Pan Goatee Beheads Green Haired Fat Ugly Blimp and Foul Mouthed Swearing Uglo

August 22, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics) ()

The Norse trickster god Loki was standing on a street corner contemplating appearing in a Gilbert and Sullivan style operetta starring Australia’s infamous and notorious Uncle Ernie.

He wondered if he could talk Thor, who was starring in all these nauseating Marvel World motion pictures which were nothing at all like the world of authentic Norse mythology, into ditching Marvel and also appearing in this operetta like he Loki.

Loki suddenly noticed world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee standing across the street.

Last week Pan Goatee had beheaded Loki and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Loki had only recently been brought back from the dead by Asclepius the Greek god of medicine.

The Norse trickster god quickly hid himself under a garbage can (which also served as a recruiting booth for the leadership of the Alberta Provincial Liberal Party) so that the homicidally inclined satyr wouldn’t notice him.

Pan Goatee boarded a bus and sat down.

Suddenly a fat ugly blimp with green hair boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee threw his astral laser machete at her instantly beheading the rotund looking uglo.

The astral laser machete cut up the repulsively looking fat ugly blimp into 999 trillion pieces while the ghost of Tiny “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” Tim sang “Having green coloured hair doesn’t make a fat ugly blimp like yourself look more attractive.”

Tim sang the words 999 trillion times in conjunction with the machete cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Tim’s repetitive words of the song was no Tommy James and The Shondells Crimson and Clover Over and Over.

The bus driver and all the passengers ended up committing hari kari by the time the song and the fat ugly blimp’s dismemberment had finished.

Pan Goatee left the bus by the back door and waited for another bus to show up.

He got on the next bus.

The satyr noticed an extremely repulsive looking uglo sitting at the front of the bus so he went and sat and the back where he wouldn’t have to look at the grotesque uglo.

Later when he was half-way home, he heard the repulsive looking uglo swearing into her smart phone at the front of the bus.

The foul mouthed swearing and definitely low class uglo then got off the bus and continued her foul mouthed swearing as she walked down the bus station platform displaying for all the trembling world to see the sheer ugliness of her repulsive looking ugly face.

The satyr threw his astral laser machete out the window.

It beheaded the foul mouthed swearing repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later on an evening bus trip that Pan Goatee had taken, another fat ugly blimp had boarded that bus.

Goatee was sitting at the front of the bus and the fat ugly blimp wisely went and sat at the back.

However when the fat uglo blimp went to get off the bus, she exited out the door closest to Pan Goatee rather than the door closest to where the fat ugly blimp had been sitting.

Goatee put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The machete beheaded the moronic fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Meanwhile in the U.S., the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci announced his resignation as the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases effective this December.

What brought about this situation was that Dr. Anthony Fauci had been beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces by Pan Goatee last week (the same day that Loki had been beheaded and dismembered by the satyr).

Fauci had been beheaded and dismembered by Pan Goatee on a previous occasion and the deranged mad scientist had been brought back from the dead by Asclepius the Greek god of medicine.

However Asclepius could only bring a mortal back from the dead once or otherwise he’d face the wrath of Zeus.

So the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who had been brought to America under the terms of Operation Paperclip and who had headed the American CIA’s Science and Research Division since 1950 was asked to genetically clone Fauci’s body from a sample of Fauci’s hair.

Mengele finished his project of building a car bomb to blow up a Russian ultra-nationalist (the bomb blew up the Russian ultra-nationalist’s daughter instead).

He then went to work on cloning Fauci’s body.

Joe Biden put in a request to Hades the Greek god of the Underworld to grant a dispensational release to the ghost of Dr. Anthony Fauci (who could then possess the genetically cloned body).

Hades granted the request but only allowed it until next December.

Hence the reason for Fauci’s December resignation.

-Written Monday August 22nd 2022.

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14 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Yes, understandingly Uncle Ernie did
    want Thor to play the role of Thor in his
    drag show extravaganza, ‘Hammer Me
    Quickly ~ Thor Love or Money’, but
    unable due to contractual reasons.
    So he settled for fellow Aussie, Chris
    Hemsworth. Loki was soon replaced
    by his understudy, Geoffrey Rush
    (another fellow Australian) as Loki was
    taking liberties with the star of the show,
    Cumalita, during undress rehearsals. Apparently his hands on lechery wasn’t
    to Uncle Ernie’s satisfaction, whereas
    Geoffrey Rush was much more attentive.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I suppose Geoffrey Rush got plenty of experience seducing a sparrow on the rooftop in the many Pirates films he made.

      He really hit the Depps of depravity.

      • David Redpath said,

        They put out an Amber alert
        when Mr. Rush played the part
        of King Lear here in Australia,
        as Cumalita had taught him
        the art of a dramatic hands on,
        but it was a false alarm (like so
        many other past Amber alerts).

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A false alarm eh?

        Geoffrey Rush has learned a lot from Uncle Ernie.

  2. David Redpath said,

    They put out an Amber alert
    when Mr. Rush played the part
    of King Lear here in Australia,
    as Cumalita had taught him
    the art of a dramatic hands on,
    but it was a false alarm (like so
    many other past Amber alerts).

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Like Uncle Ernie, I take it there wasn’t much under Geoffrey Rush’s dramatic hands on.

      • David Redpath said,

        Uncle Ernie is well known for
        his slight of hand πŸ–οΈ … or is it
        slight in hand πŸ€”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I imagine a combination of both, David. 😎

  3. Jessica said,

    Now I can no longer unsee Pan Goatee’s bus massacre. Why 999 pieces? 😰 Is it a reverse 666? Poor Loki

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