Dracul Van Helsing

Enduroman: A Poem

September 6, 2016 at 4:05 pm (books, Comic Books, Culture, Humour, Poetry, Science-Fiction) (Alberta, Calgary, Calgary Tower, Enduroman, poem, Super Heroes, The City of Calgary)

Enduroman: A Poem

(written for my friend Stephen R. creator of the great comic book hero Enduroman)

Spider-Man and Superman all come to a crawl
and feel like they’ve hit the proverbial brick wall
when they come against the mighty Enduroman
who’s sometimes shirtless to pick up a cosmic tan

His real name is Matt Larson
he’s no axe-wielding Johnny Carson
his feats of strength and endurance will leave you amazed
but you’ll live unlike a Swiss villa at the End of Days

In C.I.O. * Headquarters beneath the Calgary Tower
he was zapped with Neuma Energy’s power
He was a shirtless early riser to the task
he was zapped while the Prof enjoyed a flask
and while Turnbull enjoyed his whisky and gin
Matt’s DNA was altered beyond that of the Man of Sin.

To Prof Turnbull’s surprise
emerged from the chamber before his very eyes
and while Mustard Seed clients ended up a fried flash in the pan
Matt Larson survived to become Enduroman.

And when the UFO Alien Hordes attacked the Earth
while Amelia Edwards pondered the circumstances that led to birth
the alien hordes destroyed everything in Earth’s Midnight Hour
The only thing that survived was the Calgary Tower.

Enduroman endured, Matt Larson survived
minus Dale Carnegie’s chapter on honey from the bee hive
But since the Public Library was now gone
his fine would not amount to an arm and a song

Enduroman was as mad as Hell
and while looking for a new planet to dwell
he encountered an archon from the Council of Nine
The Supreme Council of the Universe- so puffed up and fine
and what was the name of this pompous seemingly friendly archon?
Tremble ye mortals and shake at the name- for it is Zargon.

Zargon sent Enduroman off to complete many a task
and then teleported elsewhere to sit on his ass
he sent the Enduroman to search for the Five Pieces of the Pyramid of Power
although Matt occasionally took a coffee break in the Calgary Tower.

Supremacy, Dagon, Vulcanus and Gorkon the Enduroman fought
while Zargon sat and smoked the best of cosmic pot.

The Five Pieces of the Pyramid of Power were then gathered
and the prism that was Prison Planet for earthlings was eventually scattered
Amelia Edwards did survive
like honey from cosmic bee hive
Matt Larson took a lick and much more
he got to the bottom of this Eve’s apple core.

Amelia Edwards had been waiting for a millennium to up and come
and Matt was more than happy to beat the drum
He relubricated her plumbing inside and out
and being Enduroman he did not succumb to gout.

But word reached Zargon of Matt’s great new piece of tail
and the old archon felt like a tired beached whale
He’d send Matt to avenge the alien hordes’ destruction of the Blue Planet Earth
and give Amelia his own lessons in what sets in motion the circumstances of birth

Now Hogarthe was the mastermind behind the alien horde
Destroying planets was what he did when he got bored
Hogarthe- yes that’s Hogarth with an “e”
No cartoonist comic strip artist was he
rather an Apollyon Abaddon style destroyer he wanted to be

So Hogarthe went in search of Unix
Formula
while Matt served as Amelia’s horned cornucopia
how does this tale end you may well ask
as Matt and Amelia enjoy their great piece of ass
well write Marvel or DC to publish Stephen R.’s great comic book
and these questions that plague you will be let off the hook.

–A poem written by Christopher
Saturday September 3rd 2016
inspired by Stephen R.’s
great but unpublished
comic book
Enduroman.

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