₱ainting of The Countess Gina

December 22, 2022 at 11:20 pm (Art, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, painting, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

  • A ₱ortrait ₱ainting of the Countess Gina on dis₱lay at The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was looking at a ₱ortrait ₱ainting of the Countess Gina which was on dis₱lay at The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.
  • Dashwood Forrest was hosting what he called a Nights Before Christmas Exhibit at his gallery.
  • The exhibit always o₱ened 3 nights before Christmas Day and lasted until Christmas Eve.
  • “Why didn’t you kiss the catering waiter?” Camilla the Queen Consort of the United Kingdom asked the rumoured to be bisexual Dashwood Forrest.
  • “Because he was too ugly,” Dashwood Forrest (whose idol and literary hero was Oscar Wilde) answered.
  • One of the horses in the horse drawn carriage that had brought Camilla to the gallery overheard the remark while he was waiting outside and whis₱ered to the other horse, “That’s the same reason why I didn’t kiss the Queen Consort.”
  • “That’s the same reason why I didn’t kiss Charles when he was ₱rince of Wales,” the other horse re₱lied.
  • “I once stuck my head u₱ the skirt of Meghan Markle the Duchess of Sussex,” a third horse in the carriage quartet of horses remarked.
  • “Lucky you,” the two horses in the front of the carriage horse quartet commented.
  • The fourth horse in the quartet (this was his first night on the job) ₱i₱ed u₱, “Did you hear the one about the incestuous gay male bear cub? He gave his ₱aw a lick.”.
  • “This is beginning to sound like a convention of the U.S. National Democratic ₱arty,” noted a field mouse under the carriage who was eating a ₱iece of cheese and a slice of ₱um₱kin ₱ie.
  • Back inside the gallery, British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was a₱₱roached by Dashwood Forrest.
  • “₱lease none of your kisses, Mr. Forrest,” Renfield said, “I am not French.”
  • “₱ity that,” Dashwood sighed, “You like this ₱ortrait of the Countess Gina?”.
  • ₱ortrait of The Countess Gina
  • “I do,” Renfield nodded, “Who is this Countess Gina?”.
  • “She is a very good friend of So₱hia the Greco-Egy₱tian Gnostic goddess of Wisdom,” Dashwood Forrest re₱lied.
  • “Isn’t that So₱hia the mother of Yaldabaoth the Irish le₱rechaun?” Renfield inquired.
  • “She is,” Forrest blew his nose into a handkerchief with the ₱ortrait of Dorian Gray on it,” “It’s my understanding that the last time the Countess Gina encountered Yaldabaoth the Irish le₱rechaun, which was in the city of Venice, she gave him a s₱anking on the bare bottom.”
  • “Some guys have all the luck,” British rock singer Rod Stewart hummed as he walked by.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday December 22nd
  • 2022.

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  • The Femme Fatale Art Thief

    November 6, 2022 at 11:11 pm (Art, Art History, Detective story, Film, Ghost Story, Gothic, Literature, painting, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

    The femme fatale art thief

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  • She was the femme fatale art thief
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  • That’s what I called her
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  • My name is Carson Cody Albion by the way
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  • I’m a ₱rivate Eye
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  • The year was 1952
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  • And the city was London
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  • I had been hired to guard a rare art ₱iece
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  • Said to have been ₱ainted by Dante in the 13th Century
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  • Dante was a man better known for his writing (i.e. The Inferno) rather than his ₱ainting
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  • The ₱ainting was more of a metallic scul₱ted relief in a frame rather than a ₱ainting
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  • It was called Joe Biden and Nancy ₱elosi Roasting In The Flames of Tartarus
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  • I’m not sure who these Joe Biden and Nancy ₱elosi characters were
  • /
  • Two ₱eo₱le that Dante saw roasting away but didn’t think were im₱ortant enough to be worth a mention in his Inferno
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  • I saw the woman standing in front of the metallic scul₱ted relief
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  • I was ₱racticing my Raymond Chandler narrative short story telling skills as I looked at her
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  • She had the most magnificent tight skirted ass that I had ever seen
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  • Her buns showed u₱ magnificently under the tight contours of her dress
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  • like two ri₱e gra₱efruit ri₱e for the ₱icking and the ₱lucking
  • I knew I wouldn’t be gras₱ing at straws if I were to, like Shakes₱eare’s MacBeth, say,
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  • “Come, let me clutch thee”
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  • I could imagine them being so smooth, so creamy, so white
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  • I was beginning to sound like a science-fiction writer writing advertisements for Madison Avenue
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  • By the way the femme fatale art thief looked at me, I realised I had said those Raymond Chandler narrative short story telling skills out loud rather than silently in my mind
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  • She came over and sla₱₱ed my face with such vigour that I was knocked unconscious
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  • But I got off lucky
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  • She used her ₱H Unbalanced narrative short story telling skills to bore the ₱oor museum security guard to death
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  • He was found dead the next morning
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  • The coroner ruled the cause of death as Colossal Boredom
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  • And the metallic scul₱ture relief ₱ainting of Joe Biden and Nancy ₱elosi Roasting In Tartarus was gone
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  • A gy₱sy fortune teller told me that it would someday be found in the art collection of a young man named Barron Trum₱
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  • A young man who would have his ₱ortrait ₱ainted
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  • By the ghost of the man who ₱ainted the ₱icture of Dorian Gray
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  • -A Carson Cody Albion narrative ₱oem written by Christo₱her Sunday November 6th 2O22.

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  • The John William Waterhouse Painting

    June 18, 2022 at 10:41 pm (Art, Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    An oil painting by John William Waterhouse (April 6th 1849- February 10th 1917)

    Dashwood Forrest the famous London art curator was sitting in his art gallery The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery waiting for any customers to walk in through the door.

    It was a Saturday night.

    A Saturday night in mid-June.

    Dashwood Forrest’s art gallery was generally busy on a Saturday night in autumn or winter but rarely on a Saturday night in spring or summer.

    The sole exception was during the years of the plandemic of 2020-2021 when his art gallery was pretty well closed all year long.

    Forrest was thus surprised when he saw someone walk through his door.

    Unbeknownst to Forrest, the man was on the run from Special Branch of the Metropolitian London Police.

    The man had stolen a top secret document.

    A secret agreement signed between George Soros, Bill Gates, Klaus Schwab, Pope Francis and the 2 leading religious authorities in Islam.

    The man thought he’d drop into The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in hopes he could escape his Special Branch pursuers.

    “Good evening,” Forrest stood up from his desk.

    “Good evening,” said the man, “I’d… uh… like to look at some paintings.”

    “Certainly,” Forrest smiled, “We have some very good originals along this wall here.”

    “What an absolutely lovely painting,” the man walked over to one and looked at it intensely.

    “That’s a reproduction not an original,” Forrest explained, “It’s a reproduction of an oil painting by the British Pre-Raphaelite painter John William Waterhouse whose art works were known for their depictions of women from both ancient Greek mythology and Arthurian Legend.”

    Forrest added, “And none of the women who served as models for the subjects in Waterhouse’s paintings would have been beheaded by Pan Goatee had he lived back in the day.”

    “What is the name of this particular Waterhouse painting?” The man asked, “I notice there’s no name in the description.”

    “Just a minute,” Forrest went over to his desk and his gallery catalogue, “I’ll look and see.”

    “What a beautiful woman,” the man looked at the subject of the painting.

    Suddenly the man looked through the gallery window and noticed the operatives of Special Branch approaching the gallery.

    “Oh God,” the man prayed, “let me into the picture.”

    Forrest returned, “I can’t seem to find the name..”

    Dashwood stopped speaking.

    The man had disappeared.

    Special Branch walked through the door.

    “Excuse me,” said the head honcho as he flashed his badge, “Has anyone been in the gallery tonight?”.

    “Well there was a gentleman who was here who was inquiring about this reproduction of a John William Waterhouse painting but he seems to have disappeared,” Forrest answered.

    “That’s one John William Waterhouse painting I don’t seem to recognize,” said a female Special Branch operative who had been an Art History major at Cambridge.

    Forrest looked at the painting and gasped.

    For the man who had been standing and talking to Forrest in the gallery minutes earlier was there.

    In the painting.

    Talking to the beautiful woman in the picture.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday June 18th
    2022.

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    What The Artist Sees

    April 3, 2022 at 9:59 pm (Art, Arts, Literature, Poetry) ()

    “Most people see the world through their own views and prejudices. Mr. Lockhart sees the world with a rare clarity. Perhaps that’s what it means to be an artist.”

    -Character of Arthur Parker to the character of Georgiana Lambe in the BBC TV series Sanditon based on the unfinished novel by Jane Austen

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    Morgan Le Fay

    May 21, 2021 at 10:40 pm (Art, Arts, Ghost Story, History, painting, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

    Picture of Morgan Le Fay

    “So you’re trying to track down the original painting that appears at this website?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked Dashwood Forrest the owner and curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

    “I am,” Forrest nodded, “I’ve come across sketches of this portrait in various books and they say it’s a portrait of Morgan Le Fay.”

    “The Arthurian era enchantress?” Renfield sipped a martini, “But the woman in this portrait looks like a woman of the 1930s judging by her hairstyle and style of dress. I thought Morgan Le Fay died back in the Arthurian era.”

    “There were rumours that back in 1930 an archaeologist found her grave on the Isle of Avalon not far from Glastonbury and a spiritist medium friend of the archaeologist used her incredible occultic powers to bring Morgan Le Fay back from the dead,” Forrest explained.

    “And someone in the decade of the 1930s painted her picture?” Renfield finished his martini.

    “Yes,” Forrest nodded.

    “I wonder who?” Renfield looked at the website photograph of the painting as Forrest shrugged.

    . . .

    The ghost of Winston Churchill and the ghost of Orson Welles were sitting in comfortable armchairs in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.

    Both were smoking spectral cigars.

    Churchill was sipping a spectral brandy.

    And Welles was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

    “Anyways,” Churchill continued with his story to Welles, “In my painting career, I painted in various different painting styles. I once painted what looked to be in style a black and white photo of Morgan Le Fay but it was actually a painting. One I must say I was exceptionally proud of. Sadly, Clementine didn’t like it and gave it away to someone. She wouldn’t say who. She didn’t want me to get it back. I think Clementine was jealous of Morgan Le Fay’s exceptional beauty.”

    “Do you mean Morgan Le Fay the Arthurian era enchantress?” Welles almost spilled his spectral glass of spectral red wine all over his ghostly suit, “But I thought she died back in Arthurian times.”

    “She was apparently brought back from the dead in 1930,” Churchill explained.

    “Is she still alive today?” Welles asked.

    . . .

    “Is this seat taken?” The beautiful and attractive young woman asked Dracul Van Helsing in the Saint George’s Pub.

    “No, it most definitely is not,” Van Helsing answered.

    The woman sat down in the pub booth directly across from Dracul Van Helsing.

    Her dress, her fur covering, her necklace, her gloves, her hairstyle and appearance seem to have been accurately and prophetically depicted by one Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill many decades ago.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday May 21st
    2021.

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    Andrea Angelicus: Another Time, Another Place

    May 8, 2021 at 10:32 pm (Art, Culture, Film, History, Mystery, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


    Andrea Angelicus: Modeling for an artist

    Andrea Angelicus in another time, another place
    Not the Coviet Union laden world of 2021
    But Paris in the year 1948
    She was in an artist’s studio
    Modeling for an artist

    “What will you call this piece, Klaus?”
    Andrea asked.
    “Klaus?” The artist looked surprised.
    “I doubt very much your name is actually Henri,”
    Andrea noted,
    “Like the first name in your artist’s signature
    On your paintings suggest.
    For you have a German accent
    Not a French one.”

    “I am not a Nazi,” Klaus (aka Henri) stated emphatically.
    “I never said you were,” Andrea waved her FDR style cigarette holder
    holding her smokeless cigarette as if it were a magic wand.
    “But these days most people think that,” Klaus sighed.

    “I ask again, Klaus,” Andrea gave the impression of dropping cigarette ash on the floor, “What will you call this piece?”.
    “The Woman of Midnight,” Klaus answered.
    “Intriguing name,” Andrea smiled.
    “Thank you,” Klaus put the finishing touches on his painting.

    Klaus then signed his nom-de-plume signature to the painting
    And asked,
    “Tell me, Miss Andrea Angelicus, do you have any names besides Andrea Angelicus?”.
    “I’ve been called the Phoenix Woman,” Andrea answered.
    “Intriguing name,” Klaus smiled,
    “Do you rise from your own ashes?”.
    Andrea stepped into her circle of non-existent cigarette ash
    and vanished.

    Klaus looked
    And noticed she was gone.
    He felt his heart pounding in his chest
    and slumped to the floor.

    Klaus Grau was dead
    But Henri Gris
    would live on
    through his paintings.

    -A narrative poem
    and vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday May 8th
    2021.

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    Portrait of Tapairu The Tahitian Sleeping Beauty

    March 21, 2021 at 10:27 pm (Art, Arts, History, Romance, Short Story, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    Portrait of Tapairu the Tahitian Sleeping Beauty

    “What an absolutely beautiful painting,” Sherrielock Holmes the (quite literally) immortal twin sister of London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes gazed at the newest acquisition now hanging in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

    Mr. Truffles her orange tabby cat purred in agreement and looked up affectionately at the painting.

    “It was painted in Tahiti back in 1894 by one Sean Seamus O’ Gill an Irish painter and artist who lived on the island of Tahiti around the same time as the French artist Paul Gauguin,” Dashwood Forrest the art gallery owner and curator explained, “sadly Mr. O’ Gill is not as well known as Gauguin.”

    As the old grandfather clock chimed in the gallery and the statue of a gnome emerged out of a small drawer to turn over an hourglass whose sands had just run out, images from a past time seemed to filter into the present.

    Sean Seamus O’ Gill looked at the vision in front of him.

    “What a vision,” Sean Seamus O’ Gill remarked to the French missionary priest Father Jacques La Croix.

    “It’s like that old Irish hymn whose lyrics begin “Be thou my vision”, eh, Sean?” Father La Croix smiled.

    “I guess you could phrase it that way,” Sean nodded, “She does look divine.”

    “That she does,” Father La Croix agreed.

    “Are you sure she wouldn’t object to being painted while sleeping?” Sean asked.

    “No,” Father La Croix shook his head, “She wants to be painted while sleeping. She wants this portrait to be called the Tahitian Sleeping Beauty. She wants to give it as a gift to the man she’s going to marry.”

    “She’s engaged?” A look of disappointment crossed Sean’s face.

    “Nothing official yet,” Father La Croix answered, “but she hopes to be.”

    And so that was how Sean Seamus O’ Gill came to paint the portrait of Tapairu the Tahitian sleeping beauty.

    Over the next few months, Sean would sketch drawings and eventually paint pictures afterwards of Tapairu dancing at night in the village center like a royal dancer.

    He would sketch drawings and paint pictures afterwards of Tapairu singing to school children during the day.

    One of the village matriarchs took notice of his work.

    “I’ve been told that an artist likes to depict a subject he loves,” she smiled.

    “Um… Tapairu just makes a good subject,” The artist seemed to blush, “That’s all.”

    Sean did wonder though which of the many suitors that seemed to want to attract Tapairu’s attention, Tapairu had given her heart to.

    On the night of Sean’s birthday, many of the villagers gave Sean gifts.

    Tapairu gave Sean a carefully wrapped and rather large present.

    Sean opened it.

    This was what he saw.

    Sean then remembered the words of Father La Croix that she wanted to give the portrait of the Tahitian Sleeping Beauty as a gift to the man she wanted to marry.

    Tapairu smiled happily at him.

    Sean smiled happily back.

    -A short story and
    vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Sunday March 21st 2021.

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    Notre Dame In Paris To Be Restored With Original Gothic Style Spire

    July 11, 2020 at 10:18 pm (Art, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    The spire of Notre Dame Cathedral which was destroyed in a fire in April of 2019 will be restored according to the original Gothic design French President Emmanuel Macron announced a couple of days ago.

    Macron had originally said after the fire that he was in favour of a “contemporary gesture”.

    However the French President wanted the restoration to be completed by 2024 when Paris is hosting the Olympics for that year (assuming of course that most of humanity hasn’t died off from the Covid-19 virus or died off from massive carbon dioxide poisoning after having worn face masks 24 hours a day in the last idiotic decree of the WHO and numerous politicians around the world).

    The process of designing a contemporary modern spire with an international competition for architects of no doubt exceedingly bad taste would have caused unnecessary delays.

    France’s National Heritage and Architecture Commission thus recommended going with a spire in the original Gothic design.

    The Cathedral’s first spire was built in the 13th Century but due to extensive damage it had to be removed in the late 18th Century.

    Its replacement, designed in the Gothic style by architect Eugene Violett-le-Duc, was built in the mid-19th Century.

    Jean-Louis Georgelin (the French Army General put in charge of the reconstruction effort) wanted a modern or maybe even a post-modern alternative to replace Violett-le-Duc’s Gothic design.

    Architects from around the world submitted designs including one design with a rooftop pool and another with a giant park and greenhouse on the roof.

    Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie had even submitted an architectural design that showed a giant male phallus surrounded by pancakes.

    It was mercifully lost in the mail.

    The cathedral’s chief architect Philippe Villeneuve consistently spoke out in favour of a faithful restoration of the previous 19th Century Gothic style design.

    This upset Gen. Georgelin and in a heated exchange at a meeting of the French National Assembly’s Cultural Affairs Committee last November, the General told Monsieur Villeneuve to shut his mouth.

    Seconds later, Gen. Georgelin had a Devonshire Cheese cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

    Although a few Harvey Wallbanger imbibing members of the committee swore it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears who did the deed.


    Esmeralda and her pet goat Djali look on in horror at some of the proposed designs for Notre Dame’s spire.

    -A vampire novel written by Christopher
    Saturday July 11th 2020.

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    Dorian Gray and The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

    May 19, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Art, Arts, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

    Dorian Gray and The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka

    The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was walking through the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

    It was a private visit as the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery still hadn’t been granted permission by the UK government to publicly open during lockdown.

    As Dashwood Forrest hurried back to his office because his office phone was ringing, the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka continued to walk down the halls of the gallery.

    She entered a room marked PRIVATE as Forrest told her to treat the gallery as if it were her own home.

    She noticed nothing in the room except for a pair of purple velvet curtains.

    She opened the curtains and behind them were two portrait oil paintings. 

    One was a portrait of a young man.

    And the other was a portrait of a teddy bear.

    She recognized the young man in the portrait.

    His name was Dorian Gray.

    For the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was an immortal.

    In the summer of 1878, she had ridden a rare creature- a white buffalo- and as a result of that experience she became immortal.

    That autumn, she had gone to London, England where she had lived ever since.

    Also that autumn, she had met a dashing young man by the name of Dorian Gray.

    After a whirlwind tour of sights and spots throughout England with Dorian, Tanaka thought that she was in love.

    Dorian had invited her down to the seaside holiday spot of Brighton with him.

    The Lakota Sioux Princess was sure that Dorian was going to ask her to marry him.

    Dorian proposes marriage to the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka on the seashore at Brighton.

    Tanaka said yes.

    Later in Dorian’s hotel room, she went into his bedroom as he was out in the hall chatting to the bell boy.

    She was shocked to discover a bunch of female human heads – all of them beautiful (for Dorian Gray did not have the exceptionally high IQ of a Pan Goatee) and perfectly preserved stored in jars of formaldehyde.

    “Dorian!” She exclaimed when he walked back into the room, “What are these?”.

    Dorian looked shocked and bit his lip, “Er… Um… You know how some people like collecting beautiful butterflies or beautiful seashells or beautiful autumn leaves or beautiful pressed flowers, I… um… like collecting heads of beautiful women.”

    “But that’s sick!” Tanaka was shocked.

    “But I’ve been invited to the Rothschild’s masked ball dinner party every year for the past 18 years!” Dorian protested, “How can you call someone who’s been invited to the Rothschild masked ball dinner party for that long sick?”.

    Tanaka left slamming the door behind her.

    “Does this mean the engagement is off?” Dorian called out from the balcony of his hotel room as she entered a horse carriage and the carriage drove away.

    Dorian and Tanaka never saw one another again.

    Later she heard the body of an unknown old man stabbed in the heart was found in Dorian Gray’s house in London.

    Dorian himself was never seen again.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday May 19th
    2020.

    Permalink 15 Comments

    The Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Teddy Bear

    December 9, 2019 at 11:07 pm (Art, Arts, Culture, Literature, Mystery, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    The Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Teddy Bear 

    Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery had spent the day visiting a London Christmas Market.

    On his way home, he had visited a small antique store where he noticed a rather old painting of a child’s teddy bear.

    Intrigued by the painting, Forrest had bought the painting for £20 and brought it back to his gallery with him.

    He gave the painting a cleaning and noticed the name of the artist- Basil Hallward.

    The same artist who had painted the original portrait of Dorian Gray that Forrest had purchased at an estate sale back in October of 2012.

    Prior to purchasing that painting, Forrest had just believed that the artist Basil Hallward was a fictional character and the famous portrait of Dorian Gray had been a figment of Oscar Wilde’s imagination.

    Back on September 3rd of this year, the figure of Dorian Gray had disappeared from the painting when Hurricane Dorian had struck the Caribbean.

    Only to return when the storm finally faded into oblivion.

    And now here was a portrait of a teddy bear done by the same man who had painted a portrait of Dorian Gray.

    Forrest noticed the year below Basil Hallward’s name -1860- the same year he had painted the picture of Dorian Gray.

    Forrest decided to take the frame off and check the back of the canvas of the painting.

    There on the back of the canvas of the painting were the words Portrait of Dorian Gray’s Toy Bear- painted 1860.

    So Dorian Gray had owned a teddy bear before teddy bears became popular (teddy bears had emerged as a phenomenon back in the early 1900s and the toy bears had in fact been named after Teddy Roosevelt who was the U.S. President of the day).

    Forrest went to the secluded room in the gallery where he kept the picture of Dorian Gray.

    He hung the portrait of Dorian Gray’s teddy bear next to Gray’s portrait.

    He then put the velvet curtains up again in front of both paintings, turned off the lights and closed the door.

    Had he stayed in the room a few minutes longer, he’d have noticed the figure of Dorian Gray’s teddy bear in the portrait had gone missing.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday December 9th
    2019.

    Permalink 23 Comments

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