Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec and The Mayan Rites
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec takes a selfie
Qonzilqointec had heard that the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Cristobal de Las Casas in Mexico had petitioned the Vatican to allow Mayan rites in Churches in the diocese.
Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather was the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.
Quetzalcoatl had a Mayan cousin named Kukulkan who was the Mayan feathered serpent god.
Qonzilqointec thought it was unfair to have Mayan rites in the Church in Mexico 🇲🇽 but not Aztec rites.
So she had put in a call to high ranking officials in the Vatican to meet to discuss the matter.
She had also included this photo of herself in hopes this would get Vatican bureaucrats to talk to her.
What Qonzilqointec was unaware of was that most bureaucrats in Francis’ Vatican were practicing sodomites and wouldn’t appreciate such a photo.
Now if she had been a male who self-identified as female (like half of Joe Biden’s cabinet) and had looked like an ugly looking drag queen who’d send children screaming 😱 at Library Story Time Reading Hour (like Australia 🇦🇺’s Uncle Ernie and half of Joe Biden’s cabinet), she’d have had no problem lining up an appointment with a Vatican official.
Fortunately for her, her photo did reach the email of Samhain Cardinal Salaman who was one of the few heterosexual high ranking officials in the Vatican.
Cardinal Salaman had put in a call to her and so Qonzilqointec was now waiting to fly to Rome to discuss the matter.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday March 31st
2023.
Artemis In The Wild
Greek goddess Artemis in front of a small creek waterfall
“I don’t think there are any fish in this creek are there?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked as they trudged up the rocky walk of the trickling creek.
“No, this water really isn’t deep enough for fish,” Dracul Van Helsing answered.
“Then why were the fishermen who reported sirens (the women of mythology who inhabit waters and draw sailors and fishermen to their deaths) fishing here?” Welles asked.
“I think they’re heavy cannabis users and imagined fish in this trickling stream,” Van Helsing replied.
“Then couldn’t they have imagined seeing a siren as well?” Welles pulled a spectral bottle of spectral red wine 🍷 out of his spectral picnic 🧺 basket and poured himself a glass.
“Yes, that is my Sherlockian analysis as well,” Dracul agreed, “Yet when Paddington Bear called me to say that His Majesty King Charles III was concerned about the possibility of sirens being in a stream he occasionally likes to wander and roam, Paddington asked to make sure there are no sirens present.”
“Is that why you’ve brought along your crossbow and silver arrows?” Welles asked as he ate a spectrally large chicken 🍗 drumstick.
“Exactly,” Van Helsing nodded.
“Couldn’t you just make out with a siren the same way you usually make out with a Vampiress or goddess?” Welles delicately wiped his spectral beard with his spectral napkin.
“Well, judging from Odysseus’ experience mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey, sirens are quite deadly and can’t be messed with,” Van Helsing took a sip of ale from his canteen, “and the stories of the Lorelei who sits and sings atop a rock in the Rhine River of Germany had the same deadly effect on sailors there according to legend, poem and folk song.”
“How did the sirens come to be?” Welles asked.
“Well according to the 1st Book of Enoch,” Dracul recounted, “The women who had sex with the Watcher angels and bore giants in the earth before Noah’s Flood came, they were turned into sirens.”
“Maybe you should have worn an angel costume,” Welles speculated aloud.
“Now you tell me,” Dracul smiled.
Suddenly Dracul and Welles heard a lovely singing coming from further up the trickling stream.
They climbed up and encountered the Greek goddess Artemis.
“That’s no siren,” Dracul smiled, “That’s the goddess Artemis.”
Welles’ ghost was reminded of a story Renfield R. Renfield had related about Bill Clinton when he was Governor of Arkansas. The governor had been seen checking into a cheap out of the way motel with some woman and the next day Clinton was asked, “Who was that lady you were with last night?” and Clinton replied, “That was no lady. That was my wife.”
In the meantime, Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Greek goddess Artemis.
“Maybe we should have run into a siren,” Welles sighed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 30th
2023.
Goddess Sophia and Samhain Cardinal Salaman
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom inside the Vatican
Samhain Cardinal Salaman had had a busy day at the Vatican.
Pope Francis had been rushed to the Gemelli Hospital 🏥 in Rome with a respiratory infection.
And already Samhain was getting emails and text messages from cardinals considered papabili (favourites to become the next Pope) asking for his support at the next papal 🇻🇦 conclave.
Francis wasn’t dead and already some cardinals were campaigning to be the next Pope.
Nimrod the frog was sitting on Cardinal Samhain’s bookshelf and eating fried chicken and drinking gallons of Mountain Dew.
He was eating and drinking and burping and scratching his stomach and saying, “And would you say (burp! burp! scratch! scratch!) your fellow Cardinals have good taste.”
“No!” Cardinal Samhain shook his head.
And then also Cardinal Salaman had received the news this morning that his friend Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander had almost been sacrificed in an occultic sacrifice in Cornwall England last Thursday.
Back in the mid-2010s when Samhain Salaman had worked as a professional stage magician in London England, Belvedere had served as his invisible Magician’s Assistant.
It’s easier to do more convincing and believable magic 🪄 tricks when you’ve got a ghost helping you, Samhain had discovered.
Later when Francis had discovered that Samhain also studied Kabbalah and real magic, the pontiff had had Samhain baptized, confirmed, ordained a deacon, ordained a priest, consecrated a bishop, elevated to the office of Archbishop and then created a Cardinal all on the same day.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s friend the Ghost White Salamander Belvedere had escaped being sacrificed thanks to the efforts of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles.
The demon possessed elk (who was presiding over the occultic ceremony and would-be ghostly salamander sacrifice) had been slain by a silver arrow fired either by the Celtic stag god Cernunnos or Dracul Van Helsing.
Cardinal Salaman was suddenly distracted by a noise behind him.
There on top of his desk was Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom.
He was reminded of something he had once read in a lost book of Solomon (that he had found), “When perilous times come, suckle on the breasts of wisdom.”
Samhain Cardinal Salaman got on top of his desk and did just that.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 29th
2023.
Angelique Dumont and The Record Album
Angelique Dumont sitting in the piano room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate
Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. was going to bring back recordings for vinyl records as part of a global nostalgia kick the world was on.
The New Orleans songstress and Vampiress Miss Angelique Dumont had just finished recording a record.
Angelique Dumont had been turned into a Vampiress in August 2005 by the Spanish vampire concert pianist Manuel de Rivera y Vargas.
Miss Dumont had been dying of cancer and had gone to her ancestors’ grave in a New Orleans cemetery to visit when the resulting floodwaters from Hurricane Katrina hit the cemetery.
Manuel de Rivera found her in a tomb quickly running out of oxygen due to the rising water and turned her into a Vampiress at her request.
Since then Angelique Dumont had moved to London where she had become a successful stage performer in West End London musicals.
She had become girlfriend to Amadeus Emanon who was the mortal personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Angelique was using Amadeus’ piano in Set’s Estate mansion piano room as a backdrop to the cover of her vinyl album being produced by Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.
“Excellent,” said the well known London photographer Murrell Haggarty after he had taken the last shot.
He added, “I’m now going to the Royal Astronomical Observatory at Greenwich to take photos of tonight’s planetary conjunction.”
He ran off with a bunny rabbit 🐇 carrying his camera equipment behind him.
“What planetary conjunction would that be?” Amadeus asked as he arrived on the scene.
“I believe it’s a conjunction involving a line-up of the moon, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn 🪐 in the night sky 🌌,” Angelique answered.
“Is it the dawning of the Age of Aquarius?” Amadeus asked.
“Depends what the occupants of the alien 👽 ET mothership that the Pentagon has now admitted is in the solar system want,” Angelique answered, “War or peace.”
“Maybe if they transmitted Nancy Pelosi singing John Lennon’s old song Give Peace A Chance to them,” Amadeus suggested.
“If the Pentagon transmitted Nancy Pelosi singing “All we are saying is give peace a chance” to the alien 👽 ET mothership, they’d destroy planet Earth with a laser death ray faster than you can say Jack Robinson,” Angelique pointed out, “as an act of collective intergalactic mercy killing for the entire cosmos.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 28th
2023.
The Phantom Within
Christine Daae (center) with the Phantom (left) and Viscount Raoul (right)
In the files of MI6, his code name was Diablos Nocturna.
He sat in a pub in London eating steak and kidney pie 🥧.
A very very very beautiful woman entered the pub for a take out order.
She paid the bill and left with her order.
Diablos Nocturna recognized the woman as Lucy St. Louis the woman who played Christine Daae in the 35th Anniversary West End London production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera.
Lucy St. Louis as Christine Daae in the 35th Anniversary West End London production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera
Diablos Nocturna took a quiet sip of his glass of ale 🍺.
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera was his favourite musical and Lucy St. Louis was his favourite Christine Daae.
There had been great singers/actresses who had played Christine Daae in Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera over the years- Sarah Brightman, Emmy Rossum, Sierra Boggess.
Yet when he saw Lucy St. Louis as Christine Daae, he had said, “That is Christine.”
He had never understood why.
Then one day he had watched a YouTube video of Lucy St. Louis as Christine Daae singing with the Phantom the title song Phantom of The Opera and in the comments below the video, someone had posted the comment, “Lucy St. Louis sings the role of Christine Daae the way I had always imagined in my mind the way Christine Daae would have sung in Gaston Leroux’s original novel The Phantom of The Opera.”
And that was it.
Not many people had read Gaston Leroux’s The Phantom of The Opera but he had.
In fact he had read it when he was 10 years old.
With the impressionability of someone that age.
And it wasn’t the character of The Phantom who had captivated him.
It was the character of Christine Daae.
The character who could have tamed the Phantom if the Phantom had got over his insecurities and allowed her.
For Diablos Nocturna’s entire inner life seemed to have been a battle between the Phantom within and the Viscount Raoul within.
Which one would win?
He did not know the answer.
For he had yet to meet his Christine Daae in life.
Diablos Nocturna finished his meal, paid his bill and walked out alone into the night.
The labyrinth of night.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 27th
2023.
The Feast of The Beast 2023
Back in 1955 the Greek goddess Artemis was in possession of the silver arrow of Chiron the centaur
Attending a Chiron the Centaur exhibit at the British Museum in March 1955, the Greek goddess Artemis had the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur in her purse.
Artemis exited her vehicle to walk to the British Museum.
A female Soviet KGB agent who was a master pickpocket stole the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
It was taken to Moscow where it was placed in the KGB Archives but lost by one KGB Archivist Harry Wooismeovich.
For his efforts, Harry Wooismeovich was shot by firing squad under orders by Nikita Khrushchev.
Harry Wooismeovich’s last words were “Oh, who’s Winston Churchill?” in answer to a British government telegram for clemency and “Woo is me!” in answer to being shot.
The silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur was thus lost to history.
Causing the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit to face a dilemma on March 23rdrd 2023.
Every March 23rd was the Feast of The Beast for some dark magic practicing occultic secret societies.
Among the dark deities venerated by these occultic secret societies was Apophis the Egyptian god of chaos and darkness.
Once long ago in the mists of antiquity it was the case that every night Apophis would attack the solar barge of Ra the Egyptian god of light and the sun.
The Egyptian god Set would come to Ra’s aid every night and defeat Apophis.
In those days Set was considered a hero and a good guy.
He only became a villain to history after cutting up his brother Osiris into 14 pieces (even though Osiris was the Egyptian Justin Trudeau of his day and most likely deserved what he got).
Miranda Singh of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit had discovered that one dark magic occultic secret society would be sacrificing a ghost of all things on this particular Feast of the Beast.
And the ghost would be sacrificed down in Cornwall to prevent a descendant of King Arthur from rising to power on the world stage and instead allow a descendant of Mordred to rise to power on the world stage.
King Arthur had been born at Tintagel Castle in Cornwall and the sacrifice of the ghost would be performed at Tintagel Castle.
A ghostly sacrifice rather than a human sacrifice was necessary to enact a major geopolitical event.
And the ghost chosen for the Tintagel Castle Cornwall sacrifice was none other than the ghost of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander who was a personal friend of Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ quite literally immortal twin sister), Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Orson Welles.
Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander had been waylaid in London’s Highgate Cemetery last night by Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld and a rag tag group of Breton korrigans.
The ghostly sacrifice would be performed by a demon possessed elk who had been given as a gift to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby by the U.S. Federal Cabinet of Joe Biden in appreciation for his support of gay and transgender rights.
Apparently the only way of slaying a demon possessed elk was to kill it with a silver arrow.
After a brief meeting of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit in which the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds (the Anglo-Catholic Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Church in West London and the Church of England’s leading exorcist who tried to exorcise Italian historian Roberto de Mattei the only known person (so far) to have become demonically possessed as a result of receiving the DeathVaxx vaccine) served as an advisor, it was agreed that the most effective way of slaying this demonically possessed elk was to use the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
Which was lost to history.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles using the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern projector went back in time to steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the Greek goddess Artemis before Nikita Khrushchev’s acclaimed pickpocket female KGB agent had the chance to do so.
Dracul saw Artemis exiting her vehicle on the night of the Chiron the Centaur Exhibit at the British Museum:
Van Helsing immediately grabbed the arrow.
Artemis said, “Dracul, how dare you steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur?”.
She immediately grabbed Van Helsing, took him over her knee and spanked him.
While being spanked, Dracul threw the silver arrow to the ghost of Orson Welles who went forward in time to the place of Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
Van Helsing then made love 💕 to the Greek goddess Artemis on the large luxurious back seat of the classic 1950s era vehicle.
After goddess and vampire hunter had finished rocking the vehicle, Dracul went forward in time to Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
He grabbed his crossbow and the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the ghost of Orson Welles.
The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had already been killing with his crossbow and silver arrows various supernatural entities participating in the ceremony.
For reasons known only to himself, the Celtic stag god did not wish to see a descendant of Mordred ascend to power on the world stage.
The demon possessed elk was raising the supernatural sword 🗡️ Excalibur above the ghostly spectral salamander throat of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander.
Both Cernunnos and Van Helsing fired their crossbows at the same time.
After a silver arrow pierced the demon possessed elk’s throat, the elk said in Latin in Shakespearian Julius Caesar like fashion, “And thou, Cernunnos? Or was it thou, Dracul?.”
Even Cernunnos’ PH Unbalanced hairstylist didn’t know for sure.
Thus it was a question/answer never asked on the Canadian-American game show ghost host Alex Trebek’s TV program Jeopardy in the Elysian Fields of the Realm of the Underworld.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2023.
Persephone Meets Belvedere
Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld in London’s Highgate Cemetery
Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld was in London’s Highgate Cemetery for reasons known only to herself.
Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander (who was a reporter for the Times of London) was walking through the cemetery.
Belvedere had once been human.
He had been a deserter from the Confederate Army during the U.S. Civil War, became an outlaw in the Wild West for many years and then worked as a bartender in the Wild West saloon known as the Wild Tomatoes 🍅 and Mushrooms Saloon.
The saloon had been owned by Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister who became immortal after eating some Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms) when she lived in the American Wild West.
One night Belvedere had slept with a working girl who had a room in the saloon.
He refused to pay her for her services.
It turned out she was a gypsy enchantress as well so she turned Belvedere into a Ghost White Salamander (of the sort that reveals itself to Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith Jr. in Smith’s first and original telling of the find of the Golden Tablets. Later the Ghost White Salamander became Jesus Christ and then God the Father and Jesus Christ and then finally the angel Moroni in Smith’s subsequent retellings of the story).
Having become a Ghost White Salamander, Belvedere quickly ran out into the street outside the saloon where he was promptly run over by a settlers’ covered wagon heading west and thus ended up becoming the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander.
After a long and varied ghostly haunting of this planet Earth, Belvedere was now a reporter for The Times of London.
He was currently wandering through London’s Highgate Cemetery.
He thought of finding where Karl Marx was buried.
He looked around and saw a bunch of Crosses on gravestones and deduced he must be in the Christian part of Highgate Cemetery.
It was highly unlikely that a Jewish publicly proclaimed atheist who privately wrote love poems to the Devil whom he called Oulanem (which was a 19th Century occultic secret society name for the Devil) like Karl Marx would be buried in the Christian portion of Highgate Cemetery.
Belvedere was walking along on his tiny white spectral ghostly amphibian legs when he suddenly saw the Greek goddess Persephone in the clearing.
There was a full moon behind her.
Belvedere checked his calendar on his ghostly miniature spectral Apple Watch ⌚️.
He didn’t think there was supposed to be a full moon 🌕 tonight and indeed there wasn’t supposed to be.
It was supposed to be the start of the Islamic month of Ramadan after all.
Persephone smiled at him.
“Belvedere,” she said to him and then zapped him with a laser ray that shot out of the long black fingernail on the middle finger of her left hand.
The ghost of the Ghost White Salamander was knocked unconscious.
Persephone directed some Breton korrigans to pick up up the ghostly spectral body of the Ghost White Salamander and carry him to Cornwall.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 22nd
2023.
Charlotte Rose
Charlotte Rose arrives back in Britain aboard The Carpathia after visiting an aunt in Canada
The year was 1905 and Charlotte Rose Heywood-Williams was returning to Britain after visiting an aunt who lived in Nova Scotia.
What Charlotte Rose was unaware of as she picked up her luggage 🧳 on the deck of The Carpathia was that one of her male cousins had hidden a map 🗺️ with the exact location of the famous Oak Island treasure in her suitcase.
Of course Charlotte Rose was unaware of the map.
She just thought it a musty old document and put it in one of the drawers of her bedroom.
Being an only child, she eventually inherited the house from her parents.
She never married and served as a nurse with the British Army during the Great War (later known as World War I or the First World War after Adolf Hitler’s Germany and Hideki Tojo’s Japan started World War II).
The camp she was in came under German bombardment in July 1917 and she was killed along with several others of her medical unit as well as patients.
Her cousin (who had put the map in her suitcase 🧳) had died in 1906 and thus had never shown up to claim the map that he had hid.
Her cousin Edward Sorwind was a bit of a rake (to put it mildly).
In addition to having stolen the Oak Island treasure map 🗺️ from the town teacher, he was also a notorious person with the ladies.
Since some in the town suspected he had stolen the schoolteacher’s map for the Oak Island treasure, he hid the map in his cousin Charlotte Rose’s luggage when she was to return to England 🏴.
Edward thought that he would someday go to England and retrieve the map on his own.
However when he slept with a married woman in town and her husband had discovered them in bed together and after her husband shot Edward several times through the chest with his hunting rifle, Sorwind was in no condition for the long voyage to England (being dead, buried and currently roasting away in Tartarus and all that).
After Charlotte Rose Heywood-Williams died as a casualty in the First World War, a lightning strike struck her house a few months later causing the roof to catch fire 🔥 and the house was burnt to the ground, forever destroying the 🗺️ map to the exact location of the Oak Island treasure.
The fact that Charlotte Rose had the Oak Island treasure map 🗺️ in her possession had forever been lost to history.
Until King Charles III decided to invite a spiritist medium to the palace to contact the spirit of his late mother Queen Elizabeth II in total violation of Deuteronomy Chapter 18 verses 10 to 14 and its warnings and precepts.
Charles was wanting to talk to “Mummy” for some advice.
Paddington Bear advised him against it.
His wife Queen Consort Camilla advised against it.
Gavin Ashenden a former Chaplain to his mother who later became a bishop and then joined the Catholic Church Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingham advised against it.
However Archbishop Justin Welby (who had as his spirit advisor the ghost of the late U.S. Episcopalian Bishop James Albert Pike who had somehow miraculously managed to get a dispensation to leave the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone) told Charles III to go full speed ahead with the seance.
Instead of his mother showing up, it was the ghost of the notorious and now long forgotten Nova Scotia rake Edward Sorwind.
Sorwind told Charles of the long lost Oak Island treasure map 🗺️ and how he had hidden it in his cousin Miss Charlotte Rose Heywood-Williams’ suitcase before she boarded The Carpathia for England 🏴 in 1905.
An immediately Royal ordered Special Branch investigation of the matter discovered that Charlotte Rose had been killed in July 1917 and her house destroyed by fire a few months later.
So Charles sighed and Paddington Bear told him, “Nothing good can come of this, Your Majesty.”
Indeed not for the palace had been bugged by sinister forces loyal to the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.
Kohler used a contact at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland to time travel on occasion when the proper cosmic energies of the Universe were correctly in place in an effort for the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe vampire to alter the course of history.
Time and again however Kohler had been foiled by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who used the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern projector to time travel.
Van Helsing was usually accompanied in his time travels by the ghost of Orson Welles.
Welles had been one of those who helped invent the time travel device.
The device had originally been worked on as a joint collaboration between Serbian-American scientist Nikola Tesla and the Hungarian-American magician Harry Houdini beginning in 1923 (100 years ago this year).
It was initially financed by the Greek American vaudeville impresario and early motion picture producer and cinema and theatre chain owner Alexander Pantages.
The project was put on hold after Houdini’s death in 1926.
Orson Welles began putting his finishing touches on the would-be time travelling magic lantern projector in 1938.
Finally in 1941 the great Austrian-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr (the woman responsible for inventing the wireless radio technology for the U.S. Navy that became the basis of WiFi and Bluetooth) finished the device and then hid it for fear it would fall into Nazi hands.
When the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill were granted dispensational releases from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone in the spring of 2017 so they could serve as spirit advisors to newly elected British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Welles’ ghost led Dracul Van Helsing to find the old projector in an old Hollywood movie theatre where it had been placed in the film projectionist’s room back in 1947.
Anyways Franz Kohler decided to go back in time and steal the Oak Island treasure map 🗺️ as Charlotte Rose Heywood-Williams arrived in England aboard The Carpathia in 1905.
As Franz Kohler stood at the dock, to his surprise he found himself being staked through the heart and then beheaded by Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing walked on.
Welles’ ghost hoped that Kohler would remain dead this time.
The Norse trickster god Loki usually managed to find a way to bring back Kohler from the dead thus sending the evil Kohler on more nefarious missions.
Van Helsing walked aboard the deck of The Carpathia where he saw Miss Charlotte Rose.
Van Helsing approached wearing the uniform of a British Customs officer of the Edwardian Era.
“May I please inspect your luggage, Miss?” Van Helsing asked.
The vampire hunter was very gentle in inspecting the contents of the suitcases 🧳 although he did pocket the Oak Island treasure map 🗺️ that had been put there by Charlotte Rose’s cousin Edward Sorwind.
Van Helsing did not tell the young Miss Charlotte Rose what would happen to her.
As the great American country music singer Garth Brooks once sang in his song The Dance,
“… I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance… 💃 🕺 “
of life.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 21st
2023.
Aphrodite Spanks


The Greek goddess Aphrodite
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun 🍀 had just stolen a bottle of ambrosia on Mount Olympus.
Of course the leprechaun ☘️ was already immortal.
He just liked drinking ambrosia for the taste.
After knocking out Ganymede (male cupbearer to the gods of Olympus) with a sleeping potion and getting his friend Dracul Van Helsing to make out with Hebe (female cupbearer to the gods) to distract her, the little leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ helped himself to a bottle of ambrosia from the Mount Olympus cupboard.
As he walked by Aphrodite’s room, he saw her looking like this:
So naturally he entered.
“You little thief,” Aphrodite said to the leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ when she noticed the bottle of ambrosia in his hand.
She took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
Yaldabaoth walked away from Mount Olympus rubbing a sore bottom and minus the bottle of ambrosia.
Hebe suddenly walked past Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on her face.
Seconds later Dracul Van Helsing walked by Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on his face.
The Greek goddess of love ❤️ quickly deduced in Sherlockian fashion what had transpired between the two.
So she grabbed Dracul Van Helsing, brought him into her room, took him over her knee and spanked him.
They then made love together.
Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, “Dracul doesn’t seem to be answering his cell phone.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2023
Renfield On St. Patrick’s Day 2023
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was celebrating 🥳 St. Patrick’s Day ☘️ on this Friday March 17th 2023.
He was recounting a historical incident on his podcast.
Said Renfield, “It was 100 years ago today on March 17th 1923 that Battling Siki a boxer from Senegal 🇸🇳 defended his World Light Heavyweight Championship against an ☘️ Irish boxer Mike McTigue in Dublin Ireland 🇮🇪 on St. Patrick’s Day ☘️.
The fight is cited by social scientist Julian Simon in his book Basic Methods In Social Sciences as an example of challenging the laws of probability.
The fight went the distance and went down to a decision decided by a panel of Irish ☘️ judges in Dublin Ireland 🇮🇪 on Saint Patrick’s Day.
Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat 🧢 and see if you can correctly deduce who won the decision.
😉”
-Renfield R. Renfield, St. Patrick’s Day ☘️,
Friday March 17th 2023.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 17th
2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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