Pan Goatee Slays Uglos On 70th Anniversary of Nixon’s Checkers Speech

September 23, 2022 at 9:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the 70th Anniversary of Nixon’s Checkers speech.

70 years ago today on September 23rd 1952, then California Sen. Richard M. Nixon gave a speech in order to save his political hide from what was perceived as an impropriety in receiving gifts from donors.

There was the possibility that Nixon might be dropped from the Republican National Ticket as General Dwight David Eisenhower’s Vice-Presidential running mate for the upcoming November 1952 U.S. Presidential election.

So Nixon gave a speech in which he said that he had a dog named Checkers and that his wife Pat had a good Republican cloth coat not a mink coat.

The speech caught the imagination of the American people so thousands sent messages to the Republican National Committee asking that Nixon be kept on the ticket.

He was.

70 years later in honour of the occasion, two black and white Cocker Spaniel dogs were playing checkers on the sidewalk in celebration.

The world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee walked by.

He was always happy to see four legged dogs.

Not so happy to see two legged dogs.

A really pathetic ugly woman walked by wearing a mini skirt.

“With a face like yours, even wearing a mini skirt doesn’t make you more attractive,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense Lawyer,” a low IQ moron started to weep.

Goatee went into an Asian Specialty Food Store where he enountered another repulsive uglo.

Likewise he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense lawyer,” a moronic looking man, who still held his mask in one hand (neglecting to put it on) and a gun in the other to rob the place, started to weep.

Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Then Goatee went to catch the bus.

A fat ugly blimp got off the bus so Goatee beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

A man wearing a raincoat, who was going down the street opening his raincoat and exposing himself, started to weep, “Hey, there goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense Lawyer.”

In a flash, Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee decided to go catch another bus instead.

Most of the women on that bus were beautiful and so were in no danger from Pan (at least in terms of beheading and bodily dismemberment).

The one uglo on the bus was wisely sitting at the back and unlike most brainless uglos in the City of Calgary made no attempt to approach the genetically created satyr serial killer.

So Pan spared her.

Pan then got off the bus to catch another bus that would take him home.

As he ran to catch that neighbourhood bus, some moronic asshole was blocking the sidewalk with a shopping cart that was piled high with 20 different suitcases.

Afraid he’d miss his bus, Goatee beheaded the man and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The suitcases fell on top of Alberta’s Neo-Fascist Premier Jason Kenney who hated the poor.

That’s why Kenney only hired ugly women to be defense lawyers for the province’s Legal Aid Societies that were financed by the provincial government.

No self-respecting poor person would want to be represented by a lawyer that repulsively ugly so they’d automatically plead guilty (to forego a trial in which they’d be represented by some super uglo defense lawyer who was as brainless as she was ugly) and Kenney could throw them in jail.

That way he could tell his fellow provincial counterparts at Canadian Premiers’ Conferences that Alberta had no poor people (since they were all in jail).

Goatee ran to catch the bus.

An uglo got off.

So Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Neo-Bolshevik Communist demagogue Dr. Joe Vipond (the man who pushed most strongly for compulsory masking in the province throughout the plandemic and also for compulsory vaccination) like most Neo-Bolshevik Communist rich people was a tightwad and a cheapskate when it came to spending his own money instead of taxpayers’.

So Vipond wept, “There goes my Calgary Legal Aid Defense lawyer.”

Goatee beheaded the Neo-Bolshevik Communist physician and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday September 23rd
2022.

Permalink 44 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos At Bus Stop As Demon Buffalo Watches

September 7, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a very peculiar mist in the city.

It came out of nowhere and started eating people.

As if it was an invisible man-eating plant turned to low-lying mist.

Eugenicist billionaire Bill Gates was travelling in the city incognito.

He had heard there were all sorts of weird genetic and breeding experiments going on in the city.

He was puzzled by the mist.

“I must look into this further,” he mused.

His limousine pulled up and he got in.

Nearby the world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to enter a donut shop.

As he looked through the window, he noticed a really repulsive looking uglo sitting there with her little brat.

The satyr decided not to enter the donut shop.

Instead he went to a bus stop to take the bus home.

As he stood there waiting for the bus to show up, Pan Goatee noticed the repulsive looking uglo with her little brat leaving the donut shop.

The repulsive looking uglo and her little brat then crossed the street and started walking in the direction of the bus stop.

“Don’t tell me that the repulsive looking uglo and her little brat are headed towards this bus stop,” Goatee said.

“All right, I won’t tell you that,” Krampus picked his nose while waiting to pick up the remains of what would most likely be the satyr’s latest uglocide and bratocide.

Krampus was quite correct.

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the obnoxious duo.

The machete beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded the uglo’s brat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus had already packed up the remains and put them in his sack for delivery to Tartarus by the time the bus arrived.

As the bus pulled up, two fat ugly looking blimps then proceeded to get off the front of the bus.

“You may not want to leave just yet,” the Demon Buffalo remarked to Krampus as the former, in cannibalistic Italian film festival fashion, ate a buffalo flavoured popsicle and the latter was just about to enter the multidimensional portal to take him to Tartarus.

Sure enough Pan Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

He then decided not to get on that bus and instead took a bus headed the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo joined the satyr on that bus and sat next to him.

As the Demon Buffalo worked on a crossword puzzle, he asked Pan, “I gather those four uglos you beheaded at that bus stop back there were genetically created by the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West (leader of the Circle of Spirits so beloved by Pope Francis and his Canadian Catholic hierarchy) using interbreeding between walruses and sasquatch?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

Eventually after taking the long way around, the satyr got home.

Later he decided to go to a nearby grocery store to see if they had finally brought in the particular brand of cold meats that he loved.

Pan hoped they weren’t being permanently replaced by Bill Gates recommended bugs and insects.

Tonight they were in so Pan bought a few packages.

He walked to a bus stop to take the bus home.

He stood at the bus stop enjoying the evening air.

When lo and behold, another repulsive looking uglo (this one of the caucasian and not aboriginal First Nations variety) decided to show up showing her ugly face for the world to admire.

Pan did not feel any admiration for her facially aesthetically challenged face as can be seen by the fact that he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee once again took a bus headed in the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo once again sat next to Pan while holding a copy of the latest edition of the Serial Killers’ Almanac that he had been reading.

“I take it,” the Demon Buffalo commented while reading up on the serial killing statistics for Iceland, “that the uglo you beheaded back there was part of the experimental genetics program being overseen by the Norse trickster god Loki and Dr. Anthony Fauci involving interbreeding between female stoats and moronic low IQ human males?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

. . .

Ever since Thursday September 1st 2022 (the 83rd anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Poland) in which senile old fool Joe Biden had sacrificed a previously unknown (to him) daughter named Liberty to the Greek goddess Artemis (in an effort to save NASA’s latest moon rocket program) and then gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Evil Galactic Empire speech in Philadelphia, Joe was being advised by the ghosts of both Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

On that fatal (for Liberty) morning of Thursday September 1st 2022, the ghosts of Theosophist leaders Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice A. Bailey had negotiated a peace treaty and a renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact between the ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin.

The man selected to enforce this renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact on the world was senile old fool Joe Biden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 7th
2022.

Permalink 24 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp and Her Moronic Fat Ugly Boyfriend

August 29, 2022 at 10:26 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Ghost Story, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

As Transhumanist philosopher Yuval Noah Harari gave yet another speech arguing that all of humanity must be turned into robotic cyborgs by 2030, world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in a cafe enjoying an iced coffee on an extremely hot late August day.

His enjoyment would not last long however.

For an extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ fat ugly boyfriend came and stood directly in front of the window where he was sitting.

One moment it was paradise.

The next moment the depths of Hell.

What was different about this aesthetically challenged and intellectually challenged duo was that usually in other cases where Pan Goatee had seen fat ugly blimps and their moronic low IQ boyfriends, the moronic low IQ boyfriend was usually quite thin and slim.

And in appearance the moronic low IQ boyfriend was usually mediocre looking.

Not good looking nor ugly.

Just mediocre.

Like the abilities and talents of most journalists and reporters working in the brainless mainstream media today.

However in this case, not only was the woman (although even members of Joe Biden’s cabinet probably would not want to self-identify as whatever gender this creature was) super extremely grotesquely fat and super repulsively hideously ugly, her boyfriend was likewise fat and ugly.

Although not as fat and ugly as she was.

“I can well imagine the arguments you two must have over who gets the last slice of pizza after you’ve gotten down to the last of the 48 dozen Xtra Large Pizzas you ordered,” Pan Goatee remarked as he cut off the heads of both fat ugly blimp and low IQ moronic looking fat ugly boyfriend and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Krampus had to be treated for a hernia after he carried the remains of both fat uglos down to the depths of Tartarus.

Later that night Pan Goatee had gone to a grocery store when he saw a thin repulsive uglo standing at a street corner with a combination of blue and green hair.

“Having two ridiculous unnatural hair colours still doesn’t make you look more attractive,” the satyr noted as he threw his astral laser machete at her and the machete beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later after buying a few items at the grocery store, Goatee went for a walk around the neighbourhood where the grocery store was located.

While walking through the neighbourhood, he encountered two fat ugly aboriginal blimps.

Goatee beheaded both blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake (noted in both Alberta Cree and Blackfoot First Nations folklore) then appeared and told the satyr that the two women were the result of an experiment being conducted by the Great Grandmother of the West (known in the oral traditions of the Hopi, Navajo, Pueblo and Apache peoples as Spider Grandmother) and the leader of the Circle of Spirits who was invoked by a Manitoba First Nations shaman at the July summit in Quebec City which both Pope Francis and Canada’s Neo-Stalinst tyrant Justin Trudeau had attended.

“The Great Grandmother of the West is cross-breeding walruses with sasquatch and then magically turning them into human form,” the Demon Buffalo explained, “those two you just slew were the results of this cross-breeding program.”

“But I thought sasquatch were totally imaginary fictional and mythical creatures,” Pan Goatee protested, “Only seen by those who have drank too much Kokanee Beer or consumed too many magic mushrooms in the Pacific Northwest.”

“No, sasquatch are real beings,” the Demon Buffalo explained, “Although they do try to hide out and not be seen by humans. Namely because of a terrifying prophecy that Coyote (the trickster god spoken of in the mythology and folklore of the North American Plains, West Coast and Southwest Indians) made over a thousand years ago. Coyote said that someday the world’s most boring storyteller and teller of tales would inundate the world with a large amount of incomparably boring stories featuring murder mysteries and sasquatch.”

“I wonder where I should go? Philadelphia or Houston?” The ghost of W.C. Fields walked by wearing his top hat and carrying a cane.

Fields doffed his hat in the direction of both satyr and demon buffalo.

Thus showing that what little hair he had was in definite need of PH Unbalanced Shampoo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 29th
2022.

Permalink 32 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Green Haired Fat Ugly Blimp and Foul Mouthed Swearing Uglo

August 22, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics) ()

The Norse trickster god Loki was standing on a street corner contemplating appearing in a Gilbert and Sullivan style operetta starring Australia’s infamous and notorious Uncle Ernie.

He wondered if he could talk Thor, who was starring in all these nauseating Marvel World motion pictures which were nothing at all like the world of authentic Norse mythology, into ditching Marvel and also appearing in this operetta like he Loki.

Loki suddenly noticed world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee standing across the street.

Last week Pan Goatee had beheaded Loki and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Loki had only recently been brought back from the dead by Asclepius the Greek god of medicine.

The Norse trickster god quickly hid himself under a garbage can (which also served as a recruiting booth for the leadership of the Alberta Provincial Liberal Party) so that the homicidally inclined satyr wouldn’t notice him.

Pan Goatee boarded a bus and sat down.

Suddenly a fat ugly blimp with green hair boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee threw his astral laser machete at her instantly beheading the rotund looking uglo.

The astral laser machete cut up the repulsively looking fat ugly blimp into 999 trillion pieces while the ghost of Tiny “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” Tim sang “Having green coloured hair doesn’t make a fat ugly blimp like yourself look more attractive.”

Tim sang the words 999 trillion times in conjunction with the machete cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Tim’s repetitive words of the song was no Tommy James and The Shondells Crimson and Clover Over and Over.

The bus driver and all the passengers ended up committing hari kari by the time the song and the fat ugly blimp’s dismemberment had finished.

Pan Goatee left the bus by the back door and waited for another bus to show up.

He got on the next bus.

The satyr noticed an extremely repulsive looking uglo sitting at the front of the bus so he went and sat and the back where he wouldn’t have to look at the grotesque uglo.

Later when he was half-way home, he heard the repulsive looking uglo swearing into her smart phone at the front of the bus.

The foul mouthed swearing and definitely low class uglo then got off the bus and continued her foul mouthed swearing as she walked down the bus station platform displaying for all the trembling world to see the sheer ugliness of her repulsive looking ugly face.

The satyr threw his astral laser machete out the window.

It beheaded the foul mouthed swearing repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later on an evening bus trip that Pan Goatee had taken, another fat ugly blimp had boarded that bus.

Goatee was sitting at the front of the bus and the fat ugly blimp wisely went and sat at the back.

However when the fat uglo blimp went to get off the bus, she exited out the door closest to Pan Goatee rather than the door closest to where the fat ugly blimp had been sitting.

Goatee put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The machete beheaded the moronic fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Meanwhile in the U.S., the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci announced his resignation as the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases effective this December.

What brought about this situation was that Dr. Anthony Fauci had been beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces by Pan Goatee last week (the same day that Loki had been beheaded and dismembered by the satyr).

Fauci had been beheaded and dismembered by Pan Goatee on a previous occasion and the deranged mad scientist had been brought back from the dead by Asclepius the Greek god of medicine.

However Asclepius could only bring a mortal back from the dead once or otherwise he’d face the wrath of Zeus.

So the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who had been brought to America under the terms of Operation Paperclip and who had headed the American CIA’s Science and Research Division since 1950 was asked to genetically clone Fauci’s body from a sample of Fauci’s hair.

Mengele finished his project of building a car bomb to blow up a Russian ultra-nationalist (the bomb blew up the Russian ultra-nationalist’s daughter instead).

He then went to work on cloning Fauci’s body.

Joe Biden put in a request to Hades the Greek god of the Underworld to grant a dispensational release to the ghost of Dr. Anthony Fauci (who could then possess the genetically cloned body).

Hades granted the request but only allowed it until next December.

Hence the reason for Fauci’s December resignation.

-Written Monday August 22nd 2022.

Permalink 14 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp and Grocery Store Manager

August 16, 2022 at 10:28 pm (Aesthetics) ()

At one time almost every major big grocery store chain in Canada closed at 10 PM or even 11 PM at night.

None of them would ever think of closing at the ridiculous early time of 9 PM at night (save of course maybe on a Sunday night or the evening of a statutory holiday).

However for poor unlucky Pan Goatee, he would discover that this would inded be the case in the neighbourhood of losers and uglos that he had the misfortune of living in.

He had gone downtown to enjoy the river air and the cool wind.

He thought he’d have plenty of time to shop at the major big grocery store in his neighbourhood.

He caught the downtown bus back to his neighbourhood at about 8:20 PM from downtown.

He arrived at the bus stop in front of the grocery store at 8:45 PM.

He went into the store and there was the department store manager standing at one of the tills and speaking into the intercom, “Attention shoppers. This store closes at 9 O’ Clock. So you only have 15 minutes left to come to the cashiers and pay for your purchases.”

“What the fuck… !” Pan Goatee expressed a colourful editorial comment on the whole situation.

He was almost knocked over by a repulsive and obscenely ugly fat ugly blimp with pink hair (what was it about fat ugly blimps and even most uglos for that matter that they seemed to think that having a ridiculous looking hair colour would make them look more attractive? It didn’t. It just made them look even more repulsively ugly) who was rushing to take all her purchases to the cashier.

Pan Goatee beheaded the ridiculous pink hair coloured fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x …

… 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x 999 trillion x etc. etc. pieces.

And speaking of 999 trillion, the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer and mathematician George Finneganburg had determined that it took 1/999 trillionth of a millisecond for a person to fall asleep after reading the opening words of a Phil Huston short story.

Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld had also dreamed a dream whereby Statistics Canada had conducted a survey of 999 trillion inhabitants of Hell and they said they would prefer putting a plastic bag over their head and go chasing after a rubber ball on the LA Freeway rather than to have to read a Phil Huston short story in its entirety.

And Justin Trudeau was well on his way to taking Canada to a $999 trillion deficit- a first in both Canadian and global history.

The infamous Australian Uncle Ernie’s adopted nephew had jokingly challenged his notorious Uncle and asked him if he could dance for 999 trillion minutes Ginger Rogers style while wearing a very tight fitting Mae West evening gown.

Alas to his adopted nephew’s horror, Uncle Ernie decided to take him up on the challenge and do just that.

Even if the adopted nephew went for a long walkabout in the Australian outback by the time he got back, his Uncle Ernie would still be dancing in order to reach 999 trillion minutes.

Fortunately for his adopted nephew, Uncle Ernie’s dress burst at the seams after only 8 minutes of exuberant Ginger Rogers style dancing in high heels with an imaginary Fred Astaire.

Uncle Ernie went into hysterics and demanded that his nephew drive him to an all night costume shop in order to replace his dress.

Needless to say Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon had a lot of pieces to pick up when he arrived on scene to pick up the beheaded and well sliced remains of the pink hair coloured fat ugly blimp at the closing at 9 PM major grocery store.

On his way out, Pan Goatee noticed a ridiculously blue hair coloured uglo standing at one of the tills.

So the satyr threw his astral laser machete at her beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

When his machete returned to him, Pan threw it at the brainless manager of the grocery store (who closed it at 9 PM) beheading him and cutting him up into 999 trillion pieces.

“The horror, the horror,” an Elvis impersonator impersonated Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now as he walked into the closing in two minutes’ store on this day- what was the 45th anniversary of the Rock and Roll King’s death.

-Written Tuesday August 16th 2022.

Permalink 8 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Repulsive Uglos On 1st Anniversary of Taliban’s Return To Power

August 15, 2022 at 10:18 pm (Aesthetics) ()

It was the 1st anniversary of the Taliban’s return to power in Afghanistan.

And world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was beheading repulsively ugly women in the streets of Calgary.

Not that there was a connection between the two.

The satyr serial killer was sitting on a bus at a red light when a repulsively ugly blue haired coloured uglo crossed the street with her younger sister.

Goatee opened the window and threw out his astral laser machete putting it on auto-pilot.

The machete beheaded the blue haired coloured uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then did the same to her younger sister on the off chance that uglo genes were running through her veins as well.

Later in the day Pan Goatee discovered a restaurant which made delicious donairs.

When he finished his donair, he left the restaurant and upon turning to his left his eyes were visually aesthetically assaulted by the hideously repulsive obscene sight of a disgusting fat ugly blimp.

Had the Watcher angels of Genesis Chapter 6 and the 1st Book of Enoch confronted the sight of women who looked like this repulsively uglo fat ugly blimp, the race of Nephilim giants would have never come to pass because the Watcher angels with their aesthetic good taste would never have mated with such repulsively ugly creatures.

And the King James Bible would have recorded these words, “And when the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were a bunch of fat repulsively ugly uglos and definitely not fair at all, they fled this world to another part of the Cosmos and never returned.”

The obscene, disgusting and hideously repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp (who should definitely have been required by law to wear a giant paper bag over her head when she went out in public) was carrying a 9 litre carton of milk and 6 buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken in her arms and was about to enter a pizza place to empty out all their slices of pizza.

Goatee beheaded the obscene, disgusting and hideously repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ….

… ad infinitum etc. etc. x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x etc. etc. pieces.

The Norse trickster god Loki (who was getting his balls bit off by Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld) informed Goatee, “I’m sending her fat ugly identical twin blimp sister after you.”

Goatee put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it at Loki.

The Norse trickster god’s head soon joined his balls on the hard pavement of the parking lot.

Pan then went for a walk around the block.

As he appraoched an alley way a car appeared driven by the obscene, disgusting and hideously repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp’s identical twin fat ugly blimp sister.

Pan put his astral laser machete into auto pilot mode and threw it at the car.

Cutting through the car’s glass and metal, it reached the fat ugly and repulsive head of the fat ugly blimp and cut it off.

It then cut the fat ugly blimp up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion…

… x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee then went into a discount grocery store to see if they had anything truly discounted.

They didn’t.

They did however have a bunch of repulsive uglos that Pan beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

Like one fat ugly blimp who tried to buy out all the barbeque chicken pieces and beef spare ribs in the place.

Off went her fat ugly head.

The rest of her fat ugly self wound up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee then left the store.

He put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it in the general direction of mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (who along with Loki was responsible for creating this sub-human race of repulsive uglos).

The machete cut off Dr. Fauci’s head and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

A group of 4000 beagles rescued from a beagle breeding farm in Virginia today (that were all headed for experimentation at the hands of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s subordinates) barked in happiness and did the Snoopy happy dance when they heard the news that Fauci had been beheaded and dismembered.

The U.S.’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland sent Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agents to retrieve Fauci’s head and plant it in the safe of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

-written Monday August 15th 2022.

Permalink 4 Comments

The Demon Buffalo Sends A Text Message

August 4, 2022 at 10:11 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki was getting increasingly ticked off that genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was bumping off his (Loki’s) genetically created female uglo offspring.

So much so that demons allied with Loki were playing interference with the traffic lights at the intersection where the bus that Pan Goatee was riding was stopped.

The demons held up the traffic lights even longer than usual.

Finally when the light finally turned green, the bus was unable to quickly turn left because a couple of slow moving pedestrians (at a traffic corner that rarely had any pedestrians) were being outraced by snails as they crossed the street.

To make matters even worse for Pan Goatee, the slow moving pedestrian bimbos were also a couple of super repulsive female uglos.

Pan opened the bus window across from him, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The astro laser machete then beheaded both of the super repulsive female uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Loki did an impersonation of Joe Biden doing a major blow out in his Depends diapers when he heard the news that Pan had beheaded a couple more of his ugly uglo female progeny at the satanic demonically controlled traffic crossing.

The rest of Pan’s afternoon bus trip went off without incident.

However later that night Pan went out for an evening bus trip and on the way back home Pan saw the same purple and pink haired uglo getting on board the bus as he had beheaded and dismembered last night.

“What I thought I had killed you last night, bitch,” Pan reached for his astral laser machete, “Quite inconsiderate of you not to stay dead especally when Krampus carried your remains to the lower circles of Tartarus.”

Unbeknownst to Pan, the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (an ally of Loki) had genetically created a clone of the purple and pink haired uglo.

So after the original had been beheaded and dismembered last night, Dr. Fauci had arranged for the uglo’s clone to board the bus at the same uglo bat time in the same uglo bat neighbourhood.

The genetically cloned uglo was now being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

After the beheading and multiple trillion dismemberment of the uglo clone, Pan Goatee received a text message from the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne.

Said the Demon Buffalo, “Here’s more information about the Great Western Grandmother who was invoked by a Huron shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City last week in the presence of satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals as well as the pale faced (as opposed to black faced) Justin Trudeau. The Great Western Grandmother who’s called Spider Grandmother in the folklore and traditions of the Hopi, Zuma, Navajo and Pueblo peoples.
The Great Western Grandmother is also called Toci Yoalticitl (“Our Grandmother The Nocturnal Physician”) by the Aztecs.
She is apparently an earth goddess who inhabits the sweatbath according to the Aztecs.
She was called Ixchel by the Mayas (she appears as a supposedly good alien being in New Age writer Madeleine L’ Engle’s book A Wrinkle In Time) and she has 4 symbols in 4 different colours – red, white, black and yellow which are associated with the 4 different segments of the Universe.
The name Ixchel means “Rainbow Woman” which is probably why the sodomites and transgenders adopted the rainbow as their symbol and why Pope Francis’ Vatican is so prone to displaying the Pride rainbow.
Interestingly enough on her head Ixchel wore a serpent and the pattern on her skirt was of bones in the form of a Cross.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday August 4th
2022.

Permalink 6 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimps Possessed By The Spirit of Spider Grandmother

August 3, 2022 at 9:29 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee was given a ring by the Demon Buffalo that was able to detect individuals that were possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother a goddess who ate naughty children according to Navajo folklore.

Earlier this afternoon Pan Goatee was out walking when a fat ugly blimp crossing an intersection tried to walk in front of him.

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The incident was recorded on camera by a Jesuit spy for the Vatican.

However there was no indication according to the Demon Buffalo ring that the now beheaded and dismembered fat ugly white blimp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.

This evening Pan Goatee was at a grocery store buying bread and cold cuts.

He was in line at the till when a couple of fat ugly aboriginal blimps came behind him.

“Good thing for them that they’re behind me,” Pan Goatee thought to himself.

However one of the airheaded fat ugly blimps took her cart and moved in front of Pan Goatee.

So Pan beheaded her with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Her airheaded fat ugly blimp friend did the same with her cart getting in front of Pan Goatee.

So the satyr likewise beheaded this rude fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The Demon Buffalo ring (given to Pan by the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne) glowed a fiery red and a startling green indicating that both fat ugly aboriginal blimps had been possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother (a goddess who had been invoked last week by a First Nations shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City when the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio and some of his Canadian bishops and cardinals had been present).

This incident was likewise recorded on camera by a Jesuit spy for the Vatican.

Pan then waited at a bus stop for his neighbourhood bus to show up.

As he was waiting at the bus stop, a fat ugly aboriginal blimp and her low IQ moronic aboriginal boyfriend showed up.

The Demon Buffalo ring flashed a fiery red and a startling green indicating that the fat ugly blmp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.

So Pan beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The ring also indicated that the low IQ aboriginal male was possessed by a demon of stupidity – a demon that seemed to possess the vast majority of white and aboriginal males in the City of Calgary.

Surprisingly the demon of stupidity did not seem to affect East Asian, South Asian, Southeast Asian, African and Caribbean or Latino males.

Thus this demon of stupidity was obviously guilty of racial profiling and should be hauled in front of a politically correct and very “woke” human rights commission.

Likewise a demon of ugliness seemed to affect a very large and vast number of white and aboriginal females in the City of Calgary but not many East Asian, South Asian, Southeast Asian, African and Caribbean or Latina females.

So the demon of ugliness was likewise obviously guilty of racial profiling and should be hauled in front of a politically correct and very “woke” human rights commission.

The bus arrived and Goatee boarded it.

Three bus stops down a fat ugly white blimp with pink and purple coloured hair boarded the bus.

The pink and purple hair did absolutely nothing to improve the fat ugly blimp’s appearance.

So the satyr beheaded the pink and purple hair coloured fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

There was no indication that this fat ugly blimp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.

But the Jesuit spy for the Vatican recorded the incident anyways.

Back at the Vatican, Pope Francis issued a statement expressing his concern that fat ugly blimps possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother were being beheaded and dismembered by Pan Goatee.

Some practical joker in one of the Vatican departments translated the papal statement into Latin and posted it on-line almost causing the pontiff to have an aneurysm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Wednesday August 3rd
2022.

Permalink 2 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Uglo At The Dollar Store

August 2, 2022 at 10:34 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Pan Goatee managed to survive the August 1st long weekend without seeing a single uglo.

But it’s the 2nd day of August and a repulsive looking uglo once again has to put in an appearance in the local dollar store.

Pan Goatee was down at the local Dollar store.

There was once again only one cashier working tonight but that was okay because there was only one person ahead of him and he only had one item.

A bag of potato chips.

But sadly for Pan Goatee, the would-be potato chip purchaser was a total moron.

He did not know how to tap his card on the machine to make a purchase.

5 minutes later the imbecile somehow inadvertently managed to successfully tap the machine and a potato chip purchase was made.

The moron then left the store.

Goatee went up to the cashier and put his bottles of Lemonade and Diet Pepsi down.

Even though there was no other customers an airheaded cashier came and opened up another till.

And lo and behold a repulsive looking uglo (of the thin ugly looking stoat like variety) arrived and got in front of Pan Goatee to head to the newly opened airhead’s till.

The uglo had a female friend with her.

The repulsive looking uglo said in a squeaky squealy high pitched voice to the airheaded cashier, “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty?”.

“Well too bad the same couldn’t be said about you, bitch,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then beheaded the uglo’s friend for being a friend of the uglo.

He then beheaded the airheaded cashier for opening up a new till right at the front of the straight line of cash registers allowing the repulsive looking uglo to get in front of him.

After the satyr finished cutting up the latter two into 999 trillion pieces each, Krampus arrived looking suntanned and burnt to a crisp from his tropical Hawaiian vacation to carry the remains of Pan’s victims down to the fiery flames of Tartarus.

Ares the Greek god of war (who had been filling in for Krampus while the latter was on vacation) had himself now gone on vacation to Taiwan.

Which was a stupid place to be seeing as how Nancy Pelosi was there.

Goatee left the store and happened to spot the moron with the bag of potato chips who had taken so long to figure out how to tap his card on the credit/debit card digital reading machine.

“Because of your bloody goddamned stupidity in trying to figure out how to do something so simple as to tap a card on a machine, I was forced to encounter a repulsive ugly looking woman,” Goatee explained as he beheaded the bag of potato chips carrying imbecile and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

When Krampus arrived to pick up the remains of the beheaded and dismembered moronic imbecile, Pan threw the partly eaten bag of potato chips at the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon, “Here, enjoy these. In appreciation of your hard work.”

As Pan Goatee walked down the street, he encountered the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and now (the recent papally blessed) Lac Ste. Anne.

“I was wondering,” Pan asked the Demon Buffalo, “if you knew who this great Western Grandmother opening up the Circle of Spirits was that was being invoked by Huron-Wendat First Nations shaman Raymond Gros-Louis while satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals, Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and Canadian Governor-General Mary Simon all placed their hands on their hearts while she the great Western Grandmother with her Circle of Spirits was being invoked at the Citadel in Quebec City?”.

“Well,” the Demon Buffalo started eating nearby passers-by, “I imagine that the great Western Grandmother who was being invoked is Spider Grandmother who is an important figure in the mythology, oral traditions and folklore of many Native American cultures in the southwestern United States. In Hopi mythology, Spider Grandmother also called Gogyeng Sowuhti can take the shape of an old or timeless woman or take the shape of a common spider in many Hopi stories. When she is in her spider shape, she lives underground in a hole that is like a Kiva. A Kiva is a space used by Puebloans (the Pueblo peoples of the southwest) for rites associated with the kachina (spirit being) system. The kiva is a large room that is circular and underground and generally used for spiritual ceremonies. In the Hopi creation story, Tawa the sun god and Spider Woman (aka Spider Grandmother) the Earth Goddess separate themselves into parts to create other lesser gods, then create the world and its creatures. This is similar to the Zuni creation myth where Spider Grandmother also plays a part. In Navajo mythology, Spider Woman is said to cast her web like like a net to capture and eat misbehaving children. She spent time on a rock aptly named Spider Rock which is said to have turned white from the bones resting in the sun. In the Pueblo tradition, she is called Spider Old Woman. The Spider Woman or Spider Grandmother of the southwestern U.S. tribes is believed to be the same being/entity as the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess because their pictorial representations are the same.”

“Thanks,” Pan said.

“You’re welcome,” the Demon Buffalo belched after having eaten a University of Calgary anthropology professor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Tuesday August 2nd
2022.

Permalink 12 Comments

Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos and Morons and Talks To The Demon Buffalo

July 27, 2022 at 8:47 pm (Aesthetics) ()

The airhead was standing at the Dollar store counter buying everything in the store.

Loaded into her shopping cart which was piled high to the ceiling.

If the Dollar store manager had had any brains, she’d have had another cashier working.

But the Dollar store manager had no brains.

And last night told a Gallop poll survey on the phone that she thought Justin Trudeau was doing an excellent job.

Fortunately for Pan Goatee, the airhead had not bought any lemonade so the satyr was able to buy lemonade.

Possibly buying everything in the store was a slight exaggeration.

But just barely.

There was a woman in front of Goatee (she had 5 items) and was standing behind the airhead who was buying almost everything in the store.

Another woman was standing Goatee. She had 3 items.

A rather stupid looking male was standing behind the woman with 3 items. He had about 20 items.

Goatee was surprised that the stupid looking male wasn’t there with an uglo girlfriend as stupid males in the city of Calgary seemed to be dumb enough to have uglo girlfriends

Suddenly the stupid looking male dropped his basket and went running to the front door.

“Hey,” he shouted and then closed the door and came back in line.

“Somebody just stole my bicyle,” the moron bellowed like a bull elephant who just got a vasectomy, “I had it parked out front and somebody stole it.”

“Maybe you should lock your bike, moron,” Goatee said.

The moron continued to swear and bellow.

Goatee got sick of the moron’s swearing and bellowing and thus the satyr threw his astral laser machete at the bellowing moron.

The machete beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The airhead at the cashier meanwhile was still getting her 998 trillion Dollar store items put into bags.

Goatee was sick of waiting so he beheaded the airhead and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then left the store.

An uglo woman was walking across the street with her better looking friend.

Goatee, in a sour mood because of the airhead and moron in the Dollar store, threw his astral laser machete across the street.

The machete beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The machete then returned to Goatee.

“And that airhead shouldn’t be out walking with such an uglo,” Goatee threw the machete across the street and beheaded the uglo’s airheaded friend and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As Goatee continued to walk down the street, he encountered a bicyling pair of losers.

One was a moronic looking low IQ male and the other was his uglo looking girlfriend.

Goatee hurled his machete (before hurling his lunch at the sight of such an uglo).

The machete beheaded the bicycle pedalling uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then went to work on the bicycle pedalling moronic looking low IQ boyfriend beheading the stupid looking jackass and cutting him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The riderless bikes then crashed into a bunch of cars at a nearby intersection.

“Let’s go, Brandon,” the car drivers shouted.

Someone later painted the phrase Joe Was Here at the intersection.

As he continued to walk down the street, Pan Goatee met the Demon Buffalo whom he’d met on a number of occasions this past week.

“Did you get the chance to meet Pope Francis while he was in Alberta?” The satyr asked the demon buffalo.

“No, he refused to meet with me,” the Demon Buffalo complained.

“Wow, nothing like pissing off a demon buffalo,” Pan thought to himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
Wednesday July 27th
2022.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »