Atargatis In Moscow
Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin
Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.
Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”
Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”
Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.
When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.
Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.
The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.
“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.
“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.
Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.
The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.
It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.
Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.
“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.
“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.
Atargatis? Or Welles?
Whose offer should he Putin accept?
“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Seoul Sister said,
October 15, 2022 at 1:47 pm
I love this, “The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.” 😅!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 15, 2022 at 3:02 pm
Thank you, Judy. 🙏🏻
Yes, Warhol wouldn’t want to see his work of art used in desecrating Van Gogh’s work of art. 😅
Seoul Sister said,
October 15, 2022 at 8:21 pm
You’re welcome, Christopher 🙂
The clown pawns of Clown World looked brainwashed. I saw their stunt, they seemed so proud of their stupidity. What does defacing art and wasting tomato soup have to do with anything? 💩🤡🌎
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 15, 2022 at 10:41 pm
In Clown World very few people seem to think rationally anymore.
Reason, logic and common sense seem to have gone out the window.
So they deface art, waste tomato soup and turn the planet 🌍 into this 💩🤡
Seoul Sister said,
October 16, 2022 at 3:06 pm
Totally, I think they can’t think anymore, they just regurgitate slogans🤡🦸💩, logic and debate is a lost art. They shouldn’t have unglued them from the wall, let them remain there indefinitely!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 16, 2022 at 8:47 pm
An excellent idea, Judy. 😀
Let their hand remain there glued to the wall.
They might even discover the answer to that old Zen Buddhist riddle, “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” 👋🏻😅😂🤣
Seoul Sister said,
October 17, 2022 at 8:15 am
😅 Haha! Maybe they’d have to bang their head on the wall instead of clapping? Might do some good? 😵💫
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 17, 2022 at 3:33 pm
Come see the hand glued to the wall headbanging performance artists at the National Gallery in London. 😅😂🤣
Seoul Sister said,
October 19, 2022 at 2:50 pm
😂🤣😂
David Redpath said,
October 16, 2022 at 3:52 am
Vincent Van Gogh is innocent!
Compared to Andy Warhol in
the Ozone Layer, Vincent would’ve
had an insignificantly minuscule
carbon footprint 👣 🤔
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 16, 2022 at 8:53 pm
I agree with you 100%, David. 👍🏻💯
George F. said,
October 16, 2022 at 9:39 am
The appearance of Don McClean was genius…and the worlds most unbalanced blogger remained silent, providing much needed relief for those that visit WP.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 16, 2022 at 9:04 pm
Thank you, George. 😀
Yes, PH Unbalanced (that individual in that far out and spaced out Twilight Zone dimension which involves a train wreck at the intersection where Philadelphia meets Houston and it turns out that the Philadelphia Experiment actually put people to sleep and the Apollo 13 space capsule had a time capsule containing incredibly boring accounts of Sasquatch homicidal tales causing Tom Hanks’ astronaut character to say “Houston, we have a problem”) decided to follow Abraham Lincoln’s advice for once.
Abraham Lincoln’s advice being, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all possible doubt.”
George F. said,
October 16, 2022 at 9:33 pm
ROFLMAO!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 16, 2022 at 11:14 pm
😀😅😂🤣
Hetty Eliot said,
October 17, 2022 at 6:03 pm
What is the backstory of yall’s feud??????????
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 17, 2022 at 6:33 pm
Phil Huston kept on mocking and making fun of George in comments on other people’s blogs.
Then he started making fun of George on my blog.
Not being one to suffer fools gladly, I blocked him.
But when Huston first subscribed to my blog, I subscribed to his.
I tried reading his stories when he posted.
But I couldn’t.
They were far too colossally boring.
And I really mean that.
And I thought how does this guy have the nerve to criticize George’s writing style when he himself is one of the most boring writers on the planet.
George F. said,
October 17, 2022 at 9:35 pm
Colossally boring. His words, not mine, I just happen to agree with Dracul and those words make me ROFLMAO every time I read them here. OMG! So funny! So not boring!
George F. said,
October 18, 2022 at 8:14 am
We should send PH Unbalanced to bore Putin out of attacking Ukraine.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 18, 2022 at 2:43 pm
Great minds think alike.
Or pretty close.
A couple of days ago I already conceived an episode where world-famous dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes tomatoes the buttocks of Vladimir Putin to get him to call off the war.
In fact this month’s writing has been a build up to that point.
But the thought occurred to me to have Sherrielock Holmes wearing earplugs while she plays the audiobook of a Phil Huston novel to put Vladimir Putin’s bodyguards to sleep as she approaches his room.
George F. said,
October 18, 2022 at 3:08 pm
LOL!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 18, 2022 at 4:24 pm
😀😅😂🤣🙂
Hetty Eliot said,
October 20, 2022 at 8:52 pm
Well, I like all you guys, so I’ll keep out of it.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 20, 2022 at 11:56 pm
Yes, wise decision, Hetty. 🙂
D. Wallace Peach said,
October 17, 2022 at 6:13 am
My favorite line: “Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.” Thanks for the update on international absurdity. Oh, my, if only this wasn’t a true story…
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 17, 2022 at 3:35 pm
Yes, if only it wasn’t. 😅😂🤣
D. Wallace Peach said,
October 17, 2022 at 4:25 pm
Couldn’t agree more.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 17, 2022 at 4:38 pm
👍🏻👌🏻😎