A Stag Party Like No Other
A Stag Party Like No Other
Russian soldiers at a base in Syria were nervous.
They had heard reports that a deer 🦌 stag of all things was massacring Turkish soldiers in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria by standing up on its hind legs and firing a rapidly moving crossbow with poisonous arrows at them.
The arrows would paralyze the soldiers and then take 24 hours for the poison to work to eventually kill them.
In the meantime, the soldiers would die a painfully agonizing death as the organs in their bodies gradually shut down.
The government of Recep Tayyip Erdogan in Ankara tried to keep the deaths secret from the Turkish public.
But someone had hacked into the Turkish television newsfeed and was reporting the deaths live to the Turkish people.
The news reports were read aloud by a talking robot 🤖 who called himself Hans.
The reports would begin with the robot singing (to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song), “I’m Hans Pagan Henderson… that’s me.”
After showing some speeded up video of Turkish soldiers dying a long lasting slow horrible agonizing death, film footage was then shown of the deer stag standing on its hind legs and shooting the soldiers with its rapidly firing cross bow.
As the footage of the stag and its cross bow was being shown, Hans the robot 🤖 sang (also to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song):
Wonderful, wonderful poisoned 🤢 arrow
fired by a beautiful stag
you hit your mark
sends a fiery spark ⚡️
through the body part
a fatal stinging dart 🎯
that sends one screaming “No more”
yet hours ‘til you reach death’s door.
No one was sure who it was that was hacking into the Turkish television feed.
Although there were suspicions.
After Hans’ news broadcasts, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was seen in an elegant armchair by a fireplace holding a glass of cognac and doing an introduction to a TV series he called Forgotten Disney Animated Cartoons.
“On tonight’s episode,” Renfield smiled, “Bambi’s father (killed in an automobile accident) comes back from the dead. The name of the cartoon: Bambi II- Thumper Recites The Necronomicon Resurrection Invocation.”
The Russian base was on edge when a soldier turned on the TV and Thumper was seen reciting a weird invocation in a strange and sinister sounding language.
And then suddenly what sounded like an arrow hit the door of the barracks.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 17th
2018.
Reblog- Lizards and Wizards: A Poem
A poem I wrote 2 years ago.
Lizards and Wizards: A Poem
It was a land where giant tulip bulbs grew
that grew in soil blood drenched through and through
The bulbs blood red in colour
like the soil that bled the Earth-Mother
And eating the bulbs were huge flamingoes
not pink like on your lawn goes
but blood red like the seed of human sacrifice
when all other oblations no longer suffice
And rising rising from the blood soaked ground
in a huge puff of red tinged smoke that twirled round and round
arose a wild-haired wild eyed looking wizard
who in a test tube carried a small red lizard
He lifted up high his feathered wand
in the clouds emerged a land beyond
With his left hand he lifted high his trusted wand
and with his right, emptied the test tube like a martini shaker for Bond
The lizard then fell to the earth beneath
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Celtic Goddess Brigid, Dracul Van Helsing and Trump Strikes On Syria
Celtic Goddess Brigid, Dracul Van Helsing and Trump Strikes On Syria
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in an ancient and medieval cemetery near Salisbury, England.
He was meeting with the Celtic goddess Brigid.
Brigid stood in the middle of the graves.
In her hands she held the horns of the Celtic horned god Cernunnos.
The Celtic goddess Brigid as viewed by Dracul Van Helsing at the cemetery near Salisbury:
“So Dracul,” the beautiful Celtic goddess smiled at him, “The United States 🇺🇸, the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 and France 🇫🇷 have launched multiple attacks on multiple government sites in Syria 🇸🇾. Say the word only Dracul and I shall speak the word that shall bring Cernunnos to life again and he shall hunt the hunters of Russia 🇷🇺, Syria 🇸🇾 and Iran 🇮🇷 and if necessary Turkey 🇹🇷.”
As Donald Trump, Theresa May and Emmanuel Macron made national statements to their respective nations on television and radio, Dracul Van Helsing text messaged Renfield R. Renfield MP to ask his opinion as well as the opinion of the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill (whom Renfield was in contact with) on the matter.
Dracul then gave Brigid the answer.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 13th
2018.
Reblog- Night of The Unknown Light: The Dark Sun Becomes Manifest
A vampire novel chapter I wrote 2 years ago last month featuring Adolf Hitler and a mysterious dark sun in the night sky that was alluded to in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs.
Night of The Unknown Light: The Dark Sun Becomes Manifest
The date was January 25th 1938.
It was just a little after 6 PM.
The location was The Berghof the Berchtesgaden chalet home of German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler located in the Bavarian Alps.
Hitler was examining some documents handed to him by a member of the Nazi Occult Bureau the Ahnenerbe.
The Ahnenerbe representative was one Franz Kohler.
“What are these?” Hitler asked.
“They are translations of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs telling of a myth about the Egyptian sun god Ra that has never been mentioned in most history books,” Kohler explained to the Fuhrer.
“And what is this myth mentioned in the hieroglyphs?” Hitler asked.
“That the Egyptian sun god Ra walked around in the dark of night and was unseen,” Kohler replied.
“That is a curious myth,” Hitler acknowledged, “a sun god walking around at night and not being…
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3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon
3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting alone in his parliamentary office.
The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill wasn’t present because he was being forced to attend a ghostly cocktail party in Purgatory at which the ghost of Lady Astor would be present.
“Like Hamlet’s father’s ghost in Shakespeare’s famous Danish play,” Churchill roared in a paraphrase of Hamlet’s spectral paternal parent, “it is at parties like these where the bad things I did in my days of nature are thoroughly punished.”
“Well, it could be worse,” the atheist Renfield, with no belief in Purgatory, remarked sympathetically, “you could be in Tartarus where Hitler’s ghost is.”
Renfield was unaware that Hades the god of the Underworld had temporarily released Hitler’s spirit from Tartarus at the request of the Norse/Germanic god Odin/Wotan (Churchill’s ghost was likewise unaware of Hitler’s reprieve at the hands of Persephone’s husband).
Hitler’s spirit had entered the body of a grey wolf 🐺 and was currently hanging out with the anti-Semitic ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as paying the occasional visit to Vladimir Putin although Putin was unaware that the grey wolf was possessed by Hitler’s ghost.
Speaking of Hitler and Putin, Renfield was quite pleased with himself because earlier today he had hacked into Russia’s state run television network and put in an image of Vladimir Putin with Hitler’s moustache and haircut that appeared on the TV screen whenever the network ran a news story where the Russian leader was mentioned.
Putin was absolutely livid and furious when he found out and gave the order to all of 🇷🇺 Russia’s intelligence services to find the one responsible and bump that person off with the Novichok nerve agent (at the same time as Putin issued the directive, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was giving a press conference in which he emphatically denied that Russia 🇷🇺 was in current possession of the nerve agent).
Renfield had tossed a few bread crumbs to the Russian intelligence services in his speech in the Commons today by continuously referring to Putin as “the Slavic Hitler” in his speech but so far the Russian agencies did not have an intellectual equivalent of Britain’s Sherlock Holmes to pick up on the Renfieldian hints.
Neither for that matter did America’s intelligence services since Donald Trump did not tweet about the subject.
Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was currently examining an MI-5 and MI-6 report on a British company called Palmyra Analytica.
The reason Renfield read the report as soon as he heard about it was because his creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises was currently doing freelance consulting work for Palmyra Analytica.
Dr. Rocher was building a 3-D printer for Palmyra Analytica.
The 3-D printer when completed would be capable of producing an exact copy (down to the smallest and most exact detail) of the original Temple of Solomon built by Solomon himself.
Renfield was horrified to discover when reading the report that Palmyra Analytica was in fact owned by a front company that was owned by his former boss Set’s arch enemies the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis and the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.
“Why,” Renfield wondered to himself, “do Isis and Osiris want to rebuild Solomon’s original Temple?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 28th
2018.
A Day In The Digital Life of Renfield
A Day In The Digital Life of Renfield
Morning at the breakfast table in the kitchen of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion:
Amadeus (munching on his toast): So did you ever hear back from Miss Hailee Steinfeld over that Twitter tweet you sent her where you posted a link to your Facebook video in which you alleged that you had been bullied? Did she ask you out on a date?
Renfield (his face turning red): No, she told me that I was a purveyor of fake news and told me to go f— myself.
Amadeus (in a reflective tone of voice): Well, the first part of her statement is definitely true and as for the second part, if you could actually physically do that, you could shoot a video of yourself doing that and post it on social media and I’ll definitely guarantee that it will go viral.
. . .
Lead story on the BBC Evening News that night:
British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield has expressed his extreme disappointment that one of China’s largest tech companies has taken its flirtatious secretary virtual assistant off-line.
The avatar called Vivi appeared in an office setting wearing a blouse and short skirt and saying, “I am your girlfriend. You must love and adore me.”
Mr. Renfield said that with Vivi gone, he no longer had any reason to hack into China tech companies anymore.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 14th
2017.
Zenobia and The San Nicola
Zenobia and The San Nicola
The captain of the Spanish ship San Nicola was sailing ⛵️ his vessel just off the Mediterranean coast of Syria 🇸🇾 near the port city of Lattakia.
He expected he would soon be seeing the giant sized statue of Queen Zenobia that was seated on a giant throne on a rock in the middle of the sea off that coast.
Zenobia was a 3rd century Queen of the Syria based Palmyrene Empire.
The capital of her Empire was at Palmyra (where in this decade the ISIS Islamic Sate once had control of the city and blew up various statues and temple walls in the city).
Zenobia was born in 240 AD at Palmyra.
She married Odaenathus the king of Palmyra in 260 AD.
When her husband was assassinated in 267 AD, she became the Queen Regent of Palmyra for her son Vaballathus.
In 270 AD, Zenobia launched an invasion of neighbouring lands that culminated with the annexation of Egypt.
When the Roman Emperor Aurelian moved against her in 272 AD, Zenobia declared her son Emperor and gave herself the title of Empress.
The Romans were eventually victorious in their war against her.
After Palmyra was captured by Aurelian, Zenobia was taken back to Rome where she spent the remainder of her life.
She died circa 274 AD.
As Captain Hernandez of the San Nicola approached the rock with the statue, he noticed the statue suddenly start to crumble in front of his eyes.
As the marble around Zenobia’s image crumbled, a giant flesh and blood beautiful woman (bearing the features of the statue) arose from her marble throne and walked through the water in the direction of land.
Captain Hernandez decided he needed a drink.
If he was going to start seeing things, then perhaps it would be best if he were not sober.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 7th
2017.
Battle of Jerusalem- 1917 And Now 2017?
Battle of Jerusalem – 1917
And Now 2017?
The Mossad Agent called the Controller of The Golem was reading an Israeli newspaper that said U.S. President Donald Trump might recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s eternally undivided capital this week.
The Controller of The Golem was an astute enough geopolitical analyst (unlike Mr. Trump) to realize that such a formal unilateral announcement on the part of the U.S. (which had not been arrived at in formal Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations) would probably cause massive unrest in the Arab and Islamic world.
And might even lead to an all out war in the Middle East between Israel and the Muslim world.
Nathan (the Controller’s real name) reflected on the fact that it was 100 years ago this late autumn and early winter that the Battle of Jerusalem was fought.
The Battle of Jerusalem fought between November 17th 1917 to December 30th 1917 was a battle fought in the Middle Eastern theatre of the First World War.
The opposing forces involved in the Battle was the British Empire against the Ottoman and German Empires.
Forces of the United Kingdom, Australia, India and New Zealand were fighting Turkish and German troops.
The commander of British forces was General Edmund Allenby.
The battle was fought on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea north of Jaffa into the Judean Hills in and around Jerusalem.
Jerusalem had been conquered by the Ottoman Empire in 1517 and now exactly 400 years later its rule was about to end.
The British Commander General Allenby had been assigned by his superiors in London to take the city but he had been assigned an impossible task.
He had been ordered to take the city without a shot being fired.
How on Earth, Allenby asked his superiors, was that to be done?
“Pray,” was the directive the British wartime cabinet sent back.
The answer did not seem very helpful to Allenby.
Nevertheless Allenby followed the advice and prayed.
And it happened shortly afterwards that Allenby was given a copy of Bible scholar Dr. H. Aldersmith’s 1898 book The Fulness of The Nations.
The book was an analysis of the Old Testament prophecies regarding Israel.
In his analysis of Isaiah Chapter 31, Dr. Aldersmith believed that the United Kingdom would have a part to play in the restoration of Jerusalem to the Jews and this would be accomplished through some type of flying machine.
Dr. Aldersmith based his belief on Isaiah 31 verses 4 and 5.
Verse 4 reads “For thus hath the Lord spoken unto me, Like as the lion and the young lion roaring on his prey, when a multitude of shepherds is called forth against him, he will not be afraid of their voice, nor abase himself for the noise of them: so shall the Lord of hosts come down to fight for Mount Zion, and for the hill thereof.”
Verse 5 reads, “As birds flying, so will the Lord of hosts defend Jerusalem; defending also he will deliver it; and passing over he will preserve it.”
Dr. Aldersmith had interpreted the lion as being Britain and the young lion as the colonies of the Empire.
The symbol for Britain of course had long been a lion.
And as this postcard from World War 1 illustrates, Britain thought of itself as a lion and its colonies as young lion cubs:
Dr. Aldersmith had interpreted Isaiah 31 v. 5 as referring to some type of flying machine.
Adding 400 to the year 1517 as 400 was an important Biblical number (The Israelites had been enslaved in Egypt for 400 years), Dr. Aldersmith believed that Britain would capture Jerusalem from the Ottoman Turks through the use of a flying machine in the year 1917.
All of this Dr. Aldersmith had written about in his 1898 book.
Of course 5 years after the publication of Aldersmith’s book, the Wright Brothers invented the airplane.
And 14 years after that, airplanes were in use in 1917 but not commonly and most people (particularly those in the Middle East) had never seen one.
Aldersmith’s interpretation of Isaiah 31 was Gen. Allenby’s inspiration.
He would fly planes over Jerusalem and drop notes over the city saying in Arabic, “Surrender the city! Allenby.”
Unbeknownst to Allenby, there was an Arab saying that said, “The Turks will not leave Jerusalem until the river Nile flows in Palestine and the Prophet expels them from the city.”
British troops had been stationed in Egypt prior to 1917 and Lt. Gen. Sir Archibald Murray had built a pipeline to supply fresh Nile water to British troops.
By 1917 the water had arrived along with the troops in Palestine.
The saying spread among the Arabs that year that the River Nile was now flowing in Palestine.
Secondly, Allenby’s airdropped note, when written in Arabic, looked like it said, “Surrender the city! Al Nabi.”
Al Nabi means The Prophet in Arabic.
It looked like the Prophet was calling on them to surrender Jerusalem in notes from the sky.
The Turks immediately started leaving the city when mysterious flying objects started sending messages from Al Nabi.
From the evening of December 8th 1917 and all through the night, Turkish troops were leaving Jerusalem.
By early the following morning of December 9th 1917, all had gone and the Mayor of Jerusalem with a small party came under a white flag to surrender the keys of the city.
The formal surrender was accepted by General O’ Shea on behalf of Gen. Allenby.
Gen. Allenby himself took the official ceremonial surrender two days later on December 11th 1917.
Interestingly enough the evening of December 8th to the day of December 9th 1917 fell on the 24th of the Hebrew month of Kislev on the Jewish calendar that year.
The 24th of Kislev also known as Hanukkah was the day the Maccabees overthrew the Syrian Greeks and turfed out their idols from the Temple of Jerusalem in 167 BC.
Things seemed to have come full circle that year of 1917 the Controller of The Golem reflected.
And now what might this year 2017 bring? he wondered.
He felt an urge to talk to his friend Miranda.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 4th
2017.
Oracle Tang At The Burning Man: A Poem
Oracle Tang At The Burning Man
At the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada,
They celebrate art work that they call dada
And whilst there, they set the Wicker Man on fire,
he goes up in smoke like a burning tire
They call it an act of self-expression
Pyromaniac might be a psychiatrist’s impression.
For one week on this dry lake bed
as the scent of pot goes to the head
it becomes Black Rock City
an apocalypse so pretty
Now this year, they’ve got a holographic orangutan
One who doesn’t have to use Ultra-Ban
an image that looks part orangutan
and part vampire bat
when he flaps his orange furry wings, you’ll fall to the mat.
His two eyes suddenly merge into one cyclops eye
Horus’ capstone eye showing theorem of pi
The Image of the Beast is here at last.
Head down to Black Rock- it will be a blast!
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday September 7th
2015.
Testing The Trinity
Testing The Trinity
O blessed glorious Trinity,
bones to philosophy, but milk to faith,
Which, as wise serpents, diversely
Most slipperiness, yet most entanglings hath…
-A Litany, John Donne
Los Alamos, New Mexico, July 16th 1945 5:30 AM
A huge giant flash of light in the form of a gigantic mushroom cloud beams from the arid New Mexico desert.
As Catholic villagers in the nearby historic Hispanic town of Tularosa crossed themselves, fell to their knees and prayed, fearing the end of the world, the custodians of the Manhattan Project judged the Trinity Test in southern New Mexico a success.
Arising from the half-mile crater at Trinity Site was a being invisible to most- a dark charcoal black winged figure huge in size and a giant in stature.
An ancient being released again upon this earth.
Abaddon the Destroyer.
He had indeed been awakened.
But it had been decreed by the Trinity eons ago that it would take 70 years for Abaddon to regain his full strength.
July 16th 2015 Mid-Town Manhattan NYC 7:30 AM (5:30 AM in Los Alamos New Mexico)- a UN diplomat looks out his apartment window and imagines he sees a dark gigantic shadow over the city…
And seems to hear an eerily deep voice that says, “It won’t be the Trinity that’s tested but man…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 16th
2015.
