Pan Goatee Makes The Calgary Evening News

July 16, 2022 at 8:53 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Proposed mural for the Catholic Church’s Synod on Synodality in the Canadian province of Alberta

“Good evening,” the Calgary Evening News anchorman wore an I’ve Been Vaccinated 5 Times Button as his skin peeled off and his hair fell out while reading the news, “A fat ugly blimp, her moronic low IQ boyfriend, a couple of other uglo women and their uglo female progeny were beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces each in a southeast Calgary Dollar store tonight. Authorities strongly suspect world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was involved as beheading uglos and morons and cutting them up into 999 trillion pieces each is generally his signature modus operandi. Another fat ugly blimp was beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces while waiting to cross the street to get to a Dollar store at another location. Authorities suspect Pan Goatee was involved in that beheading and dismemberment as well.”

The anchorman stopped to put his right eyeball back in its socket after it had popped out.

The anchorman continued, “Tomorrow the 2022 Calgary Stampede will come to an end with a Drag Queen Pancake Breakfast and Sing-A-Long. Among the Drag Queens performing will be Ms. Karla Marx a Communist drag queen. The Calgary Stampede has certainly come a long way since its inception over 100 years ago. Once strictly for white heterosexual pronoun fascist male misogynistic cowboys (to quote our beloved Prime Minister Justin Trudeau), today it is a rainbow display of unity in diversity.
And speaking of unity in diversity, here is the award winning mural for the Synod On Synodality to be hosted by the Roman Catholic ArchDiocese of Edmonton, the Diocese of Calgary and the Diocese of Saint Paul in Alberta.”

“It was designed by Ms. Gaius Femalus Undefinedus Transgenderus,” the anchorman added.

. . .

Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) was meeting with an aide to discuss his upcoming trip to the Canadian province of Alberta.

“Unholy Father,” his aide said, “an entity that’s a demon buffalo head would like to meet you to discuss interfaith dialogue.”

“And where should I meet him?” Bergoglio wanted to know, “At the site of a former residential school where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples, at Sacre-Coeur Church in Edmonton where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples or at the Lac St. Anne pilgrimage where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples?”.

“That’s a good question,” his aide answered, “I’ll ask my Reiki massage therapist and tarot card reader who’s been acting as a medium channel for him.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 16th



  1. Seoul Sister said,

    Karla Marx a perfect name for a Drag Queen. I’m glad the real Jesus wasn’t woke 🙂

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