Reblog of Dashwood Forrest Meets Ivanka Trump

May 18, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Art, Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

Dashwood Forrest stood in the middle of his hotel room dressed like Gainsborough’s Blue Boy and stared at himself in the full length mirror on the wall.

“I’m beginning to have some idea of how Narcissus must have felt when he saw his own reflection,” Dashwood swooned.

There was a knock at the door.

“Mulligan, would you please answer that,” Dashwood called out to his Irish zombie manservant, “and please put a towel over your head. I don’t want you frightening anybody like you did the cleaning staff this morning. It took a $50 tip to bring them back again.”

Mulligan put a towel over his head and went to open the door.

He crashed into several lamps on his way to find the door.

“Watch where you’re going, Mulligan!” Dashwood exclaimed.

“It’s rather difficult to see where I’m going wearing a towel over my head,” Mulligan complained as he…

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Reblog of An Evening At The Mermaid Art Exhibit

April 30, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Culture, Fantasy, Folklore, Humour, Mythology, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago about an evening at the mermaid art exhibit which turned out to be as riotous as the Marx Brothers’ night at the opera:

Dracul Van Helsing

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin the curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery announced to those gathered at the Mermaid Art Exhibit’s opening night, “regrettably the artist Miss Charmaine Olivia will not be able to be with us this evening…”

The crowd moaned and groaned their disappointment.

“Yes,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin sighed in sympathy, “Miss Olivia ate some rather bad tuna fish sandwiches earlier this evening that she had thought had come from the Exhibit caterers but they turned out to have been brought in by a mysterious third party…”

“So she’s the one who ate all my tuna fish sandwiches that I had brought with me tonight,” Renfield seethed to Amadeus.

“Then you might have been the one who came down with food poisoning,” Amadeus pointed out.

“I guess every cloud has a silver lining,” Renfield grinned.

A dark cloud appeared over the gallery and an American silver…

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Encore of Cinderella: A Poem

March 24, 2018 at 9:10 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Folklore, Literature, Movies) (, , , )

Here’s a poem I wrote 3 years ago today:

Dracul Van Helsing

Cinderella: A Poem

Cloudy gray skies
across the land lies
in truth for today
and in metaphor sad to say
it seems that magic is gone from the world
technology has spread unfurled
the sense of wonder has been lost
but we’re too busy to see the cost
dashing along the street
busy hands and busy feet
phones at our fingertips
speakers have replaced lips
“Love” and “courage” are only words
a flight of fancy like passing birds.
A unicorn- what is that?
Talk of fairies- we say scat!
For we’re all grown up you see
don’t talk to us as if we’re only 3.
That age is past!
Magic wands- get out fast!
Carriages don’t grow from pumpkins
you mistake us for country bumpkins.
Enchanted balls and glass slippers
we talk like drunken skippers
whose ships have crashed on the rocks
leaving us to haunt these docks.

And so…

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Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem

March 12, 2018 at 9:46 pm (Arts, Detective story, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem

In the land of bunny rabbits, there was none so fair
as that female rabbit loved by Jack O’ Hare
And so as Jack hopped and then sat in the village square,
he sang, I love Jeannie, she’s a dark brown hare.

No one loves me, wept a red spider monkey
who sat next to a Russian riding a Democrat donkey

Why ever not? asked Jack O’ Hare
as he made faces at the Russian bear
Because I happen to be bald all over
no one will roll me over in the clover

Jack asked, What happened to your fur?
Someone stole it while I was at Big Sur
Jack queried, Any idea where it went?
The monkey said, No, it was stolen from my tent ⛺️

Do you have a pic of what it looked like?
Jack would be on the lookout for a red spider spike.
The monkey had a photo of himself with fur
It was a clear pic although Hillary was a blur

And later as Jack hopped into a Burger 🍔 King
to order a carrot 🥕 cake special along with onion ring
he saw a sight that made his heart sing
For there was the red spider monkey’s spider fur atop the head of a real ding-a-ling

The toupee wearing Donald Trump was meeting Kim Jong-un
when his hair piece was stolen by the Easter Bun
or so it was reported in the New York Times and Chicago Sun

Oh somewhere in this happy land
The red spider monkey was leading the band
for his fur had been returned- fur worth a lot of grand.

-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday March 12th
2018.

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Haiku About Johann Sebastian Bach

March 10, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Arts, Culture, Music, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Johann Sebastian Bach

His muse was Jesu
the joy of man’s desiring
Heavenly music

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Tale of Jessica Rabbit Music Video

March 7, 2018 at 10:16 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Music) ()

Tale of Jessica Rabbit Music Video

10 years ago, I made a photo montage music video about Jessica Rabbit that I posted on YouTube.

That video got over 250,000 views (as of today Wednesday March 7th, 2018, it has 251,401 views).

At the time I made that video, I still had not fully mastered the art and science of film editing at the OneTrueMedia site where I made it.

And there were a few photo angles and wide and close-up shots I was disappointed with so I re-did the video a couple of years later.

This video is the re-edited version I made in 2010.

-A blog post
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 7th
2018.

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Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

March 5, 2018 at 11:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Music, News, Politics, Songs, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greer Garson, Silvio Berlusconi, Renfield R. Renfield and The Green-Eyed Monster

Renfield R. Renfield was watching the BBC Culture segment’s Film Critic Sir Laurence Camembert giving a commentary on television.

Said Camembert while eating a plate of cheddar cheese, “It was 75 years ago last night, that the Oscars for 1942 were presented, back in the days when movies were about real people and not comic book characters. Greer Garson’s acceptance speech for winning Best Actress for Mrs. Miniver was said to have lasted about 6 minutes but a little known aspect of the speech was she spent at least 5 minutes of it attacking Donald Trump.”

“Wow,” said Amadeus Emanon while eating a bowl of 6 dozen oysters, “do you suppose Greer Garson was in telepathic clairvoyant communication with our lobster Michelangelo?”.

“I think Sir Camembert was joking,” Renfield said wryly while drinking a rye whiskey 🥃.

“Oh,” said Amadeus and then asked, “what cheese do you think goes best with oysters? Camembert or cheddar?”.

“I suppose it all depends on one’s dairy 🥛 orientation,” Renfield commented as he read a brochure from the All-Inclusive Dairy Producers of Europe.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Amadeus announced.

“Well, please don’t let me stop you,” said Renfield who had already got caught in a very peculiar shower on the way home from Parliament this afternoon.

As Amadeus marched off to the bathroom whistling the song “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…”, Renfield watched a story on BBC News about how former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was flashed by a topless woman protestor at a polling booth while voting in yesterday’s Italian parliamentary elections.

“Shit,” sighed Renfield, “I was never flashed by a beautiful topless woman protestor when I voted in last year’s British parliamentary elections. Some guys have all the luck.”

“I don’t recall having taken any Viagra today,” a shocked and somewhat surprised Amadeus shouted from the bathroom.

“Some guys do nothing but complain,” Renfield added.

Renfield walked out the door into the snow and the rain singing that old Rod Stewart song, “Some guys have all the luck… Some guys get all the breaks” but quickly switched over to the lyrics of the Glen Campbell song Rhinestone Cowboy, “And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain…” when a sudden flood of snow and rain hit Renfield and started carrying him away in the direction of the Thames River.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 5th
2018.

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Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

January 19, 2018 at 9:04 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Music, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Sings The Liebestod From Tristan und Isolde

Various Opposition parties in the British House of Commons were hoping to delay a vote on a portion of Stage One of the Brexit bill by arranging a filibuster this evening.

They agreed the person to deliver the filibuster would be newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield decided to filibuster the vote by singing a song from a German opera since he didn’t figure any British MP had ever done that before.

And this would be another way to get himself Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP into the history books.

Renfield went home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion to pick up a musical score and lyric sheet from Amadeus Emanon, who being a concert pianist, had several.

“I decided to sing a song from a German opera to filibuster this bill,” Renfield announced to Amadeus as he went through the latter’s musical score and lyric sheets.

“But you don’t speak German,” Amadeus pointed out.

“True,” Renfield admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t sing it.”

Renfield went through the musical score and lyric sheets.

“Hm, this sounds interesting,” Renfield picked out one, “the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s 1859 opera Tristan und Isolde.”

Renfield had left before Amadeus could point out to the parliamentarian that the Liebestod was sung by a female lead in the opera being the climactic end of the opera as the heroine Isolde sings over the hero Tristan’s dead body.

Later as Amadeus Emanon watched the BBC Evening Late News that night, the announcer announced, “And now this just in… a group of armed men with machine guns has stormed into the public gallery of the House of Commons and fired their bullets down on the floor into the direction of an Opposition MP who was trying to filibuster against a procedural bill on government Brexit legislation by singing the Liebestod from Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde.
Apparently the armed men are not members of a terrorist group but members of the German Opera Lovers’ Association.
According to a report from the BBC Culture critic who is at the scene, “the bullets have unfortunately missed Mr. Renfield…”
And this just in from Berlin, the government of Chancellor Angela Merkel have just announced that they have officially disinvited Mr. Renfield from visiting Germany 🇩🇪 next month…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 19th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

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Paris In The 1890s

January 16, 2018 at 9:16 pm (Art, Arts, Culture, painting, Romance) (, , , )

Paris In The 1890s

The man walked around the exhibit at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

The exhibit was titled Paris In The 1890s.

As he stared at each portrait of a beautiful Parisienne woman sitting in a sidewalk cafe, the man felt he had been there.

That he had once met each woman in the particular portrait.

“You get the feeling that the artist himself was actually there, don’t you?” Forrest the art gallery proprietor remarked as he walked over to the man.

“Yes,” the man looked at Forrest, “yes you do.”

The man turned and walked out into the night.

And then quite literally vanished.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 16th
2018.

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