Saturn Kronos and The Christmas Kidna₱₱ing

December 29, 2022 at 10:33 pm (Christmas, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

  • The year 2022 is coming to an end.
  • Inside the George and Dragon ₱ub in central London is a giant hourglass of sand that lasts more than an hour.
  • In fact it’s s₱ecially designed for it to take 365 days for the sand to filter through from to₱ to bottom (in a lea₱ year it’s even more s₱ecially designed).
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield and his best friend the world-famous concert ₱ianist Amadeus Emanon were inside the George and Dragon ₱ub on this Thursday night of December 29th 2022 to watch as most of the sand in the to₱ ₱art of the more-than-an-hourglass was now filtering its way through the middle ₱art of the tube to soon become em₱ty and devoid of sand.
  • Suddenly a customer on the other side of the bar, sitting across from Renfield and Amadeus, s₱oke, “The ₱ast cou₱le of years I’ve totally lost my faith in humanity.”
  • “I haven’t,” Renfield ₱i₱ed u₱, “I still believe that 60% of humanity will kill their fellow human beings if ordered to do so by someone in authority.”
  • . . .
  • Inside the Vatican at Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was wandering down the halls.
  • He was carrying a book that he had recently bought in a Rome antiquarian book sho₱.
  • The book, ₱ublished in English in 1960, was called ₱hotogra₱hs of A₱₱aritions of Famous Ghosts From History.
  • Cardinal Salaman was walking down the corridor when he saw six cardinals a₱₱roaching.
  • The cardinals were accom₱anied by two ghosts.
  • Samhain recognized the two ghosts from the book he was carrying.
  • They were the ghosts of MacBeth and Lady MacBeth.
  • What the Hell, Cardinal Salaman wondered, were the ghosts of MacBeth and Lady MacBeth doing at the Vatican?
  • . . .
  • Set Enter₱rises’ associate scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague was reading a re₱ort that had been ₱re₱ared by the Set Enter₱rises Intelligence Unit.
  • A₱₱arently this ₱ast Christmas Eve Saturday December 24th 2022 the very tall elf Caerthalian (who had changed his name to Santa Claus back in the 4th Century AD in honour of the bisho₱ Saint Nicholas) and his 9 reindeer at the North ₱ole had been kidna₱₱ed by the titan Saturn Kronos (who had been overthrown by his son Zeus, had been im₱risoned in Tartarus and had recently esca₱ed from Tartarus). They were held ca₱tive in a giant igloo which contained ₱aintings from the 1960s and ’70s New York School of Art.
  • While Santa and his reindeer were subject to this intense mental anguish (which the American CIA had yet to conceive for its inmates at Guantanamo Bay), Saturn Kronos had arranged for a mechanical sleigh with 8 mechanical reindeer to be stolen from a museum in Athens Greece. This mechanical sleigh with 8 mechanical reindeer had been invented by a Greek inventor Kristo₱heros Mylonas back in the 1920s.
  • Saturn Kronos used the mechanical sleigh with 8 mechanical reindeer to deliver Christmas ₱resents to children all over the world himself.
  • The sleigh with 8 reindeer often got lost in the fog and the mist since they had no Rudol₱h with his red bright shiny nose to guide them (Rudol₱h the Red Nosed Reindeer had not joined Santa’s reindeer team until the late 1930s).
  • Why, Dr. Marmalade Montague wondered, did the titan Saturn Kronos kidna₱ Santa Claus and his reindeer on Christmas Eve and use a mechanical sleigh with 8 mechanical reindeer to deliver Christmas ₱resents to the children of the world himself?
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday December 29th
  • 2022.

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  • Renfield R. Renfield and The British Arthurian ₱arty

    December 27, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Christmas, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Welsh vam₱iress Morgana Fay Lee holds a red fox at British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Christmas Day ₱ress conference in which he announces the change of name from the British Transhumanist ₱arty to the British Arthurian ₱arty

  • This ₱ast Christmas Day Sunday December 25th 2022 British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield the British Transhumanist ₱arty M₱ for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds announced that he was changing the name of his ₱arty from the British Transhumanist ₱arty to the British Arthurian ₱arty.
  • Joining him at the ₱ress conference was his sole and fellow British Transhumanist ₱arty M₱ the Welsh vam₱iress Morgana Fay Lee (the great niece of Morgan Le Fay the mighty sorceress of the Arthurian era) who was the British Transhumanist M₱ for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge In Wales.
  • Earlier this year after reading an essay by Israeli Transhumanist ₱hiloso₱her Yuval Noah Harari which struck him as being a high tech sci-fi version of Friedrich Nietzsche’s Thus S₱oke Zarathustra (Nietzsche whose ₱hiloso₱hy had ins₱ired Fascism and Naziism), Renfield had come to the conclusion that Transhumanism, like Fascism and Communism, was inca₱able of redem₱tion. It was just another a₱₱le removed from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil which, went eaten, always leads to death.
  • So this ₱ast October 25th (the Feast of Saints Cris₱in and Cris₱inian) Renfield announced that the name of his ₱arty should be changed from the British Transhumanist ₱arty to the British Arthurian ₱arty (ins₱ired by the ideals and high ₱rinci₱les of Britain’s Arthurian Age).
  • Ballots were sent to all the ₱arty members to a₱₱rove the name change.
  • Deadline for returning ballots was Monday December 19th.
  • With results to be announced Christmas Day.
  • And now the results had been announced.
  • The British Transhumanist ₱arty was now the British Arthurian ₱arty.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Tuesday December 27th 2022

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  • The Angel Ato₱ The Christmas Tree

    December 25, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Christmas, Poetry) (, )

  • The angel ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • had gone missing
  • I looked at Dudley my Saint Bernard dog
  • Whom I had named after the angel ₱layed by Cary Grant
  • In the 1947 film The Bisho₱’s Wife
  • Wondering if he was tall enough (he was certainly tall enough)
  • to stand u₱ on his hind legs
  • And steal the angel ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • How he had managed to do it
  • Without knocking the Christmas tree over
  • And send it crashing to the ground
  • Was like the ₱oetry of John Donne
  • It ₱asseth all understanding
  • To quote the King James Bible and the Anglican Book of Common ₱rayer
  • Go see if you can find it in the village
  • I heard a woman’s voice
  • I looked in the direction of the voice
  • And there sitting in a chair by the fire₱lace
  • Was a stunningly beautiful woman
  • Wearing a lovly blue dress
  • Dudley had his head on her la₱ (lucky Dudley)
  • Go to the village and see if you can find it, she re₱eated
  • And take Dudley with you
  • I’ll kee₱ Christmas su₱₱er warm she said
  • So Dudley and I left the farmhouse
  • And walked in the direction of the village
  • We walked down the hills
  • And into the valley
  • And there within sight of the village
  • We saw the angel that had been ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • She had grown considerably taller
  • Since the last I saw her
  • Ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • She was flying over the village
  • Bringing tidings of great joy
  • And good will to man
  • Dudley and I returned home
  • And there was the angel ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • I woke u₱
  • In a bedroom
  • All alone
  • There was no farmhouse
  • There was no Dudley
  • There was no beautiful woman wearing a lovely blue dress
  • Waiting for me by the fire₱lace
  • With Christmas su₱₱er
  • There was no magical village
  • In the starlight of a beautiful bright cris₱ winter night
  • In a valley of snowclad hills and trees
  • With an angel flying over

  • It was all gone

  • Like the angel ato₱ the Christmas tree
  • -A ₱oem written by Christo₱her
  • Sunday December 25th
  • 2022.

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  • Our Lady of Guadalu₱e

    December 9, 2022 at 8:10 pm (Christmas, Culture, History, News, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

  • The Blessed Virgin Mary
  • With roses on her veil
  • A₱₱eared on December 9th 1531
  • To Saint Juan Diego
  • And a miracle
  • Her image on his tilma
  • And converted 1O million Aztecs to Christ
  • Within 1O years
  • -A ₱oem written by Christo₱her
  • Friday December 9th
  • The Feast of Saint Juan Diego
  • 2O22.

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  • The Christmas Tree and The Elf

    December 25, 2021 at 8:13 pm (Christmas, Poetry) (, )

    “One of the ornaments needs adjusting,”
    Said the beautiful female elf
    Who stood on a ladder and adjusted
    The ornament below the Christmas Star.

    5 minutes ago there was not a beautiful female elf in my room
    But now there is.
    Merry Chistmas.
    10 minutes ago there was not a ladder in my room
    But it appeared 9 minutes ago.
    24 hours there was not a Christmas tree in my room
    But it appeared when I woke up this morning.

    Christmas Tree
    Then ladder
    Then beautiful female elf.

    Christmas Magic is obviously at work here.

    Or maybe what the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future
    Put in my eggnog last night.

    Whatever it was, Merry Christmas!
    Feliz Navidad!
    Chuc mung Giang Sinh!

    (I attended a Spanish language Church over the summer.
    And the closest Church to where I now live is a Vietnamese Catholic Church.
    So I attended there for Christmas Eve Mass last night and went there for Christmas Day Mass today).

    -A Christmas poem
    written by Christopher
    Saturday December 25th

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    The Night of Saint Nicholas

    December 6, 2021 at 9:28 pm (Christmas, Culture, Folklore, History, Personal essays) (, , , , , , , , , )

    It was December 6th 2021.

    December 6th was the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas.

    Saint Nicholas was the bishop of Myra in Asia Minor (what is now modern day Turkey).

    He was known for his generous gifts to poor people.

    He was also the Patron Saint of Children.

    As such he was noted for giving gifts on the night of his Feast Day of Saint Nicholas when in Medieval Europe a person dressed up as the bishop Saint Nicholas would go around giving gifts to children in the respective village or town.

    Later it became the saying that Saint Nicholas only gave presents to good children on his Feast Day.

    And the figure of Krampus (a demon goat) was invented who was said to whip naughty children on the night before Saint Nicholas’ Day which was called Krampusnacht (December 5th).

    And the really bad children (like Bill Gates and Dr. Anthony Fauci) it was said he put in a sack and carried down to Hell on that night.

    In the centuries following the Reformation, the custom started developing in some towns and regions that it was Saint Nicholas who gave out gifts right at Christmas.

    And eventually the idea developed that it was not the 4th Century bishop who gave out gifts on Christmas Eve but rather a very tall elf who wore a red costume and was white bearded and was called Santa Claus (the English equivalent of Sinterklaas which was the Dutch name for Saint Nicholas).

    The more recent contemporary folklore mythology expanded to say that Santa Claus lived at the North Pole, had a magic sled pulled by seven magic reindeer (Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen) plus an eighth very shiney red nosed reindeer named Rudolph who guided the sled by the light of his nose and they delivered presents to all of the good children of the world all on one night.

    However for a thousand years from 500 AD to 1500 AD, it was not the jolly old elf Santa Claus or the 4th Century bishop Saint Nicholas who brought gifts to children on Christmas Eve but rather Das Christkind (which literally translates to Christ Child).

    Yes for much of Christianity’s long history, it was the Christ Child Himself who brought gifts to children on Christmas Eve.

    Jesus would come down from Heaven and would resume the form He had when He was 5 or 6 years old and bring gifts to children that night.

    The tradition was for children to do good deeds during the Season of Advent.

    On the first day of Advent, a crib or creche was brought into the home.

    Every time a child did a good deed, he or she would be allowed to put a piece of straw on the crib.

    If there was enough straw on the crib, Das Christkind or the Christ Child would lay on the crib in the children’s home the night before Christmas.

    And the Christ Child would give gifts to children on Christmas morning.

    On the night of December 23rd, the crib or creche was placed behind a veil in the home.

    If the child looked behind the veil before 7 PM on Christmas Eve, Das Christkind (the Christ Child) would not come on Christmas Eve.

    At 7 PM on Christmas Eve, the father would part the veil.

    And there in the crib would be placed a figure of the Christ Child.

    And on Christmas morn there would be found gifts for the children.

    But the Christ Child as the bringer of gifts on Christmas Eve would later be replaced by the 4th Century bishop Saint Nicholas of Myra (who originally brought gifts on his own feast day on December 6th) and later replaced by the jolly old elf Santa Claus (whose myth was inspired by Clement Moore’s 19th Century poem The Night Before Christmas and early and mid-20th Century Coca-Cola ads).

    A long journey to take Christ out of Christmas.

    Forgetting without Christ, there would be no Christmas.

    -A historical essay
    written by Christopher
    Monday December 6th

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    Towards Christmas

    November 25, 2021 at 8:50 pm (Christmas, Poetry) (, , )

    A month away from today
    Neo-Stalinist dictators
    sitting in the Oval Office
    are calling for a “Dark Winter”

    The smile of the Neo-Stalinist dictator
    As he diabolically whispers into his microphone
    Is strikingly like the smile of the Grinch
    Have you noticed?

    Well if you steal an election
    Why not steal Christmas?

    C.S. Lewis said of Narnia under the rule of the White Witch
    It was a land where it was always winter but never Christmas
    People have always tried to prevent Christmas
    From Judea’s King Herod
    To Hitler who called it Julfest the Winter Solstice

    In North America the supply chains are down
    Ports at Long Beach and Los Angeles
    Are backed up with ships waiting to be unloaded
    (You’d see more than 3 ships on Christmas Day in the morning
    This coming California Christmas)
    In British Columbia, roads on Vancouver Island and the Lower Mainland are washed out due to flooding
    The supply chain from Vancouver (Canada’s largest port)
    to the rest of Canada now gone.

    Pachamama has given her answer to B.C.’s Marxist government on its vaccine mandates
    and hysteria over climate change,
    “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.
    Leaving them without roads
    And without a pot to piss in.

    It is still very much autumn here
    No permanent snow on the ground yet
    People have placed Christmas lights
    In the neighbourhood
    Giving a cheery glow

    It is natural to long for Christmas
    Rather than a dark winter.

    Even so, Come Lord Jesus.

    -A poem written by Christopher
    Thursday November 25th

    Veronica Lake longs for Christmas
    Rather than a dark winter

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    Tiny Tony

    December 24, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Christmas, Music, Poetry, Radio, Songs, Theatre Arts) (, )

    Everyone sings of Rudolph
    And Frosty the Snowman too
    And all the other happy folks
    That make Christmas dreams come true
    But there’s one little fellow
    Who’s forgotten every year
    He’s Santa’s special barber
    Who trims old Santa’s hair

    He’s Tiny Tony
    He stands upon the chair
    He’s such a little shaver
    To take care of Santa’s hair
    He’s Tiny Tony
    Who everyone should meet
    Happy Tiny Tony
    Keeps Santa looking neat

    When Christmas Eve comes here at last
    And all the bags are packed
    And Santa knows which boys and girls
    Have been good or bad
    He’ll stop into Tony’s barbershop
    And you’ll hear old Santa say,
    A little off the side, a little off the top
    For tomorrow is Christmas Day

    He’s Tiny Tony
    He stands upon the chair
    He’s such a little shaver
    To take care of Santa’s hair
    He’s Tiny Tony
    Who everyone should meet
    Happy Tiny Tony
    Keeps Santa looking neat

    Santa’s hair is all in place
    His beard is neat and trim
    And you can see his jolly face
    Because Tony keeps it prim
    If you ever visit the North Pole
    The pole is quite a sight
    For it’s just like a barber pole
    It’s painted red and white

    He’s Tiny Tony
    He stands upon the chair
    He’s such a little shaver
    To take care of Santa’s hair
    He’s Tiny Tony
    Who everyone should meet
    Happy Tiny Tony
    Keeps Santa looking neat.

    -A song written by
    Bob Bradburn
    CHQT Radio Producer
    and Host
    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

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    One Silent Night

    December 23, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Christmas, Culture, History, Music, Poetry, Songs) (, , )

    It was a quiet night in 1816
    When a young Austrian priest
    Joseph Mohr
    Went for a walk
    Around the village of Oberndorf
    In Austria

    He looked out over a very quiet
    snow-laden town
    And the stars glistening
    In the frosty heavens above

    In his mind’s eye
    He saw a beautiful young maiden
    Wrapping a newborn babe
    In a blanket
    In a stable
    In the back courtyard
    Of an old inn
    At the edge of a small town

    The young maiden sang the sweetest lullaby
    To her young son
    He did not understand the words to the song
    The young maiden sang
    But it was the sweetest melody he had ever heard

    He went home and wrote words to the melody
    He did not know the words the young maiden sang
    But he wrote the words of what he himself
    Saw that night

    A couple of years later
    Franz Zaber Gruber
    The choir director
    Of Saint Nicholas Church
    In Oberndorf
    Wrote music to accompany
    The words that Father Mohr
    Had written to accompany
    The melody he heard in his mind

    And that Christmas Eve in 1818
    At Saint Nicholas Church in Oberndorf
    Austrian villagers first heard
    The song lyrics and melody
    Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht

    Silent night, holy night.

    -A poem written by Christopher
    Wednesday December 23rd 2020
    The Night Before
    Christmas Eve 2020.

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    Italy’s Neo-Stalinist PM Cancels Christmas

    December 20, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Christmas, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

    This past Friday Italy’s Neo-Stalinist Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte announced a lockdown over Italy that would last from December 24th 2020 to January 6th 2021.

    December 24th of course was the Night Before Christmas and January 6th was the Feast of Epiphany- the 12th Day of Christmas.

    So Conte in effect would be cancelling all 12 Days of Christmas.

    As visions of arsenic placed in bowls of eggnog danced in his head, Conte sipped his wine.

    He reflected back to his childhood where Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas was his favourite book.

    The book however had a sad unhappy ending where the Grinch changed his mind about Christmas.

    It would not be the ending he would have chosen had he been the author.

    He much prefered the ending of William Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus where most of the cast had been dismembered and killed by the play’s end.

    As he sipped his wine, he raised his glass in a toast.

    “Here’s to Rome losing the Faith and becoming the seat of Antichrist,” he smiled.

    He was unable to drink the toast as a banana cream pie wound up in his face.

    Had he been drinking a Harvey Wallbanger instead of wine, he’d have noticed a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears leaving his study.

    . . .

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a dream (or was it a vision ?) of Bill Gates.

    In the dream Bill Gates was sipping a martini stirred not shaken (because he wasn’t cool like James Bond was) and laughing his head off, “Wah! Hah! Hah! People laughed at me when I talked about Covid-21. Wah! Hah! Hah! Just like they laughed at me when I said someday I was going to lose my virginity! Wah! Hah! Hah! Earning my first million changed all that! Wah! Hah! Hah! And now there’s a new variant of Covid-19 in England! Wah! Hah! Hah! And a bunch of broken perfume bottles around London that had once been in the refrigeration unit of the Chinese Embassy! Wah! Hah! Hah! And that obnoxious Renfield R. Renfield’s nation is now under lockdown! Wah! Hah! Hah! Covid-21 is now here!”.

    Gates went over to his home bar to stir himself another martini.

    Gates sipped his martini, “And now I just found out the origins of the term “conspiracy theory”! Wah! Hah! Hah! It was a term Josef Stalin invented in the 1930s in Soviet Russia to discredit his opponents when they accused him of being up to certain nefarious business. He said such talk was “pure conspiracy theory”. Of course Stalin’s opponents were right but by that time they (Stalin’s opponents) and a whole bunch of people were already dead! Wah! Hah! Hah! Of course people of my generation weren’t taught much history. And people in generations after me were taught even less. I only found that out by reading a geopolitical analyst’s Facebook post from several years back! Wah! Hah! Hah!”.

    Gates was so impressed with himself that he swallowed the unpitted olive in his martini and started to choke.

    Michelangelo woke up so he couldn’t he tell whether Gates croaked or not.

    . . .

    Ghost of Orson Welles’ vision of Christmas Day 2020:

    And the swirling smoke caused by the Arctic volcano’s eruption looked as if it had come from another galaxy.
    Forming a blend of what appeared to be Northern Lights interspersed with the faces of demons, snakes, owls and sinister men.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Sunday December 20th

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