Tiny Tony

December 24, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Christmas, Music, Poetry, Radio, Songs, Theatre Arts) (, )

Everyone sings of Rudolph
And Frosty the Snowman too
And all the other happy folks
That make Christmas dreams come true
But there’s one little fellow
Who’s forgotten every year
He’s Santa’s special barber
Who trims old Santa’s hair

He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat

When Christmas Eve comes here at last
And all the bags are packed
And Santa knows which boys and girls
Have been good or bad
He’ll stop into Tony’s barbershop
And you’ll hear old Santa say,
A little off the side, a little off the top
For tomorrow is Christmas Day

He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat

Santa’s hair is all in place
His beard is neat and trim
And you can see his jolly face
Because Tony keeps it prim
If you ever visit the North Pole
The pole is quite a sight
For it’s just like a barber pole
It’s painted red and white

He’s Tiny Tony
He stands upon the chair
He’s such a little shaver
To take care of Santa’s hair
He’s Tiny Tony
Who everyone should meet
Happy Tiny Tony
Keeps Santa looking neat.

-A song written by
Bob Bradburn
CHQT Radio Producer
and Host
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
1967.

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One Silent Night

December 23, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Christmas, Culture, History, Music, Poetry, Songs) (, , )

It was a quiet night in 1816
When a young Austrian priest
Joseph Mohr
Went for a walk
Around the village of Oberndorf
In Austria

He looked out over a very quiet
snow-laden town
And the stars glistening
In the frosty heavens above

In his mind’s eye
He saw a beautiful young maiden
Wrapping a newborn babe
In a blanket
In a stable
In the back courtyard
Of an old inn
At the edge of a small town

The young maiden sang the sweetest lullaby
To her young son
He did not understand the words to the song
The young maiden sang
But it was the sweetest melody he had ever heard

He went home and wrote words to the melody
He did not know the words the young maiden sang
But he wrote the words of what he himself
Saw that night

A couple of years later
Franz Zaber Gruber
The choir director
Of Saint Nicholas Church
In Oberndorf
Wrote music to accompany
The words that Father Mohr
Had written to accompany
The melody he heard in his mind

And that Christmas Eve in 1818
At Saint Nicholas Church in Oberndorf
Austrian villagers first heard
The song lyrics and melody
To
Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht

Silent night, holy night.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday December 23rd 2020
The Night Before
Christmas Eve 2020.

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Italy’s Neo-Stalinist PM Cancels Christmas

December 20, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Christmas, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

This past Friday Italy’s Neo-Stalinist Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte announced a lockdown over Italy that would last from December 24th 2020 to January 6th 2021.

December 24th of course was the Night Before Christmas and January 6th was the Feast of Epiphany- the 12th Day of Christmas.

So Conte in effect would be cancelling all 12 Days of Christmas.

As visions of arsenic placed in bowls of eggnog danced in his head, Conte sipped his wine.

He reflected back to his childhood where Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas was his favourite book.

The book however had a sad unhappy ending where the Grinch changed his mind about Christmas.

It would not be the ending he would have chosen had he been the author.

He much prefered the ending of William Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus where most of the cast had been dismembered and killed by the play’s end.

As he sipped his wine, he raised his glass in a toast.

“Here’s to Rome losing the Faith and becoming the seat of Antichrist,” he smiled.

He was unable to drink the toast as a banana cream pie wound up in his face.

Had he been drinking a Harvey Wallbanger instead of wine, he’d have noticed a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears leaving his study.

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a dream (or was it a vision ?) of Bill Gates.

In the dream Bill Gates was sipping a martini stirred not shaken (because he wasn’t cool like James Bond was) and laughing his head off, “Wah! Hah! Hah! People laughed at me when I talked about Covid-21. Wah! Hah! Hah! Just like they laughed at me when I said someday I was going to lose my virginity! Wah! Hah! Hah! Earning my first million changed all that! Wah! Hah! Hah! And now there’s a new variant of Covid-19 in England! Wah! Hah! Hah! And a bunch of broken perfume bottles around London that had once been in the refrigeration unit of the Chinese Embassy! Wah! Hah! Hah! And that obnoxious Renfield R. Renfield’s nation is now under lockdown! Wah! Hah! Hah! Covid-21 is now here!”.

Gates went over to his home bar to stir himself another martini.

Gates sipped his martini, “And now I just found out the origins of the term “conspiracy theory”! Wah! Hah! Hah! It was a term Josef Stalin invented in the 1930s in Soviet Russia to discredit his opponents when they accused him of being up to certain nefarious business. He said such talk was “pure conspiracy theory”. Of course Stalin’s opponents were right but by that time they (Stalin’s opponents) and a whole bunch of people were already dead! Wah! Hah! Hah! Of course people of my generation weren’t taught much history. And people in generations after me were taught even less. I only found that out by reading a geopolitical analyst’s Facebook post from several years back! Wah! Hah! Hah!”.

Gates was so impressed with himself that he swallowed the unpitted olive in his martini and started to choke.

Michelangelo woke up so he couldn’t he tell whether Gates croaked or not.

. . .

Ghost of Orson Welles’ vision of Christmas Day 2020:


And the swirling smoke caused by the Arctic volcano’s eruption looked as if it had come from another galaxy.
Forming a blend of what appeared to be Northern Lights interspersed with the faces of demons, snakes, owls and sinister men.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 20th
2020.

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Footballers, Shepherds and Wise Men

December 23, 2019 at 11:11 pm (Christmas, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

Footballers, Shepherds and Wise Men

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was walking with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the streets of London two nights before Christmas Day.

“So,” Amadeus remarked to Renfield, “Did you hear that Pope Francis recently met with a group of footballers (called soccer players in Canada and the U.S.) and asked them, “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than make the Sign of the Cross while playing the game?”.

“No doubt,” Renfield sipped his hot chocolate, “the demonic spirit guides who serve as advisors to Pope Francis get frightened off if they’re watching a football game and they see some players making the Sign of The Cross.”

“I suppose that’s it,” Amadeus put a £10 donation in a Salvation Army glass Christmas kettle.

“I’m sure,” Renfield made the same amount donation into the glass Christmas kettle, “that Pope Francis’ demonic spirit guides are never bothered by seeing anyone make the Sign of The Cross around Pope Francis’ papal apartments.”

“That’s probably true,” Amadeus nodded.

“Look, there’s an outdoor Christmas Nativity scene next to that church up ahead,” Angelique Dumont pointed.

The trio headed to the Nativity scene.

In the stable, one could see the figures of the Virgin Mary, Saint Joseph and the Baby Jesus.

Outside the stable were a group of shepherds kneeling.

Approaching a few feet away were the figures of the Wise Men riding their camels.

And just behind the fence of the Nativity scene were real live donkeys that members of the public could pet.

“Hello, little donkey,” Amadeus patted a donkey’s nose.

The donkey brayed contentedly.

“You always seem to get along well with animals,” Renfield noted.

Another donkey ate the flower in Renfield’s coat lapel.

“Well, at least he likes your flowers, Renfield,” Angelique laughed.

“It’s good that I’m appreciated in some fashion,” Renfield had to admit.

The trio headed off down the street as stars sparkled in the night sky.

Carrying a distant reminder of the night sky in Bethlehem many many years ago.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday December 23rd
2019.

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Christmas Sweater

December 22, 2019 at 11:31 pm (Christmas, Culture, Folklore, Humour, Poetry) (, , )

Christmas Sweater

And so one might ask, who and what did Santa Claus ride
Back in the day of the dinosaurs’ stride?
And now thanks to Christmas sweaters, it can be revealed 
You can wear the sweater while, on the topic, keeping your lips sealed.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday December 22nd
2019.

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Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear

December 15, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Blogroll, Celebrities, Children's Story, Christmas, Comedy, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear

Amadeus Emanon had been invited to sing an original song for the Christmas concert at Saint Genevieve’s Church which he attended.

“Do you know what he’s going to sing?” Angelique Dumont asked Amadeus’ friend Renfield R. Renfield as they sat in the pews.

“No, I don’t,” Renfield replied.

Amadeus began his introduction to the song, “When I’ve been out walking in my neighbourhood in the evening for the past couple of weeks to look at the Christmas lights, one of the houses I’ve noticed has a sparkling Frosty the Snowman lit up with some sparkling snow flakes. Next to Frosty is a teddy bear that’s carrying a large nicely wrapped Christmas present. It too is lit up. So I’ve written a song about Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear.”

Amadeus began his song,

“Frosty Snowman, Frosty Snowman,
he is cooler than a ceiling fan,
he’s made of snow
from head to toe 
and his carrot nose 
has that certain glow.

With buttons for eyes
that hypnotize 
his charcoal mouth has never tasted fries 
He wears a scarf and several school ties 
He smokes a pipe under moonlit skies.

As for Teddy, he’s always ready 
to help you bear the unbearable 
And though you think his Christmas sweater is unwearable 
He wears it just the same
His excuse may be lame
And his pic won’t adorn a frame 
But being unique is his game.

He holds a gift nicely wrapped
He looks so fresh having recently napped 
He waves hello
With places to go
He’ll wave good-bye
But please don’t cry 
He will be back 
carrying Santa’s sack.

Frosty Snowman, Teddy Bear
As you see, they’ve got real flair 
Come Christmas Eve, you’ll see they care
And please hang your stockings by the chimney somewhere
And please don’t mock Santa’s extra large suit he’ll wear
For he ate too much Mrs. Claus’ cookies on a dare.

-A song, poem and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 15th
2019.

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Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

December 24, 2017 at 10:21 pm (Christmas, Entertainment, Folklore, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

Amadeus Emanon was spending Christmas Eve walking through London’s Hyde Park.

He’d be attending Midnight Mass at an Anglo-Catholic Church of England parish later in the evening.

His friend Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP was spending Christmas Eve in his bedroom with the doors locked.

Renfield had seen a live stage performance of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol earlier in the evening and was now terribly afraid that like Scrooge, he’d be visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

Athelstan the butler and valet on the Set Estate would be spending Christmas with his mother in northern England where no doubt most of his time would be spent getting his mother out of drunken brawls arguing over who would win the FIFA World Cup in Russia next year.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (owner of the Set Estate) would be spending his time over the next few days hibernating in his sarcophagus until all the Christmas cheer died down.

Amadeus sat down on a park bench and looked at the snow and the decorative lights on some of the trees.

Suddenly from behind one of the trees a unicorn appeared.

Snow white in its appearance, it walked with its glistening horn towards Amadeus and bowed.

It then went on its way and seemed to vanish into the night.

After its appearance, a musical melody entered Amadeus’ head.

Taking out a notebook 📓 (a real old fashioned notebook and not an iPad) and a pen, Amadeus wrote down the notes to the melody.

No doubt seeing a unicorn on Christmas Eve conveys an important message, Amadeus felt.

Meanwhile back on the Set Estate, Renfield R. Renfield hid under his bedroom blankets and covers when he heard the old grandfather clock in the hall chime 11 PM.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 24th
2017.

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Amadeus and Renfield On Feast of Stephen

December 26, 2015 at 7:41 pm (Christmas, Culture, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Amadeus and Renfield On Feast of Stephen

Amadeus Emanon had not touched his breakfast of a dozen egg omelette, 12 pancakes with maple syrup and a large helping of hash browns smothered in gravy.

Renfield sensed that something must be wrong.

“What is it, Amadeus?” Renfield happily munched away on his own breakfast of steak and eggs.

“Well, I’ve been listening to that radio station that’s been playing Christmas songs the past few weeks and it played Christmas songs all day yesterday and then at exactly 12:01 AM today, it stopped playing Christmas songs. I was kind of hoping they’d play Christmas songs a while longer. After all there’s supposed to be 12 days of Christmas aren’t there?” Amadeus inquired.

“Well,” Renfield reached for his bottle of whiskey and took a huge sip, “do you know what date this is, Amadeus?”.

“December 26th,” Amadeus replied.

“Exactly,” Renfield belched, “Boxing Day. After all, people find it more important to save huge bundles of money on clothing and electronics than they do celebrating that God became human and became one with His own creation. And that’s what Boxing Day is all about, Amadeus Emanon.”

And that was Renfield’s 21st Century Linus to Amadeus’ 21st Century Charlie Brown.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 26th
2015.

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Broken Toys: A Poem

December 13, 2015 at 8:37 pm (Christmas, Life, Poetry) (, , )

Broken Toys: A Poem

Broken toys on the floor
broken hearts at the table
A Christmas tree bare
Santa asphyxiated crawling down the chimney
dog dead from eating poisoned cookies on table by fireplace
cat dead from drinking poisoned milk by chair
flying reindeer on roof slain by NRA supporter mistaking them for Mexican immigrants
Grandma dead in the snow from hypothermia
Nobody answered the doorbell
All the family was in bed
Visions of Valium dancing in their head
So a Merry Christmas to all-
and to all- a good night!

-A dark Christmas poem
written by Christopher
Sunday December 13th
2015.

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The Christmas Tree: A Poem

December 11, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Christmas, Life, Poetry) (, )

The Christmas Tree: A Poem

This is the place where dreams come true
This is the time to say “Love you”
Those branches fair
hung with special care
angels and candy cane
socks on chimney lain
This is the night
where shines the light
that shatters winter darkness blues
to mark where angels sang Joyous news
“He is Come! He is come!”
so ‘midst fairy and sugarplum
That neverending story begun
at Bethlehem long ago
lifts us up ‘midst winter snow.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday December 11th
2015.

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