The Chorus Girl

July 31, 2022 at 9:33 pm (Poetry) ()

Way back in the day
A mayor’s folly could be found
In Ziegfeld Follies

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The Duck Called Samuel Puddlington Raises A Glass

July 30, 2022 at 8:06 pm (Humour, News, Poetry) (, , , , , )

The duck called Samuel Puddlington raised a glass
For he was no fowl pain in the ass
Unlike a certain Canadian PM
Known for his constant flow from a BM

The duck thought of flying to the Far East
But then thought Xi might make of him a Peking feast
Xi already threatened to shoot down Nancy Pelosi over Taiwan
News that Vladimir Putin took with a shrug and a yawn

Samuel Puddlington said “A toast! A toast!”
For of this champagne, he must make the most
The vintage was an excellent year of which few can boast
And the fish Samuel ate was fresh from the coast

Samuel was joined by his friends a frog and a hare
The frog contemplated AOC in lingerie wear
For he self-identified as human
Though he had an amphibian stare

-A Samuel Puddlington poem
written by Christopher
Saturday July 30th
2022.

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Renfieldian Podcast For Friday July 29th 2022

July 29, 2022 at 7:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a podcast for today Friday July 29th 2022.

Began Renfield, “A sour and grim faced looking Pope Francis told Catholic priests in Quebec yesterday to be filled with the joy of the Gospel. …”

The British MP went on, “A Demon Buffalo was seen emerging from the waters of Lac Ste. Anne in Alberta today. The lake was just blessed by Pope Francis this past Tuesday July 26th. July 26th is the Feast Day of St. Anne on the Catholic Church calendar.”

Renfield went on to his next news item, “Five doctors in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) of Ontario, Canada have all died suddenly within a 2-week period this past month. Dr. Paul D. Hannam died July 16th. Dr. Lorne E. Segall died July 17th. Dr. Stephen W. McKenzie died July 18th. Dr. Jacub T. Sawicki died July 19th. Dr. Shariar Jalali Mazlouman died July 23rd. Dr. Candace Nayman died July 28th. We’ll be back with more on this news story after this important message by Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Scientist for Set Enterprises.”

Dr. Cadbury Rocher appears, “Ladies and gentlemen, the Israeli and UK governments’ own statistics (totally ignored by the world’s brainless mainstream media) show that the more boosters of the Covid-19 vaccine you have received, the greater your chances of dropping dead.”

Renfield: Thank you for that important message, Dr. Rocher.

Renfield went on, “Getting back to our news story about 5 doctors in the Greater Toronto Area suddenly dropping dead within a 2-week period this past month, undoubtedly authorities and health “experts” will be assuring us that these premature deaths have nothing to do with the demands of the Greater Toronto Area hospitals for a “fourth jab” among health system workers of the so-called “vaccines” which don’t work, don’t last, maim and kill and are not safe or effective except for increasing business for funeral homes.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday July 29th
2022.

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Observations From Athena

July 28, 2022 at 9:05 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom

Athena was in the study of British MP Winston Churchill in the early 1930s.

“So,” Athena asked the British MP, “You’ve actually read Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler?”.

“I have,” Churchill nodded.

“Then,” Athena noted, “That puts you at an advantage over most people in the world in recognizing this evil.”

Statement of a “fact-checker” in the 1930s: The idea that Adolf Hitler and the Nazis want to rule the world is a conspiracy theory.

90 years later Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom was in the study of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“So,” Athena asked the British MP, “You’ve actually read the writings of Klaus Schwab and watched the World Economic Forum’s own videos on YouTube?”.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Then,” Athena noted, “That puts you at an advantage over most people in the world in recognizing this evil.”

Statement of a “fact-checker” in the 2020s: The idea that Klaus Schwab and the World Economic Forum want to rule the world is a conspiracy theory.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 28th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos and Morons and Talks To The Demon Buffalo

July 27, 2022 at 8:47 pm (Aesthetics) ()

The airhead was standing at the Dollar store counter buying everything in the store.

Loaded into her shopping cart which was piled high to the ceiling.

If the Dollar store manager had had any brains, she’d have had another cashier working.

But the Dollar store manager had no brains.

And last night told a Gallop poll survey on the phone that she thought Justin Trudeau was doing an excellent job.

Fortunately for Pan Goatee, the airhead had not bought any lemonade so the satyr was able to buy lemonade.

Possibly buying everything in the store was a slight exaggeration.

But just barely.

There was a woman in front of Goatee (she had 5 items) and was standing behind the airhead who was buying almost everything in the store.

Another woman was standing Goatee. She had 3 items.

A rather stupid looking male was standing behind the woman with 3 items. He had about 20 items.

Goatee was surprised that the stupid looking male wasn’t there with an uglo girlfriend as stupid males in the city of Calgary seemed to be dumb enough to have uglo girlfriends

Suddenly the stupid looking male dropped his basket and went running to the front door.

“Hey,” he shouted and then closed the door and came back in line.

“Somebody just stole my bicyle,” the moron bellowed like a bull elephant who just got a vasectomy, “I had it parked out front and somebody stole it.”

“Maybe you should lock your bike, moron,” Goatee said.

The moron continued to swear and bellow.

Goatee got sick of the moron’s swearing and bellowing and thus the satyr threw his astral laser machete at the bellowing moron.

The machete beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The airhead at the cashier meanwhile was still getting her 998 trillion Dollar store items put into bags.

Goatee was sick of waiting so he beheaded the airhead and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then left the store.

An uglo woman was walking across the street with her better looking friend.

Goatee, in a sour mood because of the airhead and moron in the Dollar store, threw his astral laser machete across the street.

The machete beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The machete then returned to Goatee.

“And that airhead shouldn’t be out walking with such an uglo,” Goatee threw the machete across the street and beheaded the uglo’s airheaded friend and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As Goatee continued to walk down the street, he encountered a bicyling pair of losers.

One was a moronic looking low IQ male and the other was his uglo looking girlfriend.

Goatee hurled his machete (before hurling his lunch at the sight of such an uglo).

The machete beheaded the bicycle pedalling uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then went to work on the bicycle pedalling moronic looking low IQ boyfriend beheading the stupid looking jackass and cutting him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The riderless bikes then crashed into a bunch of cars at a nearby intersection.

“Let’s go, Brandon,” the car drivers shouted.

Someone later painted the phrase Joe Was Here at the intersection.

As he continued to walk down the street, Pan Goatee met the Demon Buffalo whom he’d met on a number of occasions this past week.

“Did you get the chance to meet Pope Francis while he was in Alberta?” The satyr asked the demon buffalo.

“No, he refused to meet with me,” the Demon Buffalo complained.

“Wow, nothing like pissing off a demon buffalo,” Pan thought to himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
Wednesday July 27th
2022.

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A Love Most Elusive

July 26, 2022 at 8:00 pm (Poetry) ()

Always in my dreams
Never in reality
And it’s killing me

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Where Arthur Walked

July 25, 2022 at 8:14 pm (History, Mythology, Poetry) (, )

Path of Welsh village
Once part of Arthur’s kingdom
Royal legacy

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Renfield’s Podcast For Saturday July 23rd 2022

July 23, 2022 at 9:57 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Ava Gardner appeared in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s dreams

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about Ava Gardner when his alarm clock went off.

“Darn,” Renfield turned off the alarm.

He looked at his watch.

Almost time for his live Saturday night podcast.

“Usually my late Saturday afternoon and early evening power naps aren’t so exciting,” Renfield sighed.

Renfield walked over to his desk.

“Good evening,” Renfield sat in front of his PC, “The despicable Mario Draghi has resigned as Prime Minister of Italy and new Parliamentary elections have been called. Hopefully Italians will now elect a government that’s opposed to the globalist policies of the World Economic Forum.”

Renfield went on to his next item, “The U.S. Navy has announced that it will start serving plant-based “meat” to its overseas service personnel as part of its efforts to fight climate change.”

Renfield then showed a video of Russian President Vladimir Putin laughing his head off.

“Between transgenderism and serving phony meat meant for wusses, the U.S. Armed Forces won’t have any real men left,” Renfield pointed out.

He then shows a video of Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping rubbing his hands in glee.

“Over in Canada, Canadian farmers are showing their solidarity with Dutch farmers whose farms and livelihoods are being threatened by the pro-WEF Fascist/Corporatist government of Holland,” Renfield explained, “This is a video showing Canadian farmers driving their vehicles down an Ontario highway flying both the Dutch and Canadian flags on their vehicles and heading towards Ottawa where they will protest in front of the Dutch Embassy.”

Renfield then showed a photo of the Chief of Police of the Ottawa Police Service.

The man was seen sporting an Adolf Hitler haircut and an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“Meanwhile,” Renfield continued, “the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed in Ottawa and violators will be arrested. Of course where in Canadian law or the Canadian Constitution does it say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed? Nowhere. Like Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service are arbitrarily pulling made up laws out of their AIDS and monkeypox infested assholes. And of course no Leftist in North America is calling for the defunding of this group of clowns- a police service that actually deserves to be defunded. Whose members should all be fired and new recruits called in. Ones whose minds haven’t been destroyed by that mental veneral disease known as totalitarianism that seems to have infected the minds of the current members of the Ottawa Police Service.”

Renfield then concluded his podcast with a video showing Bill Gates eating filet mignon in an expensive restaurant while yacking into his smart phone about how the world’s lower classes need to start eating bugs and loving it.

Over at the Vatican, Pope Francis was in bed and dreaming about his upcoming visit to Edmonton.

Renfield went to bed and was once again dreaming of Ava Gardner.

She was reprising her 1951 film role of Pandora while James Mason as the Captain of The Flying Dutchman was telling her that he had once sailed his ship down the North Saskatchewan River in Alberta, Canada and had encountered a Demon Buffalo while doing so.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 23rd
2022.

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Demon Buffalo Watches Fauci Created Repulsive Ugly Looking Female Get Beheaded By Pan Goatee

July 22, 2022 at 9:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Black Forest Ham Sandwich at Subway restaurants is quite delicious.

Of course if Bill Gates, Justin Trudeau, the World Economic Forum and Pope Francis’ Vatican have their way, that will be replaced by the Black Fly Insect Sandwich.

As the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg noted, “Bugs are coming and we will eat them… sauteed, butteried, fried, boiled… and we will be grateful…”

Pan Goatee had just been in a Subway restaurant where he ate a Black Forest Ham Sandwich.

Something that would be unavailable after the World Economic Forum Great Reset on Sandwiches and Burgers had taken place.

As he crossed the street, he noticed a female cyclist on a bicyle wearing an overarching helmet, a bandana and dark sunglasses.

Goatee deduced that either she was an uglo (and didn’t want to be beheaded) or she was up to some nefarious activity.

Looking at the backpack on her back which was stuffed with green dye stained $100 bills as well as a handgun, Pan deduced that it was the latter. Although it could have been the former as well.

The satyr did not bother to find out.

He beheaded the criminal female cyclist and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Thus saving the Canadian taxpayer the cost of a court trial.

As Goatee walked down the street, he passed a bus stop booth where stood a really super repulsively ugly looking female.

She was not of the fat ugly blimp variety.

She was quite thin (no doubt having adopted the Bill Gates recommended Scarsdale Airhead Diet of mealworms and crickets).

Since Pan wasn’t going to catch a bus at that stop, he didn’t bother to behead the repulsive looking uglo.

Unbeknownst to Pan however, the repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo was an assassin working for mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Fauci, in an Axis of Evil with the Norse trickster god Loki, was the man responsible for genetically creating hundreds of thousands of ugly looking women in the City of Calgary.

Both Fauci and Loki were ticked off at the fact that Goatee had beheaded so many of their ugly looking creation.

This particularly repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo had scored the highest score on a Fauci-Loki created IQ test administered among Calgary female uglos.

She had scored a whopping 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000001% on the answers.

So she had been given a Fauci-Loki invented laser death ray hand gun (that was available to the general public through a mail order house in Chicago) and instructed to vapourize Pan Goatee into non-existence.

The super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo pointed the laser death ray hand gun in the direction of Pan Goatee.

She should have pointed the gun straight at the satyr.

But being an airhead, she pointed the gun up into the air and vapourized a rope held scaffold platform sending some poor window cleaner plunging to his death.

She then raced and ran to get in front of Pan.

The fact that the satyr could still be seen walking down the sidewalk should have clued the clueless airhead into the fact that Pan Goatee hadn’t been vapourized into non-existence.

But being an airhead, she had no clue.

Goatee then beheaded the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x etc. etc. … pieces.

The Greek god Ares (who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation) arrived to pick up the remains of the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and carry them down to Tartarus.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake stopped Ares.

“Allow me,” the demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red, “to carry this ugly looking bitch’s remains down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs.”

As the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake carried the ugly looking bitch down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs, Pan Goatee decided to go to his favourite downtown lounge to have a cool refreshing drink on this hot summer day.

As he approached the lounge he noticed a super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo standing about a dozen feet away from the entrance.

Not wanting to take any chances that this uglo was likewise a Fauci-Loki trained assassin, Pan likewise beheaded this super repulsively ugly thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Ares arrived to pick up the remains.

. . .

Pope Francis was sitting in his office.

A Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert who had been sent to Alberta to discover the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake entered the office to orally deliver his report.

“So Father Grimm, what have you discovered about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake, Alberta?” Bergoglio asked.

“Hadn’t we better lower the Cone of Silence and I can tell you on the off chance that Vladimir Putin has this place bugged… or I should say… wiretapped?” Father Grimm suggested.

The Vatican’s Cone of Silence had been invented by a Jesuit inventor who had drank one too many tequilas and who had watched one too many episodes of the 1960s television series Get Smart.

Pope Francis pushed an intercom on his desk, “Cardinal Frutti, lower the Cone of Silence.”

The Cone of Silence was lowered.

“So, Father Grimm,” Bergoglio addressed the Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert, “what have you found out about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake?”.

“Nothing,” Father Grimm replied.

“Cardinal Frutti,” Francis again pushed the intercom on his desk, “Raise the Cone of Silence.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday July 22nd
2022.

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James Bondeseque SPECTRE Like Billionaire Meets The Demon Buffalo

July 21, 2022 at 9:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Miles Standish Longfellow Farm had been a family farm in the Didsbury district of Alberta for over 100 years.

It raised dairy cattle.

Dairy cattle were not as offensive as beef cattle to the climate change obsessed but they were offensive none the less.

All this bovine flatulence left a heavy carbon footprint on the planet.

This this knew for Bill Gates told them so.

And speaking of Bill Gates, the billionaire eugenicist was walking around the Longfellow farm.

“What are you doing here?” The farmer’s daughter Evangeline Longfellow asked Gates.

“As you have probably heard,” the obnoxious geek grinned obnoxiously, “I have bought up most of the farmland in the United States of America. And now I have decided to do the same in Canada. Both countries will enjoy the benefits of my enlightened agricultural policies. And I have decided to start by buying this Longfellow farm first.”

“Get lost, creep,” Evangeline hit him over the head with a frying pan.

Gates was knocked out cold.

When he came to, Hiawatha a neighbour of the Longfellows was doing a dance in the moonlight.

The dance summoned a mysterious creature.

That creature was the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake.

The demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red and spoke in a Vincent Price like voice, “You belong in the bowels of Hell.”

The demon buffalo stood up on its hind legs and hooves and approached Bill Gates.

Gates ran.

He ran to his Rolls-Royce limousine.

A limousine whose emissions left more of a carbon footprint on the planet than all the rear ends of all the dairy cattle on the Longfellow farm put together.

“All right,” Gates swore, “No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’ll phone my good friend and bum buddy Justin Trudeau and he’ll pass legislation forcibly expropriating all the family farms in Western Canada. He’ll give them to me to enforce WEF Agricultural Policy.

At that moment Justin Trudeau was standing in front of his pot smoking antique mirror possessed by Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors.

The Neo-Stalinist tyrant was dressed like a black faced Marie Antoinette.

He had heard rumours of a coming food shortage.

Said Justin of the country’s peasants and workers, “Let them eat bugs.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 21st
2022.

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