Pan Goatee’s October Friday Afternoon Beheading Fat Ugly Blimps and Their Low-IQ Boyfriends

October 21, 2022 at 10:22 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Pan Goatee was on the lookout for the evil Norse trickster god Loki but the villain of Ragnarok had turned himself into a statue of a green imp holding a green fox/rabbit hybrid and a little green frog.

Pan Goatee was once again on the lookout for the most villainous of villains- the evil Norse trickster god Loki who was populating the streets of Calgary with genetically created uglos.

In this the Norse villain was being assisted by the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

He had almost caught up with Loki but Loki had used an ancient selfie of Balor of the Evil Eye to turn himself into a statue along with a fox/rabbit hybrid and a little green frog who had been following him.

Goatee then received a text message from Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Realm of Hades.

Apparently the escaped convict from Hades named Mark of the Beast Alexander (who in his mortal life had been a corrupt community housing official and a perverted friend of Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew the perverted Duke of York) had been seen visiting playgrounds in the neighbourhood.

“You definitely don’t want this freak anywhere near children,” Cerberus had written.

“I’ll behead the pervert if I see him,” Goatee texted back.

The genetically created satyr continued walking down the street.

When he was suddenly confronted by a thin ugly stoat (what he called a repulsive ugly looking female who was thin).

He beheaded the stoat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Then he saw a medium sized ugly gargoyle (what he called a repulsive ugly looking female who was medium sized in terms of weight).

Goatee beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces while the ghost of Quasimodo commented, “Definitely too ugly for Notre Dame.”

Goatee continued down the street when suddenly he was confronted by the worst sight of all- the fat ugly blimp.

The fat ugly blimp was what Goatee called those repulsive ugly looking females who were fat.

Naturally the fat ugly blimp was accompanied by a low-IQ boyfriend.

Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimp and low IQ boyfriend and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Meanwhile on the mid-term election campaign trail in the U.S., senile old fool Joe Biden was praising human sacrifice to Baal as an inalienable human right and also praising the sexual proclivities of Baphomet.

A member of the press asked Biden what he thought of Pan Goatee.

“It depends,” Joe Biden was using another meaning of the word other than the name of his favourite brand of diapers, “If he’s a Republican, he’s a villain. If he’s a Democrat, he’s an all right guy if not an outright hero.”

Meanwhile Johnny Depp was on The Stephen Colbert Show being interviewed by the obnoxious Pope Francis style Catholic TV talk show host Stephen Colbert.

“Now, when you’re reading a screenplay,” Colbert asked Depp, “How do you tell a good writer from a bad writer?”.

“Well,” Depp answered, “An interesting writer will write about homicidal satyrs while a boring writer will write about homicidal Sasquatch.”

“We’ll be right back after this message from PH Unbalanced Shampoo,” Colbert announced as dandruff fell all over his suit, tie and jacket.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday October 21st



  1. George F. said,

    Johnny Depp knows. LOL!

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