Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos On A Sunday Afternoon In Early June
World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee delivers a video lecture on the paintings of British artist John William Waterhouse (April 6th 1849 – February 10th 1917) who painted in the style of the British Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood which meant most of his subjects in his paintings were beautiful women.
Pan concluded, “John William Waterhouse would certainly have near infinity and beyond trouble trying to find beautiful women to model for his paintings if he lived today in early 21st Century Calgary.”
He then decided to go to a McDonald’s Restaurant in an old neighbourhood where he once lived.
The satyr boarded the bus with some trepidation but fortunately the females on the bus were good looking and in a few cases outright beautiful.
“John William Waterhouse wouldn’t mind this bus ride,” the satyr thought to himself.
Unfortunately poor Pan spoke too soon.
For lo and behold a fat ugly blimp with her obnoxious brat got on at the next bus stop.
Fortunately for Pan, the fat ugly blimp and her brat sat at the very front of the bus.
For Pan sat at the back of the bus on a seat right next to one of the two super beautiful women riding on the bus.
A few bus stops down the fat ugly blimp and her brat got off the bus.
Pan put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.
The machete beheaded both blimp and brat and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
But no sooner had that now deceased fat ugly blimp got off the bus, then another fat ugly blimp got on.
She too sat a few seats away from Pan.
Trouble started when Pan attempted to get off the bus and the fat ugly blimp tried to exit by getting in front of him.
So he beheaded her and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then walked to the nearby McDonald’s.
While there, sure enough a fat ugly blimp was there.
Beheading and dismembering he did.
Then there was another uglo.
Beheading and dismembering her as well.
He went home and watched the news.
Before the news was on, there was a a real life crime show about a fat ugly blimp who killed her roommate.
Goatee opened the window, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot , threw the astral laser machete out the window and told it to track down the homicidal fat ugly blimp.
It did. Beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Making discussions in the state about capital punishment for the fat ugly blimp or whether the governor should grant clemency moot.
“I wish I was John William Waterhouse,” Pan made a wish on a shooting star.
-written Sunday June 4th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos and Brats On Their Last Day of School
Pan Goatee dreaming that he’s in Vancouver. Then wakes up and discovers that he’s in Calgary. 😱
Poor Pan Goatee.
What an upset.
Well, he better go to the bank to withdraw cash to pay this month’s rent.
He couldn’t do it yesterday because of thunderstorms in the area.
So Goatee walked the several blocks to catch the bus to the bank.
Unbeknownst to the long suffering genetically created satyr serial killer, today was the last day of school for many uglos and brats in the City of Calgary and after picking up their report cards where they all got A’s in Transgenderism and Critical Race and Critical Gender Theories and F’s in Aesthetics and Art Appreciation and Ability To Reason, the uglos, morons and brats were all lined up at the bus stop that the satyr was headed to.
Thanks to some pot smoking bureaucrats in the Calgary Public and Catholic School Systems, a bunch of schools opened in very early August last year which meant they’d be let out in early June this year.
The program turned out not to work and the program would not be renewed this fall after complaints from some parents.
But this was small comfort to Pan Goatee who was now visually assaulted by the repulsive ugly faces of uglo female students (of which Calgary had a lot) and the vacuous noises of the low IQ moronic male brats (of which Calgary also had a lot).
Goatee threw his astral laser machete at the ugliest of the female uglos (who was naturally a fat ugly blimp) beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
He then beheaded and dismembered the next ugly girl and then went to work on the low IQ moronic brats.
Goatee decided to go catch a bus somewhere else.
As he was crossing the street a really repulsive uglo girl and her bratty moronic low IQ brother were running to catch the bus.
Goatee beheaded both and this was followed by another repulsive uglo girl and her bratty moronic low IQ brother.
So he beheaded them as well.
Goatee decided to go home and wait until school was out at all schools across the city for the day before venturing out again.
At 5:30 PM Goatee thought it was safe to go out.
This time he’d try another bus route.
As he was riding that bus lo and behold a really repulsive looking adult female fat ugly blimp got on the bus.
So Goatee beheaded the fat repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x etc. etc. pieces.
Goatee did not have to deal with others for the rest of that trip.
Later Goatee decided to go to a pizza 🍕 place he hadn’t been to in a while where you got 2 very very large slices of pizza 🍕 and a pop for $6.
After picking up the pizza slices and pop, the satyr walked past a bus stop where lo and behold another super repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp was waiting for a bus.
Goatee likewise beheaded that repulsive fat uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x etc. etc. pieces.
Western society seemed to be full of fags and dykes and transgenders and uglos and morons.
It really and truly was the end of civilization.
Civilization ended after the moron Pope John XXIII called the Second Vatican Council, Pan Goatee deduced in Sherlockian fashion.
Since that time, all Hell had broken loose.
-written Friday June 2nd 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos On A Tuesday Evening In Late May
Pan Goatee: Saving the world from uglos one beheading at a time
It was a Tuesday evening in late May.
In fact it was the last Tuesday in May.
For whatever reason the forces of evil decided to end the month of flowers and blooming and blossoming on an ugly note by having uglos emerge from the woodwork and the dens of degeneracy and cess pools the past 3 days.
No wonder Calgary elected so many NDP MLAs last night.
A city with this many uglo females was bound to vote for the Marxist Maoist and Stalinist inclined socialists.
Fortunately rural Alberta (which had very few uglos and very few biologically born males claiming to be the opposite gender) had voted for the UCP thus keeping the freaks, weirdos and uglos in the NDP out of power.
Anyhow Pan Goatee had gone for a walk this evening.
He had walked across his usual haunt of a school field because one got a beautiful view of the sunset here.
Unfortunately an uglo and her family decided to ruin the evening by being here.
A fat ugly blimp, her brother and her parents were playing baseball (no doubt the female uglo was a future prospect and draft choice for the Los Angeles Dodgers who would be honouring the perverts in the Alphabet Soup Community at a baseball ⚾️ game next month).
Pan Goatee put an end to the female uglo’s draft choice hopes by beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then beheaded the mother and father and brother and dismembered them with numerical exactitude as well.
They weren’t uglo like this very recently deceased fat ugly creep but you never know what uglo genes they might be carrying in their DNA.
Better to be safe than sorry.
The satyr then headed to a nearby 7/11 store.
As he entered the store a really repulsively ugly teen girl and her father were at the cashier.
When Pan Goatee had finished barfing 🤢 🤮 into the Big Gulp and Slurpee machine, he then beheaded the really repulsively ugly looking teen and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad nauseum etc. etc. pieces.
“Well, you won’t be celebrating Father’s Day next month due to procreating with an uglo and bringing a new uglo into the world,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the moronic low IQ moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
As Goatee finished dismembering the said moron, the ghost of Rex Harrison (who played Henry Higgins in the film My Fair Lady) appeared and started singing a paraphrased version of one of that movie’s hit songs, “Oh, why can’t the Calgarians teach their moronic males who to screw…”
-written Tuesday May 30th 2023.
The Attack of Slek
Pan Goatee was thinking of liking a particular blog post.
But a really repulsively ugly woman had liked that blog post and Pan didn’t want his good looking satyr face to show up alongside such a repulsive uglo.
Then he went to another blog post.
Lo and behold! the same repulsive looking uglo had liked that post as well.
Pan Goatee put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window to locate and track down the repulsive looking uglo wherever the uglo happened to reside on the globe and then behead the ugly looking bitch and then cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x etc. etc. pieces.
This Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete managed to do.
. . .
Meanwhile a provincial election was going on in Alberta and Slek the demon was eating ballots 🗳️.
Slek the demon prepares to eat election ballots 🗳️ in tonight’s Alberta provincial election.
The question of course was which side was he working for?
-Written Monday May 29th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos On A Sunday Afternoon In Late May
World famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee appears in front of a Mexican restaurant sign
Actually this story has nothing to do with Mexico 🇲🇽 or Mexican restaurants.
The Mexican Restauranteurs Association just wanted you to know that Pan Goatee occasionally eats Mexican food.
The story actually begins with a Colombian drug lord.
Pan Goatee noticed a Colombian drug lord enter the ATM 🏧 area of a bank 🏦 on this Sunday afternoon.
Goatee recognized the Colombian 🇨🇴 drug lord because there was a kid in his neighbourhood who was always watching the Colombian drug lord’s influencer videos on TikTok.
“What’s a Colombian drug lord doing in this city?” The satyr thought to himself.
Goatee entered the ATM area and beheaded the Colombian drug lord and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
“That’s to make up for the lovely and beautiful Penelope Cruz once being beheaded in a film about Latin American drug lords,” Goatee explained, “Don’t you dingbats realize that beheadings are only meant for female uglos?”.
As Goatee exited the ATM 🏧 area, he noticed an ugly and repulsive looking aboriginal squaw approaching from a nearby McDonald’s.
Ugly and repulsive looking squaws were generally the most easily offended and “woke” and politically correct and great bellyachers of the First Nations peoples.
They among other whiners and losers among the culturally over sensitive in various communities in the City had tried to get Calgary City Hall to drop the fireworks celebrations for Canada Day this year because Canada Day was offensive to them these bellyachers complained.
At first the very “woke” bureaucrats at Calgary City Hall complied.
But after City Hall was flooded with phone calls from citizens, the decision was reversed.
Goatee threw his astral laser machete at the repulsive and ugly looking aboriginal squaw and beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then turned a corner where a beautiful young girl riding a bicycle passed him.
However the beautiful young girl had a really repulsive looking uglo younger sister riding a bicycle behind her.
So Goatee beheaded the uglo younger sister and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Goatee then walked past the public library where a really repulsive uglo ugly looking white woman was sitting at a picnic bench with her low IQ moronic white boyfriend.
Goatee threw his astral laser machete at the repulsively ugly white female uglo and beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
“Hey, you just beheaded my ugly girlfriend!” The low IQ white moron protested.
“Brilliant deduction, asshole!” Goatee threw his astral laser machete at the moron beheading him and cutting him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Goatee then went to catch a bus back to his neighbourhood.
He caught the bus.
Fortunately there were no uglos riding the bus this time.
He got off at the nearest bus stop to his home and went to a nearby liquor store to buy himself a couple of bottles of Coca-Cola Zero.
As he was at the cash register, a really repulsive ugly looking woman got in line behind him.
So he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum etc. etc. pieces.
“Fucking uglos,” Goatee noted, “They always seem to want to hit the booze on Sunday. Just as the work week is about to begin. Fucking morons as well as uglos.”
Goatee later at home then read a Stephen King style science-fiction story about a psychotic encountering a killer sex robot:
“Interesting story,” said Pan, “I don’t think I’ve ever met a psychotic before.”
The satyr looked in the mirror wondering if he should shave but he decided not to.
He decided to go out to eat at a Chinese restaurant.
Fortunately there were no uglos in the restaurant.
Then on the way back home he encountered a cyclist of about high school age.
Goatee wasn’t sure whether the cyclist was a really repulsive looking female uglo or a guy who self-identified as a woman.
The satyr decided to behead and dismember whatever it was anyways.
At least that way the cyclist would never bitch or complain about pronouns used in the future.
-written Sunday May 28th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads A Repulsive Uglo Who’s Changing A Tire
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s 🦞 vision of Pan Goatee after he’s seen one too many ugly women
Pan Goatee was back down south after visiting the wildfire region of northern Alberta.
He was not up north fighting fires but beheading those who started them.
Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld had uncovered a plot by the Alberta Provincial NDP to win the Alberta Provincial Election.
The idea was to start forest fires and in the confusion the NDP would use the computerized electronic ballot system to pull a Joe Biden and steal the Alberta Provincial election like Joe Biden did with the U.S. Presidency back in 2020.
Pan Goatee however was not beheading those who started the fires because of the fear of election fraud.
But because the Alberta Forestry Service spokesperson was a really pathetic looking super repulsive ugly woman.
And every night on TV since the Alberta wildfires were generally the top lead news story, the super repulsive uglo’s TV screen breaking ugly face would appear on screen breaking the television as the said uglo gave her statement on the Alberta wildfire situation.
However no statement was issued on the high number of Alberta males with IQs of over 140 and highly developed tastes in aesthetics who were committing hari kari in the province roughly about the same time as local news broadcasts were starting in the province and this high number of hari kari suicides had been going on ever since the wildfire situation started.
During the plandemic of 2020-22, Alberta Health Services had a really repulsively ugly looking woman named Dr. Dina Hinshaw as their news media spokesperson.
What sheer sadist in the Alberta Provincial Civil Service was arranging for really repulsive ugly looking women to be news media spokespersons when some disaster was unfolding in the province.
This was really adding insult to injury.
Or in this case adding uglo to disaster.
The sadists in the Alberta Forestry Service had the uglo spokesperson under 24 hour guard and in a concrete bunker to prevent her beheading and her 999 trillion x infinity and beyond dismemberment at the hands and astral laser machete of Pan Goatee.
The idea for the Alberta Wildfires and Alberta NDP Electronic Ballot Stuffing Scheme had originated from the disembodied head of the apostate Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (the idol of the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio).
A number of years ago, Teilhard’s head had escaped from Tartarus and the Underworld (his body had been eaten by Cerberus the 3-headed dog but his head managed to roll out of a Gates of Hades cave near the ruins of the ancient city of Caesarea Philippi at the base of Mount Hermon in the Middle East).
His head had been still flaming as a result of being in the fires of Tartarus since Easter Sunday 1955 (the day that the Apostate Jesuit priest had kicked 🦶 the bucket 🪣 ).
Teilhard had, a few years back, set fires 🔥 with his flaming head to the Amazon rainforest and also forests in California in an effort to get the World Economic Forum and its idiot apologists to blame all the fires on climate change (and in turn blame climate change on man-made CO2 emissions which was an erroneous notion).
Teilhard was now intending to do the same with forests in Alberta in order to get the Alberta NDP (a party made up of perverts, freaks and weirdos) headed by World Economic Forum loving, Justin Trudeau loving and Big Pharmaceutical Corporate loving socialist airhead Rachel Notley elected to power in Alberta.
Teilhard’s head had started a fire in Edmonton’s North Saskatchewan River Valley not far from Edmonton’s Hotel MacDonald several weeks ago.
But then his head got caught in a lobster 🦞 trap in the North Saskatchewan River.
The lobster 🦞 trap had been set by a very eccentric gentleman named Harry Woo who did not realize that there were no lobsters 🦞 in the North Saskatchewan River.
“Oh, who’s Winston Churchill?” Harry would ask as he walked past the statue of Sir Winston Churchill in Edmonton’s Churchill Square on his way down to check his lobster 🦞 traps in the North Saskatchewan River.
Harry had forgotten about Trap 🪤 #666 which had caught the disembodied head of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
Teilhard had instructed scarab beetles visiting his lobster 🦞 trap to pass the message on to his disciples about starting fires in Alberta forests 🌳 to get the NDP elected.
Thus Pan Goatee was beheading Teilhard’s disciples who were starting the fires thus allowing Alberta Forestry Service’s super repulsively ugly female uglo spokesperson to shoot her ugly mouth off on television every night.
Pan Goatee decided to go out for a walk in his neighbourhood.
While he was out walking, he encountered a really repulsive ugly looking woman who was busy changing a tire.
The uglo was a repulsive looking thin ugly stoat in the satyr’s classification system of human female uglos (thin ugly stoat, medium size ugly gargoyle and fat ugly blimp) as opposed to a fat ugly blimp.
Thus this form and shape of uglo was probably not responsible for the car tire 🛞 being flat as would have been the case if this was a fat ugly blimp.
Goatee beheaded the uglo anyways and the car jack fell on top of a bunch of Egyptian scarabs.
-written Thursday May 25th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp and Her Moronic Low IQ Boyfriend On A Monday Evening In May
World famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee once again has a pleasant summer like evening in May ruined by the presence of repulsively ugly Calgary white women thanks to the nefarious machinations of evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the evil Norse trickster god Loki experimenting 🧪 🧫 🔬 with the DNA 🧬 of Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 1st’s second (and totally drunk out of his mind) choice of a wife.
Pan Goatee had gone to a nearby liquor store to buy himself some bottles of Coca-Cola Zero.
They were out so the satyr bought himself a couple of bottles of Iced Tea instead.
Still the temperature today was 26 degrees Celsius (rare for an evening in mid-May and more akin to July temperatures in the Canadian province of Alberta) so drinking some Iced Tea would come in handy.
As he exited, he noted 3 attractive women.
They were of course from the group that white liberals in Canada (such as scumbag Justin Trudeau) designate visible minorities.
Two Afro-Canadian women and a South Asian Canadian woman.
The vast majority of white women in Calgary were quite repulsively ugly.
But less the white supremacists object this was due to a Caucasian satyr’s self-loathing for the white race, the vast majority of indigenous aboriginal women in Calgary were quite repulsively ugly as well, Pan Goatee would point out.
Black women, South Asian women, East Asian women, Arab women and Latina women had a majority pretty population in Calgary.
White women and indigenous aboriginal women had a majority uglo population.
Pan Goatee was a leading lecturer in that philosophical field known as the study of Aesthetics (answering that age old question What is beauty?) and often imparting the knowledge of Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche on this fascinating subject.
But Goatee’s devotion to aesthetics was not limited to the theoretical.
It entailed the practical as well.
Such as beheading uglos with his astral laser machete and cutting them up into 999 trillion pieces.
And doing the same to their moronic low IQ boyfriends and husbands as well.
As Goatee walked along the street, a female white uglo attempted to get in front of him.
So the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then turned the corner and lo and behold another female white uglo attempted to get in front of him.
Likewise Goatee beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces as well.
The satyr then decided to go walk on the other side of the street.
After half a block, that most obnoxious, disgusting and thoroughly repulsive uglo of them all – the fat ugly blimp – was attempting to walk across the street in front of him.
In this, she was accompanied by her moronic low IQ boyfriend.
Both fat ugly blimp and moronic low IQ boyfriend put the lie to the Aryan theory of the supremacy of the white race.
Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x etc. etc. pieces.
The satyr then did the same to her moronic low IQ boyfriend.
“One less voter for the Canadian Federal Liberal Party,” Goatee commented as he finished dismembering the moron.
-A vampire novel novel
written Monday May 15th
2023
Pan Goatee Beheads A Bunch of Uglos On 100th Anniversary of Yankee Stadium’s Grand Opening
Pan Goatee goes for a walk in the woods where he hopes he won’t run into any uglos like he would on city streets and buses.
World famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was in a donair shop enjoying one of their beef donairs.
He then went to the washroom to wash his hands because the sauce on the donair was quite drippy.
When he exited, lo and behold, a really repulsive fat ugly blimp had entered the restaurant.
Goatee was so repulsed by the fat ugly blimp’s sheer ugliness that he barfed 🤮 into the garbage can.
While Pan was busy barfing 🤮 into the garbage can over the severe shock to both his eyes and his overall physical health, his companion Jarod Jerome Le Gnome punched the repulsive fat ugly blimp in her repulsive fat ugly face 999 trillion times.
Goatee had finished barfing and reached for his astral laser machete.
He beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum etc. etc. so fast that if the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganberg had been there, his fingers moving his abacus 🧮 beads would have had to move at an incredible practically impossible warp speed in order to keep up.
Gnarlton Gnome Gnash filmed the whole thing livestream on the Dark Web.
Upon exiting the restaurant after a Latin Tridentine Mass exorcist had exorcised the donair shop door, Goatee then went to a store to buy a couple of bottles of Coca-Cola.
As a noted Australian lyricist, songwriter and poet once said, “Beheadings go better with Coke.”
Although the Australian poet’s drag queen adopted uncle Uncle Ernie was still reluctant to meet Pan Goatee.
Goatee then headed to a bus stop where a fat ugly blimp and her two brats were busy crossing the street.
Pan beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then beheaded her two brats and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each because as the satyr noted, “Ugliness is carried in the DNA.”
Or as the great Canadian hypnotherapist Chris Noonan once noted, “Do you know why there’s ugly people in the world? They all have ugly parents.”
Pan then approached the bus stop where yet another fat ugly blimp was coming at him having just got off a bus.
Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and likewise cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon (who carried the remains of all the beheaded and dismembered uglos down to Tartarus) was having to move at warp speed just to keep up with all the beheadings.
Soon Pan’s neighbourhood bus arrived.
He got on and on the bus sat a repulsive 🤢 fat ugly blimp.
Goatee barfed 🤮 into the fare box and then walked down the aisle to the obese uglo’s seat and beheaded the fat ugly blimp.
Followed by cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Goatee then sat and waited with trepidation as the bus approached the bus stop he had named Uglo Central.
Because the past dozen times his neighbourhood bus stopped at this stop, it was inevitable that some repulsive looking uglo who no doubt self-identified as human (although the Watcher Angels of Genesis Chapter 6 and the 1st Book of Enoch would probably vigorously disagree) got on the bus.
As the bus approached the Uglo Central stop, sure enough, it looked like a thin ugly stoat and her moronic low IQ boyfriend were about to get on.
Pan got off the bus first and then beheaded both thin ugly stoat and moronic low IQ boyfriend.
He then cut up uglo and moron into 999 trillion pieces each.
Goatee then used a series of back alleys to walk all the way home in hopes he wouldn’t be running into any uglos which it seemed to be his bad luck to do so today.
Thankfully he did not.
When Goatee returned home, he noticed a button on his astral laser machete that he hadn’t noticed before.
The satyr pressed the button.
He was instantly transported in time and space to New York’s Yankee Stadium 🏟️ 100 💯 years ago today.
For it was 100 years ago today (April 18th 1923) that the first ever game was played at New York’s Yankee Stadium for its grand opening. Babe Ruth hit a home run and the Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox 4-1.
“Wow, not an ugly looking woman in the stadium 🏟️,” Pan stated as he looked around and cheered as Babe Ruth hit a home run.
Seated next to him was the 17th Doctor Who, who Pan noticed, was none other than American humourist and author Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens).
Twain-Clemens-Who was seated inside his TARDIS Police Call Box.
The person sitting behind Twain-Clemens-Who in the stands was complaining about not being able to see.
Pan looked inside the TARDIS Police Call Box and noticed an entire Mississippi river boat steam paddler.
Inside the steamboat dining room/entertainment section were a group of can-can girls performing.
Bill Clinton was sitting there in skin tight blue jeans 👖 sporting an erection (albeit a small one) while Hillary was hitting him over the head with a frying pan.
“The reason why so many women in your time are quite repulsively ugly,” Twain-Clemens-Who explained, “is because they have all absorbed the teachings of radical feminism which has made them uglier than Hell. Then the past 30 years they have absorbed the teachings of critical race theory crap 💩, critical gender theory crap 💩 and critical non-binary freak and weirdo theory crap 💩 which has made them all super uglier than Hell.”
Twain-Clemens-Who had spoken the truth.
So Canada’s imbecilic bedwetting Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau immediately labelled it a “conspiracy theory”.
-written Tuesday April 18th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp In Liquor Store While Hector Hogan Takes On Bill Gates
World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee takes a selfie with an adoring 🥰 fan in a vintage retro cinema theatre in Calgary
After inspecting a theatre that Pan Goatee (who collected vast royalties for his beheading and dismembering videos on the Dark Web equivalent of YouTube that were filmed by Gnarlton Gnome Nash the garden gnome of Persephone’s Garden) was thinking of buying a share in along with billionaire southern Alberta rancher Hector Hogan, the world famous genetically created satyr went to a liquor store not to buy liquor but to buy Coca-Cola Zero. As he was about to enter the liquor store, he looked through the window and noticed a repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp in the store.
“My God! My Void!” Pan Goatee exclaimed, “What’s a fat ugly blimp doing in my favourite liquor store?”.
Goatee did not enter the store but waited for the fat ugly blimp to exit.
When the fat ugly blimp exited, she found herself being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces by Pan Goatee.
Krampus arrived on the scene with a golf cart (the golf courses in Calgary officially opened today) and emptied the remains of the fat ugly blimp into a bag of golf clubs.
Krampus thought it would be fun to substitute the bag for the bag of golf clubs that sex maniac Bill Clinton kept in his locker at his private golf club.
Clinton would get a surprise when he reached for a club on the course.
At that moment Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of Bill Clinton’s caddy dying under mysterious circumstances (the same way other close associates of the Clintons had died the past 30 years).
Meanwhile at his huge multi hectare ranch in the Alberta foothills southwest of Calgary, billionaire southern Alberta rancher Hector Hogan was meeting with deputy New York Mafiaoso head Ace Lackey Luciano.
Hector Hogan was considering hiring Lackey Luciano to bump off Hogan’s arch-enemy Bill Gates who wanted to outlaw cattle farming and ranching and put face masks 😷 and butt masks on every cow and bull on the 🌎 planet to prevent bovine belching and flatulence.
Hogan thought his cattle would look pretty stupid wearing face masks and butt masks (and also found out that Gates had bought the majority of shares in the company that would make face masks and butt masks for cattle 🐄 🐮) so he thought the way to handle the problem would be to bump Bill Gates off.
Ace Lackey Luciano said he could do it for the right price.
At that moment Bill Gates was putting a mask 😷 on the rear end of a red angus bull in Billings Montana.
Moments later Gates was being rushed to hospital.
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln remarked, “Not much good happens on a Friday April 14th.”
-written Friday April 14th 2023.
Pan Goatee Beheads Thin Ugly Stoat While Senile Old Fool Joe Biden Gets An Irish Manure Cream Pie In The Face
Pan Goatee seen here attending a meeting of the Calgary Welcome Wagon Society. Pan is 2nd from the left. 3rd from the left if the Big Fish is counted as a member of the Welcome Wagon Committee.
Pan Goatee had just finished getting off the bus when he noticed a thin ugly stoat getting off behind him.
Goatee had developed the following scientific classification system for female uglos:
Stoat = thin ugly woman
Gargoyle = Medium sized ugly woman
Fat Ugly Blimp = Fat Ugly Woman
Goatee hoped that the thin ugly woman would head off in the other direction.
But alas the thin ugly stoat was walking behind Pan Goatee.
So the satyr beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
As he walked along with Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon left to pick up the pieces behind him, Pan was approached by a man with headphones and a microphone 🎤 followed by a TV cameraman 🎥.
“My good satyr,” said the man with headphones, “Did you have time for a hot breakfast this morning?”.
“No, I just had time for a toast and coffee,” Goatee admitted.
“Have you tried our instant Quaker Oats Hot Porridge?” The man with headphones asked.
“Can’t say I have,” Goatee put a bib around his neck so he wouldn’t splash while he tried the instant hot porridge that the man with headphones was offering him.
Goatee ate the bowl 🥣 of porridge 🥣.
“What do you think?” The man with headphones put the microphone 🎤 in front of the satyr while the cameraman filmed him.
“They’re gr-r-reat!” Pan answered.
“Um… I’m afraid that’s Tony the Tiger’s trademark line for Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes,” the man with headphones commented.
“Yes, but Tony the Tiger is a fag,” Pan pointed out, “I’m pretty sure that he drinks Bud Lite.”
Meanwhile Calgary’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek was freaking out over the sight of Krampus mopping up and then vacuuming up (with a vintage antique Electrolux vacuum cleaner that was the vacuum cleaner equivalent of the TARDIS Police Phone Call Box) the remains of the thin ugly stoat.
God (or the Void) knows how loudly she would have screamed if it had been a fat ugly blimp that Goatee had beheaded and dismembered this evening.
“Hey, Ms. Gondek,” Alberta’s fat slob Fascist former Premier Jason Kenney called from the inside of his pick-up truck 🛻, “You should be thankful that you yourself are not ugly.”
The closeted overweight non-musical Liberace then hit the pedal and rode off into the pink sunset.
Meanwhile on the Internet a video was going viral.
The video was of senile old fool Joe Biden getting off the plane in Belfast Northern Ireland yesterday.
As soon as Biden got off the plane, a 6 foot 8 tall tall invisible entity (although people who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers insisted that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit) threw an Irish manure cream pie in his face.
Needless to say, the video was not shown by the brainless mainstream media on their networks.
-written Wednesday April 12th 2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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