A Morning With Renfield and Amadeus

November 15, 2017 at 4:04 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

A Morning With Renfield and Amadeus

Amadeus Emanon was sitting at the table in the kitchen of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

He was watching a BBC news clip on his Samsung Galaxy tablet.

The clip was an excerpt from a speech that his friend Renfield R. Renfield MP had delivered in the House of Commons yesterday.

In the clip, Renfield said, “The reason George H.W. Bush Sr. said “Read my lips” is he was trying to distract people from watching where he was putting his hands.”

Renfield came into the kitchen for breakfast 🍳 and Amadeus promptly switched off his Samsung Galaxy.

“A friend of ours from Western Canada emailed me a photo of Calgary this morning,” said Amadeus, “I noticed a lot of hoar frost around in the picture.”

“Are you talking about what gleams off trees 🌲 in the winter ❄️ or a surplus of prostitutes with an icy disposition?” Renfield asked.

And so the conversation went on in a similar vein over the munching of toast with marmalade and bacon 🥓 and eggs 🍳.

Amadeus put the radio on to listen to BBC World News.

At that moment from his aquarium in the Set Enterprises laboratories, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster psychically transmitted via his lobster antennae an extraterrestrial UFO radio news broadcast done over Planet Earth thousands of years ago.

The broadcast was picked up on the kitchen’s antique vintage 1930s RCA radio.

Intoned the ET radio news announcer via Michelangelo’s simultaneous English language translation, “Pride Parades in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah came to a sudden and abrupt halt earlier today when fire and brimstone fell from the sky disintegrating both cities…”

And such was a typical morning breakfast in the life of Renfield and Amadeus.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 15th
2017.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Alberta Secular Socialist Taliban

November 6, 2017 at 5:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Secular Socialist Taliban

The Himalayan golden cobra serpent who called himself Maitreya shapeshifted into a Tibetan Buddhist monk and took a guided tour of the Vatican.

Meanwhile at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a cabinet meeting in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada involving Alberta’s New Democratic Party Premier Rachel Notley and her cabinet.

The group of quasi-Marxists who governed Alberta were planning to bring in legislation that would outlaw Alberta’s Catholic School System from teaching Catholicism and the Bible in Catholic Schools.

As the Cyndi Lauper song True Colors played on the intercom throughout Set Enterprises Laboratories, Michelangelo could see Rachel Notley having her hair parted in Adolf Hitler like fashion.

She also had grown an Adolf Hitler like moustache under her nose.

“Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is a true example of a practicing Catholic,” Der Female Fuehrer Rachel Notley prejudicially announced as she began her cabinet meeting.

“I have to wholeheartedly agree,” agreed Alberta Education Minister David Eggen who had gone from blondish bookish looking nerd with glasses 👓 to looking like the spitting image of Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels in Michelangelo’s vision.

“We must also outlaw adult only apartment buildings in the province,” mooed a female member of Notley’s cabinet who had obviously never heard of the words Weight Watchers in her entire life.

“Agreed,” Eggen chortled, “the greatest threat to any totalitarian society like that which we’re planning for this province is having writers and artists with a free mind being allowed to create and express themselves openly. Usually such individuals like peace and quiet and don’t like to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats. We’ll make sure they have nowhere to hide. They’ll be forced to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats if they can’t afford to live in a house. Since we’re going to eliminate adults only apartment buildings.”

Notley chortled like the cronish form of the Greek goddess Hecate in heat, “It’s such a delight living in a dictatorship. Provided of course you’re one of the dictatorial elite.”

Her cabinet bellowed and mooed in agreement.

“I declare this meeting adjourned,”
Notley banged her gavel.

The female members of the cabinet rushed to a Lesbian All-Star Wrestling 🤼‍♀️ Show being held in town while the male members departed to a gay sauna.

Michelangelo’s vision ended with a new music group who called themselves George Orwell’s Animal Farm singing those old Gordon Lightfoot song lyrics, “Alberta bound, Alberta bound, It’s good to be Alberta bound…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 6th
2017.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

November 2, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP had had a busy day.

He discussed Brexit with British Prime Minister Theresa May.

He discussed the Spanish crisis with British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

He discussed with Opposition Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn a private member’s bill to get the government to build safer low cost Community Housing in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire tragedy.

He welcomed into his office a marble bust of Sir Winston Churchill that he had commissioned as he had decided that Churchill was the British politician he most wanted to emulate.

He had a phone conversation with German Chancellor Angela Merkel in which he said that it would be best for NATO if they booted the Turkey of despotic would be Ottoman Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan out of the Alliance saying it was not a good thing to have a “demagogic despotic radical Islamist wolf learning NATO’s secrets.”

He received a confidential email from Russian President Vladimir Putin in which the Russian leader invited the possible future Prime Minister to be his puppet.

Renfield in his response told Putin to go blyad himself as “I’m no Donald Trump.”

And speaking of Donald Trump, Renfield went down to the Set Enterprises laboratory to consult with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to see what Donald Trump was up to today.

Michelangelo used his visualization technique and then transmitted the images and sounds via his psychic lobster antennae to Renfield’s iPad tablet.

Donald Trump stood in front of a large mirror and proclaimed to his image, “You are a god, Donald, and not a mere mortal. What other person on the face of the earth can force NFL players to bend the knee with the Imperial decree of a mere Twitter tweet?”.

Michelangelo then received a vision from the future – the year 2020- showing a Donald Trump Re-Election commercial.

The imagery of the commercial showed dozens of NFL players on their knees in front of their respective benches as the TV commercial’s announcer solemnly intoned, “At the name of Donald every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Donald Trump is Lord.”

Well, Renfield thought to himself, I should upload Michelangelo’s visions to social media. That will be one surefire way of getting NFL players to stand for the U.S. National Anthem in the future.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 2nd
2017.

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90 Winters: A Poem

October 27, 2017 at 5:12 pm (Biographical, Commentary, History, Life, Obituaries, Personal essays, Poetry) (, , , )

90 Winters: A Poem

The Medicine Man Chief of the Blackfoot Nation smoked his pipe
and looked out across the distant prairies at the distant hills
He then began his tale,
90 winters ago
Gitche Manitou sent a wise soul into this world
The same month that talking motion pictures were born
Al Jolson had said, “Wait a minute… you ain’t heard nothing yet”
A few weeks later a baby uttered his first cries under the vast blue dome of an Alberta prairie sky
A child who learned to read when he was 3 years old
Reading the Bible and Shakespeare and Charles Dickens was his fare
When he was 4, his father went away from the farm to work,
that same winter his mother took ill with scarlet fever
And he was raised that winter by a Cree First Nations Medicine woman
She taught him the power of herbs and roots
and how to heal using them
He started his public schooling at the age of 5
in a one room schoolhouse
called Elba
a school built in 1914
on the 100th anniversary of Napoleon Bonaparte’s 1st exile
his exile to the island of Elba
In 1936 at the age of 9
George had determined that Adolf Hitler
was a bad person
so he was going to build himself an airplane
and fly over to Berlin Germany
and bump him off
like Saint George slaying the evil dragon

He built himself an airplane all right
a Wright Brothers style aircraft
much to his family’s and farm neighbours’ amazement
He wisely sat on the very back seat of the plane
as the plane’s navigator
while his elder brother sat in the front seat of the plane
as the pilot
That way if their lift-off was unsuccessful
as they took off the hill over the
Rosebud Creek valley
and the plane landed in the creek
it would be his elder brother who wound up first in the Creek
George wisely reasoned
while he George would have time to jump off the back seat
before the plane landed in the Creek

Well the plane never made it to Germany
not even to Newfoundland
not even as far as the Alberta-Saskatchewan border
but George’s elder brother Tom
certainly enjoyed a very close up look of Rosebud Creek
right in the creek
as George wisely determined after take-off that the plane
wouldn’t reach its destination
so George wisely jumped off the back seat
as the plane made it to the ground
heading straight for the creek
with pilot Tom in the front seat
cursing and swearing
and prophetically foretelling
the language and dialogue
on most TV programs in
the early 21st Century

The 4-Minute mile was not broken by Roger Bannister
at the 1954 British Empire Games in Vancouver
but by George on that day in 1936
as he sought to escape
his dripping wet and deeply agitated elder brother
who chased after him from the creek

George reached the safety of his parents’ house in time.

In the early 1940s as a teenager, George studied palaeontology under the great palaeontologist Dr. Charles Mortram Sternberg in the Red Deer River Badlands
In the mid-1940s, he studied Science and Engineering at Mount Royal College in Calgary
In the late ’40s and early ’50s,
he studied History and English Literature at the University of Alberta
He finally settled on becoming a teacher
passing on his knowledge and wisdom to future generations of children
In the 1960s at Sherwood Heights Junior High School
he and his students built small rockets
that went soaring high into the skies
above that place of Alberta suburbia known as Sherwood Park
A sight that startled many Sherwood Park residents
who thought they were under Soviet missile attack

The principal of the school instructed George not to build
rockets that soared so high
Among George’s students was future astronomer and physicist
Dr. Paul Hickson
who pioneered work in the reflecting mercury liquid telescope

Among George’s students in the ’70s was future palaeontologist Michael Caldwell
who discovered the world’s first fossil of a flying snake in Israel

In the late ’80s George retired from active teaching
and was hired by the Alberta Department of Education
to give training workshops
to beginning Science teachers

In the ’90s, George began painting pictures
and mastered that medium
In the early 21st Century, George
began research for a 3-volume history of Western Canada
that he was going to write
In June of 2010, he was half-way through the 2nd volume of his 3-volume history of Western Canada
when he died from cancer.

90 winters ago, this man was born.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday October 27th 2017
on what would have been
his father George’s
90th birthday.

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Statements of Insincerity Made In 2 Different Time Periods: One In The Movies and The Other In Real Life

October 26, 2017 at 3:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Movies, News) (, )

Statements of Insincerity Made In 2 Different Time Periods: One In The Movies and The Other In Real Life

Captain Louis Renault (in the 1942 movie Casablanca): I am shocked- shocked to find that gambling is going on in here (Rick’s Cafe)…

Matt Damon (in real life in 2017): I am shocked- shocked to find that Harvey Weinstein is a sexual predator.

(An echo that sounds much like the voice of actor George Clooney echoes that statement)

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Reflection On The Las Vegas Massacre: A Poem

October 4, 2017 at 6:47 pm (Commentary, Culture, History, Horror, News, Poetry) (, , )

Reflection On The Las Vegas Massacre: A Poem

Deep down we’ve always known that TV commercial ad slogans no matter how catchy
were not conveyors of genuine truth
As one ad slogan for Las Vegas Tourism which became so catchy
It even became a line in Hollywood movies
has now crumbled
With lives lost and wounds lasting
We now know
that what happened in Vegas
won’t stay in Vegas.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday October 4th 2017.

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Renfield Reflects On Hugh Hefner’s Death

September 29, 2017 at 4:21 pm (Commentary, Culture, News) (, , , )

Renfield Reflects On Hugh Hefner’s Death

“So I see Hugh Hefner the founder of Playboy magazine and the father of the Sexual Revolution has kicked the bucket,” Renfield R. Renfield MP remarked as he read The Times of London, “although I notice some of the tabloid newspapers phrase it as he has gone up to that great big mansion in the sky.”

“How do they know he hasn’t gone down to that great big fireplace down below?” Amadeus remarked between mouthfuls of peanut 🥜 butter and jam sandwiches.

Renfield found Amadeus’ remarks quite disturbing.

Later in his stately bedroom, the British Transhumanist Party MP, although an atheist, started to reflect on what would be the case if Amadeus’ belief in the afterlife was true.

Renfield picked up his red velvet dressing gown and his evening smoking pipe (inspired by the example of Hugh Hefner) and wondered if he should throw them out.

After all if the great big fireplace down below was in fact real, Renfield thought it might be a rather unpleasant experience to spend an eternity there.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 29th
2017.

Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night:

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Haiku About Disastrous Calamities Facing America

September 5, 2017 at 6:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Nature, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Disastrous Calamities Facing America

Hurricane Harvey
Hurricane Irma and then
J. followed by Kim?

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Renfield’s Video, The Secular Socialist Taliban and The Coming Antichrist

August 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, )

Renfield R. Renfield was showing a video to the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee which was tied in to the same theme he had spoken on a couple of days earlier.

The video showed Nazi German soldiers knocking Soviet red stars off buildings in Ukraine following the June 22nd 1941 invasion of the USSR in Operation Barbarossa.

“It’s always been the habit of an emerging totalitarian order to knock down and destroy the symbols of the old previous order,” Renfield R. Renfield spoke.

He then showed Antifa and anarchist thugs tearing down and stomping on the statue of a Confederate soldier in Durham North Carolina.

“Notice the sheer look of stupidity and brainless violent emotions on the faces of those who are tearing down the statue,” Renfield said, ‘such mindlessness leads one to accept whatever emerging totalitarian order is on the horizon.”

Renfield then showed the hypnotized looking faces of the Nazi youth at the 1934 Nuremberg rally from a clip from Leni Riefenstahl’s film Triumph of the Will.

“Faces showing the expression of lack of thought en masse always advertise the advent of an emerging totalitarian order,” Renfield explained.

He then showed Black Lives Matter protesters tearing down Christmas lights off the Christmas tree in Chicago’s Millennium Park back in November 2015 shouting F**K France (because the Paris terrorist attacks of that time had taken the international news spotlight off of them- the black militant anarchists and hoodlums) and exclaiming at the Christmas tree and lights “This is part of the problem” prior to trying to tear down the Christmas tree itself.

Renfield continued, “Roughly about the same time the cultural Marxist living in the Vatican Pope Francis said when that city’s Christmas tree was lit, “We are close to Christmas. There will be lights, there will be parties, bright trees… it’s all a charade.”

Renfield paused and poured himself 1/10th of water from a pitcher into a glass.

He then brought from underneath the table a bottle of Glenlivet single malt Scotch whisky and poured the liquid into the glass making up the other 9/10ths.

“So,” Renfield continued after downing the glass of whisky, “we have the head of the Catholic Church calling the Birth of Christ a charade and anarchist thugs in the Black Lives Matter movement saying of Christmas trees, “This is part of the problem.” But when we realize that Pope Francis, Antifa, Black Lives Matter and their allies in what Pat Buchanan calls the Secular Socialist Taliban are just the vanguard of the emerging totalitarian ideology, all of this makes sense. They want to tear down all of the symbols of the past. Thus they want to tear down Confederate statues, they want to tear down Christmas trees and lights, Pope Francis wants to remove all vestiges of the old Latin Tridentine Mass and the brainless teachers of the Ontario Teachers’ Federation want to remove the name of Sir John A. MacDonald (Canada’s 1st Prime Minister) from all public schools in the Canadian province of Ontario. The Orpheum Theater in Memphis Tennessee is going to stop showing the 1939 classic film Gone With The Wind because it’s considered racially insensitive (although racially insensitive to whom I don’t know as I thought Hattie McDaniel’s character of Mammy the maid was the only one with brains in the entire motion picture). And the Mayor of New York City is seriously considering taking down statues of Christopher Columbus in the city. The emerging totalitarian ideology behind the Secular Socialist Taliban has no shortage of adherents or “useful idiots” for the cause.”

“And what is this emerging totalitarian ideology?” asked the Chairman of the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee who was starting to feel thirsty for a glass of whisky for some reason.

“Marxism,” Renfield answered, “although in the 21st Century, it has become the ideology that dare not speak its name. The Fall of the Berlin Wall gave it a bad name. But it has come back. It has emerged again. And it’s in North America ironically where this emerging neo-Marxism has been born. As my friend Dracul Van Helsing noted, in Charlottesville Virginia you had the idiots who still worshiped the 20th Century Antichrist Adolf Hilter (those belonging to the White Nationalist Movement, the Neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan) battling off against those idiots who will worship the 21st Century Antichrist- those people belonging to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, various syndicalist-anarchist groups and their allies in the emerging Secular Socialist Taliban. Dracul says these people will be the first in line to receive the Mark of the Beast. And following close behind will be most politicians.”

One MP on the committee stopped looking at his recently acquired tattoo when he heard Renfield make his last statement.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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The Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez

August 24, 2017 at 3:38 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sat in her hotel room in Caracas Venezuela.

To live in a five-star hotel in Caracas was the only place worth living in Venezuela ever since the disastrous Nicolas Maduro assumed power as President of the country back in 2013.

Francesca Chavez herself was a 1st cousin 3 x removed of the late former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

She herself had supported Chavez but had thought Maduro would turn out to be a Venezuelan Stalin.

And currently Maduro was well on his way to becoming one.

Francesca Chavez had become a vampiress back in April of this year after a night of erotic lesbian lovemaking with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Unbeknownst to either woman, the encounter had been filmed by Renfield R. Renfield (“strictly for sociological purposes” as Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon when he caught him watching the video).

Renfield and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been in Venezuela at the time plotting a coup to overthrow Nicolas Maduro.

The trip and coup planning were cut short when British Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap UK General Election and Renfield returned home to run as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Party.

Now Britain’s MI-6 had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Caracas Venezuela on a fact finding mission to determine just how bad the political situation in Venezuela currently was.

Van Helsing entered the hotel room and saw the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sitting there:
Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez
Van Helsing stood there totally transfixed.

“Hello there,” Francesca threw back her blonde hair and smiled at him, “how shall we start?”.

“Well,” said Van Helsing, “you can start by taking me across your lap and giving me a bare bottom spanking.”

“All right,” she said somewhat taken aback, “if that’s how MI-6 conducts business these days.”

“It is under my watch,” Van Helsing answered.

So that is what then happened.

. . .

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was trying to contact Dracul Van Helsing on his mobile phone to get an update on the political situation in Venezuela prior to Renfield giving a speech to the UK Parliamentary House Committee On Foreign Affairs.

But he couldn’t get a hold of him.

“I imagine he’s up to something kinky with the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez,” Renfield remarked angrily to Amadeus.

“And you’re naturally jealous because it isn’t you instead,” Amadeus remarked quietly while munching on potato chips.

“That’s besides the point,” Renfield harrumphed.

Renfield went down to the Committee meeting and instead of speaking on Venezuela, he spoke on the removal of Confederate statues in the U.S. instead.

Said Renfield,

Pat Buchanan has called the groups wanting to remove Confederate statues in the U.S. the Secular Socialistic Taliban (the Taliban of course blew up ancient statues of Buddha in Afghanistan and ISIS destroyed an ancient Temple at Palmyra). The Secular Socialistic Taliban operate under the delusion that the sole reason for the Civil War was slavery (ignoring Lincoln’s own statement that he himself would preserve slavery if it would preserve the Union- he only sought to openly abolish slavery after the Southern states voted to secede anyways)- conveniently forgetting that another reason for the Civil War was the huge tariffs northern states were slapping on products of southern states.
Now the Secular Socialistic Taliban are opening up their stupid brainless mouths up in Canada wanting to remove the name Sir John A. MacDonald from all schools in Ontario (Sir John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first Prime Minister) claiming MacDonald practiced genocide against Canada’s indigenous people- a lie of course. But then groups like Antifa and their Secular Socialistic Taliban allies believe lies as much as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis do.

The remarks did not go over well with the rest of the MPs on the committee who like most politicians were gutless and spineless when it came to political correctness.

Renfield received an angry phone call from Canada’s liberal progressive cultural Marxist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who did not like what was said in the remarks to the UK Foreign Affairs Committee.

Renfield told Mr. Trudeau, “Go fuck yourself.”

To which a stunned Justin Trudeau said, “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 24th
2017.

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