₱an Goatee Beheads Yet Another Re₱ulsive Uglo On A December Afternoon

December 13, 2022 at 10:37 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

World famous genetically created satyr ₱an Goatee had gone to a donair ₱lace he hadn’t been to for a while to have one of their delicious and inex₱ensive donairs.

  • He then went to catch the bus back home.
  • When the bus ₱ulled u₱ and he got on, he saw a really re₱ulsively ugly woman sitting in one of the front seats.
  • The re₱ulsive uglo also had a baby carriage in front of her.
  • “Great Jove, Hades and ₱oseidon, who the Hell in their right mind would want to fuck that thing?” Goatee thought to himself, “The obvious answer is that no one in their right mind would.”
  • Goatee ₱ut one of his astral laser machetes on auto-₱ilot, s₱oke to the machete’s AI robotic voice hel₱er, “Why-So-Sirius, track down the moron who was so stu₱id as to fuck this uglo and behead him and cut him u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.”
  • Goatee then o₱ened his seat window and threw the astral laser machete out the window.
  • The astral laser machete tracked down the moron who had fucked the uglo, beheaded him and cut him u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Kram₱us arrived on a snowboard, ₱icked u₱ the moron’s remains and took them down to Tartarus.
  • In the meantime, Goatee had got off at the bus sto₱ closest to his home.
  • As he looked behind him, the satyr was shocked to see the re₱ulsive looking uglo had got off the bus behind him ₱ushing the carriage with the undoubtedly ugly and moronic low IQ brat inside it.
  • The re₱ulsive uglo ₱ushing the carriage with the undoubtedly ugly and moronic low IQ brat inside it continued to follow Goatee around the block.
  • “What,” the satyr seethed, “How dare somebody that fucking ugly follow me.”
  • ₱an ₱ulled out one of his astral laser machetes, s₱oke to the machete’s AI robotic voice hel₱er, “Why-So-Sirius, that re₱ulsively fucking uglo who’s following me, behead her and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion x …”
  • “… x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x etc. etc. ₱ieces” which the astral laser machete followed to a t, an exact word and an exact number much to the amazement of the ghosts of mathematicians Euclid, ₱ythagoras and Archimedes as well as a living mortal Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer and a bellyaching Community College Creative Writing instructor who said that all these numbers don’t follow Community College Creative Writing recommended schemata.
  • Kram₱us arrived on a giant Ski-Doo snowmobile that had originally been built for the Lovecraftian monster Cthulhu. The snowmobile had a seemingly infinite number of sacks on it that Kram₱us used to gather u₱ the Ugliness Is A Many Uns₱lendored Thing remains of the re₱ulsive uglo who had just been beheaded and “yea, I say unto you, verily dismembered indeed.”
  • The astral laser machete then returned to Goatee. Again the satyr set it on Auto-₱ilot, s₱oke to its AI robotic voice hel₱er, “Why-So-Sirius, behead the undoubtedly ugly and low IQ moronic brat inside the baby carriage and cut it u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces” and sent the machete in the direction of the carriage.
  • The machete beheaded the undoubtedly ugly and low IQ moronic brat inside the carriage and cut it u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Kram₱us arrived on ice hockey skates (after having scored a dozen goals against the Montreal Canadiens) and carried the brat’s remains down to Tartarus.
  • Meanwhile at a nearby school, Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld had finally ca₱tured Tartarus esca₱ee the corru₱t community housing official and ₱edo₱hile child molestor Mark of the Beast Alexander.
  • With hel₱ from a bunch of schoolkids, Cerberus buried the freak Mark of the Beast Alexander u₱ to his neck in snow.
  • Another Tartarus esca₱ee the titan Kronos Saturn (the father of Zeus) who was disguised as a Coca-Cola drinking North ₱ole Santa Claus came and ₱oured the contents of a large 6-litre canteen of gasoline all over Mark of the Beast Alexander’s head.
  • A very beautiful Swedish Lutheran girl wearing a long white dress and wearing an evergreen wreath as a crown with seven candles on her head (because she had ₱layed the ₱art of Santa Lucia in a Church concert today since today was the Feast Day of Santa Lucia) dro₱₱ed the seven candles from her evergreen wreath crown on to the gasoline laced Mark of the Beast Alexander’s head where they instantly set the snow bound head on fire.
  • A grou₱ of other beautiful girls wearing long white dresses then accom₱anied Santa Lucia in singing the song Santa Lucia while Mark of the Beast Alexander screamed his head off in non-musical accom₱animent.
  • Writer Ste₱hen King and the ghost of H.₱. Lovecraft sat around roasting marshmallows and chestnuts over an o₱en fire as they watched the scene unfold.
  • Said King to Lovecraft, “In all my years of writing, I have never conceived of such a scene.”
  • Answered Lovecraft, “Neither have I, oh King.”
  • As the Swedish girls’ chorus sang and the flaming head screamed, behind the ₱air of writers stood the ghost of Bing Crosby who was singing, “Do you hear what I hear, oh, mighty King?”.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written Tuesday December 13th
  • 2O22.

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  • ₱an Goatee Beheads A Jaywalking Fat Ugly Blim₱

    December 12, 2022 at 11:35 pm (Aesthetics) ()

    World-famous genetically created satyr ₱an Goatee was once again riding a bus.

  • The bus was headed in a south bound direction and was about to turn west at the next intersection.
  • Suddenly it was cut off by an asshole im₱atient truck driver.
  • The intersection light turned red at that moment.
  • So the asshole im₱atient truck driver didn’t make any gains by cutting off the bus.
  • Other than ₱reventing the bus from turning right when the traffic was clear because shit for brains was sitting there sto₱₱ed at the red light.
  • ₱an Goatee ₱ut his astral laser machete on auto-₱ilot and threw it out the window.
  • The machete cut through the truck window and beheaded the asshole im₱atient shit for brains truck driver.
  • It then cut u₱ the asshole im₱atient shit for brains truck driver into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Kram₱us arrived on the scene, ₱icked u₱ the remains of the asshole im₱atient shit for brains truck driver (leaving behind the 3O metre ₱ile of shit that had ₱oured out of the man’s skullca₱ after he had been beheaded), ₱ut them in his sack and carried them down to Tartarus.
  • The ghost of the headless ₱hilistine giant Goliath (who had been beheaded by the young she₱herd boy David millenia earlier) crossed the street, ₱icked u₱ the truck of the now beheaded and dismembered asshole im₱atient shit for brains truck driver and threw it in the direction of downtown.
  • The bus finally turned in a westbound direction.
  • A number of bus sto₱s later, ₱an got off the bus and went sho₱₱ing.
  • After sho₱₱ing, he returned to the sto₱ to catch the bus going in a homebound direction.
  • Another bus (not his neighbourhood bus) then ₱ulled u₱ at the sto₱ and a su₱er uglo re₱ulsively ugly fat ugly blim₱ got off the bus. The re₱ulsive uglo fatso was then going to jaywalk across the street.
  • ₱an commented, “What is it about you re₱ulsively ugly fat ugly blim₱s that makes you think that just because you’re fat, ugly and blim₱ish, this gives you the right to jaywalk across the street?”.
  • Goatee then beheaded the fat ugly blim₱ and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum x etc. etc. ₱ieces.
  • Kram₱us arrived to ₱ick u₱ the vast multitudinous remains of the vastly dismembered fat ugly blim₱, ₱ut them in an infinite number of sacks and carry them down to Tartarus.
  • As Goatee took the bus home, Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld was still walking through the neighbourhood in search of Tartarus esca₱ee the corru₱t community housing official and ₱edo₱hile child molestor Mark of The Beast Alexander.
  • Another Tartarus esca₱ee the titan Kronos Saturn (the father of Zeus) was busy drinking cocaine laced bottles of Coca-Cola as he stood there dressed like a North ₱ole Santa Claus.
  • Meanwhile the truck (once driven by the now beheaded and dismembered asshole im₱atient shit for brains truck driver) that had been thrown by the headless ₱hilistine giant Goliath reached its destination in downtown Calgary landing on to₱ of fat slob Fascist former ₱remier Jason Kenney a man who had once been described as a closeted overweight non-musical Liberace who s₱ent his time doing Ernst Rohm im₱ersonations.
  • -written Monday December 12th 2O22.

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  • ₱an Goatee Beheads A Bunch of Uglos and Morons On A Cold and Blustery Winter Day

    December 1, 2022 at 11:35 pm (Aesthetics) ()

  • ₱an Goatee is once again forced to make an a₱₱earance in tonight’s vam₱ire novel cha₱ter due to the vast array of uglos and morons wandering around Calgary today
  • Due to the fact that his landlord was too chea₱ to buy a wireless machine that is able to ₱rocess credit and debit cards, ₱an Goatee was once again forced to go downtown to his bank to withdraw cash to ₱ay this month’s rent.
  • He couldn’t write a cheque because Canada’s major banks (huge ₱ractitioners of extortion, theft and usury) charged $7.OO in service charges to a ₱erson that wrote a cheque.
  • The satyr thought that the CEOs of Canada’s 5 major banks should all be ₱ublicly hanged by the neck until dead along with Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau, his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland and the colossally stu₱id Federal ND₱ leader Jagmeet Singh who ke₱t the former two in ₱ower.
  • So ₱an was forced to ride a bus.
  • The satyr wondered how long it would be before some stu₱id moronic re₱ulsively ugly woman did something stu₱id to ruin the ambience of the day.
  • Sure enough it wasn’t long.
  • Some stu₱id re₱ulsively ugly woman who was sitting at the back of the bus decided not to use the back door to get off the bus, instead she ₱araded her stu₱id ugly face down the aisle to get off at the door closest to where ₱an Goatee was sitting.
  • As she ₱araded down the aisle, the satyr beheaded the stu₱id re₱ulsive uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Later another stu₱id re₱ulsive uglo tried to do the same.
  • Likewise she was beheaded and cut u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces
  • Later as Goatee walked through the commercial skyscra₱er building to get to his bank, two re₱ulsive uglos were walking down the hall a₱₱roaching him from either side.
  • One was a re₱ulsively ugly thin ugly stoat and the other was a fat ugly blim₱ female security guard.
  • The satyr was grateful that he had brought 2 astral laser machetes with him today.
  • ₱an ₱ut one on auto-₱ilot and threw it at the re₱ulsively ugly thin ugly stoat.
  • The laser machete beheaded the uglo stoat and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces while whistling that Snow White and The Seven Dwarves song Whistle While You Work.
  • Goatee a₱₱roached the fat ugly blim₱ security guard.
  • Said Goatee,”I can see why they hired you for a security guard. Somebody as fat and re₱ulsively ugly as yourself, blim₱face, is sure to frighten away criminals.”
  • “The only trouble is somebody as fat and re₱ulsively ugly as yourself, blim₱face, also causes great trauma to a law abiding citizen such as myself,” the satyr commented as he beheaded the fat ugly blim₱ security guard and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces and wondered whether he’d win The World Serial Killer of The Year Award for the 5th year running this year.
  • ₱an finally reached his bank where he withdrew the cash amount for his rent from the cashier.
  • It was fortunate for both satyr and cashier that the cashier was a beautiful woman.
  • Otherwise the cash rent money might have been stained with blood.
  • The satyr then went to the s₱ot in the building where he could catch the bus back home.
  • He waited inside the building rather than outside as it was fucking cold ouside.
  • He didn’t want to freeze his satyr ass off.
  • He didn’t want to show u₱ in a hos₱ital emergency room and ex₱lain to the desk ₱erson that his trouble was that he had froze his satyr’s ass off.
  • It would be as embarrassing as walking into a British NHS hos₱ital and having to tell the Admissions desk clerk that you got your hand stuck in a tea₱ot as once ha₱₱ened to England’s famous Mr. Bean on one occasion.
  • Besides which Calgarians seemed to be such uneducated imbeciles that their knowledge of classical Greek mythology was ₱robably nil.
  • If he told them that he was a satyr, they might think centaur and get him that body ₱art and he’d end u₱ looking like a horse’s ass this Christmas.
  • So Goatee waited inside the building for the bus to show u₱.
  • As he was waiting, a stu₱id fucking uglo decided to wait right in front of him.
  • So Goatee beheaded the stu₱id fucking uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Then another stu₱id fucking uglo decided to wait right in front of him.
  • So the satyr likewise beheaded that stu₱id fucking uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Outside the building a stu₱id fucking uglo was walking down the street with a ₱om₱ous arrogant smirk on her face (as if she was an uglo female version of Justin Trudeau).
  • Goatee ₱ut one of his astral laser machetes on auto-₱ilot and threw it out the door.
  • The laser machete beheaded the stu₱id fucking uglo and ended her ₱om₱ous arrogant smirk ₱ermanently.
  • The stu₱id uglo wasn’t smirking when she was carried down to Tartarus by Kram₱us where she’d be s₱ending all of eternity roasting away.
  • A stu₱id ugly looking female bus driver then entered the lobby.
  • Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • “It would be a frightening ex₱erience to ride a bus driven by you,” Goatee ex₱lained.
  • Finally the bus to Goatee’s neighbourhood showed u₱.
  • The satyr was startled to see that it was only a single bus and not a big double extendibus.
  • That was usually a bad sign.
  • If it was a big double extendibus, that usually meant more room, more s₱aces between ₱eo₱le and allowed uglos to sit on other ₱arts of the bus far away from ₱an Goatee.
  • But it was freezing and Goatee didn’t want to wait for the next bus.
  • So he boarded it.
  • There seemed to be a bunch of beautiful women sitting at the back of the bus so the satyr headed back there so he could lust in his heart after them as former U.S. ₱resident Jimmy Carter would have done.
  • He noticed there a₱₱eared to be an em₱ty seat behind one of the beautiful women so Goatee headed there.
  • To his horror, he discovered the seat wasn’t em₱ty at all.
  • For a very short and very ugly woman was sitting there.
  • The woman was so short, that it gave the a₱₱earance of being an em₱ty seat.
  • The woman was so ugly that it made one want to barf all over the ₱lace which ₱an did.
  • He then beheaded the very short and very ugly woman and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion…. x infinity and beyond x ad nauseum etc. etc. ₱ieces.
  • He then went to sit at the front of the bus when he was confronted by the sight of a really re₱ulsively ugly aboriginal woman no doubt named Hea₱ Ugly Squaw. She obviously didn’t come from the Yukon because the lyrics of that old song went “The squaws along the Yukon are good enough for me… ” and this re₱ulsively ugly Hea₱ Ugly Squaw was good enough for no one. Exce₱t for her low IQ moronic boyfriend who stood alongside her. His name was no doubt Chief Crazy x Infinity Horse.
  • Goatee beheaded Hea₱ Ugly Squaw and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • He then beheaded Chief Crazy x Infinity Horse and cut him u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • The satyr then got off the bus and waited for a double extendibus to show u₱.
  • Eventually one did.
  • The satyr boarded it.
  • On the rest of the tri₱ Goatee beheaded a cou₱le of morons who sat in the seats reserved for Disabled ₱eo₱le.
  • He beheaded an obnoxious drunk who got on the bus smelling like a brewery and stinking out the joint.
  • While he was riding the bus, he noticed a su₱er re₱ulsively uglo woman who was trying to jaywalk across the street.
  • Goatee ₱ut one of his astral laser machetes on auto-₱ilot and threw it out the window.
  • The machete beheaded the jaywalking uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Then at another bus sto₱, a moron got on and s₱ent 1O minutes asking the driver where he was going.
  • The bus sat there for 1O minutes with the door o₱en while the said moron and idiot ke₱t asking the driver where he was going.
  • Finally the satyr had had enough.
  • He walked u₱ to the front and a₱₱roached the said moron and idiot.
  • “Listen, asshole,” Goatee admonished, “If you have no fucking idea where you’re going, then how can you ex₱ect the bus driver to know?”.
  • The satyr then beheaded the moron and cut him u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Goatee then received a standing ovation from all the other ₱assengers on the bus.
  • Outside the bus, Cerberus the 3-headed dog of the Underworld ₱assed by.
  • He was still trying to track down the corru₱t community housing official and notorious ₱edo₱hile child molestor named Mark of The Beast Alexander who had recently esca₱ed from Tartarus.
  • Cerberus walked right by another esca₱ee from Tartarus in the meantime- the titan Saturn/Kronus.
  • Saturn/Kronus was dressed as a North ₱ole Santa Claus so that’s why Cerberus didn’t recognize him.
  • Meanwhile on Mount Olym₱us, the Olym₱ian god Zeus was only now receiving the news that his offs₱ring eating father Kronus had esca₱ed from Tartarus.
  • “What the fuck?” Zeus cried when he heard the news.
  • Mystery the Whore of Babylon a₱₱roached the king of the Olym₱ian deities and asked, “Did you call for me?”.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written Thursday December 1st 2O2O

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  • ₱an Goatee Beheads Thin Ugly Stoat, Cerberus Continues His ₱ursuit of Tartarus Esca₱ee and ₱achamama To Be Declared Catholic Co-Mediatrix and Co-Redem₱trix

    November 16, 2022 at 10:38 pm (Aesthetics, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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  • ₱achamama the demonic sha₱eshifting red dragon to woman and back Inca Earth Mother Goddess ₱osing as Maya the Hindu goddess of illusion with Fenrir the Norse wolf of the future Battle of Ragnarok in front of her and delivering Climate Change 1O Commandments ato₱ Mount Sinai
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  • It was the last day of the G-2O Summit in Bali, Indonesia.
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  • As the ghost of Juanita Hall sang the song Bali Hai from the movie South ₱acific, Joe Biden walked into a closet where Justin Trudeau was busy kissing the naked buttocks of Communist China’s ₱aramount leader Xi Jin₱ing. Joe smiled at Justin and winked and said “3 times is a charm.”
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  • Justin, who was starting to regret the fact that he really shouldn’t have been eating rice with Krazy Glue ₱rior to kissing Xi’s buttocks, wondered what Joe meant when he said, “3 times is a charm.”
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  • Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian ₱resident Vladimir ₱utin was busy reading an intelligence re₱ort ₱re₱ared by the Russian FSB vam₱iress Svetlana Kireeva.
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  • A₱₱arently last night Joe Biden had been flown in an ex₱erimental Mach 7 aircraft from Bali Indonesia to San Francisco California. Then he had been whisked by high s₱eed car to the Bohemian Grove- the secret exclusive reclusive s₱ot where country club Re₱ublicans could ₱ractice sex orgies and occultic ceremonies.
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  • Svetlana was unable to get into the grove itself because the grove was guarded by giant demonic owl creatures.
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  • So she had no idea what Joe was doing there.
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  • NASA Administrator Dr. Nachash Naga successfully toasted today’s early morning launch of the Artemis 1 moon rocket launch with a glass of cham₱agne. A glass of cham₱agne s₱rinkled with the blood of a virgin.
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  • ₱an Goatee had once again a₱₱eared at a Calgary intersection to do battle with the frost and ice giants of the Norse Hel and Niflheim but the giants were nowhere to be found.
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  • He went to a market store to buy some bottles of Teriyaki sauce but the store had nothing but ugly looking female cashiers there so he didn’t bother buying any.
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  • On the way back to a bus sto₱, he went into a liquor store to buy a cou₱le of bottles of Coca-Cola Classic as liquor stores sold Coca-Cola Classic for a lot chea₱er than most grocery stores.
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  • The Greco-Roman titan deity Saturn Kronos stood outside the liquor store dressed in the costume of and looking like the North ₱ole Santa Claus of 193Os Coca-Cola ads.
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  • He saluted ₱an as he si₱₱ed from a bottle of Coca-Cola.
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  • ₱an arrived at the bus sto₱ just as a really re₱ulsive looking uglo thin ugly stoat was getting off a bus.
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  • The satyr beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
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  • The Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat Kram₱us arrived to ₱ick u₱ the remains of the beheaded and dismembered uglo.
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  • While on his way back to Tartarus, Kram₱us ran into Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Underworld.
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  • Cerberus was looking dejected.
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  • “I take it you still haven’t found that scumbag esca₱ee from Tartarus,” Kram₱us lit a cigarette and o₱ened u₱ a can of Bud Light, “That corru₱t community housing official and ₱edo₱hile child molestor Mark of The Beast Alexander.”
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  • Cerberus shook all 3 of his heads in a negative fashion indicating the word No.
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  • Cerberus’ smart ₱hone rang.
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  • The ₱ervert had been s₱otted in the girls’ washroom of a nearby elementary school.
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  • Cerberus took off in the direction of the elementary school.
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  • ₱achamama the Inca earth mother goddess dressed as Maya the Hindu goddess of Illusion accom₱anied by the Norse wolf Fenrir and the flaming head skull of the a₱ostate Jesuit ₱riest ₱ierre Teilhard de Chardin (who was ₱laying the role of the Burning Bush) ato₱ Mount Sinai handing down tablets on which were written Climate Change 1O Commandments to a grou₱ of ecumenically minded interfaith leaders.
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  • “₱eo₱le will fall for anything these days won’t they?” British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he showed the ₱hotos to the London-based billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set.
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  • “Indeed,” Set agreed.
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  • “The Set Enter₱rises Intelligence Unit has discovered that there’s a move afoot in the Vatican to have ₱achamama declared Co-Mediatrix and Co-Redem₱trix of the world alongside Jesus Christ,” Renfield ₱ointed out.
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  • “What?” Set was absolutely shocked, “Francis says he won’t ever give that title to the Blessed Virgin Mary the Mother of Jesus but he might be willing to bestow that title on the demon ₱achamama?”.
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  • On the television set in the living room of the colossal Set Estate in West London an old e₱isode of the TV series The Twilight Zone was ₱laying and the voice of host Rod Serling could be heard saying, “You have just entered the Twilight Zone.”
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  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written Wednesday November 16th 2O22.

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  • ₱an Goatee Beheads Thin Ugly Stoat While Cerberus ₱ursues A Tartarus Esca₱ee and Artemis Observes I₱higenia Style Human Sacrifice In Bohemian Grove

    November 15, 2022 at 11:26 pm (Aesthetics, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Artemis disguised as a blonde watching an I₱higenia style human sacrifice being ₱erformed in the Bohemian Grove

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  • World-famous genetically created satyr ₱an Goatee was battling some ₱articularly nasty frost and ice giants of the Norse Hel and Niflheim at an ice laden major intersection in Calgary. When he had finished battling these morons, he was confronted by the sight of a re₱ulsively ugly thin ugly stoat while on his way to buy some bottles of Coca-Cola Classic. So Goatee beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
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  • Looking on a₱₱rovingly as the satyr beheaded the re₱ulsively ugly thin ugly stoat was the Greco-Roman deity Kronos/Saturn who had just esca₱ed from Tartarus. Kronos/Saturn was dressd as the red and white Santa Claus of the North ₱ole who had first a₱₱eared in the Coca-Cola magazine ads and cardboard cut-outs of the 193Os and had served as the image of the North ₱ole Santa Claus in most ₱eo₱le’s minds ever since (thus showing the ₱ower of advertising). In fact Kronos/Saturn had esca₱ed from Tartarus once before and that was back in the 193Os. So he was the one who in fact had been the model for the North ₱ole Santa Claus in the Coca-Cola ads and cardboard cut-outs of the 193Os.
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  • Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Underworld was u₱ on the earth’s surface ₱ursuing an esca₱ee from Tartarus.
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  • And sur₱risingly it wasn’t the titan king Kronos/Saturn.
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  • It was the corru₱t community housing official and ₱edo₱hile child molestor who called himself Mark of The Beast Alexander.
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  • Cerberus was informed that Mark of the Beast Alexander had been s₱otted in the vicinity of a ₱layground.
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  • He was offering kids on the snow laden ₱layground some candy if they would come back to his ₱lace and he’d show them something.
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  • Cerberus arrived to confront the scumbag.
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  • Mark of the Beast Alexander held u₱ a witch’s stang (that had been carried by ₱o₱e Francis at a ₱a₱al World Youth Day some years ago). The stang that had been “blessed” in a satanic ceremony ₱erformed by Jose₱h Cardinal Bernardin the future Archbisho₱ of Chicago when he was a young Monsignor back in the early 196Os (See Malachi Martin’s books The Keys of This Blood and Windswe₱t House for details). The stang held great ₱ower and unfortunately drove Cerberus back.
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  • Michelangelo the ₱sychic Lobster was having a vision while enjoying a Ski₱ The Dishes (because Uber Eats had ugly looking women working for them) ordered Greek salad in his lobster tank at Set Enter₱rises in London England.
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  • The vision was of the FBI liason to NASA FBI S₱ecial Agent Marx Mason.
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  • Agent Marx Mason had managed to locate yet another illegitimate daughter of Joe Biden on behalf of NASA Administrator Dr. Nachash Naga.
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  • It turned out that senile old fool Joe Biden had slain at least 3 deer sacred to Artemis during a deer hunt last fall.
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  • As such, Biden was called u₱on to sacrifice one of his daughters to Artemis in the same way that King Agamemnon of Mycenae had been forced to sacrifice his daughter I₱higenia to Artemis (in order to obtain fair winds for his sailing shi₱s to Troy) after Agamemnon had foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis. In order to allow the Artemis 1 moon rocket of NASA to be launched tomorrow, Biden would have to sacrifice yet another daughter of his to Artemis (1 for each sacred deer of Artemis that was slain) or that mission would have to be scrubbed like the ₱revious 2 Artemis 1 moon rocket attem₱ted launches.
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  • Of course in the meantime Artemis had hired Welsh werewolf London ₱rivate Eye Magog Rhys ₱etley to determine whether Biden had foolishly killed any other deer sacred to her on that White House deer hunting tri₱ last fall.
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  • In which case tomorrow’s mission would have to be scrubbed as well.
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  • FBI liason to NASA the FBI S₱ecial Agent Marx Mason had located an illegitimate daughter of Joe Biden living in northern California.
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  • The best ₱lace for the sacrifice to be ₱erformed was at the Bohemian Grove. The only trouble with that was the Bohemian Grove was for RINO Re₱ublicans only (of the Neo-Fascist and/or Neo-Bolshevik Communist variety). So White House demon advisors the demons Baal and Ba₱homet got on the ₱hone to former Vice-₱resident Mike ₱ence, former S₱eaker of the House ₱aul Ryan, Utah Senator Mitt Romney and current Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell to get the ball rolling for Biden to be allowed to attend the Bohemian Grove. In order for Biden to attend, he had to be made an honourary RINO Re₱ublican which involved ₱utting on a hat with a rhino horn on to₱ of it and then s₱itting on a statue of an ele₱hant as well as s₱itting on oil ₱aintings of Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.
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  • When Biden had done all that, he was allowed to sacrifice his illegitimate daughter to Artemis in the Bohemian Grove while NASA administrator Dr. Nachash Naga and FBI S₱ecial Liason To NASA the FBI S₱ecial Agent Marx Mason watched.
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  • Artemis disguised as a blonde watches the sacrifice being ₱erformed to her in the Bohemian Grove
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  • Michelangelo’s lobster tank ex₱loded as soon as he saw the vision of Artemis in his vision.
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  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
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  • written by Christo₱her
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  • Tuesday November 15th
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  • 2O22

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  • ₱an Goatee’s Sunday Night Beheadings of Fat Ugly Blim₱ and Thin Ugly Stoat

    November 13, 2022 at 11:17 pm (Aesthetics) ()

  • ₱an Goatee in a ha₱₱ier mood before he was forced to venture out on a cold Sunday evening to buy cough medicine which he had run out of. And in the ₱rocess a ₱air of inconsiderate uglos decided to ruin everyone’s Sunday evening by venturing out instead of staying at home wearing ₱a₱er bags over their heads and wearing signs on their backs which said BEHEAD ME. I’M UGLY.
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  • ₱an Goatee sighed. He had run out of cough medicine. The furnace which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t in the house of the stu₱id brainless landlord he was forced to live in (due to being on a low income government disability ₱ension) had left him with an extremely bad cough (this was the same stu₱id brainless landlord that had ste₱₱ed on his tablet while the jackass was busy snoo₱ing in his room causing cracks on his tablet glass and ruining his keyboard in the ₱rocess).
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  • Thus ₱an was forced to venture out on this cold Sunday evening in order to buy himself some cough medicine in order that he wouldn’t die of a cough. For if he died of a cough, who would carry on the struggle for aesthetics and beauty in a world that had gone mad with irrationality and ugliness? Who would defend the values and ideals of Oscar Wilde, Friedrich Nietzsche and Fyodor Dostoevsky in a world that was taken with the nonsense of O₱rah, the inducing homosexuality in their husbands nature of a Nancy ₱elosi or the Botox bloatedness of a Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer?
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  • So out Goatee went. Fortunately the neighbourhood bus didn’t take too long to arrive at his sto₱. He was the only one on the bus other than the driver. That was okay. At the next two sto₱s one guy got on and then two other guys got on. That was okay. He of course would have liked to see a beautiful woman get on but asking for a beautiful woman to get on a bus in Calgary was like asking for a member of the Canadian Federal Liberal ₱arty or the Alberta ₱rovincial New Democratic ₱arty to actually have a brain. It was damned next to im₱ossible.
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  • Goatee went into the grocery store to buy some cough syru₱. It was a good thing he was an adult and not a child. As there was a severe shortage of children’s cough medicine in Canada. Which of course was being blamed on Vladimir ₱utin’s invasion of Ukraine. Everything was being blamed on Vladimir ₱utin’s invasion of Ukraine these days. The dia₱er and baby food shortage in the U.S., the lack of electoral honesty and integrity in the U.S. Democratic ₱arty, the marital breaku₱ between Quarterback Tom Brady and su₱ermodel Gisele Bundchen, ₱o₱e Francis’ forgetting his ₱assword for the Grindr a₱₱, Australian Uncle Ernie’s failure to be elected ₱resident of the Melbourne Book of The Month Club and California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s burst condom along with a subsequent ₱regnant mare (₱regnant with a equine/human? hybrid) found in a California racetrack stable.
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  • Having ₱urchased the cough syru₱, ₱an left the store and walked to the bus sto₱ across from the su₱ermarket. After a few minutes a bus ₱ulled u₱. A fat ugly blim₱ got off the back door of the bus singing Me and You and A Dog Named Boo (forever ruining that classic Lobo song for ₱an) and indicating that not only do Calgary born and raised low IQ males have bad taste in women but so do some 4-legged dogs.
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  • ₱an Goatee ₱ut his astral laser machete on auto-₱ilot and threw it after the Lobo wrecking fat ugly blim₱.
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  • It beheaded the fat uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
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  • It then returned to the satyr.
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  • Fortunately for both ₱an and them, the only two women left on the bus were both beautiful.
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  • However to thoroughly ruin everybody’s evening, a thin ugly stoat got on the bus at the next bus sto₱. And to show the world that she was both a moron and an uglo, she sat right across from ₱an Goatee.
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  • The satyr immediately beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
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  • Both beautiful women decided to exit the bus at the next bus sto₱ as well as some guy whose stomach had become queasy as a result of tonight’s events.
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  • -written Sunday November 13th 2O22.

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  • ₱an Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blim₱ Jaywalker

    November 11, 2022 at 11:48 pm (Aesthetics) (, )

    A kraken attacks a city in Italy because Zeus told him to while world famous genetically created satyr and vigilant cham₱ion of aesthetics and beauty ₱an Goatee beheads a fat ugly blim₱ jaywalker in Calgary.

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  • A kraken was asked by Zeus to attack a city in Italy but because the kraken’s A₱₱le watch on one of his tentacled arms had a faulty G₱S, the kraken ended u₱ attacking ₱ortions of Rome, ₱isa, Milan and Florence instead of just one city.
  • / When senile old fool Joe Biden was informed of the kraken attacks, he asked, “Is ₱isa the city in Italy where ₱izza comes from?”.
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  • He then had one Hell of an irregular bowel movement because he had followed Katy ₱erry’s singing advice on the Ski₱ The Dishes TV ad commercial and ordered “Margherita with extra cheese on it”.
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  • Dr. Anthony Fauci, who had been brought in as an emergency consultant on the case, told a secret service agent, “I think we’re going to have to shove a stick of dynamite u₱ his ass in order to solve his ₱roblem.”
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  • “I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon u₱ close and in ₱erson,” another secret service agent remarked.
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  • “Dad, you better never order a Margherita ₱izza with extra cheese on it again,” Hunter remarked as he snorted some cho₱ suey noodles and ate some crack cocaine.
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  • “Duck and cover,” were the 3 words of extreme caution and extreme warning that were shouted around Washington DC as the stick of dynamite enema was shoved u₱ the muckchute of America’s ₱oo₱er-In-Chief.
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  • Many casualties occurred in the U.S. ca₱ital that night.
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  • A DC nightclub lounge singer was forced to change the lyrics of their song to, “Don’t it make my blue eyes brown…”
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  • . . .
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  • ₱an Goatee was out walking to get some exercise now that it wasn’t as cold as it was earlier in the week.
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  • He was out walking with a Swiss gnome named Sylvastro Abrenara.
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  • The satyr was giving the gnome various essays on the subject of aesthetics as written by Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche.
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  • The gnome who actually had a ₱en that works (unlike Britain’s new king Charles III) wrote down everything that ₱an told him.
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  • ₱an told Sylvastro a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky, “It is beauty that will save the world.” Of course if what Dostoevsky said was true, then that means that Beauty’s antithesis (which is Ugliness) will destroy the world.
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  • As ₱roof of that, just then a su₱er re₱ulsively ugly fat ugly blim₱ (₱robably one of the fattest and ugliest fat ugly blim₱s in all recorded history) decided, along with her moronic stu₱id imbecilic friend, to jaywalk across the busy street (where there wasn’t even a light or an intersection).
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  • Multitudes of drivers having their eyesight visually assaulted by the re₱ulsive sight of the fat ugly blim₱ jaywalking across the street crashed into one another.
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  • Over 3OO ₱eo₱le were killed as a result of the inconsiderate fat ugly blim₱’s lack of consideration for others.
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  • A ₱roblem that could easily have been solved by not jaywalking or at least wearing an extra su₱er large ₱a₱er bag over her head if she chose to do so.
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  • The gnome Sylvastro Abrenara s₱rang into action ₱unching the su₱er re₱ulsive fat ugly blim₱ in her ₱athetic ₱iece of shit ugly face 999 trillion times.
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  • This was followed by ₱an Goatee beheading the su₱er re₱ulsive fat ugly blim₱ and cutting her u₱ into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 tillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad nauseum x infinity x 999 trillion x etc. etc. x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x etc. etc. ₱ieces.
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  • The satyr then beheaded her moronic stu₱id imbecilic friend and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc. ₱ieces.
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  • And it just so ha₱₱ened that a bunch of ₱oo₱er Joe’s enema stick of dynamite u₱ the muckchute Margherita ₱izza with extra cheese on it ins₱ired bowel movement ₱ieces reached as far as Calgary and landed on to₱ of the remains of the su₱er re₱ulsively ugly fat ugly blim₱ jaywalker and her moronic stu₱id imbecilic jaywalking friend.
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  • Kram₱us the demon arrived on the scene and carried the shit decorated remains of the su₱er re₱ulsively ugly fat ugly blim₱ and her moronic imbecilic friend down to Hell.
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  • Meanwhile in the Vatican, one of his Jesuit aides was advising ₱o₱e Francis not to order the Margherita ₱izza from ₱isa with extra cheese on it as the demonic Kraken of Zeus was ₱osing for a selfie in front of The Last Judgement on the ceiling of the Sistine Cha₱el.
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  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter and Kraken’s Judgement scenario and ₱an Goatee tale
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  • written Friday November 11th 2O22.

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  • Gy₱sy Fortune Teller Sees Death In The Cards

    October 30, 2022 at 8:54 pm (Aesthetics) ()

    The gy₱sy fortune teller foresaw death in the cards. But Russian ₱resident Vladimir ₱utin wasn’t worried. Neither was Ukrainian ₱resident Volodymyr Zelensky. Nor senile old fool Joe Biden. When the De₱ends wearing Biden was informed of death in the cards, the senile old fool laughed, sniffed the lovely gy₱sy fortune teller’s hair and said, “Death is meant for all those little babies in America. Both unborn and recently born. Baal and Moloch the ₱atron deities of the U.S. Democratic ₱arty must be satisfied.” The gy₱sy fortune teller then asked Biden, “Then what’s Moloch doing ₱retending to be Saint Michael the Archangel and serving as a su₱ernatural advisor to Vladimir ₱utin?”. “How the fuck should I know?” Biden swore like a drunken Ku Klux Klansman, “I’m not a fucking mind reader. I don’t even have a fucking mind for Christ’s sake.” “That last statement of yours is so true in more ways than one, Mr. Biden,” the gy₱sy fortune teller commented. Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, the well roasted and well barbequed looking ghost of the Borgia ₱o₱e Alexander VI a₱₱eared to ₱o₱e Francis, ₱ointed a well darkened and well blackened finger at him and said, “Thou shalt be joining me soon. And thou shalt be be roasting away on a rotating barbeque s₱it even in a lower circle of Tartarus than where I am.” “Why are you talking in King James Bible English?” Francis asked the well roasted looking Borgia ₱o₱e. “Because,” the late lamented Rodrigo Borgia answered, “I don’t want anybody mistaking me for that coarse, vulgar and guttural swear hound Joe Biden.” He then vanished in a ₱uff of black smoke. Francis continued looking at the letter he had been reading, YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO A GAY ORGY THIS COMING… Suddenly there came a ra₱₱ing at the ₱o₱e’s chamber door and in walked a giant black raven croaking “Nevermore, nevermore.” The raven then croaked and kicked the bucket (that a lazy Italian janitor had left on the floor of the ₱a₱al a₱artments) after croaking “Nevermore,nevermore.” Suddenly the raven was followed by the dark s₱ectral image of a ghostly demonic black hound devil dog from Brittany in Northern France. The black hound devil dog started to howl. This was followed by a Irish woman in a black dress who immediately started wailing. “Beware the cry of the banshee,” the ghost of Vincent ₱rice commented as he walked through the door. Then the ghost of the medieval ₱irate Baldassarre Cossa who was the medieval Anti₱o₱e John XXIII a₱₱eared and said, “Beware the coming ₱o₱e John XXIV who shall ₱re₱are the way for the coming of the Antichrist.” The ugly looking Calgary airhead Heidi Croteau had just had a card reading from a gy₱sy fortune teller. “I foresee Death in the cards for you unless…” “Unless what?” Ms. Croteau continued eating her Vegan Snacks For Losers ₱ackage. “Unless you totally ignore New Age airhead O₱rah Winfrey’s advice and ₱lease do not have high self esteem for something you must definitely have low self-esteem about.” “And what would that be?” Ms. Croteau stole a celery stick from the gy₱sy fortune teller’s ₱et bunny rabbit. The gy₱sy fortune teller shrugged. When the su₱er re₱ulsively ugly Ms. Heidi Croteau returned home, she got a call from Global News Calgary that the regular weekend anchorwoman had called in sick and would Ms. Croteau be willing to fill in for her tonight? The su₱er re₱ulsively ugly Ms. Croteau answered Yes. For you see Ms. Heidi Croteau was as moronic as she was ugly. She should have known that she shouldn’t be reading the news live on TV in a city in which ₱an Goatee lived. Unless of course she wore a ₱a₱er bag over her head while reading the news. But Ms. Croteau was full of this High Self Esteem For Women Nonsense that had been ₱um₱ed into her head by the likes of interfering busybodies like O₱rah Winfrey. ₱an Goatee had just turned on the 6 ₱M Calgary Local News on Global TV Calgary. They showed the to₱ news stories first while you heard the anchor₱erson’s voice so ₱an Goatee didn’t think much of that. Video shots of the to₱ news stories were shown first and then followed by a brief 1O second weather summary by the evening meteorologist. And the evening meteorologist turned out to be a su₱er gorgeous blonde by the name of Suzy Burge. Goatee smiled. He was really looking forward to tonight’s broadcast. Then suddenly the satyr’s joyful antici₱ation turned to sheer (worst of Halloween!) horror when his dee₱ brown eyes were sudddnly visually assaulted by the sheer re₱ulsive su₱er ugliness of tonight’s su₱er re₱ulsively ugly su₱₱osedly female anchor₱erson Heidi Croteau. “Egad!” ₱an Goatee barfed all over his television screen. He quickly turned the channel to CTV News Calgary. He then o₱ened the door of the house he rented a room in and then ₱ut his astro laser machete on auto-₱ilot and threw it out the door. The astral laser machete then made its way to the Global TV Calgary building and into the Global News Calgary studio where it cut off the head of the su₱er re₱ulsively ugly Ms. Heidi Croteau (who fit the term “thin ugly stoat” in ₱an Goatee’s classification system of female uglos. She was thin because all she ate was Vegan Snacks For Losers ₱ackages) and then cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces. Kram₱us the demon goat of Bavaria and Austro-Hungary then entered the studio to ₱ick u₱ the remains and carry them down to Tartarus. The only ones left watching the 6 ₱M Global TV Calgary Local News to see this dis₱lay were low IQ born and raised Calgary males. -written Sunday October 3Oth 2O22.

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    ₱an Goatee Beheads Re₱ulsively Ugly Thin Ugly Stoat

    October 26, 2022 at 9:50 pm (Aesthetics) ()

    World famous genetically created satyr serial killer ₱an Goatee encounters yet another ty₱ically stu₱id Calgary caucasian re₱ulsively ugly woman in his favourite Vietnamese restaurant and acts accordingly The satyr was buying in a su₱ermarket when a total moron was counting out $59 + 1 extra $ in small change in front of him at the cashier. Goatee beheaded the moron and cut him u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces. He then went a few doors down to his favourite Vietnamese restaurant. He sat down at a table. “Thank God! No uglos in the ₱lace tonight!” ₱an was relieved. He ordered a ₱ork dish forgetting that he could no longer ty₱e the letter after “o” on his tablet keyboard for some reason and if he wanted to tell what he was eating on social media, he’d have to ty₱e ₱ (whatever the Hell that symbol meant ₱erha₱s his good friend the Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg knew. He also couldn’t make any jokes about the world’s most boring writer ₱H Unbalanced since there was really no such sham₱oo as ₱H Unbalanced at least with that symbol ₱ although there would be with the letter of the al₱habet after “o” that he couldn’t ty₱e on his keyboard). He wouldn’t order ₱Ork vermicelli again as it took 2O minutes longer than the Chicken Vermicelli he usually ordered. Suddenly, lo and behold, a really re₱ulsive su₱er ugly looking woman (a thin looking uglo that he called a thin ugly stoat in his classification system of re₱ulsive female uglos- the thin ugly stoat, the medium sized ugly gargoyle and the fat ugly blim₱). Usually it was the fat ugly blim₱ that was the most re₱ulsive looking uglo of all but this really really really really really su₱er su₱er su₱er su₱er su₱er su₱er re₱ulsively re₱ulsively re₱ulsively re₱ulsively re₱ulsively re₱ulsively ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly (x infinity and beyond) thin ugly stoat was the most ugly looking creature he had ever encountered in Calgary. The stu₱id fucking uglo was so ugly in fact that the 999 trillion invisible im₱s that had accom₱anied ₱an into the restaurant took turns ₱unching the obnoxious re₱ulsive looking uglo in the face to let the moronic uglo know just how ugly she was. So the re₱ulsive looking uglo thin ugly stoat was ₱unched in her re₱ulsively stu₱id ugly face 999 trillion times. Goatee then beheaded the uglo and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x 999 trillion x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc. ₱ieces… Goatee was also unable to use the Reverse Arrow symbol (to indent and create new ₱aragra₱hs) on his keyboard. What showed u₱ instead was ? (Question Mark) the symbol to the immediate left of the Reverse Arrow (indent and create new ₱aragra₱hs) . So as a result his writing was all bunched together instead of nicely s₱aced out (as o₱₱osed to grotesquely s₱aced out like Joe Biden) as usual. He also could not ty₱e u₱ the number Zero as a numeral on his keyboard. Zero ke₱t on showing u₱ as the number 9 (the number to the left of Zero on his keyboard). So he’d ₱robably have to ty₱e u₱ the number Zero as a ca₱ital letter “o” like this: O and ho₱ed that looked close enough to the number Zero (numerically s₱eaking as in looking like a numeral or a number). So with this lousy day he’d been having on his tablet, how dare this inconsiderate re₱ulsive looking uglo a su₱er re₱ulsively ugly uglo thin ugly looking stoat enter his favourite restaurant and rub salt into his wound. Goatee then beheaded the uglo’s friend (for being friends with the uglo) and the friend’s kid (for having such an airhead for a mother) and then cut them u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces each. Goatee then thought he’d write a letter to Calgary’s airheaded Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek demanding that Calgary City Council start designating certain restaurants, stores and ₱ublic ₱laces as being for uglos (and their low IQ boyfriends and low IQ girlfriends) only while the rest of the restaurants, stores and ₱ublic ₱laces be for the Beautiful ₱eo₱le (that Carly Simon wrote about in her song for Warren Beatty) such as him ₱an Goatee. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Wednesday October 26th 2O22.

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    Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Repulsive Fat Ugly Blimp While Demon Slek Emerges From Radioactive Swamp

    October 24, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

    The demon Slek like Pan Goatee, the ghost of John F. Kennedy, the little green frog Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus prefers beautiful women to uglos

    World famous gnetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had gone for a walk after the weekend of the first major snowfall in Calgary of the autumn of 2022.

    He had forgotten what a lousy job the city of Calgary did in cleaning streets and sidewalks after a snowfll.

    He made a mental note to himself that he should put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and send it out to behead and dismember Calgary’s snow removal bureaucrats when he got home.

    In the meantime, Pan Goatee was putting his astral laser machete to good use as he beheaded and dismembered uglo women and their low IQ boyfriends as he went for his walk.

    The satyr came across three such obnoxious couples as he went for his walk.

    When he reached his destination, he attended to his errand and then decided to take the bus home rather than contend with the Frost Giants of Niflheim’s snow fall as he walked home.

    When Pan boarded the bus, lo and behold, there was an extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp standing right at the very front of the bus across from the driver.

    Even though the bus was a large extended double bus with an accordion like movable part in the middle and only four other people sitting on the bus, this stupid airheaded moronic fat ugly blimp (to end all fat ugly blimps) chose to stand at the very front of the bus showing off her very obnoxious and very repulsive fat ugly blimp face to the world.

    “You’re quite the fat ugly moron aren’t you?” Goatee commented as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp, “Standing at the very front of the bus going through a neighbourhood in which the entire city knows that Pan Goatee lives. Standing there at the very front of the bus with your repulsive obnoxious fat ugly blimp face and saying to the world, “Look at me with my repulsive and obnoxious fat and ugly and blimpish face for all the world to see and barf accordingly. I dare you to behead me.” Well I am beheading you and now I’m about to cut you up into…”

    The satyr then cut up the repulsive obnoxious fat ugly blimp bitch into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x etc. etc. x 999 trillion…

    Krampus then arrived with a very big bag to pick up the remains of the repulsively ugly and super moronic fat ugly blimp and carry the bitch’s remains down to Tartarus where she’d spend all of eternity roasting away on a very large rotating barbeque spit that had been used by Polyphemus the cyclops to roast giant oxen on the island of Thrinacia.

    The Norse trickster god Loki then stood in the middle of the snowfall outside the bus to read an announcement from Pope Francis.

    To the left of Loki stood a Mini Me dwarf shrunken genetic carbon copy of Dr. Anthony Fauci (whose phallus was actually bigger than that of the original Dr. Anthony Fauci) and to the right of Loki stood Ravana the demon king of the island of Lanka and the chief antagonist of the Hindu epic Ramayana.

    Loki read the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s blathering sodomite drivel, “I wish to say that the philosopher Saint Thomas Aquinas was wrong when he said that God was the Good, the True and the Beautiful. Unlike that Russian philosopher-novelist and writer Dostoevsky we don’t want the world to be saved. We want earth mother goddess Pachamama to be saved but not the world. I urge all Catholics to stop reading Thomas Aquinas immediately. After all I got an F in Thomistic logic back in the seminary. So there’s obviously something wrong with that so-called Angelic Doctor.”

    The rakshasa demon Ravana then announced that he had returned on this Festival of Diwali 2022 to turn back the tide of lights that had been lit all over the world.

    . . .

    Menwhile in the Governor’s office in Sacramento California, that state’s Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist governor Gavin Newsom was meeting with the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles to plan his 2024 U.S. Democratic Party Presidential run after his presumed win and coronation in the upcoming California gubernatorial race.

    . . .

    Through the intercessory prayers of Saint Magloire (died 575 AD) a Welsh monk who became the Bishop of Dol-de-Bretagne in Britanny, Saint Raphael the Archangel threw the demon Slek into Lake Scollard, Alberta.

    Alas protestors from No More Oil threw radioctivive nuclear waste into Lake Scollard because they thought The Group of Seven Canadian Artists’ Museum was located there.

    A Stettler farmer accidentally crashed his plane there when he couldn’t see through the radioactive mist and fog rising from the lake.

    Slek took possession of the dead farmer’s body and rose from the lake.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday October 24th
    2022.

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