Pan Goatee and The Disembodied Image On The Basilica

December 8, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee and The Disembodied Image On The Basilica

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was thinking about how well his guillotine boomerang invention worked.

He first tried it a couple of days ago.

The guillotine boomerang he had picked up in a 2nd hand shop and it had been sold as a definitely not rare Ernievarius violin from Australia.

The original Ernievarius violin inventor named Uncle Ernie had in fact intended the violin (made out of rubber tires) to serve as a rubber boomerang designed to be extremely user friendly (in other words idiots could use it) so that Australian white guys (who had never quite grasped both the concept and the aerodynamics of the wooden boomerang invented by Australian aborigines) could use it.

But Uncle Ernie’s rubber boomerang had in fact failed its test as a boomerang.

However it turned out to be a highly successful violin designed for those musicians who had to travel long distances in their cars and needed more than one spare tire.

Pan Goatee with his innate Greek satyr wisdom managed to turn the Ernievarius into its original purpose- that of a rubber boomerang.

He had been taking the garbage out a few days ago when he noticed an ugly looking girl walking down the other side of the street.

Goatee happened to have the guillotine boomerang (Ernievarius violin with an attached guillotine blade -also bought in a 2nd hand store- and one that had been personally autographed by Maximilien Robespierre) with him.

So Goatee hurled the guillotine boomerang at the ugly looking disgrace to humanity and cut her head off.

The guillotine boomerang came with a recorded voice- the voice of Britain’s John Cleese saying, “My God but you’re ugly”- just before it cut the ugly looking creature’s head off.

The guillotine boomerang then returned to Goatee’s medieval knight’s metallic armoured glove.

Today Goatee was out walking.

He had of course left the guillotine boomerang at home but he had brought his trusty laser astral machete with him.

He happened to walk past a bus stop where an ugly looking woman stood there with an airport suitcase at her side.

“You no doubt would be a hazard to flying,” Goatee commented as he cut her head off.

As he continued on, he hoped that other passengers and crew on that flight would write him notes of thanks for sparing them the unhappiness of an agonizing flight riding in a plane with such an uglo.

He walked around several blocks and then was walking up a path that led to both a public library and a shopping centre at the end of the trail.

He was approached by an ugly looking woman walking along the path.

“Didn’t you see that sign along the path that said NO TWO LEGGED DOGS ALLOWED! ?” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the reading comprehension challenged uglo.

As Goatee walked along, he wondered if comedian Jimmy Fallon would ever portray him Pan Goatee on Saturday Night Live since Fallon had recently portrayed Justin Trudeau making fun of Donald Trump on the legendary TV program.

. . .

Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Underworld realm of Hades was on his lunch break.

For lunch, he was eating three large king sized medium well done steaks.

The steaks were made from real beef and were not vegan plant based.

That’s because they weren’t really worried about the hazards of climate change in the Underworld since what they called global warming on the earth above had already been happening down here for several millennia.

When he had finished eating, Cerberus still had some time to kill so he went around singing a Latin language version of that old Patti Page song How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

He text messaged with audio the song performed by all 3 heads to J.K. Rowling to determine whether the Latin pronunciation and grammar was impeccable.

It turned out it was.

Cerberus happily wagged all 3 of his tails.

As he walked back to underworld sentry guard dog duty, Cerberus passed by the ghost of the late former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke.

Hawke was tied face down to a barbecue where his face had become a possible visual testimony for a commercial about the hazards of not using sunscreen while strolling across the desert.

Cerberus had recently watched a BCC News Story about how Hawke back in 1983 had told his daughter Rosslyn not to press sexual assault charges against Bill Landeryou a fellow MP in Hawke’s Australian Labour Party.

According to an affidavit Rosslyn said she had been sexually assaulted 3 times in 1983 while working in Landeryou’s office.

After the 3rd sexual assault, Rosslyn had approached her father Bob Hawke and said she wanted to go to the police to report it and press charges against Landeryou.

Hawke responded by saying, “You can’t. I can’t have any controversies right now. I am sorry but I am challenging for the leadership of the Labour Party.”

Hawke’s parliamentary colleague Bill Landeryou was likewise down in Tartarus and tied face down to a barbecue.

Every morning, noon and nighttime too, Landeryou was sodomized in the rear end by a gay Cyclops named Pansyianapolis who sported a 90 foot phallus.

As for Hawke, he was sodomized every morning, noon and nighttime too by a gay centaur sporting a 9 foot phallus.

Hawke was always told by the gay centaur not to tell anyone as this might affect the gay centaur’s chances of being elected Prime Minister of Hades.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man and detective they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking down the streets of the Eternal City of Rome.

He had been informed that people in Rome were being attacked and burnt at night by the flaming disembodied head of a silver haired Jesuit priest with a hooked nose.

Whitstable looked in the direction of the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica and there on the dome was a large visual image of the flaming head of a Jesuit priest with a hooked nose.

A group of sinister looking flying gargoyles gathered in front of the dome of Saint Peter’s and cried, “Hail Teilhard!”.

The disembodied head opened its flaming mouth and spoke, “All must worship me.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 8th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Euthanizes Suicidally Inclined Uglos

October 16, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Aesthetics, Politics, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee Euthanizes Suicidally Inclined Uglos

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to head downtown.

He beheaded a stupid ugly looking woman walking up the stairs at the transit station where he was to catch the train downtown.

“If you had taken the escalator instead of the stairs, you wouldn’t have run into me, you pathetic loser,” Goatee commented to the aforesaid pathetic loser as her head went rolling down the stairs.

He lopped off a few more heads of uglos as he made his way to the platform to catch the downtown train.

When the train came up to the platform, he selected the car which had the greatest number of beautiful women on it in order to give his homicidal tendencies a rest.

Both his doctor and his psychiatrist had expressed concern about his over exerting himself.

When the train pulled up to the next station, he saw a really pathetically ugly looking woman running along the platform to catch the train.

“Good thing, I didn’t sit in the last car,” Goatee said, “that’s probably where that pathetically ugly thing will sit as that’s as far as she’ll probably be able to make it.”

However the pathetic ugly looking creature decided to run as far as the train car in which Pan Goatee was sitting and board it.

Goatee took up the seat next to him as well as his own so the ugly looking creature wouldn’t sit there.

But the ugly looking creature came and stood directly in front of him for a few seconds and then sat down 2 seats to the left of him.

“You must really be fucking suicidal today, bitch,” Goatee got up and removed his astral laser machete from his holster, “well guess what? It’s your fucking lucky day. You finally found somebody to euthanize you and put you out of your and everybody else’s misery.”

Goatee then beheaded the pathetically ugly woman and kicked her head down the aisle of the train where it struck and knocked unconscious someone with 72 marijuana cigarettes in his mouth.

The heavy marijuana smoker was a Federal Liberal Party candidate in one of the city’s federal constituencies for the upcoming Canadian national election.

When Goatee went downtown, he went about his business and then caught the train to head back to his neighbourhood.

Some ugly looking woman decided to stand next to him on the platform.

Soon her head was rolling on to the train tracks.

“What is up with all the suicidally inclined uglos today?” Goatee wondered, “Or have these airheads never watched any of the documentary specials that the National Geographic Channel have done about me?”.

Six train stations up the track and a hideously fat ugly blimp boarded the train car that Pan Goatee was in.

Not only that but the fat ugly blimp of an airhead sat right across from Pan Goatee.

Goatee figured that some sort of suicide pact among uglos must be be the particular social networking trend that was all the rage on this day.

“You’re such a heavy consumer of eating cows that you neglected to notice the fact that you turned into one yourself,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the blimp.

After kicking the head down the aisle, Goatee noted, “I, for one, am proud to do my part in putting an end to bovine flatulence and its detrimental effects on climate change and the environment.”

He got off at the neighbourhood train station and then caught the bus that went directly in front of his house.

He sat as far away from an ugly looking woman on the bus as possible.

“Don’t want to upset my doctor and my psychiatrist about over exerting myself,” Goatee thought.

Several bus stops through the neighbourhood the ugly looking woman rather than getting off the front of the bus close to where she was sitting decided to walk to the exit at the back of the bus close to where Pan Goatee was sitting.

Big mistake on her part.

As Goatee kicked her head down the aisle of the bus after his usual body/head separation procedure that he performed on uglos, he commented, “Shit, what is it with all these suicidally inclined uglos today? One would think Justin Trudeau was Prime Minister of Canada or something? Oh wait a minute, he is. Well hopefully that will change next week.”

He followed a beautiful woman off the bus on his stop home.

“Well at least this will put me in a good mood before I start watching my soap operas,” Goatee thought.

Later after watching his favourite soap opera and the local news, Goatee walked to the neighbourhood mall to buy a submarine sandwich.

Fortunately for him, there seemed to be nothing but beautiful looking women around putting him in a very good mood.

After eating his sub, he headed out the door and went to walk across the street.

An air headed uglo who was leaving the public library thought she could walk past him.

She’d never have to worry about returning an overdue book again as Goatee kicked her head into the nearby leisure centre.

“What is up with all these suicidal uglos?” Goatee again wondered, “Well I hope my euthanasia efforts today earn me a nomination for the Humanitarian of The Year Award from the Canadian Medical Association.”

He was forced to take a pill for his exceptionally high blood pressure when he got home.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 16th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East

September 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East

Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.

He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.

However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.

Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.

Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”

He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.

. . .

BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…

. . .

Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.

Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.

But how?

Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.

Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.


Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.

“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.

“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.

“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.

“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.

“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.

Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.

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Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

September 12, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

Pan Goatee was walking across the street when a man and his German shepherd dog happened to walk by.

The dog kept staring at Pan Goatee.

Finally Goatee said to the dog’s owner, “Doesn’t your dog know it’s not proper etiquette to stare?”.

Whereupon he beheaded both the German shepherd and its owner.

A little further down the street came an ugly looking woman riding a bicycle.

“What is it about autumn that seems to bring out ugly looking women on bicycles?” Goatee thought to himself.

The woman looked like she had stuck all her fingers and all her toes in an electric socket as her hair style seemed to resemble that of the Bride of Frankenstein on a bad (as opposed to her usually good) hair day.

“Good-bye, uglo,” Goatee commented as he beheaded her.

. . .

“What do you think of my naming Kermit the Frog as my national security advisor?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington, “Do you think that I should give old Kermy a call?”.

“A most inspired choice,” Lexington admitted.

. . .

Meanwhile on the second day of the Canadian Federal election campaign, a Liberal Party campaign bus had struck and clipped the wing of the Liberal Party campaign plane on the airport tarmac outside Victoria, British Columbia.

After an investigation conducted by the Sheriff of the Village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula that was analogous to Scotland’s Village of Brigadoon although the hippy commune appeared once every 7 years instead of once every 100 like the mythical Scottish village) who was in charge of Airport Security, it was determined that the driver of the bus was a robot built and assembled by Mei-ling Manchu and Ho Babylon Minh Computer Electronics in Shanghai, China.

Of course the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh were both Beijing government intelligence operatives believed to have been involved in the cactusnapping, torture and subsequent murder of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in retaliation for the U.S. ordered Vancouver arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou. 

A spokesman for the Chinese Embassy in Ottawa issued a statement, “The People’s Republic of China can neither confirm nor deny that it is seeking to bump off Justin Trudeau.”

Later that day, Justin Trudeau came down with food poisoning in Edmonton after eating at Ho-Ho’s Chinese Food on the University of Alberta campus.

. . .

The Egyptian god Anubis was out walking the streets of London at night when he happened to run into British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“Evening, Anubis,” Johnson greeted him in Ancient Greek seeing as how he had been a Classics scholar at Oxford, “How are you? Tell me, why is it these days (and nights) that you’re now sporting a metallic cyborg jackal head when you used to have an actual real animal jackal head?”.

“Well, a few years ago, I was beheaded by Pan Goatee when I happened to look at him the wrong way,” Anubis explained, “and of course being immortal, I didn’t die when I was beheaded. But it just so happened that an overly frisky Dobermann ran off with my jackal head that night and I was unable to get it back. So Dr. Cadbury Rocher from my dad’s research and development firm Set Enterprises kindly built this new metallic cyborg jackal head for me.”

“Jolly decent of him,” Johnson answered in Ciceronian Latin.

“Tell me,” Anubis asked Johnson in koine Greek, “why do you feel it’s imperative that Britain leave the EU with or without a deal on Halloween?”.

“Well,” Johnson replied in ancient Carthaginian, “the demons Baal and Baphomet have commissioned a Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border which will forever enslave all of Britain to the Stalinist-Trotskyite synthesis European Union that George Soros, Pope Francis and the Rothschilds are seeking to build.”

“Wow, what a bummer,” Anubis started having flashbacks of what the overly frisky Dobermann did to his jackal head that night.

“Yes, quite the shitty situation,” Johnson recited in 21st Century contemporary English prose.

. . .

“So,” Russian President Vladimir Putin asked his guest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Moscow, “can you tell me if it’s true that this coming September 25th 2019 (which is the 5780th anniversary of the day that Jewish tradition holds that the world was created) that the Israeli Sanhedrin has invited the Organization of 70 Nations to perform an animal sacrifice on the Mount of Olives to renew the Noahide Covenant?”.

“The government of Israel can neither confirm nor deny that,” Netanyahu answered.

“Can you tell me if it’s true,” Putin then asked, “what it said in that article in Politico magazine that Israel has been spying on the U.S. in a StingRay operation ever since Donald Trump moved into the White House?”.

“That is a blatant lie,” Netanyahu wagged his finger, “the Israeli government does not spy on nor engage in intelligence operations in the U.S.!”.

Putin looked out the window of his office where he noticed a Jeffraken (a Kraken with the head of Jeffrey Epstein) walking down the street waving an American flag and carrying a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag.

“Why did your nose grow bigger after you made that statement?” Putin asked.

“My nose did not grow bigger,” Netanyahu started to protest until he looked at himself in the mirror, “Oh shit, it did.”

Netanyahu knew he couldn’t hit the Israeli campaign trail this weekend looking like a Disney cartoon character wooden puppet who gets his advice from a cricket.

The Israeli Prime Minister put in a hasty call to the Doctor Faberge Rachmaninoff Plastic Surgery Clinic in Moscow.

. . .

In Hong Kong, British MI-6 Operative Lili Marlene sat in a Hong Kong lounge next to a large marble head of the immortal princess Kwan Yin (who was venerated as the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy by some groups of Buddhists):

Lili Marlene was a French woman and so used to work for France’s external intelligence agency the DGSE.

However last year, French President Emmanuel Macron had made a pass at Lili Marlene’s mother at a Parisienne cocktail party.

Within 24 hours, an angry Lili Marlene had defected to Britain’s MI-6.

Today she was in Hong Kong keeping tabs on the supernatural power struggle between the ancient Great Old One Cthulhu and the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 12th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Tries His Hand At Reality Therapy While Renfield Muses On Brexit and The Irish Backstop

September 9, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Tries His Hand At Reality Therapy While Renfield Muses On Brexit and The Irish Backstop

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was headed to the food court of the neighbourhood mall when suddenly he encountered a repulsively ugly looking white female that was a semi-human stoat hybrid.

The ugly looking creature seemed to be walking from the public library across the square.

Goatee correctly deduced that she was walking from the public library because like all people who are both female and ugly, she no doubt fancied herself an intellectual – something common to these creatures who thought that being both female and ugly automatically put them in that category of society known as intellectuals.

Goatee knew that this was faulty slop shodded reasoning because the most intellectual woman he had ever encountered in his life was a beautiful Malaysian woman who resided in a quiet Bavarian village.

“You pathetic ugly looking loser!” Goatee discoursed in therapeutic commentary that was never heard on TV programs like Dr. Phil as he beheaded the creature from the dung heaps of Beelzebub.

Meanwhile over in England, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a discussion on Brexit and the Irish backstop with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“There is now of course thanks to my date with the vampiress Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna this past Saturday the possibility that Poland, Hungary or the Czech Republic if not all 3 will veto any extension to Brexit going on beyond October 31st of this year,” Renfield ate a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top.

“I hear pro-New World Order EU nations may also veto any EU deal on Brexit if it doesn’t exactly resemble the deal negotiated by Theresa May,” Amadeus noted.

“They have,” Renfield nodded, “which is why I’ve sent a cable to Vladimir Putin saying the UK would secretly approve any annexation of the said EU nations to the Russian Federation should Putin wish to go ahead with something like that.”

“I see,” Amadeus started to eat his own slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

“Boris Johnson seemed to have quite an amenable meeting with Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Leo Varadkar today,” Renfield started eating his Guinness laced shepherd’s pie, “It seems Varadkar is quite amiable to the idea of the backstop applying to Northern Ireland only instead of the United Kingdom as a whole. Unlike the Neo-Stalinist assholes in the EU bureaucracy in Brussels who want all of Britain to remain under the thumb of EU directives as EU bureaucrats seek to establish their idea of a Stalinist-Trotskyite synthesis Soviet United States of Europe which is definitely a recipe for a disaster in the making.”

“But won’t the Democratic Unionist Party remove their support from the British Conservative government given that they’re staunchly opposed to a Northern Ireland only backstop?” Amadeus queried.

“Of course the ghosts of both Winston Churchill and Orson Welles have informed me that the ghost of the Democratic Unionist Party’s founding leader the Rev. Ian Paisley is roasting away on a barbecue spit in Purgatory which is even more offensive to his Irish Scots Presbyterian sensibilities than if he was roasting away on a barbecue spit in the flames of Tartarus itself,” Renfield answered.

“Well despite Rev. Paisley discovering the Hell that Catholic doctrine is in fact true even though the current head of the Catholic Church Pope Francis no longer believes in Catholic doctrine, how does this take away from the fact that the DUP (Democratic Unionist Party) is staunchly opposed to a Northern Ireland only backstop?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well,” Renfield poured more Guinness on his shepherd’s pie, “I’ve already advised Boris Johnson to tell the Democratic Unionist Party to go fuck themselves.”

“Even though that’s biologically physically anatomically impossible,” Amadeus noted.

“Exactly,” Renfield grinned.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 9th
2019.

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Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

September 3, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Fantasy, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Philosophy, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

Dashwood Forrest sat in his office in his art gallery in London and quietly sipped a drink of absinthe.

The Green Fairy as it was called was one of the favourite drinks of his idol the writer, novelist, poet and playwright Oscar Wilde.

Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie (who had been brought back from the dead many years ago by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo) was out for the evening.

Mulligan had been hired for the evening by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to haunt the residence of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn and stand outside the back entrance of Corbyn’s lodgings and say in a spookily haunting zombie voice (with an Irish lilt to it), “The Irish backstop ends at your back door, Mr. Corbyn. The Irish backstop ends at your backdoor.”

As Jeremy Corbyn began to suffer the worst nightmares of his life, Forrest finished his glass of absinthe, left his office and locked it.

He walked down to the end of the gallery where he entered a room marked PRIVATE.

No one (not even Mulligan the Irish zombie) ever entered that room.

Only he Dashwood Forrest art historian, art gallery curator and extraordinary gentleman of many talents ever entered that room.

For that room contained a portrait behind purple velvet curtains.

A portrait of a man.

A portrait of a man painted in the year 1860.

A portrait that was first mentioned in a book published in July 1890.

A book that most people (and even Dashwood Forrest himself for most of his life) had considered a work of fiction.

Until Forrest came across the painting in an estate sale back in October of 2012.

The picture was of a man named… Dorian Gray.

And the artist who signed the picture was named Basil Hallward.

The painting was of an extremely handsome young man in his early 20s.

Exactly as described in Oscar Wilde’s famous Gothic Philosophical novel of the 19th Century- The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Forrest drew back the purple velvet curtains that covered the painting and hid it from view.

Forrest got the shock of his life when he saw the portrait was empty.

There was no subject in the painting.

Dorian Gray was gone.

. . .

Forrest stared blankly at the blank canvas and blinked.

His smart phone went off.

It was a text message from his friend Amadeus Emanon.

A Set Enterprises satellite over the Bahamas had photographed the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian.

And a giant mysterious almost human figure seemed to be standing and moving with the eye of the storm in the hurricane.

Forrest again blinked.

For the figure was the spitting image of Dorian Gray.

The figure now missing from the painting.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 3rd
2019.


Sibyl: She loved Dorian in vain.

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Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

September 2, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

A Fox News crew was up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada to see how world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was spending his Labour Day Monday.

They noted Pan Goatee walking up to his neighbourhood shopping mall where he beheaded an ugly female cyclist on the way.

“On a bicycle now built for none,” Pan Goatee sang a very old song whose tune was only now heard on Ice Cream Trucks music speakers.

He then went to the Food Court and ordered himself a submarine sandwich.

He then ate the sub while reading Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

He wondered how Captain Nemo ended up a Disney animated film fish cartoon character.

He then left the mall where he encountered a fat ugly blimp carrying a terrified and screaming small child.

He beheaded the fat ugly blimp while whistling the tune to that old Second World War song “We’ll hang out our washings on the Siegfried Line…”

The small child was very grateful to get away from the fat ugly ogre as he ran away screaming down the street.

The Pan Goatee clip was followed on Fox News by a Tucker Carlson commentary in which Carlson said that Labour Day was a plot by the working classes to enslave wealthy capitalist entrepreneurs into paying them holiday pay if they had to work on the first Monday in September.

Carlson ended the commentary by smoking a marijuana joint and then shooting out the lens of the cameras by firing a semi-automatic pistol he had purchased at Wal-Mart a few hours earlier.

. . .

Air headed representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had spent her Labour Day weekend publishing tweets in which she criticized the “supposed” masculinity (her words) of straight males proud of their heterosexuality.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield (a proud heterosexual) decided to get his revenge on the air headed representative for the aptly named Queens district in New York City.

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thought she could act like a leftist female equivalent of Donald Trump and be prone to making idiotic statements in public, she’d have to face the wrath of Renfield.

Renfield had heard from his spy network in New York City that the airhead would be taking part in a Father James Martin SJ blessed Gay Pride Parade in her congressional district.

Renfield sent drones over the parade as the airhead (burning her bra with a pink candle) marched at the front.

As the airhead suddenly realized that she should have probably taken her bra off first before setting fire to it, the drones began playing on their loudspeakers Renfield R. Renfield singing in a Johnny Cash style voice his own paraphrased version of an old Johnny Cash song,

“Sodomites and their supporters got thrown into a burning Lake of Fire,
And they went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns 
The Lake of Fire,
The Lake of Fire…”

. . .

Anubis the Egyptian god of death and the son of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had become reconciled with his estranged father this past Thursday and had celebrated the commemoration of the beheading of Saint John the Baptist with his dad by participating in eating some live crocodiles wrapped in freshly made giant sushi rolls.

Anubis was now leading British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas in a raid on Jeffrey Epstein’s Zorro Ranch in New Mexico.

They were looking for the living disembodied heads of 12 Nazi SS officers.

Suddenly Anubis and the Gurkhas found themselves under attack by Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos.

It looked like Mossad and the Israelis would win the battle even against accomplished Gurkhas.

However Sherrielock Holmes and the Dragon Sisters of the Dragon Sisterhood of The Plumed Phoenix Dragon arrived on the scene.

They pulled down the pants of the Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos and tomatoed their buns.

The Mossad operative in charge, Star of Azazel, called a hasty retreat.

The 12 heads would end up in the possession of Set Enterprises as a result of the bun tomatoing inflicted on these errant sons of Jacob.

. . .

A black and white vision of the late film director Alfred Hitchcock appeared to Pope Francis
as he lay in bed:


Hitchcock spoke these words unto Pope Francis, “And Judas Iscariot went out and hanged himself. Go thou and do likewise.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 2nd 
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Continued Aesthetic Cleansing and Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong

August 31, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Pan Goatee’s Continued Aesthetic Cleansing and Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong

Pan Goatee crossed the street to the shopping mall and was about to enter when suddenly he was confronted by the hideous sight of a mutant hybrid combination of incestuous Hutterite produced female crossed with a facially aesthetically challenged Bosnian Muslim refugee.

“You degenerate product of a botched abortion,” Goatee deduced with Sherlockian efficiency, “Product of lethal too close family ties Hutterite interbreeding mixed with one of the horrendous genetic mutant experiments performed on Bosnian Muslims by Bosnian Serb war criminal Radovan Karadzic. Get thee to a feminist nunnery in the Lake of Fire!”.

He then beheaded the ugly creature.

The satyr serial killer with impeccable good taste in wine, women and song then entered the shopping mall food court where he noticed a brainless repulsively hideously ugly fat ugly blimp sitting there making the huge mistake of sitting in a food court in a shopping mall frequented by Pan Goatee.

As small restaurant owners in the food court put up signs saying SORRY! CURRENTLY ALL OUT OF FOOD!, Pan Goatee approached the fat ugly blimp who had a butch haircut and was no doubt looking forward to walking with Justin Trudeau in tomorrow’s Gay Pride Parade in Calgary.

“Your face would have shattered the mirrors faster than the gunshots in the 1947 Orson Welles film The Lady From Shanghai,” Goatee shrewdly pointed out as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

The satyr then walked to a Tim Horton’s restaurant across the street where he tried their new plant based hamburgers.

“Another reason why I’ve sworn never to become a vegan,” Goatee commented when he had finished eating.

The satyr then entered a nearby Indian restaurant where he ordered curried goats’ legs and then sat down and re-read the Hannibal Lecter book The Silence of The Lambs by Thomas Harris.

Goatee then walked back to the shopping mall where he re-encountered the ugly incestuous Hutterite female progeny crossed with a mutant facially aesthetically challenged Bosnian Muslim lab experiment of Radovan Karadzic.

“I thought I beheaded you all ready,” Goatee then beheaded the ugly looking creature again and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces which he then laced with Pope Pius XII blessed Holy Water to prevent any future diabolically based resurrections.

The satyr then beheaded the nearby Hillary Clinton lookalike voodoo practicing witch who had brought the degenerate product of a botched abortion back from the dead in the hopes that she’d naturally be a registered voter for Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren in the 2020 U.S. Presidential election.

Goatee then entered the mall where he saw another fat ugly blimp with a bull dyke haircut approaching.

“The Gay Pride Parade isn’t until tomorrow and besides it’s downtown and not in this neighbourhood,” Goatee beheaded the ugly creature in exasperated tones as he silently cursed idiots using today’s vastly inaccurate GPS locating systems instead of good old fashioned accurate road maps of yesteryear.

Goatee was about to enter the Dollar Store to buy cans of Diet Coke when he noticed a fat ugly blimp with pink hair standing in line up at the cash register.

“Just on the off chance you’re suffering from the delusion that dyeing your hair pink makes you look more attractive, I’ve got news for you,” Goatee beheaded her, “it doesn’t.”

Seeing the fat ugly blimp with pink hair had ruined his appetite for a Diet Coke so he went home and made himself an Iced Cappuccino instead.

He then decided to head to a nearby grocery store to buy himself the ingredients to make a submarine sandwich for later this evening.

As he left the grocery store, he then encountered a thin ugly stoat looking creature.

“It’s because of ugly looking female creatures such as yourself that there will be a large population of intelligent men with good taste walking in tomorrow’s Gay Pride Parade,” Goatee was certainly making widespread use of his astral laser machete on this day as another uglo’s head bit the dust, “seeing as how there are unfortunately huge numbers of brainless males with no good taste whatsoever in this city who keep on reproducing the likes of you.”

Goatee went to a nearby Chinese laundry to get his astral laser machete cleaned.

Meanwhile over in Hong Kong, Cthulhu the ancient High Priest of the Great Old Ones was rising in Hong Kong Harbour facing off against that supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon.

Cthulhu was aligned with dark state rogue elements in the American CIA and Britain’s MI-6 who were hoping to make Hong Kong part of the western based globalist New World Order of the Antichrist.

The Black Dragon was aligned with dark state elements in the People’s Liberation Army and the Ministry of State Security (MSS) who were hoping to strip Hong Kong of its autonomy and make it squarely an integral part of Xi’s all encompassing totalitarian state.

One thing that both Cthulhu and the Black Dragon agreed on- these were the last days of Hong Kong.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday August 31st 
2019.

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More of Pan Goatee’s Aesthetic Cleansing, Baphomet In Ottawa and Hel In London

August 24, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

More of Pan Goatee’s Aesthetic Cleansing, Baphomet In Ottawa and Hel In London

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had happily strolled into a shopping mall’s food court when suddenly his eyes were visually assaulted by the hideous repulsive sight of a fat ugly blimp, her equally hideous and repulsive thin ugly stoat looking younger sister and her younger brother (who though not ugly had a look of extreme stupidity on his face).

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp remarking, “Who keeps letting the dogs out in this city?”.

The satyr then used his astral laser machete to behead the thin ugly stoat looking younger sister commenting, “I hope you realize that New Age guru Anthony Robbins’ Develop A Sense of High Self-Esteem crap definitely doesn’t apply to you.”

As he kicked the heads into the nearby garbage can, Goatee then turned his attention to the stupid looking younger brother.

“Now you’re not ugly,” Goatee noted as he beheaded the kid, “but judging from the stupid looking expression on your face, I’d say you’d more than likely have carnal relations with an ugly looking woman that I dare say your most likely equally stupid looking father did allowing more ugly offspring to enter the world contributing to the aesthetic pollution of this planet. The Amazon rainforests are burning and brainless men are having sex with uglos. What is this world coming to?”.

. . .

What the world was coming to was that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would not be marching with the demon Baphomet at the front of the Gay Pride Parade in Ottawa tomorrow as he would be attending the G-7 Summit in France.

He had been walking with Baphomet at the front of Gay Pride Parades in cities across Canada all summer.

A chapter of the Satanic Temple that had started up in Ottawa recently and had held a satanic Black Mass in the Canadian capital a couple of weeks ago did err when they said it was their actions that were responsible for Baphomet participating in the Gay Pride Parade in Ottawa tomorrow.

As Baphomet had been doing it with the Canadian Prime Minister in numerous cities across Canada all summer.

Although tomorrow he would be doing it by himself.

Besides the satanic Black Mass held in Ottawa a couple of weeks ago was not actually supernaturally efficacious as the person presiding over the ceremony was not a defrocked Catholic priest.

These days most Satan worshipping Catholic priests were not defrocked.

They were either promoted to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops or even elevated to the Vatican College of Cardinals.

The only exception to this rule was Theodore (ex-Cardinal) McCarrick who was defrocked by Pope Francis earlier this year.

That was because the ex-Cardinal McCarrick had committed the unforgivable ecclesiastical sin of actually being caught for his actions.

Had that not happened, McCarrick would have probably continued to negotiate treaties as bad as the recent Vatican-Beijing Pact which placed the Catholic Church in China under the control of the totalitarian despot Xi Jinping.

The same of course applied to Mossad operatives and blackmail and extortion provocateurs such as Jeffrey Epstein.

You can do reprehensible actions but make sure you don’t get caught for them.

Meanwhile one of Justin Trudeau’s butt kissing cabinet ministers Ralph Goodale the Minister of Public Safety (a ministry whose name was no doubt inspired by Robespierre’s Committee of Public Safety) had recently tweeted a video showing Canadian Federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer giving a speech in the House of Commons as a freshman MP from 15 years ago.

In the speech, Scheer pointed out that same-sex marriage couples were incapable of biologically reproducing children on their own (something which of course is a scientific fact and therefore peculiar to most Canadian Federal Liberals who are incapable of understanding scientific facts).

Scheer’s remarks caused a moronic spokescreature for Ottawa’s LGBTQ community to snivel that he/she/it found Scheer’s remarks deeply offensive (thus providing more solid empirical evidence for British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s claim that there are numerous idiots in the modern contemporary world who actually deserve to be offended).

. . .

Meanwhile at a cemetery in London, Hel the Norse goddess of the Underworld was sitting atop a grave waiting for the Norse trickster god Loki to show up for a meeting to discuss how they could arrange maximum chaos in both Britain and Europe in the event of a No-Deal Brexit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 24th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

August 17, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Slays More Fat Ugly Blimps While Trump Is Pissed Off At Renfield

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had all the ingredients to make a Ralph Petley Jones Special Grilled Cheese Sandwich save one (the recipe was developed by a famous Welsh ex-Mountie who once owned an acreage near Fairmont Hot Springs in British Columbia).

The recipe consisted of putting huge slabs of butter on four slices of bread.

Then put a large slice of cheese on each of the four slices of bread.

Then put several large slices of onion on each slice of cheese.

Then put another large slice of cheese atop the onions on each slice of bread.

Then put the slices of bread together so you’ve got two huge sandwiches.

Put in the oven or microwave until the cheese melts.

And voila! Delicisio! 

Goatee had plenty of butter and plenty of bread and plenty of onions.

But alas! No cheese slices.

So he walked to the grocery store to buy some.

He was in luck as there were both cheese slices in the store as well as loads of beautiful women walking around the store (something very rare indeed for the city he lived in!).

After Goatee had purchased his cheese slices, he walked out the door.

The poor satyr serial killer’s luck ran out as a fat ugly blimp came waddling up the sidewalk pushing a grocery cart.

To the right on the other side of the fat ugly blimp, there was an extremely stupid looking guy standing on the sidewalk looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart.

Because of the said inconsiderate idiot standing there holding an empty grocery cart, it made it difficult for Goatee to maneuver past the fat ugly blimp as the elephantine sized creature took up a wide portion of the sidewalk.

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp remarking, “That’s what you get for not making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight this year and for not buying environmentally friendly paper bags to put over your head when you go out in public.”

Goatee then kicked the fat ugly blimp’s head as far as McMahon Stadium where the sight of the fat ugly blimp’s head landing on the football field caused the Calgary Stampeders to lose their first home CFL game to the visiting Montreal Alouettes since 2009.

Behind the beheaded fat ugly blimp was the blimp’s mother who surprisingly was a fairly good looking woman.

However on the other side of the mother was the beheaded fat ugly blimp’s fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to emulate your elder siblings,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp younger sister.

“Now you’re not ugly but you gave birth to ugly children,” Goatee stated as he beheaded the mother, “Haven’t you ever heard of contraception and birth control?”.

The mother of blimps was far too dead to answer Goatee’s question.

Goatee then turned his attention to the stupid looking moron who was standing there looking like an idiot holding an empty grocery cart that took up another large part of the sidewalk.

“Because of your innate stupidity, asshole, in standing there looking like an idiot holding on to an empty grocery cart at the same time that fat ugly blimps are waddling down the sidewalk, it makes it difficult for decent folk to get by,” Goatee noted as he beheaded the said idiot.

The city’s collective IQ jumped by vast percentage points after Goatee had beheaded the said idiot.

Meanwhile down in the U.S. a foaming Donald Trump was meeting with a member of the U.S. State Department.

“Why did British authorities in Gibraltar release the Iranian oil tanker Grace 1 that most likely was carrying Iranian oil to Syria?” Trump foamed at the mouth as he fell over backwards.

“They most likely did it on the recommendation of one Renfield R. Renfield who’s Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering,” the State Department official answered.

“How dare this Renfield character do that!” Trump pounded his desk after getting back up in his chair, “What’s his Twitter user name? I’m going to tell that bastard off in one of my profound and brilliantly written Twitter tweets.”

“I’m afraid this Renfield R. Renfield doesn’t have a Twitter account,” the State Department official answered.

“What?” Trump started foaming at the mouth again, “What sort of person doesn’t have a Twitter account? How am I supposed to insult someone and cast my juvenile BS (to quote Rep. Ilhan Omar) opprobrium on them if they don’t have a Twitter account?”.

“I have no idea, sir,” the State Department official started watching an old silent movie on his smart phone.

“Besides which every moron in the world is supposed to have a Twitter account,” Trump proclaimed.

“Most do, sir,” the State Department official noted.

“See, I rest my case,” Trump smiled.

Meanwhile in the waters off Gibraltar, the Grace 1 had changed its name to the Adrian Darya while the ghostly ship wreckage of the Andrea Doria floated by.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 17th
2019.

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