first time earlier this year when I got the Google notification that my Google/Gmail limit was almost full.

        Then of course in both April and May I got the notification that my Gmail was 100% full.

        But since they hadn’t shut off my Gmail, I just emptied Spam and Trash en masse in the Google One Manager and deleted recent emails in the Promotions folder.

        But as of last Saturday night, I couldn’t receive or send emails.

        When you mentioned Find your Data usage, that helped solve the problem.

        For some reason Google engineers don’t put your exact data usage meter in the Google One Manager (probably because they’re too busy working on Sentient AIs).

        When you said Find your exact data usage, I googled in the Google search engine how you do that.

        It told me to click on the Google icon at the top right hand corner of a Google Chrome browser.

        So I did that.

        And found my data usage meter.

        I discovered to my horror that I was using 15.38 GB (or 102%) of my 15 GB limit.

        No wonder they cut me off.

        However if they had had the intelligence to automatically put the Google Data Usage Meter in the Google One Manager (where they put everything else in relation to managing one’s Google account) but alas! they do not have the intelligence, I might have noticed months ago how much of my Google data usage I was using and acted accordingly beforehand.

        Due to the inherent gremlins within my own tablet and inability to scroll down through a lot of emails, it took me a long while to get below the limit.

        I kept having to close and open Gmail again and again to get to the next email to delete.

        I deleted emails within the Promotions folder as they’re seem to be a heck of a lot of emails in there.

        Restaurants and stores I had foolishly signed up in person to receive emails.

        Other promotions I suspect other people had signed up to receive emails for using my email address.

        For example some joker used my email address to sign up for the Donald Trump Committee back in the late 20-teens.

        As starting about 2017 I kept getting supposedly personal emails from Donald Trump or his son Eric addressed to me- Clark Kent of Kansas City , Kansas – asking for money to support his rallies and his campaigns.

        And I’ve been getting them ever since.

        No one on the Donald Trump Committee was bright enough to realize it might be a joke someone had done.

        A Clark Kent from a metropolis in Kansas?

        Wake up and smell the Kryptonite.

        Anyhow I deleted all the emails from Promotions into Trash working backwards from solstice to equinox to solstice to equinox.

        When I hit the nearest date to solstice or equinox, I went to the Google One Manager and deleted all the Trash items en masse.

        It was when I went back to the Spring Equinox of 2021 (which I did at 3 PM local time today) that I finally hit the Data usage limit of 14.95 GB (below the designated 15 GB) and immediately noticed I started receiving new emails.

      • Hyperion said,

        And I suspect you will hit your limits again soon because Google is too busy trying to keep their sentient AI quiet and stop using Twitter. This will mean that you will go over your limit without being notified. But, at least you can keep deleting unwanted emails at a more manageable pace. Definitely unsubscribe from the Donald Trump association or the Biden administration may put sanctions on you and follow you around to find out where you hid your super yacht. Biden likes a free yacht cruise.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A yacht that will be sunk by a load of crap and not an iceberg.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haaaa! Hope the security team checks the maximum adult diaper limits before POOTUS is boarded.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Or otherwise instead of a movie titled How Green Was My Valley, it will be a movie titled How Brown Was My Ocean.

      • Hyperion said,

        Indeed, you may have illuminated the source and cause of the Washington swamp gas epidemic.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The brainless mainstream media were never able to locate it because they already have a crappy point of view.

      • Hyperion said,

        They only need to look down and see they are standing in it.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Exactly. 😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s apparently 100 GB for $2.79 a month.

  3. Hetty Eliot said,

    O lord what is Bergolzebub planning now????

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’m not quite sure, Hetty.

      I’m not sure whether it’s my imagination or the inspiration of the Holy Spirit that led me to write about a secret agreement.

      Maybe the latter.

      As I haven’t got any new emails in my Gmail account the past 24 hours.

      Maybe they’re all being examined and censored by various national security agencies.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Did you see the Vatican coin with the child being vaccinated? I don’t know how I missed it.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I saw a picture of it just yesterday.

        Nothing like the Vatican promoting the DeathVaxx on its coinage.

        But then they did mint a coin showing the image of Pachamama back in late 2019.

        I think it was on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception they released it.

      • Hetty Eliot said,

        Yes I think you’re right about the date. I remember you writing “Render unto Pachamama what is Pachamama’s.”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oh yes, I’d forgotten that I had written that. 😀

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