Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

February 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in his neighbourhood food court trying to enjoy his slice of pizza when an ugly looking school girl walked by.

Goatee (who had recently recovered from tennis elbow) thought to himself, “Ugly looking girls grow up to become ugly looking women.”

He grabbed his astral laser machete and said to the little uglo, “What do they teach you in the public school system these days? Obviously no appreciation for beauty.”

He beheaded her and a group of rats then gathered around and ate her.

The rats (brought to life from the 1971 American horror film Willard) then went outside to vomit.

The uglo girl’s older brother was wearing a hockey jersey number sweater for a hockey team and a hockey player that Pan Goatee didn’t like so he beheaded him as well.

He then tried to enjoy the rest of his pizza but then a whole bunch of ugly looking school girls (who looked like they were auditioning for a remake of that horrible early 2010s sit com Ugly Betty which should have been advertised as a horror film called Night of The Aesthetically Challenged Living Dead) entered the food court.

“What the Hell is happening to our public school system?” Goatee expressed the earnest anguish of a concerned citizen and public school system taxpayer as he beheaded the hideously repulsive young uglos, “I blame John Dewey the father of so-called progressive education for this. Since he advocated throwing out the teaching of history, these uglos have no knowledge of the culture of the ancient Greeks where beauty was all important. Because beauty is certainly not important to these young degenerates.”

Rats then came and ate the uglos’ remains and vomited en masse outside.

Goatee then went outside where some idiot with horrendously lousy taste in music seemed quite anxious to share his lousy taste in music with the rest of the world by playing it at full blast on his car loud speaker.

Goatee beheaded the musical Philistine in a dramatic re-enactment of David beheading the original Philistine Goliath after the giant fell to earth over the young shepherd boy’s sling and stone throwing talents.

Goatee put the musical Philistine’s head on a sign at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through adding a surprise feature to the intercom voice that posed the question, “May I take your order please?”.

. . .

“May I take your order please?” The representative of Gilead Sciences Inc. asked the representative from the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit in Wuhan, China.

The PLA member pulled out his gun and blew the Gilead Sciences sales representative to kingdom come.

On Thursday February 6th 2020, the Wuhan Institute of Virology announced that they had applied for a Chinese patent on Gilead’s Remdesevir for treating the novel coronavirus (2019- nCoV) that originated in Wuhan China in late 2019.

Gilead Sciences is a research-based biopharmaceutical company that was started 33 years ago in 1987 and has its international headquarters in Foster City, California.

Among its major investors had been Donald Rumsfeld (who was later to serve as Secretary of Defence under U.S. President George W. Bush).

Gilead is a curious name for a biopharmaceutical company.

For in the Bible in Jeremiah Chapter 8 verse 22, the question is posed, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” and the response is in Jeremiah Chapter 46, verses 2 and 11, “This is the message of The Lord against the Pharaoh Neco… Go up to Gilead and get balm, oh Virgin Daughter of Egypt, but you multiply remedies in vain; here is no healing for you.”

Jeremiah Chapter 22 verse 6 where God calls the house of Judah by the name Gilead, He says, “yet surely I will make thee a wilderness and cities which are not inhabited.”

Today the city of Wuhan China a city of 11 million people (that’s 2 million more in population than the city of New York) looks like a virtual ghost town being in lockdown over the coronavirus.

Why would a biopharmaceutical company call itself Gilead when the Bible says, “There is no balm in Gilead. There is no healing in Gilead.” ?

There is an 1854 hymn by Washington Glass called The Sinner’s Cure which says, “There is balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole” but that was due to a misinterpretation of an earlier hymn by John Newton in 1779 which actually referred to Jesus as a healing balm not Gilead.

Biblically speaking, there is no healing balm in Gilead.

. . .

Cthulhu rises
The coronavirus comes
Death rides a pale horse

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
and a haiku 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 8th
2020.

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Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee

February 6, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Aesthetics)

Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing field of specialization was killing ugly women) had a problem.
He had come down with tennis elbow as a result of using his astral laser machete so much the past year due to the vast numbers of ugly women that were out there.
On the positive side, the producer of the early 2010s TV sit com Ugly Betty had recently kicked the bucket and was now roasting away on his barbecue spit in the deepest part of Tartarus to which the Council of Demons and Fallen Angels in unison with Hades, Persephone, the Norse goddess Hel, the Aztec god Mictlantecuhtli and various gods of the underworld in the world’s pantheons (after all Pope Francis in signing the Abu Dhabi statement a year ago today had said that no less a being than the Supreme Creator God of the entire Cosmos had willed the diversity of all religions) had sentenced the notorious criminal against humanity, art and beauty to this deepest and most agonizing of punishments.
After all it was the nefarious influence of this insidious show Ugly Betty that convinced ugly women that it was perfectly okay to be ugly.
Prior to the early 2010s, ugly women did try to make an effort to look as good as possible.
But thanks to the vile influence of the TV show Ugly Betty, ugly women gave up that effort and became even uglier.
And thanks to the increasingly low IQ and low self-respect of males in the Western world that hit that area of the world with the dawn of the 21st Century, ugly women in the 2010s were actually able to get dates (a phenomenon that had never before existed in history prior to that dreadful decade of the 2010s).
The sheer ugliness of the Ugly Betty phenomenon had other dangerous side effects- such as the emergence of Neo-Fascism/Neo-Hitlerism and Neo-Bolshevism/Neo-Stalinism.
The U.S. now stood on the verge of civil war between Neo-Fascist Trump Republicans and Neo-Bolshevik Democrats.
Pan Goatee was trying to restore a semblance of civilization with his astral laser machete beheadings of ugly women and their low IQ boyfriends and husbands.
But alas! he had come down with tennis elbow as a result of having to use his arm so much.
The intelligent rats Socrates and Ben (who had been brought to life off the screen at a repertory theatre showing of the 1971 American horror film Willard) decided to help out Pan Goatee while he was undergoing treatment for tennis elbow (his ailment could not officially be called astral laser machete elbow until that term was officially inserted into the Harvard Medical Dictionary and Goatee’s physician was doing his best to get that term inserted).
Since most rats became violently physically physically ill after eating ugly women, Socrates and Ben had trained 3 blind mice to eat ugly looking women.
No one was sure how the 3 blind mice had become blind.
Tragically their tails had been cut off by a farmer’s wife using a carving knife.
Pan Goatee was in a grocery store shopping for bread, cheese and cold meats when a fat ugly blimp walked into the store.
Pan Goatee immediately text messaged Ben and Socrates. 
The three blind mice were flown in on a drone called The Albatross 2.0
The three blind mice then ate the fat ugly blimp.
It turned out that this evening’s manager of the grocery store was an ugly looking woman as well.
Likewise the 3 blind mice ate her.
As Goatee stood in line at the cash register, the line was held up by some idiot who was arguing about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
After 10 minutes, the moron was still shooting his mouth off about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
Goatee made the Sherlock Holmesian deduction that the loudmouth was such an idiot, there was a very high probability that he was either dating or married to an ugly looking woman.
Goatee text messaged Socrates and Ben.
The 3 blind mice then showed up on The Albatross 2.0 drone and ate the moron.
His carton of Pepsi was then incinerated in the lowest levels of Tartarus just below the spot where the flames were working their painful special magic on the tiny testicles of the producer of the Ugly Betty TV show.
Goatee finally exited the grocery store where a fat ugly blimp was standing there talking to two stupid looking men.
Reading Goatee’s mind, The Albatross 2.0 drone arrived with the 3 Blind Mice in the nick of time.
All 3 scourges of long suffering humanity (i.e. the fat ugly blimp and her two brainless male friends) were then eaten.
Goatee’s evening of course had been thoroughly ruined by this time.
The 3 Blind Mice then went home and read Braille editions of The Necronomicon.
-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday February 6th
2020.

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Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat

January 30, 2020 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat

The genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was at a nearby shopping centre.

He had just finished buying several cans of Diet Coca-Cola from the Dollar Store so he could feed his caffeine addiction.

Outside the dollar store, he noticed an ugly looking woman with her stupid looking boyfriend so he beheaded both of them and cut both of them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Rats soon arrived on the scene and ate the very recently departed pair.

A rodent patrol business operator arrived on the scene and remarked, “Business has never been as brisk as it has been the past week.”

Goatee entered the mall’s food court where another ugly looking woman and her stupid looking boyfriend were leaving the scene of their aesthetic and IQ insulting crimes against humanity.

The satyr quickly beheaded and dismembered them (likewise into 999 trillion pieces each) with his astral laser machete.

A Darth Vader wannabe and pen ultimate Star Wars science-fiction fan (who so far had spent the 1st 35 years of his life living downstairs in his parents’ basement and still didn’t know what a shower was used for) said to himself, “I want to get me one of those” as he looked through the window of the mall’s food court.

Rats likewise came over and ate the aesthetic and IQ challenged deceased couple’s multitudinous remains.

When Goatee went to the Subway sandwich counter, a stupid looking individual stood there at the counter and was taking forever to make up his mind (or whatever little there was of it) to decide what he wanted.

Goatee decided for the individual by beheading him and dismembering him according to the satyr’s OCD pre-ordained numerical ratio.

Goatee then decided to go and make his own sandwich at home.

Rats ate the remains of the mindless loser who had gone totally to pieces at the Subway sandwich counter and then rushed to the nearest washrooms where they tossed their cookies (metaphorically speaking).

On his way out from the mall, Goatee received a phone call from his friend the demon goat Krampus (who held joint Bavarian and Austro-Hungarian citizenship although it did him little good in this global interconnected world since both the kingdom of Bavaria and the Austro-Hungarian Empire no longer existed).

Krampus remarked that within the past 24 hours, he had just developed an allergy to the melody of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony whenever it was played.

Now, Krampus sighed, he would no longer be able to attend any events where the European Union National Anthem was played.

“What an awful week you’re having, my friend,” Goatee was sympathetic.

. . .

A giant robotic metal rat was being unveiled by Huawei Technologies for this year of the Metal Rat.

As China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping watched the Metal Rat appear, he wondered why it had the head of a demon buffalo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 30th
2020

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Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

January 29, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

Pan Goatee was enjoying an egg salad sub sandwich that he had bought from the Subway in the local shopping mall food court.

When he had finished the sandwich, he was going to buy himself a dozen Subway cookies for $6.

Just then an ugly looking female member of the ISIS Islamic State went up to the Subway with her detonation belt.

Goatee quickly beheaded the ugly looking creature before she could do any damage.

Although she had already caused a great deal of damage to the aesthetic environment with her ugliness.

Goatee then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

Rats recently released from the 1971 American horror film Willard in a repertory theatre then ate the ugly looking female suicide bomber.

They then vomited in nearby washrooms.

Goatee received a text message from the demon goat Krampus.

Krampus told Goatee that he had recently developed an allergy to the musical melody of the Johann Strauss waltz The Blue Danube whenever it was played.

“Wow, what a bummer,” Goatee stated sympathetically.

. . .

Today was the 200th Anniversary of King George III’s death.

And as such, Hades the god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of King George III a temporary dispensation to leave the Underworld.

As Cerberus was busy licking up the salt remains of Lot’s wife at the entrance/exit to the Underworld, the English poets Robert Southey and Lord Byron both stood there weeping at the cave of Hades/Sheol as they watched the late King George III of England leave (albeit only for a day).

Southey and Byron were not weeping over the late George III’s temporary absence but over the fact that both poets were wrong over their respective visions of judgment of King George III’s soul.

For George III had not entered heaven according to either man’s poetic thesis but was rather still currently spending a lot more time in Purgatory than either poet imagined (since neither Southey nor Byron had believed in Purgatory in their mortal lives).

The only people who were more upset than Southey or Byron at George III leaving Purgatory were the Puritan founders of America (who were mainly upset by the fact that Purgatory existed).

Hades and Persephone, after consultation with various devils and fallen angels, had come to the conclusion that the greatest Purgatorial punishment for the Puritans was for the ghost of Hamlet’s father King Hamlet of Denmark to drop by on a daily basis (as they were roasting away on their barbecue spits) and bang his staff (borrowed from Tolkien’s Middle Earth hero Gandalf) and announce to them, “The Bard was right. The Bard was right.” 

He would then break into his speech that he had once delivered to young Hamlet,

“I am thy father’s spirit,
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
And for the day confined to fast in fires,
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature 
Are burnt and purged away.”

And then as ever on a daily basis, Oliver Cromwell was cut up and put into an Irish shepherd’s pie and roasted in the oven.

Only to be repeated the next day.

George III spent his 200th deathday watching the impeachment trial of Donald Trump in the U.S. Senate while sitting next to U.S. Chief Justice John Roberts in the Senate chamber.

“So, this is what Washington and Jefferson and Ben Franklin’s project has come to,” George III laughed as he drank his now tax free ghostly tea rescued from the bottom of Boston Harbour.

As for Ben Franklin and his friend the English aristocratic rake Sir Francis Dashwood, they no longer found the terms “Members of the Hellfire Club” so funny anymore.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 29th
2020.

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Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

January 25, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Film, magic, Movies, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

“When was this photo taken?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest as he held a martini (stirred not shaken) at an exhibition of the photographs that never made it into LIFE Magazine during the years of its existence.

“Sometime in the 1950s in Havana, Cuba,” Forrest answered.

“That’s a zombie isn’t it?” Renfield inquired.

“It is,” Forrest replied as he accepted the cocktail drink called the Zombie that was handed to him by his living dead walking dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Dead skeleton meets living dead Zombie.

. . .

Krampus the demon-goat of old Bavaria and the old Austro-Hungarian Empire received an elegantly written handwritten note from his friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) complaining about the vast number of ugly women living in the City of Calgary.

Krampus decided to help his friend out.

He went to a Calgary repertory theatre that were showing the 1971 American horror film Willard (about a young man who trains rats to eat people) to mark the start of the new Chinese lunar new year The Year of the Rat that begins today.

It was the sort of thing that a city like Calgary known for its brainless white Caucasian males (with the exception of Pan Goatee as well as a journalist/historian/geopolitical analyst who lived on a medical disability pension) and its hideous repulsively ugly Caucasian white females (of which sadly there were very few exceptions) would put on to mark the start of a Chinese New Year that called itself the Year of The Rat.

Krampus went to the theatre and calling upon an ancient spell from an ancient Aztec copy of The Necronomicon brought the rats to life off the movie screen and into the theatre where they proceeded to eat the brainless white men and the ugly white women.

After vomiting their unsatisfactory meals into the theatre toilets and urinals, the rats then went running out into the streets of Calgary.

Fortunately a former Neo-Nazi (who this morning had become a born again non-white supremacist after seeing how ugly the white women of Calgary were thus showing the idea of whites being the master race to be a total lie) had already left the downtown core and so avoided being eaten by the rats.

Pan Goatee meanwhile was entering his nearby shopping mall food court.

Approaching from the direction of the public library was an ugly looking white woman who looked like a hideous medieval cathedral gargoyle sporting an Afro.

“Cultural appropriation again, eh, you pathetic blemish on the peas in the garden of Mendelian genetics,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As he walked away, no dark glasses wearing and barf bag wearing Hounds of Hell showed up.

As they were all being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from trying to environmentally dispose of Goatee’s uglocidal victims the other day.

Goatee went inside the food court where he was enjoying a Vietnamese submarine sandwich and a Lebanese donair style pizza.

Unfortunately for him, the most hideously ugly thin stoat sized white woman in all recorded history walked by and walked around the food court.

Goatee immediately cut up the ugly woman into 999 trillion pieces without bothering to behead her first.

He put on Welder’s glasses and put his astral laser machete on slow-mo (for slow motion) to take its time on cutting up the ugly looking creature into tiny pieces.

Using the Michtlantecuhtli tempus suspendendi ray, Goatee was able to withhold death from ending the uglo’s agony until such time as the 999 trillionth piece fell to the floor.

“How am I going to clean up this mess?” The food court janitor asked as he arrived on the scene.

His answer soon became apparent with the arrival of hundreds of thousands of rats who appeared and proceeded to eat up the Guinness Book of World Records holding uglo thin sized stoat award winner.

Another group of hundreds of thousands of rats went into the washroom where they vomited up the remains of the white uglo looking gargoyle with the Afro they had encountered and eaten outside.

Well so far today, Goatee had encountered an uglo looking gargoyle and an uglo looking stoat.

All that was needed to totally ruin his day was for him to encounter a fat ugly blimp.

That happened as soon as he went outside to cross the street to the bus stop in front of the high school.

There approaching him was a fat ugly blimp with her stupid looking brainless white boyfriend (with lousy taste in women).

Goatee beheaded the blimp as well as her stupid boyfriend.

He cut up both uglo and brainless boyfriend into 999 trillion pieces each.

He wasn’t sure what 999 trillion x 2 was as he had left his antique Chinese abacus at home.

He wondered if it would have taken him awhile to figure out that particular multiplication.

Oh well, he wouldn’t worry about it, he thought as he headed for home.

Up on the roof of the high school, Socrates and Ben the two mastermind rats who lead the band of rats in the 1971 film Willard were busy examining the satellite TV dish at the top of the high school as there were no satellite TV dishes on top of high schools back in the era of 1971.

. . .

The demon Mephistopheles to the Norse goddess Hel: I wonder what the Year of the Rat will bring, my dear?

. . .

Yaya Han the Chinese leprechaun had a combined Chinese Lunar New Year/Robbie Burns Day dinner celebration with Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

They had sweet and sour haggis as a Beijing wrestler wearing a little known Ming Dynasty tartan style kilt recited Robbie Burns’ Address To A Haggis before plunging the ancient Chinese dagger into the haggis.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday January 25th
2020.

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Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps

January 22, 2020 at 12:50 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps

As Pan Goatee was walking past his favourite Dollar store where you could buy pop for a dollar, some fat ugly blimp started waddling towards the Dollar store.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“You stupid fucking ugly thing,” Goatee exclaimed, “This New Year had been off to a great start because you fat ugly blimps were doing the world a favour and keeping off the street. Now you’ve ruined everything.”

Goatee then cut the fat ugly blimp into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags then gathered up the pieces and carried them off to Tartarus.

Goatee had then ventured downtown to buy himself a bus pass for next month.

He noticed a fat ugly blimp standing next to the door of the transit centre.

“You fat ugly creature,” Goatee then beheaded the woman and likewise cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags followed.

He was so offended that he went to buy his bus pass at another transit centre.

When he got there another fat ugly blimp was there.

He likewise beheaded her.

Slice into 999 trillion pieces.

More Hell Hounds wearing dark glasses and barf bags removing the pieces.

Pissed off, he finally went down to Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi’s office (beheading security at the front door) and bought a bus pass in person from him.

He then demanded that the Mayor do something about the vast number of ugly women living in the City.

The Mayor (whom Goatee was holding by the testicles) promised to look into it right away.

After Goatee left, the Mayor did what every other politician does when he promises to take action.

He appointed a task force to look into the problem.

Dark glasses and barf bags were bought for the city councillors and high-ranking city hall civil servants who would be examining the issue.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2020.

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Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

December 28, 2019 at 11:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was crossing the street carrying a bag full of cans of diet Cola so he could have a caffeine induced high at home.

As he reached the other side of the street, an ugly looking woman walked by.

The first ugly looking woman he had seen in days.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

“Why don’t you uglos stay indoors when it’s the holiday season?” Pan Goatee remarked as he kicked the uglo’s head into the windows of a nearby high school, “Ruining people’s holidays by walking about and frightening animals and small children not to mention everybody else. No wonder Santa Claus never visited anyone in the neighbourhood this past Christmas Eve. He didn’t want Rudolph and all of the other reindeer to be terrified to death after seeing you.”

As Pan Goatee continued down the street, his mobile phone rang.

“Goatee here,” the satyr said.

“Monsieur Goatee, this is Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the Canadian Prime Minister was at the end of the wireless line, “I’m just phoning to inform you and tell you the good news that the Association For A More Aesthetically Pleasing Environment has nominated you to receive the Order of Canada.”

“Wonderful,” Goatee smiled, “I suppose this means I’ll have to buy a tux and not wear my usual Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts to the ceremony.”

“What is it that you do anyways?” Justin had forgotten to read that part of the brief before making the call.

“I kill ugly looking women,” Goatee answered.

“Oh,” Justin paused.

He was wondering how he as a self-proclaimed “feminist” would look if his government awarded the Order of Canada to someone who went around killing ugly looking women.

Not of course that he as Canada’s self-proclaimed “feminist” leader had any ugly looking women working around his office himself.

Only beautiful women.

Something he shared in common with America’s self-tweeted “misogynist” leader Donald Trump.

. . .

The Avangard Russian hypersonic missile that currently had the Norse trickster god Loki by his derrière and was carrying the famed deity into outer space was headed straight towards the Apophis 99942 asteroid.

The Apophis 99942 asteroid is about 1100 feet (340 meters) wide, was discovered in 2004 (where it was first dubbed 2004 MN4), was given the formal name Apophis a year later by the International Astronomical Union in commemoration of “the Egyptian god of evil and destruction who dwells in eternal darkness” and the asteroid has a 2.7% probability of hitting the Earth on Friday April 13th 2029.

A larger probability than that according to Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who says the asteroid hitting the earth on that date will put a damper on celebrations marking the inauguration of Greta Thunberg as President of the United States of Europe (the same day she also finally graduates from anger management classes).

“Wow, this is one big motherfucker of an asteroid,” the Norse god Loki commented as he crashed into it.

The ghost of Oedipus Rex the King of Thebes who floated by with spectral blood flowing from his spectral eyes was not amused by Loki’s comment.

. . .

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was presiding over a general congress of the ruling North Korean Workers’ Party in Pyongyang when he was informed that a North Korean government astronomer had observed the Norse trickster god Loki doing sit ups and practicing yoga positions on the asteroid Apophis 99942.

“This must be a U.S. imperialist plot to attack our country the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea many of whose subjects are now enjoying their 7th year of widespread famine under my enlightened leadership,” Kim pounded the desk in front of him, “summon my white horse. I shall ride to the observatory to see for myself.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday December 28th
2019.

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Pan Goatee and The Disembodied Image On The Basilica

December 8, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee and The Disembodied Image On The Basilica

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was thinking about how well his guillotine boomerang invention worked.

He first tried it a couple of days ago.

The guillotine boomerang he had picked up in a 2nd hand shop and it had been sold as a definitely not rare Ernievarius violin from Australia.

The original Ernievarius violin inventor named Uncle Ernie had in fact intended the violin (made out of rubber tires) to serve as a rubber boomerang designed to be extremely user friendly (in other words idiots could use it) so that Australian white guys (who had never quite grasped both the concept and the aerodynamics of the wooden boomerang invented by Australian aborigines) could use it.

But Uncle Ernie’s rubber boomerang had in fact failed its test as a boomerang.

However it turned out to be a highly successful violin designed for those musicians who had to travel long distances in their cars and needed more than one spare tire.

Pan Goatee with his innate Greek satyr wisdom managed to turn the Ernievarius into its original purpose- that of a rubber boomerang.

He had been taking the garbage out a few days ago when he noticed an ugly looking girl walking down the other side of the street.

Goatee happened to have the guillotine boomerang (Ernievarius violin with an attached guillotine blade -also bought in a 2nd hand store- and one that had been personally autographed by Maximilien Robespierre) with him.

So Goatee hurled the guillotine boomerang at the ugly looking disgrace to humanity and cut her head off.

The guillotine boomerang came with a recorded voice- the voice of Britain’s John Cleese saying, “My God but you’re ugly”- just before it cut the ugly looking creature’s head off.

The guillotine boomerang then returned to Goatee’s medieval knight’s metallic armoured glove.

Today Goatee was out walking.

He had of course left the guillotine boomerang at home but he had brought his trusty laser astral machete with him.

He happened to walk past a bus stop where an ugly looking woman stood there with an airport suitcase at her side.

“You no doubt would be a hazard to flying,” Goatee commented as he cut her head off.

As he continued on, he hoped that other passengers and crew on that flight would write him notes of thanks for sparing them the unhappiness of an agonizing flight riding in a plane with such an uglo.

He walked around several blocks and then was walking up a path that led to both a public library and a shopping centre at the end of the trail.

He was approached by an ugly looking woman walking along the path.

“Didn’t you see that sign along the path that said NO TWO LEGGED DOGS ALLOWED! ?” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the reading comprehension challenged uglo.

As Goatee walked along, he wondered if comedian Jimmy Fallon would ever portray him Pan Goatee on Saturday Night Live since Fallon had recently portrayed Justin Trudeau making fun of Donald Trump on the legendary TV program.

. . .

Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Underworld realm of Hades was on his lunch break.

For lunch, he was eating three large king sized medium well done steaks.

The steaks were made from real beef and were not vegan plant based.

That’s because they weren’t really worried about the hazards of climate change in the Underworld since what they called global warming on the earth above had already been happening down here for several millennia.

When he had finished eating, Cerberus still had some time to kill so he went around singing a Latin language version of that old Patti Page song How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

He text messaged with audio the song performed by all 3 heads to J.K. Rowling to determine whether the Latin pronunciation and grammar was impeccable.

It turned out it was.

Cerberus happily wagged all 3 of his tails.

As he walked back to underworld sentry guard dog duty, Cerberus passed by the ghost of the late former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke.

Hawke was tied face down to a barbecue where his face had become a possible visual testimony for a commercial about the hazards of not using sunscreen while strolling across the desert.

Cerberus had recently watched a BCC News Story about how Hawke back in 1983 had told his daughter Rosslyn not to press sexual assault charges against Bill Landeryou a fellow MP in Hawke’s Australian Labour Party.

According to an affidavit Rosslyn said she had been sexually assaulted 3 times in 1983 while working in Landeryou’s office.

After the 3rd sexual assault, Rosslyn had approached her father Bob Hawke and said she wanted to go to the police to report it and press charges against Landeryou.

Hawke responded by saying, “You can’t. I can’t have any controversies right now. I am sorry but I am challenging for the leadership of the Labour Party.”

Hawke’s parliamentary colleague Bill Landeryou was likewise down in Tartarus and tied face down to a barbecue.

Every morning, noon and nighttime too, Landeryou was sodomized in the rear end by a gay Cyclops named Pansyianapolis who sported a 90 foot phallus.

As for Hawke, he was sodomized every morning, noon and nighttime too by a gay centaur sporting a 9 foot phallus.

Hawke was always told by the gay centaur not to tell anyone as this might affect the gay centaur’s chances of being elected Prime Minister of Hades.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man and detective they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking down the streets of the Eternal City of Rome.

He had been informed that people in Rome were being attacked and burnt at night by the flaming disembodied head of a silver haired Jesuit priest with a hooked nose.

Whitstable looked in the direction of the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica and there on the dome was a large visual image of the flaming head of a Jesuit priest with a hooked nose.

A group of sinister looking flying gargoyles gathered in front of the dome of Saint Peter’s and cried, “Hail Teilhard!”.

The disembodied head opened its flaming mouth and spoke, “All must worship me.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 8th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Euthanizes Suicidally Inclined Uglos

October 16, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Aesthetics, Politics, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee Euthanizes Suicidally Inclined Uglos

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to head downtown.

He beheaded a stupid ugly looking woman walking up the stairs at the transit station where he was to catch the train downtown.

“If you had taken the escalator instead of the stairs, you wouldn’t have run into me, you pathetic loser,” Goatee commented to the aforesaid pathetic loser as her head went rolling down the stairs.

He lopped off a few more heads of uglos as he made his way to the platform to catch the downtown train.

When the train came up to the platform, he selected the car which had the greatest number of beautiful women on it in order to give his homicidal tendencies a rest.

Both his doctor and his psychiatrist had expressed concern about his over exerting himself.

When the train pulled up to the next station, he saw a really pathetically ugly looking woman running along the platform to catch the train.

“Good thing, I didn’t sit in the last car,” Goatee said, “that’s probably where that pathetically ugly thing will sit as that’s as far as she’ll probably be able to make it.”

However the pathetic ugly looking creature decided to run as far as the train car in which Pan Goatee was sitting and board it.

Goatee took up the seat next to him as well as his own so the ugly looking creature wouldn’t sit there.

But the ugly looking creature came and stood directly in front of him for a few seconds and then sat down 2 seats to the left of him.

“You must really be fucking suicidal today, bitch,” Goatee got up and removed his astral laser machete from his holster, “well guess what? It’s your fucking lucky day. You finally found somebody to euthanize you and put you out of your and everybody else’s misery.”

Goatee then beheaded the pathetically ugly woman and kicked her head down the aisle of the train where it struck and knocked unconscious someone with 72 marijuana cigarettes in his mouth.

The heavy marijuana smoker was a Federal Liberal Party candidate in one of the city’s federal constituencies for the upcoming Canadian national election.

When Goatee went downtown, he went about his business and then caught the train to head back to his neighbourhood.

Some ugly looking woman decided to stand next to him on the platform.

Soon her head was rolling on to the train tracks.

“What is up with all the suicidally inclined uglos today?” Goatee wondered, “Or have these airheads never watched any of the documentary specials that the National Geographic Channel have done about me?”.

Six train stations up the track and a hideously fat ugly blimp boarded the train car that Pan Goatee was in.

Not only that but the fat ugly blimp of an airhead sat right across from Pan Goatee.

Goatee figured that some sort of suicide pact among uglos must be be the particular social networking trend that was all the rage on this day.

“You’re such a heavy consumer of eating cows that you neglected to notice the fact that you turned into one yourself,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the blimp.

After kicking the head down the aisle, Goatee noted, “I, for one, am proud to do my part in putting an end to bovine flatulence and its detrimental effects on climate change and the environment.”

He got off at the neighbourhood train station and then caught the bus that went directly in front of his house.

He sat as far away from an ugly looking woman on the bus as possible.

“Don’t want to upset my doctor and my psychiatrist about over exerting myself,” Goatee thought.

Several bus stops through the neighbourhood the ugly looking woman rather than getting off the front of the bus close to where she was sitting decided to walk to the exit at the back of the bus close to where Pan Goatee was sitting.

Big mistake on her part.

As Goatee kicked her head down the aisle of the bus after his usual body/head separation procedure that he performed on uglos, he commented, “Shit, what is it with all these suicidally inclined uglos today? One would think Justin Trudeau was Prime Minister of Canada or something? Oh wait a minute, he is. Well hopefully that will change next week.”

He followed a beautiful woman off the bus on his stop home.

“Well at least this will put me in a good mood before I start watching my soap operas,” Goatee thought.

Later after watching his favourite soap opera and the local news, Goatee walked to the neighbourhood mall to buy a submarine sandwich.

Fortunately for him, there seemed to be nothing but beautiful looking women around putting him in a very good mood.

After eating his sub, he headed out the door and went to walk across the street.

An air headed uglo who was leaving the public library thought she could walk past him.

She’d never have to worry about returning an overdue book again as Goatee kicked her head into the nearby leisure centre.

“What is up with all these suicidal uglos?” Goatee again wondered, “Well I hope my euthanasia efforts today earn me a nomination for the Humanitarian of The Year Award from the Canadian Medical Association.”

He was forced to take a pill for his exceptionally high blood pressure when he got home.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 16th
2019.

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Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East

September 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East

Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.

He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.

However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.

Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.

Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”

He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.

. . .

BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…

. . .

Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.

Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.

But how?

Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.

Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.


Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.

“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.

“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.

“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.

“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.

“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.

Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.

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