Pan Goatee- Nobel Peace Prize Nominee

November 1, 2018 at 10:22 pm (Aesthetics, Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The world’s most lovable genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose much loved serial killing specialty was ridding the world of repulsively ugly looking ugly women) had just found out that he had been nominated for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize by the American Association For The Restoration of Beauty and Aesthetics (who had a most Herculean task ahead of them).

“Why bless their beauty loving little hearts,” Pan Goatee remarked with all the charm of a gentleman caller on Scarlett O’Hara in the film Gone With The Wind.

Of course Pan didn’t win but like most Academy Award losing actors and actresses say (as their noses grow bigger like Pinocchio’s), “It’s an honour just to have been nominated.”

No sooner had Pan Goatee thought this charming little Tara drawing room thought when a super ugly repulsive and hyperpathetic looking ugly white girl sat down right across from him on the train.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee punched her full force in her pathetic ugly face with his fists, “What makes an ugly looking piece of shit such as yourself think it’s perfectly okay to sit across from a satyr with impeccable good taste like me.”

Pan Goatee continued to beat the ugly looking thing with his fists and then tore her apart with his goat legs’ hooves feet.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to finish the job.

He cut the ugly thing up into 666 trillion pieces with his laser machete.

The goat demon then threw the pieces into a gasoline soaked plastic garbage bag and used it to burn down the house of one of the Brooklyn witches.

A U.S. Supreme Court justice had recently hired Pan Goatee and Krampus The 2nd to burn down the dwelling places of Brooklyn witches and in the process also reduce the number of U.S. Democratic Party registered voters.

Goatee then killed a bunch more ugly women who were riding the bus home with him as well as the bus driver who tried to run Pan over as soon as the satyr got off the bus.

Krampus the 2nd then astral projected from Calgary (the uglo white female capital of the world) to Brooklyn New York where he burnt down a few more Brooklyn witches’ dwellings.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield in the British House of Commons enthusiastically described the blazing All Saints’ Day arsons of Baal and Baphomet followers as the “Salem witch trials without the horrendous expense of having taxpayer funded judicial court trials.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 1st
2018.

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I Saw A Wild Bobcat: A Poem

October 22, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Biographical, Nature, Personal essays, Poetry) (, , , , )

A pleasant sunny afternoon
sitting in the arm chair of the living room
I was looking at my Samsung Galaxy tablet
and drinking chai tea
dreaming of the day I’d be able to do it near
the Taj Mahal

When suddenly a wild bobcat appeared on the lawn across the street
he dashed faster than American Pharoah or Secretariat across the street
like a road runner pursued by a wiley coyote
or a wild hare jack rabbit overcoming carrot withdrawal
soon he was on my kitty corner neighbour’s lawn
and continued bounding northwards

Just a quick hello to an urban neighbourhood
and a quick hello to a writer named Christopher
and then he was gone as quickly as he came
like a shooting star
his wild feline glory
momentarily graced our city streets
but it was not his destiny to stay
Just a quick hello and he was on his way

-A poem written
by Christopher
Monday October 22nd
2018.

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Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

October 12, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

Pan Goatee was riding the bus back to his home when he noticed a hideously fat ugly white blimp riding at the back of the bus.

Goatee was astounded.

He was positive that he had beheaded the fat ugly bitch only weeks earlier.

He turned around and faced the front (for he was sitting at the front of the bus) so he wouldn’t have to look at her fat ugly repulsive aesthetically challenged face.

Just then a thin ugly white scarecrow (who would indeed be good at scaring off crows and everybody else for that matter) got on at the front of the bus and then sat directly across from him.

“What the fuck?” Goatee thought to himself.

He went over and beheaded the thin ugly scary scarecrow.

Krampus the 2nd teleported on to the scene with his innate demonic abilities and cut the thin ugly scarecrow woman into 666 quadrillion pieces, put the remains in a Pope Francis unapproved environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag and used it as fuel to burn down a drug dealer’s house.

Goatee then walked towards the back of the bus and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp he was positive that he had beheaded only weeks earlier.

When Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene, Goatee instructed the DARPA made genetically cloned demon (cloned from the original Krampus who so terrified and still terrifies the devoutly Catholic countries that made up the core of the medieval Holy Roman Empire) to save the hands of the fat ugly blimp and take them back to DARPA headquarters for analysis by DARPA’s Psychic Lobster Liberace (a name designed to appeal to America’s LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community- like most government agencies out of touch with the community they’re seeking to woo for support they were totally unaware that the performer Liberace was hugely unpopular with most of the LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community for denying his sexual orientation throughout his lifetime).

DARPA had plagiarized the idea of a psychic lobster from Britain’s Set Enterprises whose Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had genetically created a psychic lobster named Michelangelo back in 2010.

Goatee wanted Liberace to determine whether the fat ugly blimp was in fact the very same fat ugly blimp that the genetically created satyr serial killer had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

Krampus the 2nd after saving the elephant sized hands could dispose of the rest of the fat ugly blimp’s body in his usual Krampusonian manner.

That night Pan Goatee got a text message from Dr. Faustus Imhotep who had been told by Exlaxia (the DARPA equivalent of Amazon’s AI assistant Alexa) after being in telepathic communication with Liberace the DARPA psychic lobster that the fat ugly blimp was indeed the very same uglo creature that Goatee had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

After a violent fit of lobster vomiting after seeing the hands (for which the explosion proof tank of hydrogen immediately needed to be replaced), Liberace wearing a diamond and sparkling jewel 💎 encrusted white suit and jacket played a vigorous rendition of Elvis’ Viva Las Vegas on his toy piano 🎹 with his lobster claws and then telepathically communicated with Exlaxia his analysis.

Apparently the fat ugly blimp had been brought back from the dead by order of Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton had hired a Haitian voodoo witch doctor Pierre Josephine Swaying Les Fesses to bring the fat ugly blimp back from the dead.

He/she (for the Haitian witch doctor was an androgynous hermaphrodite) had done the same for some other ugly female victims of Pan Goatee as well on Hillary’s orders.

Hillary’s covert plan was to bring the Calgarian fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows back from the dead and illegally have them documented as American citizens to be able to vote in the 2020 Presidential election as almost all ugly women were inclined to vote for Hillary by inherent natural disposition.

What a sinister piece of black magic witchcraft, Pan Goatee thought to himself.

Here the Hillarybeast was in favour of killing unborn babies but at the same time was bringing fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows (who had been conceived in the very bowels of Hell itself) back from the dead.

What nefarious witchcraft was this? Goatee wondered.

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis was using a very very very abstract modern art Crucifix carved in the shape of a witches Stang to summon the ghost of Aleister Crowley from the pits of Tartarus on his birthday which was today October 12th.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 12th
2018

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DARPA’s Neutrouglotron Bomb Experiment

October 11, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

DARPA’s Neutrouglotron Bomb Experiment

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA was currently working on the Beautify Calgary Project (as opposed to the Manhattan Project) – which was developing a new atomic weapon much like the old neutron bomb which instead of killing people and leaving buildings intact was to kill a certain set of people and leave other people intact.

Mephistopheles the demon god of racism proposed killing members of a certain race to Dr. Faustus Imhotep.

However that proposal was vetoed by a higher member of Hell’s demonic and fallen angelic hierarchy.

The hierarchical superior (who approved of Pan Goatee) suggested instead that fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows should be killed with the new weapon.

And hence the name – the Neutrouglotino bomb (a neutron bomb guaranteed to neutralize ugly women and kill them dead- to paraphrase an old TV Commercial for Raid House and Garden Bug Killer insecticide spray).

The proposal was to use it in the City of Calgary since they had the greatest number of ugly women per capita in the world.

And since the vast majority of fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows in the city’s female population were white, it should also meet with the approval of Mephistopheles whose demonic job was to promote racism and hatred of other races among all races.

However only a small quantity of Neutrouglotino powder could be used since it was mined in Antarctica 🇦🇶 and only a small portion could be mined every year.

Pan Goatee upon seeing an ugly woman would then drop the powder and with its UGLO searching ability injected into it through the use of uglo-hating nanites (whose masturbatory thoughts and fantasies were filled with images of Akira a female Japanese sex robot with the highest form of Artificial Intelligence and Dragon Sister kickass Martial Arts abilities which met with the DARPA Seal of Approval by a DARPA employee codenamed after the Greek titan god of heavenly light 🌞) would then go and kill every ugly looking woman within a 5 block radius.

This being Calgary of course, it wasn’t long before Pan Goatee was confronted by the sight of a hideous repulsively ugly looking fat ugly blimp of a white woman.

Pan Goatee threw the bomb powder and the blimp fell to the ground quite dead (causing a major earthquake on the other side of the world from the spot).

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and beheaded the blimp sticking the blimp’s head in a potato 🥔 sack that said DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT.

The nanites ate the rest of the blimp body and immediately vomited 🤮 afterwards.

This procedure was then followed throughout the day by Pan Goatee encountering numerous fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows.

He’d throw the Neutrouglotron powder, the uglo offender to humanity would keel over, Krampus the 2nd would behead the aesthetic offender, stick the hideous head into the potato 🥔 sack that read DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT and then the nanites would eat the rest of the uglo creature from Hell (the dreaded and mercifully unknown to Dante 13th circle of the Inferno) and immediately proceed to vomit 🤮 all over the place.

Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi was being inundated with thousands of calls from outraged citizens about gallons of unusual looking vomit 🤮 that were appearing on city sidewalks.

As for the uglo creatures’ heads in the potato 🥔 sack that read DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT, Goatee had instructed Krampus the 2nd to deliver those to Trump’s gold plated washroom in the West Wing of the White House and to stack the hideous repulsively looking ugly heads one on top of the other on the bathroom floor such as the display from Hell would be the first thing that Trump would see upon entering the Oval Office Executive Washroom.

. . .

Lexington the White House valet heard the most heart wrenching eardrum piercing scream and anguished 😧 cry that he had ever heard in his life.

He went rushing down the hall and there sat Donald Trump on the floor outside his gold plated washroom with a look of extreme shell shock in his eyes, sheer terror on his face and a mouth agape as if dead 💀.

Finally Trump spoke.

He spoke the same words over and over again.

The same words that were spoken by Marlon Brando’s character of Col. Kurtz at the end of Francis Ford Coppola’s 1979 film Apocalypse Now.

“The horror… the horror…”

. . .

While California psychologist Christine Blasey Ford was being flown into Washington DC to be brought in as a consultant to use her Artificial Situation In The Mind Visualization Technique to bring the President out of his state of extreme extreme extreme Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Lexington the White House valet was suspecting a Democratic Party Deep State White House Secret Service plot to only intensify the Donald’s PTSD, the ghost of Orson Welles was showing the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill the TV commercial he had recently directed for a Chilean winery called Casillero del Diablo:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 11th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and The Genetic Clone of Krampus

September 15, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Entertainment, Folklore, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pan Goatee and The Genetic Clone of Krampus

Pan Goatee was hating living in Calgary.

He had never seen so many ugly women in one place as he had in this city.

The DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer had been ordered by DARPA to spy on supporters of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Federal Liberal Party in this city and bump them off if necessary.

DARPA was following the strict orders of a certain toupee wearing bozo (whose DARPA code name was the GOO – short for Great Orange 🍊 Orifice) in doing this.

The trouble was since there were so many ugly women in the city, Pan Goatee was spending a lot more time on his hobby of serial killing ugly women than he was on following instructions for DARPA.

In addition to killing ugly women, Pan Goatee had also been burning down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods in the city as part of his urban improvement project.

However he had developed machete wielder’s elbow on his right arm (as a result of beheading multitudes of ugly women with his astral laser machete) and arsonist’s thumb on his left hand (as a result of setting fires that burned down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods).

He was in pretty rough shape and Obamacare really didn’t help pay for treating his ailments.

“What a stupid policy Obamacare was,” Pan Goatee seethed.

Goatee asked Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA to make a genetic clone of Krampus (the half-demon half goat entity) who served as assistant to the saintly Saint Nicholas in Bavaria, Austria and Central Europe during the festive Advent and Christmas 🎄 seasons.

“I need Krampus as my assistant,” he explained.

Through cutting back financial support to ISIS, al-Qaeda, al-Nusra and other Islamist terrorists fighting Bashar al-Assad in Syria, the U.S. government was able to find the funding necessary to genetically clone Krampus.

Krampus was delighted to provide his DNA for a genetic clone of himself to serve as a personal assistant to Pan Goatee.

He was a big admirer of Pan Goatee’s and had in fact started an online Facebook fan club for the satyr serial killer of ugly looking women.

Numerous feminist groups and Hillary Clinton supporters had petitioned Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to remove the group off Facebook but Zuckerberg refused.

Krampus had threatened to carry Zuckerberg off to Hell this coming December if he disbanded the group.

Just on the off chance that Pope Francis’ judgement on Hell was about as good as his judgement in covering up for pedophile covering bishops, Zuckerberg didn’t want to take a chance.

This Saturday September 15th 2018, Dr. Faustus Imhotep presented Krampus’ genetic clone Krampus The 2nd as a gift 💝 to Pan Goatee.

Krampus The 2nd jogged 7 times around the city of Calgary in honour of the 7 Hills of Rome.

Krampus then carried a large Christmas sack behind him as he and Pan Goatee went off to do a day’s work.

When Pan went to buy a submarine sandwich, a fat ugly white blimp got in his way.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee punched her full force in her ugly looking face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Krampus then beheaded her with Pan’s astral laser machete and proceeded to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

He shoved the pieces into a Pope Francis approved environmentally friendly plastic garbage bag and put it into his sack and ran off to a drug gang controlled neighbourhood which the cloned demon goat burnt down with the fat ugly blimp’s arson soaked remains.

He rejoined Pan Goatee as Goatee stood at a traffic light.

Goatee noticed a fat ugly white blimp across the street from him and so he went and punched her in the face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Krampus The 2nd beheaded her.

666 quintillion pieces.

Environmentally friendly garbage bag.

Arson soaked fat ugly blimp remains.

Bye-bye another drug gang controlled neighbourhood.

The demon goat jogged back to rejoin the half-human half-goat satyr.

Goatee tried jaywalking across the street but a cop stopped him.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you a ticket,” said the cop.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to order you beheaded,” said Pan Goatee.

Krampus The 2nd repeated the process with the cop as he did for the two fat ugly white blimps.

The cop would have been happy to know that his arson soaked remains burnt down another drug gang controlled neighbourhood. 😀

Goatee and Krampus The 2nd went for a ride on the transit train.

A fat ugly white blimp tried to board the train as Goatee was getting off.

“Out of the way, you hideously fat ugly repulsive looking creature,” Goatee punched her full force in her fat ugly face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Behead. Slash into 666 quintillion pieces. Eco-friendly garbage bags. Arson soaked remains. Another drug gang neighbourhood sings a mournful dirge version of that old campfire 🔥 folk song Kumbaya.

Krampus The 2nd was getting it down to a fine art form.

When the cloned half-demon half goat rejoined the half-Human half-goat satyr, Goatee was boarding the transit train again.

This time a fat ugly white blimp got on behind him.

“You fucking fat ugly cow,” Goatee shouted at her, “Why don’t you have the decency to wear a paper bag over your head when you go out in public, you inconsiderate fat assed ton of lard.”

He punched her full force right in her stupid fat ugly pathetic face.

As Pan Goatee headed off to the emergency ward of the nearest hospital to get four knuckles and four fingers on his left hand bandaged, Krampus The 2nd went into full gear.

Beheading. Slicing into 666 quintillion pieces. Eco-friendly garbage bags. Arson soaked remains. 360 alarm fire.

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻 Another One Bites The Dust while Pablo Escobar’s ghost counted the number of Air Miles points he had earned from buying boxes of ghostly spectral Kleenex tissues.

Krampus The 2nd: Aiding Pan Goatee in his ongoing campaign to rid the world of ugly looking women and other annoying people.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 15th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

September 11, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

There seemed to be a major disruption on the public transit train system.

Some idiot wearing a red spider monkey fur toupee (like his hero and American idol) actually suffered from the delusion that he would come out the winner if he crossed in front of a train at a train/pedestrian railway crossing.

He was of course wrong.

And as a result of the self-centered narcissistic idiot’s intense unbelievable stupidity, the inconsiderate asshole had tied up the entire public transit railway system throughout the city.

“I hope they remember to bury the idiot face downwards,” Pan Goatee remarked to a businessman waiting at the same train station as himself.

Finally Goatee got sick of waiting and decided to walk to a train station further up the line.

As he walked up the street, some fat ugly white blimp tried to walk in front of him.

He immediately beheaded the obese creature.

He decided to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces for good measure.

As he was in a hurry to get home, he decided not to locate an environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag, pour gasoline on it and burn down a drug gang neighbourhood today.

The drug gang neighbourhoods were safe at the moment.

Goatee arrived at a public train transit station about 3 stations up the street.

It was another 2 minutes before his train arrived.

The train finally arrived and Goatee boarded it.

“There don’t seem to be too many ugly looking female idiots riding it at this time,” Goatee thought to himself as he looked around which was unusual for this city, “that’s a good thing.”

Goatee then got off at the stop where he would catch the bus that would take him directly in front of the apartment building where he lived.

As he stood there at the bus stop, some fat ugly white blimp tried to get on in front of him.

He quickly elbowed the fat ugly white blimp out of the way.

“Amazing how many of the fat ugly creatures in this city are Caucasian,” Goatee said aloud much to the fat ugly white blimp’s displeasure.

As if the Fates decided to make a liar 🤥 out of him, a fat ugly South Asian woman exited the bus right in front of him.

Not liking being made a liar out of, Goatee immediately beheaded the woman and cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

He then turned around and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp for good measure likewise cutting her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

As some people started to freak out and scream at the bus stop 🚏, Goatee decided he better leave.

DARPA probably wouldn’t like the bad publicity.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin consulted with General Sukyur Kokerov his leading military commander in Siberia on how the largest Russian military exercises since the Cold War were going.

When first announcing the military exercises, Putin’s leading female FSB agent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had put out the disinformation story that the exercises would be conducted in the eastern Mediterranean off the coast of Syria 🇸🇾 causing U.S. President Donald Trump to take a major dump in his pants.

This information was reported to the FSB by Trump’s enema nurse 👩‍⚕️ who was a Russian agent.

Being an enema nurse to Trump was a difficult job as the Donald was full of it.

Putin was going to recommend that she receive The Medal of Saint Vladimir when her service for the Motherland ended.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was on her smart phone to her spiritual goddaughter the Renaissance Italian vampiress Florence De Medici who was directing the Eye of the Storm of Hurricane Florence towards the Carolinas in the southern United States 🇺🇸.

Lilith spoke to Florence the words of Christopher Columbus to his crew,

“Sail on, sail on, sail on and on…”

. . .

Israel’s Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem was examining the remains of a crashed drone.

It didn’t appear to be a Russian, Turkish, Iranian, Saudi Arabian, American, French, British, Chinese or North Korean drone.

So who the Hell sent it? the Controller of The Golem wondered.

. . .

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had received a package 📦 with a bizarre set of photographs inside.

The photographs were all of bizarre looking ceramic figurine dolls all bearing the same caption.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 11th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

September 7, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

Pan Goatee was walking down the middle stairwell of the public transit train station when a typical stupid ugly looking white woman in this city tried to race him down the stairs on the other stairwell.

Pan Goatee ran like Hermes after he got a hot poker shoved up his ass by Hephaestus (things that now go on at modern Establishment Democratic Party conventions during the after hours) and beat the ugly looking white woman down the stairs.

“You can’t outrun me, you stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee shouted back at the product of faulty genetics without bothering to look at the putrid mess.

He then boarded the train.

He was shocked to see the ugly looking thing follow after him on the train and then in an act of blatant airheadedness actually sat next to the genetically created satyr serial killer.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the ugly creature for such a blatant failure of a female IQ test.

He then cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

Looking around for a garbage bag, he couldn’t see any so he stole a University student’s knapsack instead.

He threw all the pieces inside the knapsack while the University student said aloud, “Well, at least I’ll have a far more interesting excuse this time than the dog ate my homework for not completing last night’s class assignment.”

Goatee then stole a container of gasoline as he didn’t have any cash on him and he had gone over this month’s DARPA Credit Card Amount of $650 million.

He then set fire 🔥 to the knapsack containing the pieces of the ugly looking creature and hurled it through the window of yet another drug house in a drug gang controlled neighbourhood.

This time Pabo Escobar’s ghost had to drop ghostly spectral Artificial Tears 😭 in his eyes to start bawling 😭 over the fire 🔥 as he had developed a bad case of dry eyes 👀 as a result of too much crying 😢 over the many fires in drug gang controlled neighbourhoods that Pan Goatee had started lately.

As fire trucks 🚒 arrived on scene to fight the 66-alarm fire 🔥 in this neighbourhood, Nero’s ghost speaking into his ghostly microphone announced to the spectators of the massive blaze, “I’d like to specially dedicate this next tune to Pan Goatee” and proceeded to play on his violin 🎻 the tune to that song by The Supremes, “Whenever you are near, I hear a symphony…”

. . .

“Some bad news, Mr. President,” a White House aide who had been forced to sign a loyalty oath in blood that morning spoke to Donald Trump.

“What is it?” Trump asked, “Another gutless anonymous editorial by someone accusing me of being mentally unbalanced?”.

Trump proceeded to comb his toupee into an Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte looking hairstyle and then held a small black comb under his nose to make it look like he was sporting an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their programs,” his aide said.

“But I thought I increased spending for the CIA’s budget as well as the military budget and the ICE budget to say nothing of extensive tax cuts for the nation’s top 1% earners,” Trump looked shocked, “the only programs where I massively cut spending were programs for the poor, the sick and the elderly.”

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their covert non-government funded black ops programs whose funding is provided by the Colombian and Mexican drug cartels,” his aide explained, “The Colombian and Mexican drug cartels are upset because they think you ordered DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee to burn down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods in Western Canada.”

“But I gave Pan Goatee no such order,” Trump exploded and blew the honey coloured red spider monkey fur toupee off his head, “I sent him as an Emissary of Peace to deal with wealthy Western Canadians who have been donating large sums of money to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Federal Liberal Party. It’s part of my ongoing NAFTA negotiations. I never even mentioned drugs.”

. . .

Pope Francis had been instructed by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal to perform an act of obeisance to Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female entity who was worshiped by the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Holding on to his twisted Crucifix episcopal crozier whose image resembled the Frankenstein monster more than it did Jesus Christ, Pope Francis knelt down in front of the Baphomet who stood at the High Altar inside the papal chapel.

Baphomet’s male sex organ then became erect as the entity thought about Caitlyn Jenner.

“Now you must give the Baphomet a blow job as part of your obeisance,” Allatallahbel ordered as she sprinkled her High Priestess dress with the blood of innocents.

“What?” Pope Francis’s face turned ashen white.

One of the Vampiric Knights-Templar played the Boy George song Karma Chameleon on a pair of Scottish bagpipes.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by BBC News on Barack Obama’s criticism of Donald Trump.

“I think it was for the most part justified,” Renfield answered, “the only part where I’d disagree is where he says that the Republican Party have been the ones responsible for all the divisiveness and paranoia in America the past few decades. The Democrats have been largely responsible for much of the divisiveness and paranoia as well. Ever since South Dakota Sen. George McGovern (described by his Democratic Presidential primaries rival Washington Sen. Henry “Scoop” Jackson as the candidate of “amnesty, acid and abortion”) won the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 1972, the Democrats have become a gang of abortion loving, hashish loving degenerate and perverted far left-wing bozos which has produced an opposite extreme in the Republican Party in its Tea Party wing. If I had been there, I’d have given O’ Bummer the raspberry he so richly deserved at that point.”

When Renfield had finished the interview, he was handed a package 📦.

He gave it to a New York Times reporter to open thinking it might be a return present 💝 from Russian President Vladimir Putin whom he had recently sent a package.

The fake news correspondent opened it and no explosions took place.

“A whole bunch of documents,” said the reporter.

Renfield looked at the documents.

They were plans detailing a plan by a rogue branch of Britain’s MI-6 to launch a chemical weapons attack on civilians in the Idlib province of Syria and then blame the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to justify an all out western assault on Damascus to overthrow Assad.

As Renfield looked at the documents and the dates on it, he realized he’d be racing against time to prevent an attack on Syrian civilians.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 7th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing and False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

September 4, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing And False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding the public transit train 🚊 when he noticed a stupid looking fat ugly white blimp boarded the train with her equally stupid looking heavyset white boyfriend.

What a travesty! Goatee thought to himself.

Proof positive that the decline of civilization was upon us.

He could well imagine the great Renaissance Pope Julius II (who commissioned Michelangelo to decorate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and hired a young man named Raphael as an artist to bring numerous artistic improvements to the Vatican) rolling over in his Michelangelo sculpted tomb.

Oh well, at least this allowed him to see the direction his papal successor Pope Francis was going when he got around to kicking the bucket.

Pan Goatee realized that such a horribly and repulsively ugly looking couple would produce multitudes of equally repulsive ugly looking children.

And while the progeny of such a horrible to contemplate union would probably result in the final nail in the coffin of the ludicrous ideas of the white race supremacist theory, for the sake of aesthetics and the end of visual pollution in the world (a subject totally ignored by Pope Francis in his environmental encyclical Laudato Si), he Pan Goatee the 21st Century Saviour of the Human Race (a title that America’s Twitterer-In-Chief had reserved for himself) would have to stop such a union in its tracks.

Pan Goatee went up and beheaded the ugly looking couple.

Later when Pan Goatee was sitting on a public transit bus 🚎, the bus was about to leave when the stupid low-IQ holding bus driver stopped to let a repulsive fat ugly white blimp on the bus (a blimp who could easily win elephant hands down the Ms. Fat Ugly White Blimp Ugliness Pageant in what was a city of mainly fat ugly white blimps).

Pan Goatee immediately went up and beheaded the fat ugly blimp saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from all ugliness.”

A prayer that had been composed by the great Renaissance Pope Julius II.

A prayer that had been omitted from the lectionary of Pope John XXIII’s Second Vatican Council that resulted in the past 60 years of bad theology and the past 20 years of lousy aesthetics in that part of the world’s population most heavily influenced by post-Vatican II neo-modernist theology.

After kicking the fat ugly blimp’s head off the bus and killing a Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansman with the hideous looking projectile, Pan Goatee then beheaded the stupid low-IQ holding white bus driver saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from stupidity” – a prayer composed by one of Donald Trump’s ancestors (a prayer that went unanswered).

He then cut the stupid bus driver up into 666 quintillion pieces and put all the parts inside a non-City of Calgary approved garbage bag.

At that moment, Pan Goatee received a text message on his Samsung Galaxy smart phone from Australia’s leading poet that he should really start using environmentally friendly garbage bags that met with the approval of Pope Francis.

Oh well, Goatee thought to himself, he really didn’t have time to find an environmentally friendly garbage bag now because as one might now say of the late brainless bus driver’s remains, “Lord, he stinketh.” (A line that had been used originally by another one of Donald Trump’s ancestors- an Elizabethan-Jacobean theatre 🎭 critic after a negative 👎 review he wrote of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet).

Pan Goatee then went to another drug dealer gang controlled neighbourhood in the city and poured gasoline on the brainless bus driver’s remains and threw the bag through the window of the neighbourhood’s main drug selling house.

This caused a 32-alarm fire that burned down the entire neighbourhood and made roasted toasted very well done marshmallows out of drug gang members.

Once again Pablo Escobar’s ghost wept over the spectacle and Nero’s ghost stood there scratching his chin 🤔 wondering what tune he should play on his violin 🎻 as this had been happening so often lately, he was starting to run out of fresh tunes for his audience.

. . .

Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office looking immensely depressed.

He wasn’t immensely depressed because of what journalist and writer Bob Woodward had reported about him Donald Trump in the investigative reporter’s latest book.

He was depressed because he hadn’t been invited to attend Aretha Franklin’s funeral last Friday.

As such, he missed out on the opportunity to ogle Ariana Grande’s shapely and lovely derrière.

Why should Crooked Hillary’s husband get to have all the fun?

Meanwhile on the Twitterer-In-Chief’s desk, a severed charcoal burnt human hand was desperately trying to get Trump’s attention by pointing at a certain spot on the globe of the world on Trump’s desk.

. . .

Meanwhile in the province of Idlib, Syria 🇸🇾, a radical Islamist militant terrorist group (acting on the orders of Donald Trump’s, Emmanuel Macron’s and Theresa May’s intelligence agencies) was preparing a chemical weapons attack against civilians in the region to give the 3 western leaders an excuse to bomb the Hell out of Damascus in a last ditch western effort to drive Bashar al-Assad out of power.

Unbeknownst to Donald Trump, a 300,000 man Russian military force was in the Mediterranean (a sea 🌊 that Trump was unable to locate on the globe of the world) heading straight towards Allied forces aimed against Syria 🇸🇾.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s New Twist In The War On Drugs

September 1, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Aesthetics, Ghost Story, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee’s New Twist In The War On Drugs

Pan Goatee was wandering through a public transit train station when some young hoodlum started harassing a busker saxophone 🎷 player and stole the man’s instrument case along with all the cash he had earned from transit riders.

Pan Goatee chased the hooligan thief down and beheaded him.

He then threw the hooligan’s head in a nearby trash bin and said to a young 5-year-old boy watching him, “Take pride in your community. Always throw garbage in the trash bin.”

When an elderly lady walked by carrying a box of extremely used kitty litter from her 88 cats in her apartment, Goatee grabbed the box in an effort to help her and poured the kitty litter on top of the hooligan’s severed head in the trash bin.

“Litter as well,” Goatee smiled at the admiring 5-year-old and patted him on the head.

Goatee then walked by to a nearby shopping mall to have lunch.

He went up to a Subway submarine kiosk to order a sandwich when a really repulsively ugly looking anorexic dog looking one white woman (one extreme of the Course In Miracles self-esteem confidence building course on the opposite end of the spectrum from fat ugly looking white blimps) came and stood alongside him.

Goatee immediately beheaded the thin ugly looking white woman and then decided to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces like he did to a fat ugly white blimp a couple of days earlier.

He then grabbed the shopping mall janitor’s broom and dust pan and collected the pieces into a plastic garbage bag.

He then walked outside into the parking lot where two men- one wearing a Nazi uniform and the other a Ku Klux Klan outfit- were getting out of a sports car.

Goatee beheaded both men.

He threw the garbage bag with the pieces of the thin ugly looking white woman into the back seat and then started the ignition of the sports car.

He then went to a gas ⛽️ station where he picked up a 10 gallon plastic container of gas.

He then drove to another neighbourhood of the city that was controlled by drug gangs.

He went to the neighbourhood’s main drug marketing house and broke in.

He threw the bag of ugly female body parts inside and poured gasoline on it.

He then set fire to it.

The resulting 18-alarm fire 🔥 burned up the entire drug dealing gang neighbourhood.

Pablo Escobar’s ghost once again wept over the spectacle while Nero’s ghost once again played on his violin 🎻.

This time Nero in a display of musical ironic humour played on his violin 🎻 All We Are Saying Is Give Peace ✌️ A Chance.

It is one of the ironies of history that if both satyr serial killer Pan Goatee and British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been genetically created back in the days of Ronald Reagan’s Presidency, the War On Drugs would have been successfully won 30 years ago.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 1st
2018.


Proof positive that Dr. Frankenstein’s hunchback lab assistant Igor is the intellectual and moral inferior of Pan Goatee.
He just beheaded a beautiful looking woman.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp Walking In Wrong Neghbourhood

August 30, 2018 at 9:46 pm (Aesthetics, News, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp Walking In Wrong Neighbourhood

Pan Goatee was taking a nice long walk through a part of the city where visible minorities and immigrants lived.

African, South Asian, East Asian, Middle Eastern and Latina women were so much prettier than the fat ugly blimps and anorexic dogs you’d see waddling (in the case of the blimps) or staggering zombie 🧟‍♂️ like (in the case of the anorexic dogs) throughout most white Caucasian neighbourhoods making them a severe eyesore and blight on the urban landscape.

Instead of following the wisdom of the great Greek philosopher Aristotle who taught the Doctrine of the Golden Mean, they preferred the pseudo intellectual nonsense of Eckhart Tolle (acclaimed a genius by one Oprah Winfrey) and the demonically inspired teaching of A Course In Miracles (acclaimed as divinely inspired by one Oprah Winfrey).

These pale faced white airheads (and it no longer covered blondes anymore but all varieties of hair colour among these fat and ultra thin imbeciles) applied these philosophies to their inner and outer personal lives resulting in an aesthetic nightmare for all of humanity (causing both Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche to roll over in their graves).

Oprah had created a monster that, in these politically correct times, no one wanted to shove back in the dark recesses of the bedroom closet (where all evil ogres lurked).

Goatee was enjoying his evening when he suddenly noticed to his horror a fat ugly white blimp crossing the street (along with 10,000 chickens 🐓 inside her guts no doubt as well as 30,000 specimens of flatulent methane gas producing global warming causing beef cattle).

“Fuck,” Goatee’s Tridentine Mass Latin needed to be excused, “what’s a fat obnoxious ugly white blimp doing visually ruining the landscape of this lovely neighbourhood in which lovely minority women are supposed to walk beautifying the world with their presence?”.

Pan Goatee immediately ran up to the fat ugly white blimp and after unloading a rain of expletives and swear words in her fat repulsive ugly face (words that would probably even cause the profanity spewing so-called comedians on the cable TV so-called Comedy Network to blush profusely), he then cut off her head with his astral laser machete.

“In the name of God, go!” Pan Goatee exclaimed recalling the words that British cabinet minister Leo Amery spoke to then British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain after Norway 🇳🇴 was about to fall to the Nazis in the spring of 1940.

Goatee then carved up the fat ugly white blimp into 666 quintillion pieces because he thought that was an appropriate number.

He then picked up a garbage bag from a nearby garbage can and swiping someone’s lawn leaf sucking vacuum cleaner sucked up all the blimp pieces into the garbage bag.

He then helped himself to a huge litre can of gasoline and drove to a neighbourhood controlled by drug gangs.

He broke into the neighbourhood’s largest drug den and market place selling house and dumped the blimp pieces inhabiting trash bag on the floor of what would be the living room in any normal house.

He then poured gasoline all over the trash bag and set fire to it.

The resulting fire 🔥 caused a 13-alarm blaze and the entire drug gang neighbourhood burned to the ground as the ghost of Pablo Escobar wept and Nero’s ghost played Beethoven’s Ode To Joy on his violin 🎻.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 30th
2018.

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